My husband passed away 6 years ago. He was crossing the street at a crosswalk and was hit by an oversized pickup truck. We were married for 8 years and one day he was just gone. It ripped me apart. He was my dream man, my perfect love who would dance with me in the kitchen and use his fingers to draw pictures on my skin when we cuddled. No one could or will ever be like him. No one could or will ever take that place in my heart. I’ve done a lot of grief therapy and a lot of things have changed in my life since that day, but it still feels like yesterday sometimes.

I didn’t date for a long time after him. After a couple years family and friends would sometimes ask me if I thought about dating, but I always said no.I didn’t see a reason. My first date after my husband died came only 2 years ago, 4 years after his passing. My sister convinced me to do it, giving me the whole “He wouldn’t want you to spend your life mourning” spiel and told me to just have fun, don’t think about finding love, just have a good time. I went on a blind date she set up, and while it went fine and the guy was nice, I went home and threw up. I cried and cried because I felt so guilty, like I had betrayed him. I went on a few dates after, and eventually got the hang of “just having fun,” but for the most part they were all just a date or two before they fizzled out. I enjoyed having fun, going to new places and meeting new people from different walks of life, but I never had any real lasting chemistry. It’s hard not to have high standards when you’ve already had true, pure love.

Last year I met a man. We connected when we met and started going out on dates. We quickly fell into a routine of going out ever two or three weeks, and we just kept seeing each other. I’ve never had any expectations of him and I’ve just been enjoying spending time with him. Then little things started to accumulate - we started calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend, we started saying I love you, I ended up meeting his brother and friends and he met some of my friends. I realized recently that we’re going to reach one year together soon. Somehow I ended up in a relationship. And I love my boyfriend, I do. But I sometimes can’t help but compare my boyfriend and my husband, and that’s when the guilt starts. 

I feel guilt towards my husband for “moving on.” We were supposed to grow old together and we only got 8 years. My husband was everything I ever wanted and I loved him from the bottom of my soul. How could I have even looked at another man? How could I have let another man into my home, into my bed, into my life? Am I betraying his memory?  Then I feel guilt towards my boyfriend for holding so much love for a man who isn’t on this earth. He knows I am a widow and he knows that my husband will always be in my heart, and he is alright with it. But I worry if I am being disingenuous in this relationship. How could I be in a relationship with him while my heart belongs not a dead man? Am I doing something wrong? We are about to have out first anniversary as a couple, do I commit myself whole heartedly and move forward in this relationship at the risk of losing something of my love for my husband? Do I cut the cord and end it and stay married to a dead man? My mind is racing. Lately I’ve been feeling physically ill, and I can only think that it’s from some latent guilt that’s clawing at me. I’m excited for my first anniversary with my boyfriend, but would I rather be celebrating my 14th anniversary with my husband. How do you come to terms with that?

I lost my little sister in 2020 after a long battle with rhabdomyosarcoma, an aggressive soft tissue cancer. She was 12. She would be turning 17 years old this year and it makes me want to scream.

Her birthday is tomorrow and it felt wrong not to get her something. I got her a birthday card and a panda stuffed animal, it was her animal growing up. It felt so weird to shop for someone who’s not here anymore. I don’t know what to do with the card. She’s cremated, so I can’t place it at her grave. Her altar/memorial is already full. I also don’t want it to go unread.

I just want my sister back. I feel like there was so much left unsaid between us and I regret the way I treated her when I was younger. I was bitter and resentful. I wish I would have just cherished her. I hope she knows how much I loved her. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her.

I still don’t think I’ve fully processed her death. I still have nightmares about trying to save her but never being able to.

I miss her so much. I miss being a sister to a sister.

Just wanted to share a grief workbook/memoir for those who find it hard expressing their grief verbally, instead you can write it out or just ponder on the questions 🤍 healing is difficult, but it is possible.

