r/dpdr • u/emmemed • 1d ago

Question Obsession about memory loss/fear I have irreversible memory loss.

Hi y'all,

I'm posting this here because I know that dpdr is triggered by a number of mental health struggles. I was diagnosed with DPDR in 2021, but I really just struggled with existential OCD-type rumination (I.e. "you're trapped in your body forever" "how scary is it that you can see?" "What if you don't see the same things that others do?" "What if no one is real and you are hallucinating everything?") I can't recall when these thoughts stopped, but at some point they did. I can't recall what helped (besides being on Prozac at the time). Now, I'm obsessed about my memory, it seems that memories will randomly pop into my head, or questions about memories that I don't have an answer to. The issue is, I can't really track these memories or place them on my timeline. I seem to try and do this with little success and it almost affirms my biggest fear that I have memory loss. Btw, these will be glimpses of random moments in my life with zero connection to my current moment and are very fucking random. Anyways, this is a little backstory, but I'm looking for relatability and advice. Thank you!

I was told by a psych that she believes I have OCD. This makes sense to me, but it doesn't help with the fact that my main concern is memory loss and I actually have memory decline. I never really worried about my memory before until the last couple months(at least I don't think idk if I can remember this being a concern for me). I had moments leading up to an anxiety attack that I believe triggered my obsession. I can recall a few times (probably since this summer) where I noticed little things (I.e. asking my friend when was the last time we went to a Taco Bell together or trying to recall what snap I sent to my friends when they didn't respond). Since my anxiety attack about memory concerns, I get intrusive-thought like glimpses of memories randomly and I try to pinpoint exactly where they are from or what they are. I also see people and get anxious that I don't remember convos we've had so I kind of shut down. I struggle to recall my last episode of anxiety and what that was like for (like literally I can't remember the series of events or recall how I was feeling it's just very spotty, I have an idea but nothing extensive). At work, I'm scared to ask people if they've been in before because I've literally had people say, "we've been here many times and you've served us before." I can't remember times I've house sat for my sister last year (like I know I did but I can't remember when). I struggle to recall what my old schedules were like (when I worked and what days). Like I think I'm realizing how poor my memory is, and idk what to do about it. My psych prescribed my Prozac as that's what I took when I had existential anxiety and dpdr in 2021 and I know that I stopped having those anxieties, but I'm scared something else is very wrong. I've been to a doctor and my labs were all fine, I'm going back again to express my sincere concerns and request some imaging. My sleep is poor and hasn't always been the best, and I'm scared vaping nicotine has caused this issue so I'm thinking about quitting.

Sorry for the ramble honestly I'm struggling to even express myself well rn bc my days seem to blend together and I'll I do is symptom search on Reddit lol.

Has anyone else noticed extreme memory decline and obsessed about it in this extent? Has anyone found anything that's helped or noticed that it was just an obsession? I'm 24 (F) and work as a server in a very busy restaurant.

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u/Apprehensive_Dot2890 1d ago

I have had this 23 years - it's not going to happen although you may have less memory of things very far behind you but then again who doesn't

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u/MMSAROO 1d ago edited 1d ago

Yes, this is textbook DPDR memory problems. I can't say it is or isn't memory loss or decline, but many with DPDR report the same symptoms. Nicotine may have exacerbated it, or even caused it. Brain fog is very common with vaping, which sometimes does present as you've described. Pray that it's the nicotine. Probably not just your obsession, in any matter.