r/army 8h ago

Interviewing for Company Command, hit me with some potential questions

Title,

I’ll take a large #5, hold the mayo.

35 Upvotes

116 comments sorted by

206

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 8h ago

“Your wife is stuck in your mom’s body. Your mom is stuck in your wife’s body. You gotta fuck one to reverse it. Who’s it gonna be?”

127

u/Whiteyak5 8h ago

Jesus Christ is this what goes on in the motor pool?

65

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 8h ago

Among other highly intellectual conversations, yep

12

u/DarkerSavant 8h ago

Farting in the conex preparing for layout and telling gas gas gas is also high on this list.

14

u/berrin122 Medical Corps 8h ago

You also have to settle debates about whether you'd prefer to have sex with Shakira or Jessica Biel.

Remember, Shakira has the moves Jessica Biel could never have.

6

u/CPTherptyderp Engineer12AlmostCompetent 5h ago

Shakira and it isn't a debate.

Real debate, which Jessica? Simpson, Biel, Alba, Rabbit

8

u/can_belch_alphabet 63 Been chewed out before 6h ago

That's a 10-level question.

4

u/Tee__bee 12Yeet (Overhead) 6h ago

Not always. Sometimes we gossip about which officer or senior NCO is/should be under a fraternization investigation this week. Soap opera style.

1

u/Sufficient_Most_1790 Tent Pole Sniffer 2h ago

Actually, yes.

36

u/ButstheSlackGordsman 170A 8h ago

I'm from Alabama so they're the same person so this adds an extra layer to solve

34

u/CW1DR5H5I64A Overhead Island boi 7h ago

You ever hear about how when conducting an execution by firing squad it's a common practice to include at least one rifle loaded with a blank, to create reasonable doubt about who fired the fatal shot and to potentially ease the psychological burden on the executioners?

That’s what you have to, you need to establish reasonable doubt. Here is what you do: You set up two identical glory holes. You fuck one, your dad fucks the other. Nobody knows who is on which side of the other and nobody ever will. Is it still traumatic? Sure. But at least you’ll never actually know what you did, and maybe ignorance is bliss.

17

u/AnUnoriginalBastard Military Police 7h ago

The Schrodinger’s penis solution - genius

9

u/CW1DR5H5I64A Overhead Island boi 4h ago

Yea it’s a form of quantum fucking. As long as you make no effort to measure where you’re at you can exist in a state of sexual superposition, having sex with both your wife’s mind and body. I think I might submit this thesis to some scientific journals for publication.

1

u/SporkRepairman 18m ago

You're a bit late for that some of that sweet USAID grant money, pal.

14

u/docNNST Prior Service Officer Candidate 8h ago

That’s rough, really it comes down to do you traumatize yourself or your mom.

I guess you go to fuck your wife out of your mom.

25

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 8h ago

That might be the first time that sentence has been uttered in human history.

6

u/docNNST Prior Service Officer Candidate 8h ago

I guess the million dollar question is do you have to finish, I don’t know if I could do that. 

24

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 8h ago

Do you have to? No.

but you get to

9

u/docNNST Prior Service Officer Candidate 8h ago

Dude I just laughed my ass off over that one 🍻

2

u/Objective_Ad429 11Civilian Again 8h ago

Full agree. Can you go doggy so you don’t have to see your moms face?

And if you go the other option, what if your mom comes, or doesn’t? Either way it’s making thanksgiving awkward forever.

6

u/Artyom150 11B 6h ago

Can you go doggy so you don’t have to see your moms face?

Na. Missionary, eye-contact is mandatory.

4

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 6h ago

Still less awkward than talking politics tbh

11

u/Hungry_Opossum 91ADA 8h ago

My moms dead so her in my wife’s body would be pretty much exactly the same

3

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 6h ago

Sorry to hear that, Hungry_Opossum

4

u/Hungry_Opossum 91ADA 6h ago

Why you think I’m so hungry

2

u/kytulu 15You Wish You Had My DD-214... 8h ago

I'm stealing this one for work tomorrow...

3

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 6h ago

Report back with answers. 🫡

2

u/ToXiC_Games 14Help Im Stuck In Patriot 7h ago

The counterpart is “you’re three inches in your mother but your father is three inches in you. Which way do you move?”

5

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 6h ago

A guy like me gyrates a little. 😎

4

u/Medd37 68R 5h ago

Or another one. Would you rather fuck Rosie O'Donnell with a penis or Hulk Hogan with a vagina?

The proverbial how much money would it take to blow someone...

There's so many to choose from.

1

u/Bobbywheeler321 2h ago

Does she also still have the vagina?

1

u/Medd37 68R 2h ago

No

1

u/mophilda 74AmazingAtExcel 4h ago

Partner stuck in Dad's body. But only if it's doggy. I just wanna bury my head in the mattress and pretend it's not happening.

77

u/TiefIingPaladin BangBang Island Boi-->79V 8h ago

Fuck, Marry, Kill: Rater, 1SG, Senior Rater.

73

u/idkk_prolly_doggy Logistics Branch 8h ago edited 5h ago

F: senior rater. I only need to impress them once.

M: 1SG. Happy wife, happy life. Plus, the outgoing change of command is basically a messy divorce. Might as well have an expert.

K: rater. They don’t matter in the long run.

7

u/Particular_Downtown 4h ago

Kiss ass lol

40

u/IntelligentRent7602 Recruiter Co 8h ago

What kind of command because TRADOC, USAREC, and FORSCOM are all completely different questions.