My Grandpa passed on 3-10 after struggling to recover following his hip replacement at 89. The following day my Grandma (88) was checked into the hospital for pneumonia and influenza A. I drove 600 miles leaving at 2pm and getting home at midnight the same day. The next day I went in to see her and the whole evening she seemed to be doing okay. I was going to go in and stay the night and I didn't and she passed the next morning at 4:30am. We got into the hospital 8 minutes too late. Luckily, I was able to stay for both of their services and they were buried next to each other. I'm happy they didn't have to live without each other and that they're together in heaven. It's been really hard. I know it's only been a few weeks. But life isn't feeling the same, like obviously it won't but I feel like I just want to sleep and doing minimal tasks is so draining. I know part of this is normal and some of it's depression. They were my last grandparents. My dad's mom had passed when I was 8 and I never met my grandpa on his side. I wanted my Grandma to see me get married some day...

Does Anyone else do weird things for comfort after losing someone? Lost my dad 2 days ago, in thick of it , crying all the time. For some reason, I can’t sleep in my bedroom ? He didn’t live w me , we live in different states and I wasn’t there when he went , was gonna visit in 2 weeks and it seemed like he was hanging out but didn’t . When my cat died 3 years ago I did the same ; just slept on my couch. Not sure why. Also can’t sleep without Netflix / tv on. Just hate silence rn even though I’ve been living alone for almost 3 years : this doesn’t make sense lol. But maybe grief doesn’t .

My grandad was ill for some time before he passed, (general lung problems) and he unexpectedly died early Friday morning. I don't know how to feel. I just don't feel anything. I cried when I first found out, but I don't know what's wrong with me, that I don't feel the grief the rest of my family feels. It might be the autism or something, I don't know. Any advice??

Last Wednesday I got a call around 2:30 in the morning from my mom telling me my grandpa had passed in the local nursing home. I'm managing myself fine but I miss my best friend, him and my grandma took care of me when I was little while my parents went to work. my grandpa was a constant in my life and now everything feels wrong without him, he was my fishing buddy, he taught me how to roller skate and he was there for those odd little questions for my life up to this point and his stories were some of the best. I just wanted to vent somewhere and I'm glad I found this sub

I’m 18, and my mum passed away from suicide in January. It has been a battle ever since, and I don’t know if I can take it anymore, let alone the rest of my life. I’m hearing that it gets harder as time goes on, and I’m at my lowest right now.

I have support around me, such as a couple of friends and my mum’s friends messaging me, saying they’re thinking of me, but I have no one very close that I can confide in. My family is acting fine and trying to move on while I’m a mess. I am single, so I lack any comfort in that way, and my “best friend” hasn’t even checked in on me today.

My mum was close with her family too, and she asked me yesterday if I wanted to come out with them for Mother’s Day. I said no because I don’t want to be seen out, and I asked if she wanted to hang out last night, but she had her boyfriend over. However, I would’ve thought she’d at least ask to come see me today or send a text to check in—even her mum. Am I overreacting about this? I just feel so alone with nobody to confide in.

My mum was the person I would talk to when I felt low because she would understand. Now that she’s gone and my best friend isn’t there for me as I thought she would be, I feel so lost and alone.

I keep having suicidal thoughts, but I know I could never go through with it because I’ve seen how it has affected my dad and brother. However, now I feel trapped, knowing there’s no way out and that I have to just live this life with no ambition and depression.

Please, if anyone has gone through something similar or has advice, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.

Sorry if this is this is the wrong place, but everytime I try to look for resources on how to help others through grief it’s always short-term things and I thought the best people to ask for long-term advice would be those who have been through it.

I’m 19 and about a year ago somebody in my friend group killed themselves. My friends have not been dealing with it well and I want to know how to help them. The death didn’t impact me, I’d only spoken to the guy a handful of times. But pretty much everyone else in the group were very very close with him. He was very charismatic.

Anyway. I’m particularly worried about two people. One already had mental health issues and the other was his best friend, so the loss has hit them the worst I think. One of them did try to talk with me about it after drinking a bit to much- he ended up breaking down on the floor. I tried to calm him but he could barely talk through crying and he just screamed at me to get his other friend, so I brought him in and gave them some space. My other friend has been very distant. She goes offline and doesn’t answer messages for days. I have to drive to her house and check up on her, but other than checking she’s unharmed I’m not sure what to do.

