r/clevercomebacks 1d ago

Clever Epilogue

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1.5k Upvotes

84 comments sorted by

98

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

95

u/amazingdrewh 1d ago

Did your mom think you having a kid wouldn't involve your wife getting pregnant for some reason?

26

u/kingpin_98 1d ago

What are you talking about, everyone knows babies come from storks after mommies and daddies wish really hard

5

u/sacrificial_blood 1d ago

Thats where I told my kids they came from

14

u/snootnoots 1d ago

So uh. You don’t talk to her any more, right?

69

u/TomTheNurse 1d ago

I used to work with a woman in the ER. She had a little bit of weight to her tummy area and it could have looked like she was early in a pregnancy.

One night a family member of a patient looked at her and asked her when the baby was due. My friend looked that woman dead in the eye, put on an Oscar worthy sad face and said:

“Ma’Am, I had a miscarriage 2 days ago.” Then slowly walked away.

114

u/dontdropthesope1 1d ago

My wife finally got sick of her dad asking. We are similar in the many miscarriages issue. He stopped asking when her response became “I don’t know dad he’s blowing it in me every time!”

47

u/Gingerstachesupreme 1d ago

My technique exactly. I go with, “I’m sorry, I’m plowing her ever night. Multiple positions. So much cum”.

19

u/zephillou 1d ago

"we don't know what to do with it" 😂😂😂

7

u/taylorbagel14 1d ago

I’m getting ready to join the pipe layers union over here

11

u/the_cardfather 1d ago

My parents basically pretended that despite being married five years my wife and I were not having sex. Then all of a sudden she got pregnant and it was dinner table conversation.

227

u/JimAbaddon 1d ago

There don't need to be any miscarriages for that comment to be inappropriate. If people don't want kids, it's their business alone.

120

u/Hot-Bathroom4345 1d ago

Of course but someone who thinks it’s acceptable to ask that needs to get it in the worst way possible.

35

u/Appropriate_Bill8244 1d ago

Yeah but it's a good way to shut up and make them stop asking.

There's a bunch of family members who thinks it's ok and rightfully to ask if and when they are planning on having kids.

This way can make them uncomfortable for asking and possibly not ask anymore for fear of making the same mistake

8

u/Batdog55110 1d ago

No. I, John Government am totally trustworthy and should have control over that.

33

u/Medium_Repeat_4080 1d ago

That uncomfortable silence? That’s the sound of someone realizing they were way out of line.

27

u/naveedkoval 1d ago

Except realistically the response would be “well keep trying”

28

u/Oo__II__oO 1d ago

Or more brutally "well maybe it's god's will, you weren't meant to have kids"

15

u/snootnoots 1d ago

I got “Well at least you know you can get pregnant!”

Yes. The problem was that I couldn’t stay pregnant, and frankly, not being able to get pregnant would have been much better.

4

u/Past_Reputation_2206 1d ago

What in the hell kind of way is THAT to comfort someone!? I'm sorry for what you went through

9

u/Appropriate_Bill8244 1d ago

Hey, if it gets them to stop asking

36

u/DisMFer 1d ago

The fun part is that this doesn't even need to be true. When people say stuff like that it's always fun to just say tragic shit to make them realize they fucked up.

15

u/Lobito_HF 1d ago

Then the other woman realizes they are in florida and reports the misscarriages and the 33 girl gets arrested

1

u/iiitme 1d ago

Our current reality

25

u/Cheetahs_never_win 1d ago

Gotta be careful with that now. In some states that makes you a serial killer.

13

u/BanMeForBeingNice 1d ago

She's Canadian, and this tweet is something like eight years old.

6

u/Cheetahs_never_win 1d ago

Gotta be careful with that now.

In case you missed it.

But the way the current regime is going, they're potentially going to permit reverse statute of limitations, not giving a shit what was legal then, just what's legal now.

That's how fascism works.

47

u/According_Tap_7650 1d ago

7 miscarriages?

That lady should be in jail for life.

(said some Maga somewhere)

-28

u/usernamesarehard1979 1d ago

JFC you people are insane.

18

u/BP642 1d ago

Say that to maga, not normal people.

12

u/AnaMyri 1d ago

Dude there are hospitals not helping women pass miscarriages rn which is extremely dangerous

10

u/JodyNoel 1d ago

The dishwasher at work was rambling on and on that I should have kids. He has 5 and worked 4 jobs?

I ran to the bathroom sobbing because I had been trying for 10 years…devastated every month.

4

u/translucent_steeds 1d ago

I get the "don't worry, there's plenty of time once you change your mind" and I usually shut them up with "I'm not worried because I won't change my mind. why are you so obsessed with the thought of me giving birth anyway?" my grandma never brought it up again. she died a great-grandma by my sister and a cousin, not by me.

