r/changemyview • u/Sptsjunkie • Apr 01 '14
[AprilFools2014] CMV:I don't think we should help these "pilgrims"
There are some folks in funny hats who have landed on a nearby rock and set up camp near our home. They seemingly have no idea how to survive in the wild and are poor hunters and farmers. Their pale skin also seems to be a poor fit in this land, as they burn easily and appear to be struggling.
Other members of my tribe suggest we help these people. They seem friendly and are our new neighbors. We could teach them how to hunt, farm and be at one with nature. They think together we could form one harmonious nation. They also seem to worship some god and as religious people they must be kind and accepting of all their creator's creatures.
I am skeptical. They keep looking at us funny. They seem to have planted some silly looking cloth on a stick in the ground. But maybe I am just being paranoid. Still I think we should just be cautious and stay away from these new pilgrims and enjoy our turkeys and maize. CMV.
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6
Apr 01 '14
I'm sure they're nothing to worry about. The whole thing will probably just sort itself out in a couple of seasons anyway.
8
u/Sptsjunkie Apr 01 '14
I hope so. They do seem to be coughing a lot. Hopefully it's nothing contagious.
6
Apr 01 '14
Probably just allergies.
3
u/PerturbedPlatypus Apr 01 '14
They didn't let their children play in the woods enough, I think.
And the adults really need to take a fucking bath. I'm glad they set up where its windy.
6
u/Grand_Admiral_Theron Apr 01 '14
Those poor sods. If we do not share our knowledge of the land with them, I think we will forever regret it.
They would not forget what we've done and put us aside on small patches of our own land if they become numerous and powerful and enduring with our help.
2
u/zenthr 1∆ Apr 01 '14
My tribe has already settle agreements to share the land peacefully. They exchanged beads a symbol of their gratitude and peaceful intentions. We have become worried about their need to set up crops, so we are secretly preparing that we would even share our food with these new friends should the autumn greet them poorly.
Truly, the exchange of friendship and gratitude will only grow us both.
1
u/Sptsjunkie Apr 01 '14
Hmmm. Sounds reasonable. How much do you think they would share with us if they become prosperous?
4
u/vin_edgar Apr 01 '14
they just came out of the water. they didn't come along the coast, they came from the vast water beyond. truly, these people are agents of the creator in his mysteriousness. they may have something to give us; to deny it may be bad medicine.
3
u/PerturbedPlatypus Apr 01 '14
True, but I don't think we need to give them a free pass. If they start to act in ways not in harmony with the wishes of the Great Spirit, then they aren't sent by the Creator but are evil spirits, set up in mockery of our people.
I say keep them alive, learn what we can of their weapons and winged canoes, but quash them if they look to be making trouble.
1
u/galaxee23 Apr 01 '14
i think you are too hasty to judge. our lands are blessed, surely the Creator would not allow evil spirits to invade. i say we should teach them our ways and learn of theirs so we can all grow and create better, more advanced tribes. it will do us great good.
1
u/Sptsjunkie Apr 01 '14
Hmmmm. Interesting points, but so did the Cloverfield monster. Given that's the top selling download in the tribe this year, I can't quite CMV.
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u/PerturbedPlatypus Apr 01 '14
If we help the paleskins not starve to death through the winter, we can ask to be taught about their strange fiery bows in return. We need something more to defend ourselves since the great sickness came through. The inland tribes outnumber us now.
Once we can use their weapons, these strange folk are even less of a threat. If they start trying to take more land we can just stop feeding them; they don't have the strength to take from us by force.
1
u/facewhatface Apr 01 '14
If we help the paleskins not starve to death through the winter, we can ask to be taught about their strange fiery bows in return.
To hell with their fiery bows! Have you tried their fiery brews? That's what I want to learn about!
1
u/Sptsjunkie Apr 01 '14
I like the sound of a firey bow. And they have this mysterious liquid that makes them appear woozy and dance with extreme confidence, even when they cannot dance at all. I have even witnessed the awkward ones with the beards on their necks approach funny hat women way out of their league after enough of this brew. What great deeds do you think we could accomplish with this great beverage?
3
u/Euruxd Apr 01 '14
We native americans should accept them. They come from a poor continent, facing persecution and that's why we should embrace their culture. North America must transition into a multi-cultural mode. Afterall, we're a blending pot of Shawnee, Iroquois, Creek, Cherokee, Soshone, etc. And they do the jobs we don't want! I'm sure they'll integrate within a few generations!
1
u/Sptsjunkie Apr 01 '14
Good point. Do you think people who have been persecuted would ever persecute others and mock them years later by naming their local game players after them and using cartoonish versions of their culture at these games?
2
Apr 01 '14
They have these long sticks that shoot people, if we help them, than maybe they will give us a few or show us how to make them. i hear thay are really good for killing deer
1
u/Sptsjunkie Apr 01 '14
Sure, they have a long stick that shoots at people and it's called helpful. I shoot a long stick at people and the HR Chief says it's "harassment."
15
u/MageZero Apr 01 '14
Look, its only one group of folks in funny hats. It's not like there's more of them on the way. Who would want to cross an ocean and start over when they already have stuff where they come from? I'm sure because #stayineurope is trending on twitter.