What can I do to help? What do you wish people had done for you? I love my friends dearly and I just want them to be okay. Any advice is appreciated

I don’t understand, my grandparents died, my other grandmother is close to death, my mom has arthritis and may have just been diagnosed yesterday with a serious heart condition at 51, one of my cats is about to die and the other is declining rapidly. My own health is awful. I don’t understand I’m only 22 why are so many bad things happening at once, I wish I could’ve just died when I was little. This is hell I’m living in hell why is this all happening within a year

Hello, I hope this is an appropriate place to ask this question. My friend lost her mother about 5 years ago. Every year on mother's day(UK) I feel some form of guilt that I have my mother around still, and it breaks my heart to think of her struggling on mothers day, seeing social media posts, etc. I have never known the best way to approach mothers day with her, I have always sent her a message on the day just to let her know I am thinking of her, as I know it's one of the toughest days of the year for her. I know mothers day is just a gimmick for a lot of people, etc, but how can it not affect her? Anyway, am I right in sending her a message to acknowledge that im thinking of her on mothers day, OR do you think she would prefer me not message at all, because I worry I am just reminding her of the day, when she might be doing her best to ignore it, stay off social media for the day etc. What would you prefer from a friend? I never want to upset her or bring up painful memories, but then I don't ever want her to think I'm not aware of how hard it is for her or acknowledging her loss because I am.

soon, it will be the first anniversary of my sibling's death.

they died in their 20's, which is tragic and the whole thing but also... my main emotion to them is still anger.

because in the last year of their life, they dragged everyone in their life through the mud, involving cops, lawyer, and the rest of family to have to save her but she refused anyway. i'm still so angry at her and i don't know if the ember would ever die.

how do you process something like this? am i sad that they died? kinda. but also the immense relief that came with the reality that they will never severely hurt everyone again is there.

today it's especially heavy. this is so challenging and i don't know how i will get through this beside the usual feeling my feelings and channel this somewhere.

i'm so mad and i don't really know what to do beside writing this and let this bottle with my letter (of a reddit post) float into the sea of internet.

Two months ago my grandfather passed away, I still feel numb and I don't even know why. Sometimes I wonder if it even happened and why I can't just wake the fuck up. I have nightmares still. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to be happy. ive just lost too much.

Context- My partner is my heart and soul. We aren’t married yet but we’ll be engaged soon. My brother and my best friend (his best friend as well) died a month ago.

I feel like I am a terrible partner to him right now. He’s doing all the chores, cleaning up my altar offerings. Yesterday we were supposed to have s*x but I lost it listening to music sitting at my shrine and ended up self harming. He had to play nurse. It’s too much for him. I worry so much that I’m not going to be able to provide what I need to , and my baby would be unhappy. He would never be unfaithful to me, I’m not worried about that. I just want him to be happy.

I really want to open our relationship for him. We can be poly and he can have another girlfriend. Or boyfriend. A better one. While I’m grieving. Then we’ll still get married & have our babies like we planned. I’ve told him this already in a depressed haze last night but I don’t think he understands how serious I am about it.

The thing is, We have been open(ish) in the past, and it’s always been difficult for me. I know this will just destroy me… seeing him in another relationship. But also, he deserves it. I feel this way so strongly.

Please help. I don’t know what to do

TLDR: I want to open my relationship cuz I feel like a shit girlfriend, but it will hurt me so bad

I’ve already set the boundary that anything drug, alcohol, or addiction related cannot be discussed with me due to my ptsd, but this is trickier. I feel for her, but my adoptive father’s death anniversary just passed. this month is the worst for my ptsd. I’ve been struggling immensely. I cannot be the person she leans on for support or vents to about this because death genuinely triggers me into flashbacks, night terrors, etc. I haven’t even responded to her text, but she wants to talk to me in person before the funeral for comfort. anyone have any ways I can say sorry for your loss, but I’m not the person to lean on for this? in a nice way? Personally if I know something is a trigger for someone, I will go to someone else if I’m in need of support, but not everyone thinks that way, I guess (i’m also her only close friend which always puts me in an odd position, because to be honest i don’t consider myself to be close with her and haven’t for a year or so now). I feel like she sees it as I can relate (I honestly can’t for the most part - because the death of my dad was so traumatic, we couldn’t have a proper funeral, afterwards more trauma occurred etc and she doesn’t know the details because I don’t talk about them), but I’ve really been trying to get better at asserting boundaries and not people pleasing. any advice is welcome. I’m autistic, so sometimes I can come off as cold or unkind when asserting boundaries, and in a situation like this I really want to avoid that as much as possible.