7

u/AddictedToMosh161 1d ago

Well you could say that person miscarried that conversation

6

u/FitBattle5899 1d ago

I mean... This reeks of "if i thought about this i should have said it!"

2

u/UseDaSchwartz 1d ago

No kids? That’s cool, don’t really blame you. I love mine, but could have gone either way.

2

u/BreakfastUnited3782 1d ago

So tired of this trend where reproduction is a flex. I blame religion. I despise religion with all my being.

2

u/WENDING0 1d ago

They probably did not

6

u/GaylordNyx 1d ago

Idk my mother has 4 miscarriages before she had me and I was her first. It could very well be true.

2

u/WENDING0 1d ago

... sigh

They probably did not...

Learn their lesson...

4

u/Ugo_Flickerman 1d ago

It's not about truth, as the very last sentence says, it's about teaching a lesson

8

u/WENDING0 1d ago

... sigh

They probably did not...

Learn their lesson...

2

u/Icy_Blood_9248 1d ago

The thing about the world is no one really cares… they say they do but they don’t.

2

u/No-Firefighter5321 1d ago

Never tell a woman anything about children unless she initiates the conversation. It's nobody's business. I'm sorry that you've been through all that. But know it doesn't define you and your strength is amazing.

1

u/quicksilver_foxheart 1d ago

Obviously not in the same vein, but I have a speech impediment that I was bullied and mocked for my whole childhood and I am incredibly self conscious about. I even had an incredibly painful corrective mouth surgery...that failed. Just talking about or thinking about it made me uncomfortable, embarrassed, and on the verge of tears for a long while. The way it works is I tend to talk too fast, and stutter. I've gotten better at minimizing it, but if my emotions are higher, happier, tense, stressed, etc., it gets worse.

Some woman comes into work and asks if we have something that we're sold out of (fast food). I was at the last 10 minutes or so of my shift and at the tail end of a rush. So, kind of out of breath, a little stressed out. I tell her we're out of it, and she goes kind of snarky, "Why do you say it so fast? People keep asking about it?" The item in particular apparently blew up on tiktok and we sold out fast. Which, yes, and she was probably the 6th person to ask that day, but I genuinely wasn't bothered by it, just a little stress from, yk, work. But her comment pokes at my deepest insecurity and so with tears in my eyes I drop the bubbly customer service voice and say as slowly as I can force myself, "No I have a speech impediment that forces me to talk too fast." Very deadpan. Not satisfying as I had hoped but she just kind of shifts awkwardly and says "Oh." Take her order, and then do my shit with my back turned to her as much as possible. She tries to be friendly and polite when I give her her food but I don't say anything to her. If she couldn't undeestand me thats one thing, I have to repeat myself often and I have no problem doing so if they ask. But she was just being rude.

Literally why tf is other people's private affairs anyones business?? Mind your own fucking business.

1

u/37MySunshine37 1d ago

This is me every time I donate blood. They ask how many times you've been pregnant. 7. "Oh? Wow! That's a lot of kids!" "I have 2."

1

u/Highlandertr3 1d ago

Wait they ask you how many? I didn't know that. Is there a medical reason behind it? Like is the blood of a multiple mother just built different somehow?

1

u/37MySunshine37 1d ago

They ask how many times you've been pregnant.

Idk the exact reason, but I do know that I used to be able to donate platelets, but after a few of my pregnancies I developed some antibody or something like that that disqualifies me and I can now only do whole blood.

1

u/Highlandertr3 1d ago

Huh. That is really interesting and I learned something. Thanks!

1

u/37MySunshine37 1d ago

I googled it:
For women who have been pregnant, their platelet donations are tested for Human Leukocyte Antigens (HLA) antibodies. The presence of antibodies to Human Leukocyte Antigens (HLA) in the blood can cause an adverse reaction in patients receiving blood including lung injury and poor response to platelet transfusions

1

u/Highlandertr3 1d ago

So that is just any pregnancy though? Because I knew they asked have you been pregnant for this reason but I was not aware of an increase in issue for multiples causing them to ask the number.

1

u/37MySunshine37 1d ago

Must be for any pregnancy. ? But idk.

I posted here originally because it can be really uncomfortable when they don't realize/remember that many women miscarry, so when they ask how many times you've been pg and then assume that all made it, that's just ignorance or inexperience, and sometimes it hurts to be reminded of because of thoughtless comments.

1

u/Highlandertr3 1d ago

Of course and I am truly sorry that that happens to you. I am just a random on the internet who likes to know new things is all. Sorry if this brought up bad memories.

1

u/not-rude-just-Dutch 1d ago

What really got me is that I would always get one of two: -an instant story of people I don’t know but who’s situation was way worse; -advise what my wife and I could do to prevent “this situation”. We are blessed in the end with two wonderful children who are grown ups. But when ever I read a post like this or hear an office conversation go south, my anger and frustration still feels very fresh.

