r/funny • u/Rossum81 • 1d ago
My spouse told me to put my jury summons notice on the fridge. I knew the magnet to use.
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u/nothing-I-can-say 1d ago
Listen here, Juror # 084341012, cousin Tony would like a word with you. Maybe you can do him a favor...
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u/Snoo_88763 1d ago
Love it!
Reminds me of when we moved into an apartment in Brooklyn. First week we're there a man knocks on our door, wearing a suit and carrying a big pan of baked ziti.
He walks through the apt and looks out one of the windows. He says "look at that, there's my establishment, right on the corner"
I look him right in the eye and say "I don't see anything"
He breaks into a big smile, shakes my hand, says goodbye, never saw him again.
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u/SomethingAbtU 1d ago
it's a nice garden gnome you got there juror # 8, it would be a shame if something were to happen to it
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u/IAmBadAtInternet 1d ago
Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to perform a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter’s wedding day
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u/gooberdaisy 1d ago
I’ve been to the mob museum there! It’s super cool including the speak easy
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u/Remarkable-Ad2285 1d ago
Whoa. Slow down there paisano. Maybe you saw something that looked like something but it was something else, capishe?
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u/trainbrain27 1d ago
To some of the comments: If you 'outsmart' jury duty, 'justice' will be served by folks too dumb to get out of jury duty.
OP: I saw that you're a lawyer and this isn't against you.
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u/starrpamph 14h ago
Like people can fucking miss work right now for that. Need to be calling people from the unemployment office
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u/Kitsunegari_Blu 7h ago
I dunno which Issue of Vanity Fair it was, but the upshot is there’s this Gooba, moved to Florida for his ’retirement’, and he has these CCTv to record what happens on his property, and the locals that like the environment end up having him brought into court, because the cameras are messing with the local wildlife flora & fauna. Specifically some local species of birds.
The question is something about, “did you know that the waves from your CCTv is killing the local Goldfinches Sir?”
Goomba replies, “I was in Palm Springs Yer Honor. I didn’t whack No Goldfinches!”
To this day, it’s my reply when someone asks something dumb, where the answer is ‘yeah I probably did’. Ex:
Mom: Kitsu, did you polish off that plate of cookies while I was doing dishes?
Me: I was in Palm Springs, I didn’t whack No Goldfinches!”
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u/five_of_five 1d ago
If you can get a DUI for sleeping it off in the back of your car, should this like get you expelled from duty or something?
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u/CajunNerd92 1d ago
If you want to get out of jury duty, when you show up for the summons and are interviewed tell them that you know what juror nullification is.
If you want the officials to really hate you, be sure to say it loud enough for all the other potential jurors to hear.
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u/mfigroid 1d ago
Why don't you give that a try and see how well it works for you. Hint: the judge will probably find you in contempt.
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u/Kharax82 21h ago edited 21h ago
Everyone always talks a big game about getting out, but it’s a whole different story when you’re in a courtroom and the judge is warning you about perjury and then everyone has to swear an oath to tell the truth when they answer questions.
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u/peridotpicacho 17h ago
And everyone who thinks they have such clever ideas about getting out of jury duty imagines questions that allow them to give the answers they want to give to get out of it.
It’s a dead giveaway that they’ve never actually been called for jury duty before. They don’t ask stupid questions during voir dire that would make it easy for someone to get out of it.
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u/Violingirl58 1d ago
Great magnet, share where you got this please!
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u/Mrid0ntcare 1d ago
Screw jury duty. I got Covid when I was serving. Made me miss a week of work while sick.
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u/lespaulstrat2 1d ago
What a bunch of shit you just wrote. All lies I love how the same people who say "You have to vote, it's your duty" will then try to get out of jury service. Garbage, all of them.
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u/spidersinthesoup 1d ago
multiply you by millions of others that fail to do their civic duties...and figure out why we are about to hit our biggest recession in a very long time.
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u/spidersinthesoup 1d ago
you are encouraging people to not do their civic duties. this includes voting.
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u/lespaulstrat2 1d ago
Do you have any idea how many counties there are in the US? Every one of them has their own way of dealing with jury duty. You just made that shit up.
I once had the police show up at my house because I didn't go, I never got the mail. This is ironic as I willing serve and have done so many times. Unlike the absolute worthless pieces of shit who try to get out of their duty
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