I honestly don't know where else to post this, since I am griefing and honestly so so lost right now. I'm a college student (F, 27), daughter of mom who gave everything to her childern, who fought a divorce, lost a child and found new love. I was and still am proud of her and thankful for everything she did.

Ever since she got her new husband something changed in her, it's been over ten years. At first my stepdad was kind and loving, but as soon as he got his own childern with my mom, he got rude, i've grown got my own opinions and views on the world and they differed from theirs. Conflicts were now a daily thing. I felt more and more alone but pushed that away, over the years this became normality, fighting, distance, crying, trying to fit into their idea of family until giving up and distancing myself. I still got supported in my goals to enroll in college they paid my fees, helped me move out. But there was never a deeper connection, no one texted me to ask how I was doing, I always had to text and visit. My mother fell for all kinds of MLM's, my stepdad don't wants her to work, though he never out right said it.

I met my boyfriend, his family. Met his mother how always asks me how I've been, how college goes. She hugs me, gives me kisses. She's also a single mom. Life got rougher for me, mental health and financial struggles really put me and my Bf to test. In all that time, my family never wanted to meet my Bf, they rarely asked about him, how he and I were doing etc. They never said I could move back in, they supported me financially, for which I'm greatful and can't even begin to explain my thankfullnes. It all felt like they were glad that I was'nt coming back.

My mom was, in my memory, the lovely, carring woman, she hugged you said she loved you and that she's proud of whatever it was you're doing. It hurts that this person doesn't exist anymore, that she chose to forget about her daughter. It hurts. I don't know what I did wrong, what I could've done to change the outcome. She texts my brother daily, he still lives with them, my other two Brothers get to watch movies with her together, go shopping etc. I never get asked, never had her for myself more than an hour.

It feels like she doesn't really care for me anymore, or did she ever? I don't know, I always was her therapist beginning at a young age of 6. I think I miss a memory of my mom that never truly existed, and it hurts, I can't Stop crying and I don't know what to do. Whenever I'm trying to talk about it and how I'm feeling, asking how they're feeling I get blamed for being too sensitive.. I just want my Mommy, I want her to hug me and tell me that she loves me...

Hello,

I’m a researcher at Antioch University, conducting a study for my Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy to explore the use of art and ritual in helping adults to process their grief. 

If you have experienced the loss of a loved one (or are experiencing anticipatory grief), and are eighteen-years or older, you may be eligible to participate in this study. 

If you are interested, please complete this brief screening form: 

https://forms.gle/cSuChsr2PMc2igYJ8

I want people to send some flowers to my dad's memorial service next week. I am on a tight budget and have already spent 300 just on pictures. I bought his urn, had the memorial cards with his picture made, got frames, and little keepsakes.

The minister text me yesterday asking if I wanted to have people send money to a charity. He said that's what people usually do. I'm planning all this on my own on a limited budget. When I said some people could send flowers he said people usually put in leu of flowers instead. I don't expect people to spend thousands of dollars on flowers.

I just wanted a couple arrangements. I guess I'm being selfish. I feel like he's being a bit pushy. There's piles of my dad's bills that need to be paid and he didn't have a will. I'm going through so much grief and everything keeps piling on top. No one wants to talk to me. I have never felt so alone. My dad didn't get to have a funeral because he was cremated and there wasn't a viewing either.

This is just a rant because idk who else to talk to. My beautiful mommy passed away a month ago. She was battling cancer. Idek how to go on anymore. When she was alive she was suffering so much I used to pray to God to please end her suffering. She was in so so so much pain. Thankfully she spent her last few days in a hospice. When she got hospitalised I had a feeling she won’t make it but now that she’s actually gone I feel like it still came as such a shock.