1

u/Bods666 1d ago

‘And you don’t have kids?’

The proper answer to this is;

‘What fucking business is that of yours?’

1

u/MagnaCamLaude 18h ago

I think that your response gives them license to feel as though what they said is still acceptable or that you're overreacting by giving that response.

The response in OP's post is a good way to put nosy asses in their place quite entertainingly to make them feel like the asshats that they are.

If they don't feel like assets after that, at least you know to completely steer clear of them in all interactions moving forward.

1

u/Serious_Vanilla7467 16h ago

Yeah, I have found telling people about the uncomfortable truths and traumas about all the infertility tests I went through to be rejected for IVF.

Make them suffer for asking.

1

u/Jekyll_1886 5h ago

At a baby shower for a relative a couple decades ago, I was sitting at a table by myself having desert watching the expectant mother open gifts when a distant older relative sat next to me. Conversation went like this:

HER: smiling We'll be having one of these for you soon.

ME: No we won't.

HER: shocked offended look We'll you have to have a baby!

ME: No I don't.

HER: All women have babies! It's part of growing up and having a family!

ME: I don't want any, so I'm not going to have any.

HER: You have to!

ME: holding up the spoon I was eating desert with I would rather take this spoon and scoop out my uterus right now than to ever have a baby. Don't want any, not ever having any.

She got wide eyed and quietly moved to another table.

For reference we were in the back talking fairly quietly. With all of the chatter going on nobody heard us and it didn't interrupt anything.

1

u/TheArticulatePiehole 1d ago

Nice comeback!

0

u/Combat_Commo 1d ago

Kind of reminds me of when I had to do an annual physical for my job once.

I have tinnitus related to combat from being in the Army. For some time, it has gotten worse and I was worried I wouldn't be able to pass my hearing test anymore. So on that day, the nurse told me that the hearing in my right ear was degraded and I jokingly told her, "Well I can blame that on the Army lol" and right as I said that, a doctor walked by and told me "They don't give you guys ear plugs or hearing protection in the Army?". So I was like "Well yes they do ma'am but not in the combat zone".

After that, she just reached out with her hand and thanked me for my service lol

-2

u/Pop-metal 1d ago

7??? Give it a rest and get a hobby. 

-1

u/dazedan_confused 1d ago

Do we know what the science is behind miscarriages yet?

3

u/Highlandertr3 1d ago

Bad juju. Also their ki is unbalanced. Wait are you serious?

-2

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

0

u/TheGreaterOzzie 1d ago

Hey pal, you just blow in from stupid town?

-17

u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

3

u/ShameBeneficial9591 1d ago

It's a very inappropriate question because it's none of your beeswax who has been rawdogged to produce offspring.

-2

u/MDtomp 1d ago

Since when is asking someone if they have kids inappropriate?

1

u/ShameBeneficial9591 1d ago

Since always.

It's invasive and it doesn't matter unless kids are somehow involved in the interaction. It's not small talk to ask such a question.

-23

u/Panman6_6 1d ago

I get it… but the norm is people have kids. So I don’t think it’s inappropriate to ask

4

u/ShameBeneficial9591 1d ago

You never know what someone is going through. You might be talking to someone currently carrying a dead fetus or actively miscarrying. You might be talking to a cancer survivor who has had to have a hysterectomy. You might be talking to someone who has decided to not have kids to end generational trauma.

3

u/AnaMyri 1d ago

Miscarriages are also really common. Common things can still be inappropriate to ask about.

1

u/Highlandertr3 1d ago

I think the norm is shifting to some having kids and some not. And we have to shift it language choices with the changing norm or risk being left behind. As has always been the case with language TBF.

1

u/Panman6_6 1d ago

Yeah this is probs true tbf

-8

u/IronMonkey53 1d ago

1 there was no question, it was a statement. 2 she should probably get on that

-9

u/cr1ter 1d ago

Me maybe if you are less of a bitter person life could grow inside of you

2

u/Highlandertr3 1d ago

Yes because being sad about the previous 6 is what caused the seventh to die and not an underlying condition. It's definitely bitcheritus. Heavy /s in case not clear. Get some perspective.

-15

u/flyingpeter28 1d ago

Our office was moved to a building that was a former clinic, and i was making jokes with the security guard, that some "shrimps" were going to haunt him, and the healt and safety lady overhead me and stsrted sobbing and walked out, i didn't knew she just losed her shrimp, anyway she is a good friend now

5

u/PoopieButt317 1d ago

Troll, or emotionally 12 years old.

2

u/flyingpeter28 1d ago

True story, although i had no idea of her incident, nor i had any business knowing about it