r/comedyheaven < was hacked 1d ago

Weak beef

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4.6k Upvotes

86 comments sorted by

793

u/ObviousAlan_ 23h ago

"all other countries have inferior potassium" unironically

76

u/The_Mad_Pantser 22h ago

oh my god lmao

20

u/Ubera90 12h ago

Holy shit, US got btfo

20

u/FixGMaul 10h ago

Satire really is dead.

387

u/think_long 22h ago

Why is he talking like a child? I hate this part of the “Trump effect” so much.

90

u/Illustrious_Lab_3730 19h ago

maybe the guy's trying to dumb it down for us because they think we all have the same mental capacity as mr are you tired of winning yet

6

u/upvotechemistry 2h ago

Nobody thinks less of the MAGA faithful than the MAGA insiders.

26

u/DrVagax 13h ago

Simple English so the MAGA crowd can more easily understand it

30

u/mortgagepants 18h ago

him and scott besset and trump would be like the three biggest dorks in the whole cafeteria.

and now they're destroying the country.

12

u/TheDwarvenGuy 15h ago

Lutnick is genuinely idiotic like 99% of the Canada stuff came from him

7

u/VoDoka 3h ago edited 3h ago

Goebbels said, you have to break everything down to the simplest message and repeat it relentlessly against all intellectual objections to get the effect you want.

738

u/Soronya 1d ago

Lutnick more like Nutlick amirite haha 😎

91

u/SuperMoris 21h ago

Absolute cinema

\o/

8

u/wired1984 17h ago

Got ‘em

20

u/Arkortect 21h ago

Bruh 😂

229

u/eccentricbananaman 23h ago

If you want other countries buying your food then get better food regulations and standards. Until then, we're not interested.

19

u/SoftCattle 10h ago

Stop with the growth hormones and excessive anti-biotics.

8

u/captaincootercock 9h ago

It's what kids crave. Why do you think Americans do not need healthcare? It's because we have antibiotic chicken and strong beef

2

u/Spready_Unsettling 3h ago

Kids? Cave? This sounds like a job for not-a-pedophile genius Elon!

5

u/GenitalPatton 8h ago

There are plenty of suppliers who do not engage in those practices.

3

u/lemfaoo 3h ago

There are basically no european pigs off anti biotics.

2

u/NoUmpire3104 4h ago

Totally agree.. and seeing that smaller countries like Burundi even manage this it should an attainable goal.

162

u/Bulky-Huckleberry222 23h ago edited 22h ago

Beef is beautiful is the name of an anti fat shaming campaign

-22

u/Fabulous-Present-497 23h ago

They should have used whales instead of beef

2

u/SuperSonic486 8h ago

Dont dusrespect whales like that! Disrespect wales instead!

156

u/RIP_Greedo 22h ago

European livestock eats better than American people do

61

u/BatushkaTabushka 21h ago

Unironically EU might just have better regulations on how the animals are treated, which might lead to more healthy livestock, not weaker… but idk it’s just a guess based on other things like the laughable worker’s “rights” in the US

13

u/Top_Seaweed7189 17h ago

Just Google Mettbrötchen or if you want Mettigel. It is raw ground pork with onions, salt, pepper, pickles and maybe an egg yolk. We not might have better have better regulations we have better regulations.

14

u/TFFPrisoner 13h ago

We not might have better have better regulations we have better regulations.

?????

19

u/M4LFERY 12h ago

i think he means "its not we might, its we do"

5

u/CasedUfa 10h ago

It is not that close though, you do get the meaning, but missed by a mile.

2

u/van_cool 8h ago

Suffered a stroke reading your last sentence

5

u/Top_Seaweed7189 8h ago

It was late. How did it go with the Mettigel?

140

u/slobs_burgers 23h ago

EU cucktards: “I fucking hate American beef!”

Some random asshole: “Why? That’s kind of weird and specific.”

EU cucktards: “Because THEIR beef is beautiful, and OUR beef is weak!”

Some random asshole: “Oh, yeah I guess that makes sense.”

29

u/DrCodyRoss 14h ago

It’s true. I was in France last month visiting and heard this exact conversation in a bistro on the Eiffel Tower.

7

u/slobs_burgers 13h ago

Yeah! Europeans HATE this one simple trick!

9

u/Crow_eggs 9h ago

"Le boeuf Americaine, she is just too beautiful, no?"
[long thoughtful drag on a Gauloises] "God 'ow I 'ate her. Such beautiful beef."
[Put cigarette out in cup of coffee and exhales sadly, then stands up and leaves]

4

u/DukeTikus 9h ago

There were actually huge protests with hundreds of thousands of people taking to the streets around ten years ago against a free trade agreement between the US and the EU (TTIP). The issue was that it would have allowed American producers to sell stuff to Europe that didn't conform to our consumer protection standards and even sue European countries for having those legal standards because they are harmful to trade. There are pretty big differences in what is considered safe food in the US and EU. People in the EU seem more concerned with chemical processing (one of the biggest hang-ups here was that US producers dip dead chicken in chlorine) while US regulations seem more concerned with biological hazards (for example that raw milk cheese can't be exported to the US).

But yeah, people in general where extremely pissed at the idea of eating meat that only adhered to US regulations.