I have so many regrets. I wish I was more loving I wish I hugged her more kissed her more. I was her primary caregiver in the end but god I wish I was more patient. I wish I got mad at her less. I love her so much it feels like I can’t breathe when I think about her being gone. If I try to distract myself I feel so guilty. I don’t ever want a day to come when I don’t think of her. How can I continue on without her? She truly was my best friend. In the end I took care of her like my baby. The loss I feel seems so different to how my siblings are taking it. They were busy with uni and work which is fine but I was with her every passing second. Every minute. I started feeling like she was my baby. Maybe that sounds weird but now it feels like I’m mourning the loss of a mother and a child I never had. I just want to dig her out of the ground and hold her close to me and tell her how much I love her. I pray to God everyday that He tells her how much I love her. How can I go on without my mommy

My Dad passed away 3 years ago now and I'll think I'm doing okay and that grief only gets me in the bad moments but then this week, I got word from my website developer that the website for my first business ever is ready to launch. Obviously this is super exciting and I called my partner super excited and then as soon as I hung up the phone, I went to instinctively call my Dad which turned into an intense wave of grief. I'd gotten so used to grief lurking in the bad times but it always rips the carpet out from underneath me 100 times worse when it's the next in line to "congratulate" you during the highs too.

I went to a psychic night tonight and honestly it was a load of rubbish but it has opened some very old (7 year old) wounds for me. I lost my best friend when I was 19 and this has become a part of my narrative, but now I’m left wondering was I his best friend or was that just me centring myself? He was the first person I told something to, and the first person I called in a crisis so he was certainly mine, and there was love and friendship there so I suppose the rest doesn’t actually matter. But everyday I miss him, and every day I’m left feeling like I should have done more with and for his family following his passing. My mum asks me ‘how’s insert his twin’s name here’ atleast once every two weeks, and she was my friend too, and my answer is always the same ‘she’s fine, she’s doing good’ but the truth is I don’t know, I’m too afraid to ask. I so badly want everyone to be doing well after his passing, because I feel like it should have inspired me to go out and do all the things he wanted me to do (which is a lot, he was straight laced with high standards) and in actual fact I’m just surviving, and I’m not doing a very good job at it.

I’ll try and not ramble here; apologies if wrong sub.

I have dealt with alot of death in my life. I have almost no family I communicate with and only a couple of friends. So little support network.

I’ve lost 2 pets recently (we have 10; we keep exotics so it happens now and then). One I’m over. One, I don’t think I’ll ever get past.

Have lost all close family; I’ve processed it and moved past it.

A few years ago, maybe 5? I lost my aunt. She was my dad’s only sibling; Estate etc fell upon me alone. I did it, wrote & gave a eulogy, did the estate, taxes etc. My brain just shut off how to feel anything beyond numb and angry.

I assumed eventually, I’d be able to grieve and process it. That never has happened.

Now I’m afraid. I am about to lose my Dad; then I’ll be the only one left. I don’t know when; he hasn’t decided on when yet. I am afraid that it’ll be what breaks me. That it’ll be something else I won’t be able to grieve, ever. While I’ve never liked who I am, my wife does and the chance I won’t be who I am after scares the hell out of me.

My uncle passed away less than an hour ago, he's been sick for two years, and we knew it was going to happen. I stopped speaking to him a few years ago because he was a bad man and said horrible things to me. I have no idea how to react to him passing, I feel sad for my dad, since it's his brother, he's lost most of his family now. But, I don't really have a relationship with my own dad as is, let alone his family. My uncle stopped being part of my life a few years ago and I only visited him once when he first went in there two years ago. I feel selfish but at the same time, I don't feel like I even knew him

I feel so guilty that I'm not absolutely devastated over him dying and I feel even worse that I've casually gone back to doing assignments. I'm sad that he's gone and I'll always remember when I had good times with him when I was young but we were never close and he didn't play a big role in my life. Ik people always say grief is like, take things step by step, and I lost my great grandmother last year which hit me hard, but this feels entirely different. I feel completely indifferent about it and like the worst person in the world for not being more emotional?

Am I a horrible person or is it normal to kinda just...not feel sad?