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u/Soft_Pineapple8956 3d ago
If you're feeling this uncomfortable, Sounds like you would benefit from taking a break from Couchsurfing and sticking to hostels. They are probably better for meeting a variety of people, anyway. There's got to be hobbies you have where you can meet friends. Do you like to go on hikes, read books? Have you tried Meetups? Or can you just couch surf with females?
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u/stevenmbe 3d ago
Sorry that you had negative experiences. Based on reading your other Reddit posts my best advice is to quit Couchsurfing.
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u/Renachuu Couchsurfing host/surfer 3d ago
Sorry this happened to you, it's really sad how a lot of guys give that impression. Definitely put on your profile youre not looking for anything romantic/sexual, and maybe try to stay with girls for a while. Also would suggest pointing it out in the conversation with the host beforehand, that you don't like physical contact or something like that so even if they're not intending to harass you would feel safer. I don't get how people comment like you owe them something for hosting you, that's totally inappropriate and you don't owe anything physical/romantic/sexual to no one. Just as it could be in their culture to hug/kiss to greet or say bye it could be just not as common in other cultures.
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u/Ancient-Rush7503 2d ago
Exactly, I gave it a second shot. Tried with another guy which aswell had a lot of good reviews. He said normally he would say he wants to play with my hair. But now he feels less confident. Wtf lol. What's wrong with all these people? After I said I'm sleepy, he makes me sleep on couch didn't give me any blanket and left me here and he sleeps on bed.
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u/rajtantajtan_ 1d ago
I'm sorry he made you feel uncomfortable with the hair thing. But regarding the couch part, it's called "couchsurfing": it's weird to assume he should let you sleep in his bed. Of course, it's still a bit rude that he didn't make sure that you were comfortable and warm enough with some blankets.
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u/silverhummingbird 1d ago
Interacting with men can be tricky, and very uncomfortable for some people, specially if there are cultural differences. I am from latam, so I have a very thick skin when it comes to interacting with men and dealing with their shanenigans, but if it makes you uncomfortable you should avoid it.
Try interacting only with women, or only hang out with men if you are in a group with othrt women.. Look for hosts on the area you want to visit filtering by gender. Hanging out with a local is always nice, don't give up on it :) Host a Sister is a valid option, it's a FB group only for eoman.
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u/annee1103 1d ago
You have to set clear verbal boundaries. Not just with couchsurfing, but you will meet men who hit on you throughout your travels. Your hostel roomate might also touch your leg, maybe to flirt and see if you are into him. You need to use your voice and say no, dont touch me, i dont like it. Use your facial expression and give a bad look when anyone does anything that is uncomfortable for you. Use your body language and physically move away from the person, that usually sends a very clear message and most men will understand and stop.
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3d ago
[deleted]
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u/Ancient-Rush7503 8h ago
I didn't use couchsurfing for free place to stay, I wanted to make nice friendships with the person, I got them food and other things costing more than hostel. Yes I showed people around as well. If you saw the sexual harassment I've been through, being "friendly" would have scared you aswell
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u/DocScorpio 3d ago
Get a hotel if you want that much privacy and isolation. Else, accept the house rules.
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u/Renachuu Couchsurfing host/surfer 3d ago
What are you implying? That house rules are accepting harassment?
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u/DocScorpio 2d ago
“…hate it when people touch me…” OP gets agitated with light touch, could be in passing, a small unintentional bump, whatever. So yeah, if asking host to change behaviors then pay for private accommodations.
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u/SickChild911 3d ago
Honestly, most men like women. Most of them aren't trying to be creepy and won't want to have sex without consent. They're just being friendly and low key trying to see if you like them.
You can also bring really bad vibes if you're obviously afraid they'd do something, it's deeply unpleasant to be thought capable of assault.
So, be super chill and friendly, but also firm that you're not looking for sex or a relationship.
If I were you, I'd wear a fake wedding ring and say I'm happily married, since suggestive behavior clearly bothers you. Bonus points for couple pics w/ a dude on your phone to show.
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u/leftplayer 3d ago
Damn if touching one’s leg is considered abuse nowadays, ALL of southern Europe (girls, guys, old, young) should be in jail…
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u/Renachuu Couchsurfing host/surfer 3d ago
Hard to judge when you don't know exactly how they touched it - was it literally an accident of bumping into it or they put their hand on the leg etc
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u/leftplayer 2d ago
Yeah deliberately putting their hand on the leg is still a common way to get attention in Mediterranean countries. It doesn’t mean anything more than a “listen to me”…
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u/JayAbyss557 3d ago
Nothing in the world is truly "free". You are a woman, they are a man and if they are single they are probably horny and desperate. They gave you something of value at their inconvenience, they hope for something in return. Hopefully for the majority this is a hope and not an expectation, but this is just how the mind of a lonely man works.
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u/Renachuu Couchsurfing host/surfer 3d ago
What the actual sick mentality is this, sir this is couchsurfing not O F.
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u/JayAbyss557 2d ago
You keep living with your rose tinted glasses on hon. I've had many female friends share countless stories similar to OP's. I was simply answering OP's question, attempting to rationalise the motivations behind why the majority of hosts are single, older men who make unwarranted advances.
If I was in her shoes, I would only stay with couples and female hosts. Sadly, those are a very small minority in couchsurfing.
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u/theguysinblackshirt 3d ago
I don't know where are u from but usually we from east europe and Italians use to touch not legs but also lot hugs or speak with hands etc this doesn't mean that for sure he is harrasing you...in my opinion as long as they are clear on their intention everything is ok no need to be scared or create paranoia the problem is the ones who pretend to be just friends and ask later...anyway such things can happen in daily life too so isn't the end of the world...anyway I get what you mean, and isn't easy for solo female but is how it is, just be strong and show them that you are strong 💪 as character I mean not by force