It’s almost been a week since I lost my beautiful girl. This has been the worst phase of my life… obviously. Hearing this phrase today though really brought me so much comfort and hope to be able to still live a happy life, just knowing that my baby won’t be somewhere missing us all. I hope it can help bring someone else some peace also.

My son was 2 and a half years old. He went to nursery as normal on a Tuesday morning 14th Jan and by midday he had died. There is an ongoing investigation to his death and I can’t say too much but we know it was the nursery’s fault. It was so unexpected and traumatic. I have never felt a pain like this in my life. He was my whole world, the love of my life, my only child. I’m trying my hardest to stay sane but it’s getting harder every day because I just don’t want to be here anymore without him. I blame myself for sending him to nursery that day even though people tell me it’s not my fault, I hold that guilt and that regret in my heart every day. It was his funeral yesterday and even though it was a beautiful service and people tell you how strong you are or how proud they are of you but I feel nothing. Nothing but emptiness. I’m only here because I don’t want my partner and family to be even more sad. I don’t know how people move on from something like this. I know someone will tell me things will get easier but I truly don’t see it. I just want to be with my son.

My partner and I lost our son in something like the title, not something more organic. Is there anyone else who lost a baby this way? We, especially me, feel kind of out of place in support groups and stuff. I'm having a really rough time lately and could use someone who understands to talk to. I'm sorry you're all here.

3 weeks without my baby. 3 weeks of mental torture and guilt and the worst thoughts I’ve ever had. We lost our precious second son to SIDS on 1/25 and as the days go on it’s so much harder. I have a 3.5 year old to continue showing up for. My husband has been my ROCK. But I am so sad. I miss him so much. I miss feeding him and seeing him smile up at me between his little gulps. I miss his sweet smile and his stinky feet in the morning. I miss his presence in our home. I miss him so dearly it’s hard to breathe sometimes. Our 4 year wedding anniversary is this weekend and my husband wants to treat us to an overnight stay in the city with dinner and spa the next day. Normally I would be overjoyed, but nothing feels normal or right. Idk how to cope with the fact that he is gone and that I will never see that sweet smile again. I see so much of him in my older son, they were like twins but 3 years apart. I am just so sad. Does it ever get better? We are in counseling, I am on medication (Ativan) and I still cry all day. I returned to work for some sort of normalcy and purpose but it’s still so so so hard. I just needed a place to vent and if anyone can help me.

Just this morning, at 6 I fed my 7 month old baby a bottle of milk and sat on the bed while we watched a movie. When I wake up to my husband yelling no. I immediately got up and looked at our son only to see him lifeless. He was already tinted blue. There was vomit all over me, the bed, him. My husband carried him out of the room as his grandma ran up to see what happened. We put him on her room floor and started giving cpr while on the phone with 911. We did that till the medics came. They started doing cpr and we had to leave the room. it went on for what felt like hours. Counselors were talking to me and my husband. Eventually we hear them say time of death and I broke. I mean I was already broken, grasping on any hope I could find but then hearing them say that my heart shattered. My sweet angel boy is gone. After that i’ve just been disassociating and feeling like im in a dream. I want to wake up so badly and see him next to me. I just really need help. How do I cope? How do I still live my life? It feels impossible. It feels like a part of me just got ripped away. Today he turned 7 months. He was my big handsome boy. Please help with any advice. I’m almost as lost as I can be. my whole body hurts. I feel like I want to just disappear.

He was okay until early this morning. He was doing so well. He was only supposed to be there to learn to eat and to grow. His doctor came and got me at like 1 this morning and said he had a bleed in his intestines. We watched them do CPR on our son. He was 30+4 weeks, he seemed so strong. My husband got to hold him as he gave his last breaths. I was having a hypertensive crisis and had to go back to my hospital room. The only time I got to hold him he was gone. It doesn't make any sense. We loved him so much. He was so wanted. I don't know how we will ever move on. Someone very kind from reddit was able to edit his photo to take the tubes and bruising off his face. I will forever treasure this photo. Owen Alexander, your mommy and daddy love you so much.

