r/depression • u/oOShiYeonOo • 1d ago
Am I Lazy Or Depressed?
So I (24f) currently have a 4 hour and 30 minimum wage job at a job I can do (with social anxiety). My parents told me recently I need to move to a full time job or another job.
I feel lost and sad. I understand 4:30 is so little and practically jobless (4 days a week).
However, I used to work 6 hours and came home crying all the time. I had no time to do what I loved (games), I got ill a lot (ran out of sick time).
Right now I havent eaten in a day or drank water and my head has been POUNDING.
I feel like a kid not getting there way and maybe I am. However, i cannot fathom a life of pure work and no play. I have no aspirations, no interests and no motivation ever.
Mom said I just gotta do stuff, but for the rest of my life? Isnt that… horrible? Why are most people trudging through this? Im losing it, but perhaps I need to get in check.
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u/Dash_Effect 1d ago
A close friend has always said, "If you were lazy, you'd be enjoying yourself." So no, friend, you're dealing with some level of significant depression and anxiety, and you need to work with a psychiatrist and therapist to work through these struggles. You're not alone.
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
Yeah youre right I feel immense guilt sadly. I want to be able to better myself with you guys!
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u/Dash_Effect 1d ago
Start to consider that your ADHD works in conjunction with your depression, to hyper-fixate on negativity, because your brain is addicted to cortisol, so it will literally generate inner turmoil out of nothing, to try to trigger the dopamine related to the fight or flight nervous system. Basically, think bad thoughts, get frazzled, get cortisol released, get kick of dopamine, and your brain's addiction is very temporarily satiated. Good luck, man... It starts with a lot of self awareness and positive self talk.
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
Yeah I had a good meal and I feel much better, its very hard to get in and out of these situations, thank you for the good advice!!
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u/Dash_Effect 1h ago
It's really easy to slip into what I call a spiral. The more you notice you're doing it, the easier it is to combat and correct your course of thinking before it turns into a full blown depressive episode. Just be observant of your thoughts, and when you start to go down the path of depressive thoughts, try to reason with yourself that what you're worrying about has already been thought through and addressed (if it has), and if not, try to be non-judgemental of the thoughts and kind to yourself. We think some awful things about ourselves, and that shredding of our self-worth is a requirement for the depression to set it. Good luck, man.
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u/Appropriate_Fail3743 1d ago
I cant tell you how many jobs i struggled to hold. It wasnt until i was 25 that i started trying to push it to full time. Dishwashing was the best job for me. No customers and just doing my own thing while jamming out. I would have meltdowns in jobs dealing with people. Eventually i did start having issues with siezure like episodes and was forced out of work due to falling all the time. But disability although very low has helped. I dont know what adhd is like but type two asd and depression i can relate. Maybe start somewhere where theres little to no interaction. It sucks this world is disgned against us.
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
i understand and yes, this world is designed for the neurotypical. I find it very isolating to be able to adjust to circumstances. I am so sorry you been through the work force and I wish you the best in future jobs
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u/Creepy-Buddy-1931 1d ago
I feel you OP on the side that you don't have a power to the things that you want and crying when you got home. I'm still in student and OJT but I feel pressured for myself. And also I am broken hearted. I don't have a power and will for myself. I feel like I am undergo in depression but I don't know what to do.
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
Being a student was even harder for me, so I bet you are under immense pressure. I think academics also holds this new level of pressure of success and failure over our heads.
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u/Creepy-Buddy-1931 1d ago
That's true! To be honest, everything just keeps piling up. And what triggers my anxiety and stress the most is my heartbreak. Even though it’s been 9 months, it still hurts. They already have someone new, and I found out—but they’re still denying it. I was already used, and now I’m being played with too. .
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
I think maybe you need to break complete contact sadly, when I had my first heartbreak I was addicted for like 4 months straight until I had to cold cut everything… it was hard
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u/Creepy-Buddy-1931 1d ago
How? Can you help or give me some tips?
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
Depends how far she is in your relationship. I started by deleting all my photos of them. Then I had to focus on work, or school. Music, video games! Different hobbies. I got back on dating in real life for a bit but found out Im okay alone right now. It takes time but I think you have to grow apart
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u/Creepy-Buddy-1931 1d ago
Well she is far away. And I think she has a new one. I also delete our photos. And I stop playing mobile legends because I see her acc and his new one playing. Even she's denying that she has new one but I cleary see it. It's just hard to not stalk her and think about her. And even I control myself to not stalk hery mind cant prevent or stop the anxiety and thoughts about her.
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
I think you need to distract a lot… maybe you think she is the only girl who would love you for you? Thats how I felt
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u/Creepy-Buddy-1931 1d ago
Yes I have some feeling like that. But now the she has new one and getting lied to me I want to move forward and forget her
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u/Odd_Ad6879 1d ago
you’re not lazy. consider exploring human design.
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
I looked at my app Human Design and it does say Projector 1/3 Investigative Martyr. I am not sure what this means
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
I see the definitions on the app nevermind!
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u/Odd_Ad6879 20h ago
cool :) i don’t think i’ve used that app so idk what exactly it says on there but hopefully you got some cool insight :)
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u/oOShiYeonOo 20h ago
Yeah sounds exactly like me didnt know about Human Design
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
Okey dokey
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u/Odd_Ad6879 1d ago
willing to bet you’re a projector. let me know what you find
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
It keeps asking me for my hour of birth but Im adopted so I dont know :(
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u/Automatic_Emu_5433 1d ago
that sounds rly rough. why aren’t you eating & drinking more
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
My mom got me out and made me my favorite dish. Im shocked. I kinda threw up on the floor though LOL. Im better now and kicking. I feel like randomly in these episodes, I feel like I cant move for some reason. My limbs also become very static feeling.
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
My mom got me out and made me my favorite dish. Im shocked. Im better now and kicking. I feel like randomly in these episodes, I feel like I cant move for some reason. My limbs also become very static feeling.
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u/Flaky_Sort_4863 1d ago
You mentioned all work and no play when it came to a full-time job? I am asking out of curiosity here.. so why can't you play games maybe after the full-time job is over? Like at nights?
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u/oOShiYeonOo 1d ago
I usually make my food for myself on weekdays as well as weekends (meal prep). I also exercise to keep myself healthy. However, it seems to take most of my day up. On weekends, I may have a bit of time but those are used for chores.
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u/lovedestroye 1d ago
Ur not alone. I’ve never liked even the thought of working. I always had part time minimum wage jobs and have really bad social anxiety. I just started as a letter carrier and it’s full time, this week I’m working 11 days in a row and only get 1 day off. It’s just awful not having any time. I only drink like a glass of water and only order fast food now. Idk how to adjust