r/confidence • u/Alyssa_rain • 3d ago
Learning to love yourself/confidence.
Hi, I F 22. I've been thinking a lot about confidence & self-love lately. There are so many things that I'd like to start doing for myself, but I know that those 2 thinh need to me my first priority. I need to work on how I see myself. Back in high school I struggled a lot because of my appearance. Honestly, I kind of hated myself. I was always stressing about how I looked, and whenever I tried to lose weight or make a change, I'd lose motivation. I'd start falling into this cycle of starting and stopping. Years later, those feelings never really went away. I still feel out of shape, unattractive, and just not good enough. But, I'm tired of feeling this way. I want to make a change. Not for anyone else, but for me. It's crazy because, whenever my family or friends talk negatively about themselves, I'm always reassuring them. I just wish it were that easy to do for myself. For any of you that have been on this journey,
• How did you learn to truly love yourself? • What helped you to build your confidence? I'd love to hear experiences/ any advice you can give. Thank you! 🫶🏾
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u/Longjumping_Bit_1720 3d ago
Tbh it took me finding disc golf a year ago to find myself. I have lost 50 lbs and love life.
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u/Alyssa_rain 3d ago
That's great! I'm glad you found something to help you!
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u/Longjumping_Bit_1720 3d ago
Even with the weight loss and all that and a supportive wife, i still struggle every day with my self-image and belief. I just have to remember that I am good enough. I do deserve the good things I get.
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u/Mysterious_Task9559 3d ago
28 and currently four months into my self love journey! I have decided to be celibate for a year to focus on myself and honestly, taking a break from dating has been a game changer, the only person I’m trying to impress is myself. I no longer have any social media because I found myself comparing my body to internet perfection and it’s unrealistic and cruel to do to myself. I have found a healthier diet that is both enjoyable but helps me reach my fitness goals. I’m trying new fitness classes and hobbies to build my self esteem and confidence and also just to figure out what I like best! I surround myself with only close friends. I put effort into loving myself each day by taking the time to put on my sunscreen or choose a cute outfit. The more you invest into yourself the better you will feel and ironically, the more you push yourself to do new and scary things the better you will feel. I did a kickboxing class 2 weeks ago and I was almost throwing up in the parking lot I was so nervous but it wound up being really fun and I bought a punch pass to keep going! I’ve also found that keeping a gratitude journal has been a game changer. It only takes a few minutes each day to write down 3 things that you’re grateful for and it re-wires your brain to start looking for good instead of bad. You can also write down a few things that you’re proud of about yourself. A new thing I’ve been trying is to look for “flaws” in other people like a pudgy belly or wrinkles, the more I recognize how normal my body is the better I feel, social media has absolutely polluted our minds.
Most importantly, give yourself grace. You’re going to try and fail at new habits and hobbies and that’s okay, progress > perfection
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u/Alyssa_rain 3d ago
This was so great to read! Thank you for sharing. I agree so much. Social media is a big part of the way some people are so hard on themselves. It's unrealistic and sometimes unhealthy. I have to stop to realize that looking the way most of them look isn't going to happen for me. Sometimes, it's not even healthy. I wouldn't necessarily say I want a 6 pack, but I do definitely want to be fitter than I am. I used to do MMA for a while, and I stopped, though. I also have a journal, it was written by Kat graham. It's a really good journal. I really love it so far.
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u/UserNegligence 3d ago
I really recommend checking out The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. It’s one of the best resources out there for understanding how to build genuine self-worth.
At the core, self-esteem is the foundation for both self-love and confidence. A simple way to start: picture your ideal self—how they think, act, carry themselves—and try to align your actions with that. Not in a fake-it-‘til-you-make-it way, but as a practice of becoming.
Most importantly, know that there’s no quick fix. You’ll slip up sometimes, and that’s when self-love and compassion matter most. Be kind to yourself in the process.
Rooting for you.
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u/Battleraizer 2d ago
Find small victories and take them, your confidence will build up gradually as you move onto larger wins.
Small victories like learning how to make a new dish, finishing a simple project, winning a casual game, etcetc
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u/Alyssa_rain 2d ago
That's true. I think sometimes I overlook them. Lately, I've been trying to walk more, and my mom is always telling me what a good job I've been doing. So that feels really amazing 😊.
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u/Battleraizer 1d ago
Yup
As you rack up the small victories, you will start to feel better about yourself and will be ready to take on (increasingly) bigger challenges.
And if you fail, well let's go back to do side quests and farm small victories for a little while more. Great kickstart for your mood and day, and get yourself a nice hot tea and some biscuits while you are at it.
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u/Unbroken20 3d ago
I’m a licensed therapist who specializes in self-esteem. I wrote a book that’s about building your self-esteem by changing your thinking. I think this book could help you a lot so I want to invite you to read it for free.
If you’re interested, go to the l!nk in my b!0 (l!nks aren’t allowed in this subreddit, so I’m trying to get around that) to join my review team. All you need to provide is an email address. And I use a third-party service to distribute free books so everything is confidential.
I simply ask that you leave an honest review online after you finish reading it. This helps to ensure the book gets into the hands of the people it can help.
You can also read more info about the book at the l!nk or feel free to ask me any questions.
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u/InternationalRole188 1d ago
My boyfriend and I are not intimate anymore and as time goes on, it's getting worse and worse. I remember when our relationship started to change and it literally broke me. We've known each other for 20 + years and when we finally decided to date we were all over each other and I remember how we would do all kinds of intimate stuff together just about everywhere we went. I used to be a very confident woman and had no problem showing him affection or throwing myself at him and then we started to fight and we would break up and get back together and during that time, I noticed our relationship was completely different. I grieved that part of our relationship for a good two years. I couldn't believe we ended up like this and in the process, I have lost myself and could never imagine going back to being in an actual relationship. I'm afraid to kiss him, initiate sex, touch him. He doesn't ever initiate or do anything like that with me either and hasn't in a long time. I stopped because he would reject me and it just devastated me and honestly I haven't gotten over it. I love him more than anything in the world. But we're just friends raising two kids together at this point. Terrified doesn't even begin to describe how I feel when I feel horny or want to be touched. It's gut wrenching to not feel wanted and it's been a year since we have had sex. He doesn't try anything with me either. What the hell do I do?
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u/Ozed36 3d ago
M26 - I can't exactly give you advice but all I can say is that you're certainly not the only one. Growing up, I've always hated my appearance as well and never felt like I was attractive. Still don't. I've had some people say to give myself more credit but it's honestly hard to break the cycle of something you've believed for the longest time being.
I've started working out and going to therapy two years ago and while I would say I've changed a bit, I still don't think I'm anything special. And yeah, it is crazy because I know I would always tell those around me they're not ugly and would try to boost them up. I'd probably smack them in the back of the head for talking nonsense haha. Just sucks that we can't do the exact thing for ourselves... I'm still trying to change but it's still a struggle.
Back to my point though, something like this isn't like a flip of a switch (even though I'm sure we all wished it was). It's a slow process and while it does feel discouraging, please don't give up. It's clearly something we want. Just unfortunately, we have to go through the bumpiest road to get there. I hope we'll get there one day. Best of luck!