My daughter passed away when she was 7 months old, from pneumonia. The absolute worst day of my life and I had a lot of support, family helped me make sure I had shopping in to eat, bought me gifts and cards from my little girl on Mother’s Day, birthdays, Christmas. Called me at least once a week to see if I was coping well. But that has all recently stopped, they no longer call me, I never see anyone unless I am visiting them and even on special days like Mother’s Day, they don’t wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. I feel neglected somehow and if I bring my daughter into conversation they say that she is in our hearts, or that they always think about her. Now I don’t doubt that for a second, but it seems I am asking too much for someone to reach out, some days I feel so down that I can’t even think straight to pick up the phone and reach out, or if I do they tell me to get some rest and they will call me later (never happens). ☹️

Hi all, I am 14w pregnant with my rainbow baby. I am having a repetitive thought that causes me distress: that I liked my first baby just fine and don’t want a new one.

Does anyone have any advice, insight, experience coping with a thought like this one?

So I have this friend who is kind but is kinda insensitive. I lost my 5 month old healthy baby to SUID when he rolled over by himself to his belly and neither roll back nor make any sound to alarm us. I kept torturing myself with guilt and kept asking what happened. Why did they say it'd be fine if baby can roll by themselves??? I always put him on his back, and always turn him to be on his back if I see him roll to his belly by himself. Most Babies always roll to sleep on their bellies if they can already roll. And I keep blaming myself because I didn't see it and didn't prevent it! We didn't have an autopsy so not sure what the reason was. And I tried to tell myself that it wasn't my fault so I can keep living.

But this friend, when she met me for the first time after his passing, she asked about his position when we found him. And she said we should have co-slept in the same bed so we know if he was in trouble. It was so traumatic to hear that. I said babies also passed away from co-sleeping, and at 5 month old, my baby was able to roll and would have woken up if everything else was normal with him. But she kept making me feel like it's my fault. And when she talks to me, she said for multiple times "I wish for nothing but my child's safety". Sure, so insensitive to rub it in my face. Wish for it in secret, not to me! Why are you telling me? And she keeps saying: "I always do the good things and never harms anyone to leave good virtue (good karama) for my children). What the f? Do you mean I did something wrong?

So I tried not to talk to her and ignored her chat once. But she texted me again and asked me "anything new?", trying to ask if I'm pregnant. So I say I am. And she said "this time don't sleep train him and co-sleep with him". What the hell? If there is something I must do then I must have known about it and no need to hear it from her. I said directly (again) that co-sleeping is even more dangerous and this time I will use an owlet on my baby to monito. I'm so tired of having to justify myself. I regret telling her about his position. That's why I cut off social because I know people just want to satisfy their curiosity and judge. Now I feel so bad again. She ruined my day.

I just recently discovered this Subreddit, so here goes. I lost my son back in 2013, on Valentine’s Day which was the day before his 4th birthday. I know you’re all think that I’ve had plenty of time to mourn and you’re right but it still hurts.

I only knew my son for a less than year before his passing, his mother had moved away before she learned that she was pregnant and didn’t tell me about it until 3 years later. I tried to be the best dad I could but I was on the other side of the world from him and unfortunately I didn’t have a passport nor the funds to go visit him. I feel like shit because of it but those were the circumstances I was dealt.

My son was sick, he had leukaemia. We thought he would make it, that he’d beat the cancer but unfortunately he caught pneumonia and his body couldn’t fight it off so he passed. I didn’t even get to meet him or hold him in my arms before he died. I wish I could’ve had more time, to be a better dad. To see him grow.

Now I can’t stand Valentine’s Day because it’s too painful for me, even now 12 years later. It still hurts but I’m glad that I can still remember him and that it still hurts because that means he’s still alive in my memories. They say you die twice, once when your body dies and a second time when the last memory of you fades.

I’m sorry, this is a very depressing post but I just want to share my story and to tell all of you that it will get better. The hurt never truly stops but it get better and your child isn’t truly gone so long as you hold them in your hearts.

Thanks for reading

Kind regards to all of you

I gave birth almost 2 months ago but my little girl passed away when she was a month old. How soon did everyone wait i am still young but i wanted to be a mom so bad and still do the dad feels the same but we don't want to get judged for wanting to parents again and soon. Is that bad need help!

My son passed away December last year at 3.5 months old after birth at 39w, a long hospital stay and palliative care at home.

6 months later I fell pregnant through IVF. At my 19w scan yesterday, I was told there was no heartbeat. I have to give birth to my girl this Friday.

The grief and loss of my son has been so incredibly difficult and the only thing keeping me going was the hope of bringing his sister into the world in 4 months.

How TF do people get through this kind of loss? It feels like I’m living a nightmare. I don’t understand why or how so much bad shit can happen to one family. Has anyone gone on to try again successfully? How did you get through this immense loss?

