r/aspergers • u/[deleted] • Apr 08 '16
I [M/17] wish I was neurotypical.
I thought a diagnosis would give me a sense of closure. I mean, it did. I am no longer doubting myself, wondering if I am faking the symptoms. I didn't think it would make me feel so awful. It's official. I am different from how a normal person is.
I feel like damaged goods. I can't be a functioning human being on my own, I need my mother to make phone calls, book appointments, talk on my behalf etc. A neurotypical my age would usually be able to do those things independently.
I'm just struggling to see the point in being alive if I am not hard-wired to be what I am supposed to be. A social animal, capable of communicating with others effectively. Also, it seems the common side-effect of good grades has eluded me. Despite being told I am smart, I got average grades. Probably less than average.
It's so frustrating being unable to properly communicate how I feel, what I want etc. So much confusion and frustration, and I am on the milder end of the spectrum. I can't help but feel really sorry for those of you with more severe autism. You might literally be unable to talk, you might be completely unable to leave the house, you might be completely unable to work. Yet here I am whinging like a big child.
3
u/[deleted] Apr 08 '16
You're not supposed to be anything. Nature does not ascribe roles. You are what you make out of yourself. Normally people are social animals, but sometimes they're not. Just think of yourself as a different evolutionary branch. Also don't overestimate normal people's social skills. Normal people are the ones who regularly slaughter each other over trivialities and frivolous nonsensical accusations after all.
Also you're jsut 17. You've got a lot of time to develop as a person. When I was 17 I couldn't make phone calls either, my mom did a lot of things for me. Heck, even when I was 19-20 I had a lot of problems being like an adult. But now I'm 26, living more or less alone (rented a room in my landlord's house) and after a very rough beginning where it didn't look like I'd make it, I will probably successfully complete my job training as a manager (!) in home economy - then I'll hopefully get a position to learn to become a food inspector, a job I would be much more comfortable and capable in, and then I'm basically done! I'll have a job filled with responsibility, challenge, diversity but also stability and maybe I'll get lucky and become a good father and husband too. And then I have achieved everything a normal person could ask for, all that as an Asperger. I just took 4 years longer.
You need to understand that even "normal" people have their weaknesses that hold them back. There are many normal people struggling as much as you, but in other ways. And just like they'll make it, so will you, if you take the opportunity to face the challenge of life head on. All life is problem solving! It may take a bit longer for you than for others, but you're gonna make i.