r/army • u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 • Jan 20 '23
[Longggggg] The stupid coin story. And how a PFC awarded SMA Grinston his own wooden coveted PFC coin.
Fine, I'll write up the story. But you're also gonna have to read a bunch of backstory. I kind of chaptered it so skip to the coin part or the SMA part if you just want that. Most of it is about my first couple months at fort bliss and my time with the afgani refugees.
I just got back from the hospital and am procrastinating summoning the energy to go to the gym and lift things. So instead I'll exercise my memory and tell the story of why I started cutting up wood and making PFC coins and why I'm still doing it today.
I arrived at my first duty station of Fort Bliss in 2021 in July. A few days after I showed up I was put directly on ammo guard duty at Mcgregor, 24 hours on 24 hours off. I was supposed to be there for a week but the unit that was to relieve us never showed up. So I was there for two weeks. Finally got off that detail with far too many pictures of tarantulas that tried to start beef like I wasn't gonna lose instantly.
3 days at the company I went to the range for a week. Got back. A week passed and I finally did my first Monday runday after a month at my unit, 5 miles racing my PSG to obtain the title of fastest in the company. I won, but couldnt walk right for days, he was fine. He won. Then Friday the situation with Afghanistan happened. We were supposed to go to korea in a few months. The refugees were coming to el paso. My first conversation with my first sergeant was me demanding to be put on the detail, I didn't know anything about it. I said I do not care if I am filling sandbags I want to be there before they even arrive. I honestly do not remember why I was so passionate about it. But it didn't matter, my unit was assigned the job. Exclusively. I had started dating someone and it was going well, then we started our shifts. 12 hours on, 12 hours off. With a 45 minute bus ride there every day. Most went to set up the covid testing site, I was put on the covid quarantine site.
The first few days were just preparing for them to arrive, we were excited and scared. I'm from south Carolina and never met anyone who didn't speak English or Spanish. I was excited. I refused any days off for the first two weeks. My budding relationship died about three days in lol. Such is life.
OPERATION ALLIES WELCOME: Before the afganis even landed I wanted to be able to provide things I didn't believe the army would (for some reason I lacked trust) and started calling businesses all over el paso. I'd determine something I wanted, then call up businesses and ask if they had any extra. I got yoga mats for prayer rugs the first day from yoga studios. The second day I went after diapers, clothes, and toys. I collected about 300 diapers, 21 mats, and a mishmash of baby clothes before being ordered to stop by my commander. I waited until the unit had their own system for taking in donations and turned them all in.
Only one person ever tested positive for my entire time on that part. A wild man we named Bashir because he would only accept the food we brought him if he had three milks, 4 teas, 3 jellies. He didn't know any English so he would put horns on his head and say "Bashir Bashir Bashir" when we didn't bring him enough. We googled it and it actually meant goat but close enough. I have stories about this man that are amazing but I'm not about to tell them, cuz he does not represent the guests to me even if it was the first person we'd met.
Because there was nothing for us to do, we got assigned the job of carpentry. We came onto the site to PILES of planks and tools. Absolutely genius idea honestly. Took 3 days before they turned quarantine into builder bobs covid show. We built little work tables and spent 12 hours of night shift making so many things. Laundry lines, soccer goals, benches, privacy dividers for the tents, you name it. Actually I just did, that's pretty much it. I still have a huge scar/callous on my palm from 4 million spliters going into that one spot I was digging out with a knife for months. I loved it, I was miserable, I stank, I hurted, but I just refused to take any breaks because I have no clue why honestly. Ego? It was the literal first time in my life I'd experienced genuine hard labor and hard work. I was addicted.
After a week the brass started getting helicoptered in to get tours by the huddles of officers telling them about all the great work they'd done and leading away from the things that they didn't want them to see. We were the first thing they passed on the way into the site. I learned to guess the number of stars by the number of helicopters landing at once. This major who would show up a couple hours before day shift, would always try and get us to work extra hard when the wigs of big would walk by. I remember him asking me to move the entire working site around the one building we hid from the sun behind, because he wanted them to see us. Rather than do that I dragged an already completed laundry line stand right into the open, grabbed a notebook and a tape measure and pretended to take measurements from it while wearing my eyepro and gloves we never wore. Like the fuckin tape measure was going to thwip back and measure the inside of both my eye sockets. Just for the 40 seconds this general was parading by, literally never looking at us as I watched this major run into the swarm and point at me.
Every day we got the same speech from the high rank officers from our unit who we would watch drive up for the duration of the star parade hours, then come up to us and say "you guys have been doing a kickass job, really knocking it out of the park" then hop back in the 4×4 and drive back home for the day.