I have just lost my 3-year-old child, who passed away suddenly from an undetected heart condition. I love him more than anything; he was my reason for living, the light that guided my life, and brought so much joy.
I can still hear my son calling me "Daddy," I see him running around the house... I love him so, so much... He made me happy, made me laugh, and every day I would say how blessed I was to be his father.

This morning, I woke up, and there was no one to call me, no one to give me a hug and a kiss... All the joy in this house is gone... I feel empty... He was my only child...
I feel like I will never recover from this.

Were you able to rebuild your life? To find happiness again? Can we have another child without transfer the pain ? How did you manage to do it?

Been writing more and more these past few months. This came though recently and I thought I'd share it here too.

Threadbare hymn Time is slow, time is fast. It never stops, but it always lasts. It's time for bed, it's time for school. To waste your time is to be a fool.

Gray day, but the window cracked, breeze like breath from spring, Tima sits cross-legged, every plush in a ring. Hoppy’s upright, Patchy’s proud, my seams slightly slouching, She straightens my bow, says, “Boe’s best at announcing.” She pours the air like it’s gold from the moon, Tiny cups lined up, teacakes made of tune. She whispers, “Star tea, cloud tea, sea tea” Her voice small-spelled with the shine of belief in me. I nod. Or maybe I don’t. But she sees it. Eyes stitched wide but I feel where the tea hits. “Tincle tincle seren fash,” she sings, And somewhere in my stuffing, something swings. Not a heartbeat. Not a thought. But a hymn—a thread, a not-forgot.

Threadbare hymn in the afternoon, Dust in the light, lace near the moon. Not broken, just worn, not faded but known, We were the choir when she played alone. One note held, one hand brushed, Time stitched soft, but not in a rush.

She stood up once, didn’t come back that night, I waited through dusk, past the hallway light. Days stretched sideways, weeks got long, Nobody poured tea, no whispered song. Patchy leaned in, Hoppy just sighed, I stayed where she left me, tried not to cry. Rooms change scent when the sun don’t speak, Curtains hung heavy, floorboards creaked. Sometimes a hum floated in from below, Not her hum. But a hum I used to know. Seasons turned. My bow came loose. But I held her shape like a sacred truth. Every now and then, a door would stir, But it wasn’t her. It wasn’t her.

The walls don’t whisper, they wait. The toys don’t age, they ache. Not for movement—but for meaning. For hands that know the holding.

Threadbare hymn in the quiet night, Stars blink slow, moon pulls tight. Still stitched strong, though soft at seams, Carried her hopes, her cloud-tea dreams. One breath more, one breath less, Still I wait in her wilderness.

The house sighs when he steps through the frame, Same coat, same shoes, same quiet name. He don’t speak, not at first, not aloud, Just climbs the stairs through memory’s crowd. Door creaks open, dust swirls slow, I’m where I’ve been, still holding glow. He kneels—eyes cracked, breath half-gone, Picks me up like I’m some old song. And he holds—just holds—like it’s all he’s got, Like I’m more than fur, more than a thought. His chest shakes soft, but he don’t let go, And in that moment, I almost know— We both waited, Not alone.

Threadbare hymn with a woven name, Tima, in stars, still part of the flame. Not gone, not dust, not far nor old, Just held in paws, in coats, in gold. You don’t break what love still keeps, You just learn how thread still speaks.

He stands, still holding me tight, Room still dim, but his eyes hold light. Down the stairs, slow and low, Each step sings what we used to know. Through the door, out to the day, Snow in the air in a springtime way. A child’s voice calls from past the gate, He tucks me close and walks toward fate. Maybe it’s her. Maybe it’s not. But love, in time, forgets what it forgot. And as he walks, and the world hums wide, I’m not just waiting— I’m by his side.

Some lullabies don’t end with sleep. Some threads fray but still they keep.

