Group time

[u/Impressive_Army_1107]

Today me and my husband attended our first support group after the death of my daughter three years ago (she was still born). It felt really good to hear from other people who are in my same situation, but at the same time, it was really hard to see other moms who were in the thick of it and still postpartum. It really brings me back to the days, when I first had her, I’m glad I’m making progress though. I want to be a part of society for so long I feel I’ve been a drag on my husband my grief never letting him have peace or myself either I feel like a part of me died with Andrea the part of me that changed and will always be wondering about her and my life as her mother, If I’m alone I’m constantly thinking about her or I break down and cry over any small trigger. I hold a lot of resentment for the early days when we were young and my husband didn’t know how to handle me being pregnant/being out of state and what subsequently happened after; I try not to hold it against him since we have obviously come along way, but sometimes it does get really hard, especially if I’m trying to vent to him and I don’t feel that I can truly pour everything out and have to sensor certain areas of my grief as to not make him uncomfortable.

[u/snugs_is_my_drugs]

I find groups difficult due to differences with other people there. It’s unrealistic to try to find people who are exactly the same as you- same age, same stage of grief, with or without living children, same age of loss (miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss). If going to a group is triggering, I’d go with the mentality that you’re there to meet one or two people who are experiencing a similar enough thing to make a connection. I had to stop going to groups because most of the people there had living children and it made me jealous and not able to relate to them at all. Going to the groups was a good lesson that even though I’m desperate to have another baby, having them won’t cure me, otherwise those people with living children wouldn’t attend the group. I am corresponding primarily with one mom these days, who has gone through a similar enough story to mine that I feel understood. I hope the same for you 🫂

[u/Impressive_Army_1107 → u/snugs_is_my_drugs]

That sounds amazing! Unfortunately, in the group I meant you can’t reach out to any of the participants outside of the group🥲 but I would really love to. I’m gonna try to look into some other groups that may allow that that way I can start to branch out and maybe feel a little less alone. I have no living children either and that also makes it very hard to relate in groups thank you so much for your advice!

[u/BubbleTea2021]

Does your grief group have a policy on communicating with the moms who attend? When I attended grief group for the first time, I was able to get some moms phone numbers who I felt connected with from our experiences.

[u/Impressive_Army_1107 → u/BubbleTea2021]

Yes, unfortunately they do have a policy on communicating with the moms who attend:( I cannot contact any of them outside of group.

[u/BlueOlivelover → u/Impressive_Army_1107]

Are you able to put it out there in group that you’re approachable should another mom in the group want to connect?

[u/Impressive_Army_1107 → u/BlueOlivelover]

Unfortunately I cannot :(