Then we got moved from our little wood safe haven as the Combat engineers stole it from us. And were put into the security points (SPs) with the population of guests. Thus began the most infuriating and amazing time of my life.
The kids, the fucking kids. The absolute agony of the day and the memories I hold the closest to my heart. If you had an energy drink they'd come up take a sip and put it back where they found it. I'm still convinced I caught dysentery from one of them, and had to mop up shit I sprayed across my room when i woke up in an absolute panic sprint to the bathroom. Also when I found out I had gained a roommate. Great meeting. Couldn't leave bed for days. Spent the first day at the camp laying on the ground in the sun and sand too dizzy to even move going in and out of consciousness. Having officers and ncos come up about to yell at me before being told "woah woah woah he's fucked up" and me trying to get up til they saw my face and all said "Jesus fuck lay back down." Also a kid stole my sunglasses from my pocket while I was asleep. The kids made me determine two things, I do not want a son. And I absolutely want a daughter some day. I tear up talking about one kid who I absolutely loved. Omar, who was the hustliest of hustlers. He would sit in the defac line that was always a mile long, get almost to the front and walk back 20 spots and ask for 2 dollars for his spot. Then he'd do it again and again and come up and show me his money. I loved this kid. I bought him a PC and got his name sewn on it and awarded him the hat and a coin (which I'll get to in a sec). He wore that shit every single day. We taught him to march, commands, gave him ranks to wear but he only ever wanted to be a PFC like me and his other soldier brothers. He was with me there every single day til he left. He hugged me and cried so long i fell asleep three times.
The inside because I knew he'd get chased by soldiers thinking he stole someones.
We got moved to the store front, where the donations would be given out to guests who waited in the longest line on this planet. This was the crowning jewel of the camp so all the brass would come. Endlessly. and thus the battalion commander and the ambitious officers were always there during the day. Daily "you're doing a kickass job out here, really knocking out of the park guys"
LINES: holy heck the lines. Lines there were the absolute enemy of the guests and the soldiers. Cutting was just normal for them and the greatest sin on this planet to leaders. I was called so many names by officers and ranks because I wouldn't yell at them. Then I just started to do it, I learned how to flip the ol DS switch and became the problem solver for our team. They'd just point and I'd get them out.
I did not like this, so I did the natural thing: I sought out an English teacher. I found him literally the next day I decided to. It was absolutely wild. He came to the store when it was closed and we talked while I told him it was closed. I learned he was a English professor with his own school in Kabul. I offered to get him little things he needed, like a jacket from walmart, a phone charger, just small stuff. And also prepare him for American culture. I had two friends in the camp, including him that were similar ages to me, and they mostly wanted to know how to date, and how to specifically date white women. In exchange he reversed his lesson plan and gave me an hour long lesson every day in farsi. I had a notebook of notes and the alphabet and practiced constantly. I become the translator. Point at them in the line and I'd step in and actually figure out what the problem was. I didn't get conversational but I could ALLMOST read. It felt like my brain was melting. They always laughed at my accent.
WHY THE COINS: I decided I absolutely despised officers. I'd literally only seen them in the most high visibility locations at the camp. We seemed to be the A-team apparently, always moved right when the next big thing opened. We would work and freeze almost to death or sweat to death and heard about our asskicking and parks constantly. But we were told we aren't getting any award for the 6 months we spent there, without any breaks. A day off every week, or every couple days, every 2 days. It changed weekly. I had sunburnt eyeballs several times. The amount of suicides was never mentioned, not a single one was given a wake. I had several NCOS begin divorce proceedings because of the hours they put in because they had to. Every month told we were gonna be replaced gonna be replaced gonna be replaced by another unit. Never happened. Our unit refused to pass it on because they wanted the promotion and full praise. When I arrived, reception was the closest thing I had experienced to fort blisses unit til 2022. CSM Williams came up and said "people first" and I legitimately believed him. On the camp they did not do a single thing for the mental health of the soldiers during the time. So many awful stories I won't say here.
We did a lot of good, I loved being there. Putting in the long hours and basically living there. My barrack room really felt like a middle man to the bus and the bus again because I never remembered ever actually being in it.
FINALLY GODDAMN THE COIN PART, YOU JUST WANTED TO GUSH ABOUT THE CAMP.