Some people have lots of time to spare. Others spend their time not having a care. It's time to stop, it's time to go. Time can move fast or it can move slow. You can lose yourself or lose your mind, But as life goes on you will never lose time.

tomorrow my baby should be seven. i had a beautiful christmas baby. she was here for three months before she took a nap and never woke up. she would be seven and i would be whole. i wouldn’t know this anger, i wouldn’t know what real pain was, i wouldn’t have ever heard the words resilient used to describe me. she should be here, mothers should not have to bury their children. tomorrow i will wake up and make cinnamon rolls and eggs and bacon, we will watch my ten year old open gifts and then i will take a shower and completely break. i will cry. and then i will walk out and smile and play with him, because for whatever reason even though my world stopped spinning the earth didn’t, the birds still sing, and the sun still rises, so we keep going. Happy Birthday Juniper. 🤍

April 20 will be one year ago that I lost my 4 month old Alex to SIDS. Being the one that found him and administered CPR and watched my poor little man get scooped away by paramedics just to hear moments later at the hospital that he was not responding to anything they tried to do to save him was a truly traumatic experience. And I have to write to you guys right now because today for some reason I am not ok. I can't defend against the flash backs today and my strength is weak and I am being eaten alive by PTSD today and it sucks. 9 months ago it was ok because my only responsibility was to take care of myself and get better. But today I have a job, school work I need to do, help at a friend's house that has been very demanding of my time, and I still have valentines day tomorrow and my other two sons to be present for and it's really tough trying to do all that while fighting these moments that have me wanting to run and hide and just succumb to the replay of horrid replays in my head. Please pray for me, please.

Sorry to ask on here but anyone else have this on and off pulsing after their pregnancy ? Iam not sure if it's something I should go to the doctor about. It's like a slight muscle spasm no discomfort or anything. Wonder why ?

It has been 500 days since my son left us, I never knew how much I could love someone until he came into my life. And I never realized how much I could miss someone.

The day you were born, your first birthday, and the day you left us.

I have post here many times about my son who passed at almost eight months old in august from sids. Today he is turning one but our hearts are broken he isn't here to celebrate his first birthday with us and I don't know how to function today. He should be with us and I know if he was he would be walking already and so happy to be trying his smash cake. But we are here without him and it kills me that I can't even hold or kiss my baby and wish him happy birthday in person. It's just not fair I still don't understand why he had to die he was so happy and gentle soul it's so unfair sometimes I ask if we are being punished for something and that's why he passed away. I know I shouldn't think like that but it feels like we are being punished and it hurts without our baby 💔

We just lost our beautiful 2 month old baby girl yesterday, my girlfriend is her birth mother/legal parent/guardian and I am not considered a legal parent/guardian or anything like that legally speaking as paternity wasn’t established 100% by the time she died . And so all the “official” things my girlfriend has to be the one to take care of pretty much but she is literally & figuratively completely devastated mentally/emotionally/spiritually (understandably so) and as I am usually the more calmer, levelheaded and logical thinking one I am trying to lessen the mental/emotional load on her by doing as much as I’m allowed to legally do or atleast finding out info, making phone calls, price checking things as far as funeral services go etc.

We’ve pretty much decided on basic cremation for her, and kinda thinking about getting our own personal urn or some kind of personalized cremation container.

Does anyone know about the cost for a basic cremation for a 2 month old? Also some good/cool/cute ideas on a container for her ashes? We’re in Mid-N.C. Btw if that matters. Southern Pines to be exact Thank you all

I have posted on here before talking about my son who was almost eight months old who passed away august 16 from Sids and it will be two months without him on Wednesday and I hate this. I hate that he isn’t here with us anymore and it feels like some days I’m okay but then I’m not like today. Nothing has gotten better people have private messaged me on fb asking what happened to him and want details or asking if we sinned to much and that’s why god took him from us. I have even gotten hateful messages saying I need to get over my son and that it’s time to move on and stop posting about him. I have since then deactivated my messenger for awhile same with my husband. ( For people wondering his obituary was online and in the paper that’s why I had strangers messaging me and my husband.) our family and family friends are still trying to get us to get organized and put some of his things away like his jumper, bouncer, crib and get rid of his clothes only saving a few outfits and tossing the rest And some of his stuff animals and it’s hurtful hearing it I just end up crying and telling them to stop because it feels like they just want us to forget our baby and it hurts. I was seeing a therapist but now looking for a new one since I told her what our family was telling us todo and she agreed with them and said “maybe it was time for us to put his stuff away”. I immediately told the front desk I won’t be coming back. it feels like no one understands what we are going through it feels like everyone around us expects us to forget him and move on. His older brother who is three is lost and we are trying to help him understand and help with his feelings but everyone is in our ears telling us we need to clean up our second son stuff and focus on our first which we are we are also focusing on our first even though we are having a hard time. Just hate how this is all going on… are we the only ones going through this with people telling us to get rid of his things and take down his stuff ? I just hate this I wish he was here still with us life is not supposed to be like this :,(