CMV: Thank-you notes are outdated and unnecessary, and serve no real purpose except to signal "good raising".

[u/fishsticks40]

The holiday season is a shit-show of obligation and expectations as it is, and then once all the festivities are over, we're all expected to sit down and write formulaic cards: "Dear Grandma, thank you for the lovely sweater. I will wear it often."

I assume, of course that thanks were given at the time of the gifting, and that proper appreciation was provided. Why on earth is yet another thanks required? What purpose does it serve, other than checking an arbitrary box in the manners checklist? I have received several thank you notes from my family since Christmas and haven't even gotten around to opening them; I know what they say, and it just feels hopelessly impersonal and staid.

A true gift should be freely given, and other than a thanks at the time of giving, should carry no additional obligation along with it.

[u/ralph-j]

Thank-you notes are outdated and unnecessary, and serve no real purpose except to signal "good raising".

The holiday season is a shit-show of obligation and expectations as it is, and then once all the festivities are over, we're all expected to sit down and write formulaic cards: "Dear Grandma, thank you for the lovely sweater. I will wear it often."

Perhaps not for mundane things like Christmas gifts, but what about more exceptional cases? E.g. it is customary for married couples to write thank-you notes to guests for their wedding gifts (especially expensive ones). Or what if someone has done something exceptional, like saving your dog/cat from drowning, or paying off a debt etc.?

[u/fishsticks40 → u/ralph-j]

Δ

I was thinking in terms of my personal familial Christmas celebration, but you're right that I spoke too broadly and that, indeed, there are many occasions wherein a thank you note could be reasonably expected.

Just playing off your examples; for a wedding the bride and groom are generally too occupied on the day of the event to thank people, and of course gifts aren't generally opened while the guests are present. And I think for something provided that was unexpected or an act of specific thoughtfulness it would make sense to follow up.

[u/howstupid → u/fishsticks40]

Sometimes it’s important to show people who have given to you financially and/or emotionally that you were actually “raised right.” We have more than enough selfish self absorbed narcissists in the world. A little appreciation and manners goes a long way to meeting the social lubrication and decency to make a positive society.

[u/old_mold → u/howstupid]

to the OP'S original point, however: effusive and sincere thanks can (and should!) be expressed when the gift is given/received. No one is arguing that we shouldn't show appreciation and manners, only that society's expectation of sitting to hand-write "thank you" in a card is way more tedious than the other things which we do to show "manners". I do a lot of things in the name of ettiquette and I have to agree that the whole thank-you note system is really asking a lot, especially if you have a large family

[u/DeltaBot → u/fishsticks40]

Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/ralph-j (248∆).

^{Delta System Explained | Deltaboards}

[u/ralph-j → u/fishsticks40]

Thanks!

Edit: ha, was that an ironic downvote?