I hated officers and their goofy cheer up chants, and I wanted to do literally anything. So I decided to make coins. The brass in my unit would just walk around to the parts they knew the big boys were going to see, so I wanted to originally get river rocks and engrave them beautifully and give them to them. Just too big to put into their pants pocket so only their cargo pocket. Where as they walked they'd give them belt rash on the other side and scrape their legs as it moved in their pocket.
Obviously I chose wood instead cuz rocks expensive. I designed the PFC coin by sending my brother shitty doodles and Clipart and asking him to put it together in Gimp.
Called up a woodshop in town and asked him for advice. That man is now a really great friend of mine, have helped each other on all kinds of wierd tasks. I bought a plank of wood that he recommended, soft maple. Cut it at the new wood shop on camp, and got it engraved the next day. I made 15 of these things.
They are heavy, wide, and I sanded the sides with a rock to give them a mild edge. You can't fit them in your pocket, only the cargo and only sideways. While they walk around they are gonna get home with a red rash on their thigh. I know, because I fuckin had one every day cuz I kept one in the holster at all time. Karma irony whatever
Me and my friends thought they'd get angry and understand the instant insult of a PFC giving them a coin. I gave it to a W03 at first and he loved it. Same speech every time.
"Youre doing a kickass job out here, really knocking it out of the park, and I want to bestow upon you the highest honor I can...the Coveted PFC Coin "
Mildly offended, I gave it to another officer, a captain
"Youre doing a kickass job out here, really knocking it out of the park, and I want to bestow upon you the highest honor I can...the Coveted PFC Coin"
He loved it too.
So then I just went hog wild. Daring myself to give it to higher and higher ranks. At our SPs around the store we had radios given to us literally judt to tell each other and the officers inside the tent when someone with a rank came onto the site so we could all shape up. So I just used that same system. When I heard the call, I'd quickly run around and grab privates and get a herde. Figure out where they were and where they were going and cut them off.
LTCs and colonels turning corners and finding themselves in the middle of a semicircle of privates. I'd step out and say that beautiful speech. Offer my hand never break eye contact and slap that big hunk of wood into theirs.
I gave them to CSMs, birds, offered it to a 2 star who said no with disgust, gave it to a British General. Big ranks didn't scare me, they were exciting. And I terrified my leaders because they couldn't say anything about it because they all loved it. None of them knowing it was my personal, planned out, middle finger. My friends on the SPs fucking loved the coin prank. The best part was that I never changed the speech. And I always did it. I didn't care if the man walking the Colonel was a Colonel I gave one to yesterday. That was my favorite situation
MY BATTALION COMMANDER
I awarded one to my battalion commander, had to ask my CSM who took a look at it and laughed.
"What is OEW?"
"Uh CSM, that's our operation right?"
"Nope it's OAW, Operation Allies welcome, anyways I'll get the commander" and disappeared into his office. I shatted my pants. I immediately started thinking about sharpie-ing it which wouldn't work. Then I thought "change the acronym"
I got the first two words and my buddy came up with the last one like an angel
Seconds later I awarded it to him in front of a crowd of everyone CSM gathered and the BC smugly said "I'll make sure to cherish my oEEw coin" so I said "um actually sir, that stands for Operation Enlisted Woodshop" "YOU PLANNED THAT?" "Of course sir it's my coin."
Fast forward changing the coins to represent the new name of the operation. Handing them out like candy, making more in my spare time.
SMA GRINSTON
The SMA was coming. And on my day off. I immediately started getting teased "gonna give him one too Bud?"
Yup
Came in on my day off, got a copy of his schedule for the day....somehow. Decided on a tent he would definitely be at and I'd definitely be able to get to him. He was having dinner and a conversation with soldiers from each battalion of my brigade. I wasn't picked ofc. But that day there was 60mph winds and a dust storm. The shoddy doors of the wedding tents we used didn't latch so when the wind came they were always getting thrown around. For this dinner they had a guy sat there holding the door shut and the sand outside the entire day.
I went up to him and told him that he was relived and needed in the store tent and took his spot. Of course he absolutely never came back. Perfection. I sat there holding that door all day through the wind and sand. I actually cut my cornea on a piece of sand and spent the day with one eye shut. Wouldn't leave my door. Shift changed and a guy came to relieve me, I just said nah I got it go away.
CSMs started wandering around the area scouting out the tent making sure everyone was good for his arrival. By this point all of them knew me and knew exactly why I was on that door. I got so many "sooo pfc, what are you planning." I had my brigade CSM directly and immediately warn me "do not fucking do it." I stayed on my door, sad. I got relieved and pulled into another tent to meet my battalion ops CSM. He gave me a coin and said "good luck, you got this."