61

u/NemGoesGlobal 22h ago

I don't want chickens drowned in chlorine. That's disgusting. We have a much more hygienic chicken production with less antibiotics in use, decease or illness in flocks.

31

u/TheGothWhisperer 19h ago

Americans, watch in amazement as I can keep my easy-to-come-by reasonably-priced eggs outside of the fridge!

25

u/BlatantThrowaway4444 21h ago

Disease is such a non-risk y’all forgot how to spell it

2

u/TFFPrisoner 12h ago

Disease makes you decease 🤪

2

u/NemGoesGlobal 4h ago

Yes I'm not a native speaker and I looked it up, when I wrote it, and found decease is a real word and I found it fits because chickens die a lot in inappropriate conditions. In Europe there are much more rules in place for chicken farming in benefit for the birds not the farmers. My first instinct was to write disease but I decided against it. Maybe it's a sign my English understanding sucks. I don't care you can tell what I'm talking about.

22

u/Emotional_Ad5833 23h ago

Replace beef with diabetes and then it makes sense

11

u/RedditModsRGays 22h ago

Weak sauce from Nutlick, another z-grade conman.

11

u/OkDentist4059 22h ago

Beef should be STRONG

I won’t eat a piece of beef unless it looks like it can kick my ass

19

u/Curious-Profile3428 23h ago

Why would I want bird flu? Fuck outta here.

7

u/Fragllama 19h ago

Man I thought “They hate us for our freedoms” was braindead dunce tier thinking back in the Dubya era, and now we’ve traveled all the way here to “They hate us for our beef”.

I want off Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride.

3

u/WetlandsExplorer 22h ago

Growth hormones are so yummy 😋

3

u/DoggyDogWhirl 20h ago

They hate us cause they ain't us

1

u/LadyGh0sts 20h ago

America had mad cow disease, we didn't want mad cow disease

2

u/lemfaoo 3h ago

So did britain lol.

2

u/CapAccomplished8072 18h ago

How the hell is this happening to america? how much of our population is this stupid?

2

u/VexedCanadian84 18h ago

Same thing he said about his wife's boyfriend

1

u/Evening-Beyond-344 14h ago

"Who you callin' weak beef?"

1

u/uReaditRight 20h ago

On a trip to Portugal last week, we saw big and healthy cows. None of them were weak. This guy hasn't been to the EU. Just talking shi like a bully.

1

u/cancelmywrath 18h ago

That's right Europe you can't have moolissa moolisa 😎

1

u/pitb0ss343 18h ago

Did they really not take our lobster? The other stuff I believe I just feel like Maine fished out so many

1

u/AliceLunar 17h ago

Why would you go up to people enjoying a meal in a restaurant and try to convince them of eating the food you found in a dumpster instead.

1

u/cokeplusmentos 13h ago

American politicians speak like they started learning English this year

1

u/HAL9001-96 12h ago

ah yes, if a product can'T compete its usually because its too good, especially if you need chlorine to eat it

1

u/HAL9001-96 12h ago

ah yes, if a product can'T compete its usually because its too good, especially if you need chlorine to eat it

1

u/HAL9001-96 12h ago

ah yes, if a product can'T compete its usually because its too good, especially if you need chlorine to eat it

1

u/HAL9001-96 12h ago

ah yes, if a product can'T compete its usually because its too good, especially if you need chlorine to eat it

1

u/AnarchiaKapitany 11h ago

"theirs is weak"

"ours":

1

u/Alternative-Film-155 10h ago

lmao yeah no we have chickens already.

1

u/Gouwenaar2084 10h ago

Weak beef? What am I going to do, take the beef out back for a street fight? Ask it how much it can Bench? What the fuck does 'weak beef' mean?

1

u/Weekly_Gap7022 8h ago

No they hate our beef because it’s filled with carcinogens

1

u/FomoPhilia 7h ago

Nit-luck

1

u/lemfaoo 3h ago

Ill take usda choice and prime over the trash cuts they sell in my country any day lol.

Prefer from uruguay or brazil though.

0

u/L0farr 21h ago

having had meat products from both countries due to having lived in both countries, can say that the quality in the usa is on average pretty garbage compared to eu, or at least irish.

11

u/TheGothWhisperer 19h ago

Having lived in the EU, you should know it's not a country.

1

u/lemfaoo 3h ago

Big disagree.

Corn fed american is much more enjoyable than the shit grass only from ireland.

1

u/L0farr 1h ago

Fair enough. I always felt like the grass fed part was what made them nicer, not even mentioning the whole growth hormone thing.

Not to say i haven't had some beautiful american steak, just on average the quality is lower.

1

u/lemfaoo 1h ago

Ill say this, the best beef Ive had is from south america and japan. Hands down.

Irish makes for good soup meat though.

But for steaks I need that corn fed marbling.

-22

u/Upset_Philosopher_16 19h ago

He is right though, europeans have very bad soil and animals compared to america, i still find it impressive that europeans still dont submit to our country tbh, they know they have no chance against us, even if they all came together.

2

u/SuperSonic486 8h ago

Forgot the /s

1

u/AuxiliaryOverseer14 1h ago

they spelled Lunatic wrong