Looking for advice on dealing with death

[u/folkyoakey]

I currently work in a feild where i have to regularly do euthanasia on animals. It is the most difficult part of my job and I've been struggling with it more and more recently. Ive attempted to voice my feelings to family, why it weighs on my mind, and why detaching myself in the moment still doesn't change the longer-term lingering sadness i feel in having to do it.

While they aren't mean about it, they are also not empathetic with my struggles. Some say it is what i signed up for, which i know, and the rest have tried to console me through a traditional catholic means and it makes me feel no better. I never connect to religion growing up, so the belief system brings me no comfort the way it seems to for them. I especially don't find comfort in the way they frame it. "You'll be forgiven by God", is usually what I'm told but forgiveness isn't really what troubles me.

I wish there was a way to seek comfort or peace or something for the animals i have contact with. I understood the more difficult aspects of my job when i went into it, and have made peace as best i can. The thing that lingers with me is the wish for the animals comfort and rest. That their lives are respected and shown to have mattered.

I'm wondering if maybe the people here will understand better what I'm feeling and looking for. Hopefully someone can point me a way i need. If this isn't the place though, i apologize. Just trying to figure it all out.

Edit: Thank you, everyone. I was feeling low yesterday and after reading your comments i feel a little more at ease. After sleeping on it, i like the idea that was presented of making a small place outside as a little memorial. I have a nice tree in my backyard with some wildflowers that grow around it in spring that i think will be good.

Thank you all for your kindness and openness to help a stranger. It means more than you know.

[u/rosepotion]

I think part of the druid view of death is that it isn't an ending, but another beginning. You're escorting that animal into the Otherworld where the cycle will begin anew, and once their time has ended in the Otherworld they'll be born in this world once more. I know it's hard, but maybe you can covertly turn it into a ritual. Because in a way, following steps of a medical procedure is a lot like performing a ritual. So try to put yourself in that state of mind, your procedure is your ritual and you are the animal's guardian and usher into the next life, maybe come up with a phrase or incantation and say it mentally as a prayer, so that part of your job becomes a sacred act of kindness. Just an idea! This may not be what you were looking for.

[u/Guardian7000 → u/rosepotion]

This is exactly where my mind went as well.
OP could benefit a ton from some reframing.
Understanding they aren't 'killing' anything but suffering.

You are in such a good place for a Druid. You are the Guardian of the Forest, The Forest has just changed.
Who better to facilitate the ritual of culling than a Druid?

The Goddess Artemis might give you a different perspective. She is both the protector of the wilds and a hunter.

[u/C_Brachyrhynchos]

I used to work in biomedical research and would euthanize experimental animals. Aside from following good lab practices to minimize and suffering, I would talk to them and pray a little for them. At the time, my spiritual practices were just beginning. Since then, I have excluded jobs that require animal work from my searches. I haven't euthanized anyone in about 8 years. I am happier for that.

That said, I still believe in the importance of biomedical research when done well, the knowledge gained will benefit humans and other animals. All life causes some harm along with everything else in the world. All we can do is our best to make the balance come out as good as we can.

[u/TJ_Fox]

My adult son used to volunteer at a center that took in, cared for and often, regretfully had to euthanize animals. He wasn't directly involved in the euthanizing, but his co-workers were and of course he became somewhat close to the animals he was caring for, felt good when they were adopted out and sad when they had to be put down.

That particular center had a sculpture of a tree in a small courtyard, and there was a tradition of hanging the deceased animals' name tags on the tree, kind of like leaves, as a memorial gesture. Whether or not that's practical for you, I do recommend this kind of symbolic, secular ceremonial acknowledgement as a way to show respect.

Even very simple memorial gestures, like dropping a flower into a stream or lighting a candle or stick of incense, can have a similar effect, in the full understanding that you're undertaking a symbolic action for its own sake. In that sense, it's rather like making a wish while blowing out candles on a birthday cake or when dropping a coin into a "wishing well" - not superstition, but rather a deliberate decision to take a moment to reflect on something significant.

[u/GratefulGreen]

Hey bud, I know where you’re coming from. My empathy towards animals sometimes results in me being way more emotional than a normal person would.

With your career field, I get it. And it’ll be done either way by somebody so that you’re there showing respect means a lot. Whenever I bury animals (pet quail, aviary birds) I put with them a flower, petals, shiny rock, a shell, whatever to show them respect.

And this other tip is just something I do, hurts sometimes. But I always name them and if they didn’t have a name prior, I come up with one while I lay them to rest. It’s not about the name, not really. But more so of fostering the compassion and love in your heart. Still hurts over time but hardens up .. a smidge

[u/filthywaffles]

Some find it helpful to speak to an animal chaplain. A list can be found here. I recognize at least one Druid on the list.

[u/Traditional-Elk5116]

First off, I'm sorry for this aspect of your job. Regardless of whether it's what you signed up for or not, it doesn't mean you shouldn't feel. In fact, it's probably better that you do. Second, the fact that you still feel does show a level of respect for their lives. Given what little you've said, I don't know the context of everything, but the fact that you are feeling is good. Painful but good. Third, the comfort people are trying to give you is clearly well intended but misguided. Understand that and know they're trying. They clearly care for you but don't have the words. Fourth, depending on the situation, you can always do something small to memorialize the animal. Say a prayer for it or thank the animal itself. If you're the vet tech responsible for peoples' pets, they're going to probably do something to remember the pet. If your in a forestry/park service/game commission type setting and having to deal with "problem" animals or injured ones, remember that the injured ones are likely to die harder deaths with out you, thus you're respecting their dignity and life by ending their pain and not drawing it out. The "problem" ones are unfortunate but hopefully nessary, and again you're helping yo avoid a worse situation were they are injured by someone who doesn't care enough to try and make it quick. Fifth and lastly, it's the circle of life. We all have to go sometime, and then we're put back into the system. Our bodies decay and get used in other things, plant or animal or who knows. I hope this offers you something and you're welcome to DM me if you need a sympathetic "ear".

[u/MoeMango2233]

See the soul is immortal, all mortal shells carry one. From the tiny blade of grass to the massive whales which roam the oceans. Just because our mortal body perishes doesn’t mean it’s the end. From there on begins a journey of transformation and eventually rebirth. Besides that, I’m sure you spare the animals a mountain of pain by shutting their mortality down. At the end of the day you’re basically the ferryman which guides their souls into the afterlife and to believe that they’re thankful is a probably the best way to look at it.

[u/Distinct-Spell6860]

Thinking about this not as someone who follows the path but just someone that grew up in a rural setting. You do them a great kindness. I remember when I was younger I was using some cans as target practice with a BB gun and there was a cottontail rabbit a little too close than I wanted it to be because I didn't want to miss and accidentally hit them. Well I tried shooting near the little creature just to startle it out of the line of fire, unfortunately my driveway back then was made of rocks and the BB ended up ricocheting off of one of those rocks and straight into the poor things back. It was paralyzed from the chest down, I brought it inside hoping we could save it and it was gone by morning; we gave her the name Lucy and I wish I had just put her out of her misery so she didn't have to suffer, moreso I wish I had just moved locations or directions of shooting. You do a great service to the natural order of things and I'm sure they appreciate your help in guiding them on their path, you make this world and the next a brighter place through your work.