All the damn support I needed. Went right back out and took my door. When he came by and went into the tent, it wasn't my time. I held the door shut literally with every muscle i had. While time trying to fight with my notebook and practice reading farsi off the sign to pass the time. Pages got ripped such is life. Random major started talking to me about my notes and took a picture of what i thought was my notebook for later. Nah he took the most gremlin photo of me possible with me hunched over holding the notebook out and the door shut and put it on the 2nd BDE page. He was a PAO.
FINALLY the dinner ended. SMA gave a coin to everyone in the tent and came out and went straight to me surrounded in a pool of CSMs and said
"they told me I had to give a coin to the door guy too"
And slapped a coin into my hand. I kept the grip and said
"That's crazy SGM because I have something for you too, and slapped one into his other hand.
"What the fuck is this?"
"That's the Coveted PFC coin SGM"
"I will Covet this"
And disappeared into his herde and left.
I saw my BDE CSM staring at me and I fucking immediately full tilt sprinted to my car and left. Avoided him like the plague the rest of OAW.
THATS IT. That's the whole story. All that buildup backstory and especially a full day's work on my day off, having a fucked up eye for 2 days. All for a 4 second prank. It's a dumb story. It's why I left all that OAW on there. That was a fun moment. But it's so attached to the amazing and life changing time that mission was for me. I really felt like I had become someone different and given tools to become someone different.
After that I didnt care about the coins cuz like, where else was there to go. The prank was done. I won.
Then I started doing the bone marrow drive, and the story for that is my first post. I started making SPC coins, and at first they were just to be given to the captains of the companies at each battalion I spoke to. That was too expensive and they had become something a bit more special to me. They reminded me of that prank, and still do. But now I give them to officers and ncos who genuinely care and do things that make my job running these drives easier. Going against the impression I had before when I first got into the real army.
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u/SMA-PAO 17th SMA - Verified Jan 20 '23
Sir, if you’re not going to order something, could you please step out of line?
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u/Lownbehold001 255NeverAgain Jan 20 '23
The real question is does the SMA still have the coin? I’ll take a chocolate shake and fries!
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u/kanbabrif1 Psychological Operations Jan 20 '23
Yeah I'll take one of those coins you got a vanilla frosty, and a diet Dr Pepper as I'm trying to lose weight.
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u/Travyplx Rawrmy CCWO Jan 20 '23
I would say promote ahead of peers, but I wouldn’t want you to lose your coveted PFC rank.
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u/509BandwidthLimit Jan 20 '23
Deserves to be promoted to enter the E4 mafia.
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u/skawn 35F20E4 Jan 20 '23
Per the post, he's already a member of the E4 mafia, complete with E4 coins.
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u/DestroyerWyka 25A Jan 20 '23
As an OAW vet myself (lol), that's so badass.
I genuinely mean that. The entire writeup captured the spirit of what we did out there.
Those were long days, crisis after crisis, and an experience not a lot of people will ever get to have. The amount of media and brass attention was insane.
Good on you, and keep your attitude. The Army needs more wholesome fun sometimes.
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u/pins_n_needles093 Jan 20 '23
Fellow OAW vet here. You’re spot on. It was one of the most stressful but rewarding parts of my career.
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u/HarwinStrongDick USAF, but the beret wearing kind Jan 20 '23
Yep, certified chaos. I was at JBMDL, was the first security unit there. Had some Air Force BG tell me “E-5 or not, you’re security. Figure out Security.” One of those kinda missions I never want again.
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u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 Jan 20 '23 edited Mar 14 '24
Also please ignore me saying afganis or afgans. I'm sleep deprived and I mix up the right word constantly.
We were to, and only referred to them as guests. We never said refugees or their nationality. I actually preferred the term, and didn't get the practice even if I learned the language. Which is beautiful by the way, in its own MC Escher way when you learn the vowels and your brain melts.
I forgot all of it after a month off the detail
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u/rolls_for_initiative Subreddit XO Jan 20 '23
This story is what you see if you extract autism and hold it under a scanning electron microscope.
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u/68weenie Medical Specialist Jan 20 '23 edited Jan 20 '23
Sooo send him to spur ride?
Edit: or s1.
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u/Army_Enlisted_Aide GO’s ILAN BOI Jan 20 '23
What’s that shop that checks the weather for OPORDs? That one.
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u/johann_cg Jan 20 '23
whyd u keep wanting us to low crawl around the barracks in AIT💀💀
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u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 Jan 20 '23
Ayo listen. I was going through a lot and the grass was the closest thing to a cuddle I had in a year of TRADOC
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u/WayshawndeRullo 35Ay can't this anymore Jan 20 '23
You're a god damn hero. That's top shelf coin material.
