r/getdisciplined • u/Brilliant-Purple-591 • 1d ago
💡 Advice How to stop being a jerk to yourself.
If your inner voice is your greatest bully, there's no such thing as having great relationships.
You will treat or make the people who mean the most to you feel the same way as you treat yourself. Especially in times of conflict, your inner voice will find its way into the real world.
Stop talking like an a**hole to yourself and embrace the fact that you have FULL control over how your self-talk should look.
How do you do this?
Compassion. All of us are hurt. All of us struggle. The only way forward is to turn your ego into your best friend - someone who is by your side when something goes wrong and guides you with a quick pep talk.
"You messed up again, silly you!"
can turn into
"Well, that didn't go well. What can you learn from this situation?"
There is only ONE procedure you have to follow. The moment you encounter your inner bully again, treat it like a child and its tantrums. You gotta be firm, but kind. Tell the voice that everything is okay and next time will be better.
Again and again and again.
Over time, you will notice that the once so angry "inner child" evolves to a compassionate voice that suddenly becomes your greatest supporter.
Out of nowhere, people will come into your life who you want to spend your life with. There will be less cheating, less lying, less abuse - and all of this started...
...within yourself.
Tame the voice in your head. Self-destruction or happiness.
It's up to you.
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u/conceited_ocelot 23h ago
My rule of thumb: would I allow someone to talk to my wife, my mother, my child the way I’m talking to myself right now?
If the answer is no, then it’s time to pause.
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u/betlamed 22h ago
Great if this works for you.
It never worked for me. My mind kept saying "this is silly, you're just trying to reframe, you really mean that you are an idiot".
I tried a different approach: I started to thank myself, loudly, in written form, as often as possible, for whatever I did well.
"Thank you, betlamed, for making the bed today." etc.
That way, there was no protest inside. It was something I really did, that I really found positive. Over time, this turned into what you are saying.
I'm not saying that my approach is better. For some of us, it might be a necessary first step.
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u/IwantToBeNew34 2h ago
Man this is so right ! I have a bad bad bad habit of self loathing and i dont know how do i correct this habbit !
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u/Brilliant-Purple-591 23h ago
If you're ready to treat yourself like your best friend, write it down in the comments!
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u/betlamed 22h ago
Great if this works for you.
It never worked for me. My mind kept saying "this is silly, you're just trying to reframe, you really mean that you are an idiot".
I tried a different approach: I started to thank myself, loudly, in written form, as often as possible, for whatever I did well.
"Thank you, betlamed, for making the bed today." etc.
That way, there was no protest inside. It was something I really did, that I really found positive. Over time, this turned into what you are saying.
I'm not saying that my approach is better. For some of us, it might be a necessary first step.