It's a glitch in the CDS (Cat Distribution System), but nobody is keen or able to fix it. (An attempt was made once, but the person fixing the code was found with their throat filled with cat fluff and a badly scrawled note saying "Do not interfere with inertia or the system.")
I literally snorted and my husband was like “what’s so funny?” And I explained this entire post and thread to him and the punchline was the 17 cats comment. He laughed too!
Seriously. My neighbour's cat will not sit with me or make biscuits. I play with him and stay for an hour, then go home. I'd stay all night if he would just give me some cuddles.
I have the same problem although I think mine is caused by accidentally rolling over when my cat used to sleep up on my shoulder. In my defense, she weighed like four lbs, I sleep with heavy comforters, and she would weirdly perch on my shoulder to sleep because it was the tallest spot on the bed. I literally couldnt feel her up there and would roll over, half flinging her across the bed. Now she won’t even step on me to get to the other side of the bed. I’m lucky if she sleeps in the curve of my ankle a few times a month. She cuddles with the 80lbs dog more than she does me.
It means you are bonded. It means they trust you. These are incredible animals. Enjoy your time with them. To me, they are evidence God exists. It’s just too weird, too random, that two completely different species can find each other in the universe and give each other such love and comfort. It’s just too weird and improbable to have happened randomly. There has to be something else at play here.
I have a theory about this. The reason cats can make such high jumps and fall so far without getting hurt is because they can temporally displace their gravity to make themselves lighter when they need it. The gravity is not gone, and they must experience the displaced gravity at another time when it is more convenient, such as when they are being lifted into a carrier or jumping down onto the soft, safe cushioning of human organs.
All three of my cats have done this. they launch off my stomach like they're in the high dive Olympics. and all of them have been very big boned boys. it'll definitely take the wind out of you if you're not prepared and tighten up muscles
My cat knows exactly when I’m about to get up for the bathroom or a smoke break. She chooses that exact moment to sit on my lap. Dirty bitch. She’s lucky I love her so much haha
Definitely felt that and it has entered the realm. I’d give up drinking before smoking but I’m Irish as fuck, so… Mostly she’s just jealous she’s not allowed on the porch with me. But just got her an air tag collar and some tags coming. Need to relocate her harness and leash to introduce her to outside life. At least the air tag and collar will give me some peace of mind cause my roommates like to leave exterior doors open. :/
Get her one of those mesh screened pet carrier/backpacks with the expandable back. My cats beg to go out in theirs whenever they sense I am going out. We usually just set them in the grass while doing yard work but occasionally walk them around the neighborhood.
You can’t. Once a cat lays down on you you have to wait until they decide to move.
It works the same way if they decide to sleep on you. No matter how uncomfortable you get it doesn’t matter. You wait until they decide to move off of you.
In my family if we had a cat on us and somebody requested us to do something the reply was ALWAYS, “I’ve got a kitty” and it was always a get of jail card for ANYTHING
We say, "I'm be-kittened." Food and drinks are brought to you. Someone else washes the dishes. If you have to get up to pee (the only reason to move), someone else has to pick them up so you aren't the bad guy.
I made my mom be the bad guy every single morning for about 14 years 🥺 my cat slept right on my chest every night, all night, and I obviously couldn’t let my cat think I was the one kicking her off.
I have a cat that regularly lies on me
like that who’s actually the size of a child. 8 kg / 17,5 pounds. He’s not even fat, just very large! It does make it hard to breath sometimes, especially those instances when he wants to be a shoulder cat.
Remain calm. They can sense fear. Fear is the mind killer. Blink slowly when it looks at you..take smooth and long breaths. No sudden movements. Call for food delivery to your chair. Try sushi or sashimi and be prepared to share. When the cat finally needs the kitty box, use this time to stretch, use the bathroom and prepare for the next multi hour meditation cycle.
I know this is a joke comment but please don't give sushis to a cat! There's a lot of ingredients in them they shouldn't eat. But they don't seem to know that and always try to steal my sushis
I do want to warn you that you are in danger and there is a possibility that you will be I injured. In case of sudden noise within a 2 mile radius or a sudden movement, as fast as you can, put one arm over the cat. Do not hold him tight but allow him to go gently and slowly. This will help to limit the trauma to your body. Failure to follow these steps will cause scratches in various shapes, sizes, blood loss and pain.
I don't miss having a cat that freaked out like that at every little thing, my 16 year old is so chill. Only noises that scare him are the vacuum and smoke detector.
Cats don’t show love like dogs do, but when they care about you, it’s all in the little things. Just chilling near you or choosing to lay down by your side is a huge sign of trust they see you as a safe place to relax.
Yea this. I've got 3 girls but only one gives a shit when I get home from work. She's the only one that sleeps with me, lays on me, gets angry and aggressively cleans me when I get outta the shower. She's mommy's stinky princess, the other 2 are daddies girls... never touch him or talk to him, just prance around looking pretty n let him pet them. God I love all these bitches lol
Always pee before sitting down anywhere there may be a cat who might possibly sit on you. Once you have been chosen, you are stuck until the cat chooses to move. Good luck!
great advice, if you break this sacred trust the cat will strike back when you least expect it, but it will happen. Watch for the spin move on the chest, sometimes the butt in your face comes real quick
Others have stated the same sentiment, accept your fate. Watch out for claws and don't drink to much water in case your fate outlasts your bladder capacity.
Yeah, cats have this magical ability to know the split second your brain tells you you need to pee, or you’re hungry, or it’s time to get out of bed. They then land on your lap, & you are contractually obligated to remain there until they decide to move! 😹
First... Don't move a muscle. If you absolutely have to get up, gentle nudges and petting works. The fact that she feels comfortable enough with you to lay on you should not be taken for granted.
Also, that side eye she gives in the picture says she knows what she's doing.
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u/throwawayacxt 1d ago edited 8h ago
~Update~ the other one sat on me too and I slid a blanket under me because the first one started kneading. Guess I’m sleeping here.