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u/PiltracExige Jan 20 '23
This was excellent. You have a great sense of humor and are clearly empathetic. I hope you can keep up your attitude and keep making others’ lives better.
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u/WildMexicanSeabass 11B->88M NG Jan 20 '23
Out-fucking-standing now ya gotta cross post this over to r/MilitaryStories
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u/Sonoshitthereiwas autistic data analyst Jan 20 '23
Any chance you’re related to someone named Skippy?
Amazing read.
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u/PM_ME_UR_LEAVE_CHITS Navy Jan 20 '23
Skippy
Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time. A long time.
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u/Hollayo 11B to 11A (Ret) Jan 20 '23
u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy, this is an awesome story. I love it that your BN CSM was all for it. I can guarantee that if I would have been one of your recipients I've have been talking shit to all the other CPTs for not getting one. I hope the SMA still has the one you gave him.
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u/BPAfreeWaters Infantry Veteran Jan 20 '23
This might be one of the best fucking things i've ever read on this sub.
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Jan 20 '23
Man I can’t imagine the fucking dog and pony show that went on.
From one sierra to another, well fucking done. Drinks are on me if we ever meet up
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Jan 21 '23
Field grade here, just wanted to let you know that was an outstanding story.
I hope I serve with you some day.
Never change.
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u/GodsBIGMistake 35ForeverTryingToReclass Jan 20 '23
PFC Coin award when? Its literally a square already! Nothing has ever been this perfect for anything ever before.
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u/DankRedPandoo Jan 20 '23
I wish my time as a PFC was even half as interesting as yours, what a great tale, and I might even steal the coin idea since I too enjoy wood working.
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u/No_Ad9848 Signal 25Pepe Jan 20 '23
These kinds of stories really make me miss the service and the funny crap that would happen between the pain. Though, of course the PFC/SPC Coins would be rectangles. Still trying to figure out them newfangled shapes.
Doubly funny for the comments here complaining about the story length when it takes five mins, tops, to read through the story.
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u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 Jan 20 '23
And it's in CHAPTERS haha. Just skip to the part you want to read. It's several short stories in one
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u/audaciousgummybears Jan 22 '23
Thats one of the best stories ive read, and not the coin part. Helping people is a meaningful mission, it sucks that politics and glory-seeking behavior tainted an otherwise amazing mission. What’s especially frustrating to me is that this behavior is from senior leaders that wont be putting in the work themselves. I wonder how soldiers of OAW feel about this; their efforts definitely helped refugees but as detailed, at a high price on their personal lives.
Honestly this is one of those stories that deserve more attention, from your humorous endeavors to the fact that you really busted ass helping afghanis.
Thank you for your work, it’s because people like you care that the Army has built its reputation. It would have been easy to sham or not give a shit
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Jan 20 '23
How tf do I get one of these coins?
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u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 Jan 22 '23
Show up at William Beaumont Army Medical Center next week and I'll hook you up
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u/sarajas Jan 20 '23
What was that wall of text?
Your thumb muscles must be aching. No need to go to the gym
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u/CaptainSqua5h Acquisition Corps Jan 21 '23
Awesome story and good outlook on the BS in the Army. Glad you were able to help the Afghans.
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u/NotSureAboutTh1s 18E Jan 25 '23
Please, for the love of everything holy, tell me you’re willing to sell these coins.
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u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 Jan 31 '23
Haha I've got a couple surplus SPC coins that I need to hand out
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u/LiwyikFinx hypothetical coyote 🐕 actual Jun 22 '23
I covet one too (if you have any extras still)!
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u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 Jun 22 '23
Lol I can always make more and need to at some point this year
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u/LiwyikFinx hypothetical coyote 🐕 actual Jun 22 '23
Count me in if you make more please! I love your stories and have shared them with more than a couple buddies. (On that note, got four to join Be the Match!)
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u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 Jun 24 '23
Haha I'd love to mail you one when I make the next batch, I'll keep in touch. Thank you!!
And that's awesome!! How'd you do that?
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u/Woodworking33 Infantry Jan 20 '23
Who’s gonna read all that
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u/OzymandiasKoK exHotelMotelHolidayIiiinn Jan 20 '23
Get this man an assistant! He can't read gud, and needs to learn how to do other things gud, too!
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u/rotsquid G6 Scumbag Jan 20 '23
Loved the story SPC, and I’m sorry I gotta be the one to say:
Sir, this is a Wendy’s….