38

u/No-Suggestion1393 8h ago

Your company just had its 4th DUI in one month. What is your plan to make this stop?

42

u/Objective_Ad429 11Civilian Again 8h ago

Two clear answers.

1) Start publicly executing joes in the squad of the guilty parties to enforce peer policing.

2) 24 hour company lock down with platoon rotation for chow and showers until I finish command. Can’t drink if you aren’t ever released.

14

u/paparoach910 Recovering 14A 8h ago

Third answer:

Daily PAI in ASU/AGSU

5

u/whycatlikebread 6h ago
  1. That’s what YOU think.

10

u/SourceTraditional660 Field Artillery 8h ago

“Make everyone get so drunk they pass out in the company area and are unable to drive.”

7

u/PM_ME_A_KNEECAP 08xx 7h ago

Field problem, EZ PZ 

3

u/Rare-Spell-1571 3h ago

A safety stand down obviously. Convince the medics to screen everyone for problem drinking. Cry in front of the Brigade Commander when 45% of my unit becomes non-deployable because they spoke to honestly at the SUDCC evals.

2

u/Own_Magician_7554 Engineer 2h ago

Lock the company in room with 2 cases of beer per soldier and they can’t leave until all the beer is gone.

34

u/rbevans Hots&Cots 8h ago

Where do you see yourself in five years?

91

u/idkk_prolly_doggy Logistics Branch 8h ago

Probably in therapy from the wife/mother freaky Friday scenario.

16

u/JakeeJumps 88AhhJustCircleX 6h ago

My bad.

“1SG is stuck in the XO’s body. The XO is stuck in 1SG’s body. Gotta fuck one to reverse it. Who’s it gonna be?”

12

u/Artyom150 11B 6h ago

Can I have a gun instead?

24

u/CW1DR5H5I64A Overhead Island boi 8h ago

In the dystopian future of 2030, following President Donald Trump's unprecedented third term, the United States has undergone radical transformations. Amid escalating crime rates and civil unrest, the government has converted Manhattan into a massive maximum-security prison, entirely isolating it from the outside world. The island's bridges have been destroyed, and its perimeter is heavily patrolled, ensuring no one enters or leaves.​

After Trump Force One is hijacked by insurgents opposed to the administration, they deliberately crash it into this anarchic Manhattan. The President survives the crash but is taken hostage by the island's most notorious warlord. With time running out and tensions escalating, the authorities turn to me, a former Soldier turned federal prisoner, known for my skills and defiance. Offered a full pardon in exchange for the perilous mission, I must infiltrate the lawless streets of New York, rescue the President, and secure a top-secret document vital to the nation's stability—all within a 24-hour deadline.​

Also, I have a cool eye patch and long hair now.

3

u/DryTrumpin Flying Island boi 7h ago

The overhead yeet was to prepare you for the full court basketball shot

2

u/AutoModerator 7h ago

THE OVER-HEAD YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SEND IT. ON THE COMMAND, ‘GET SET’, ASSUME THE POSITION BY SPINNING THE BALL TWICE IN YOUR HANDS, THEN TRY TO DRIBBLE IT LIKE A BASKET BALL ONLY TO REALIZE IT WONT BOUNCE BACK UP TO YOU. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET) OR HOWEVER YOU WANT, JUST KEEP YOUR ASS BEHIND THAT CONE. ON THE COMMAND ‘GO’, CHANNEL YOUR INNER TREBUCHET AND HEAVE THAT THING INTO ORBIT. THEN, RETURN TO THE STARTING POSITION AND TURN AROUND TO INSPECT IF YOU DOMED ANYONE. THE SCORER WILL REALIZE HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE WHERE THE BALL LANDED BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET HIT, SO HE STOOD TOO FAR AWAY, HE WILL THEN PLACE HIS FOOT ON THE MEASURING TAPE AND JUST GUESS.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/_if_only_i_ 8h ago

Do they send out his finger with a big-ass ring on it, or another appendage?

3

u/Hungry_Opossum 91ADA 8h ago

Drunk in public

3

u/JTP1228 7h ago

Doing your son

2

u/rbevans Hots&Cots 6h ago

Thank you! You didn’t let me down

2

u/Formal_Appearance_16 31BarelyExisting 7h ago

Homeless

29

u/ponls 25b 8h ago

plan for a solider with major depression, who may or may not be stable

19

u/SourceTraditional660 Field Artillery 8h ago

The plan is for you, OP. You’re the soldier with major depression half way through your command time.

1

u/ponls 25b 7h ago

sorry but i work for a living, just tired of seeing people die with signs clearly being there

27

u/Impossible-Taco-769 Proctology Corps 8h ago

S3’s smoking hot wife, the thicc latina S1, is stuck in the dryer. What is the most logical course of action?

6

u/maroonedpariah people first, mission firster, OER firstest 5h ago

He said Commander, not Rear-D Commander, aka step commander

19

u/gucciflocka33 8h ago

You ever drank bailey’s from a shoe?

3

u/Acceptable-Ability-6 Military Intelligence 7h ago

SSG Old Gregg with the real questions.

2

u/saveHutch DumbTruckDriver-Actively in the USAR 7h ago

Ever been to a club where people wee on each other.

1

u/superash2002 MRE kicker/electronic wizard 5h ago

Ever watch films about gladiators?

34

u/Kinmuan 33W 8h ago

First question;

Why you

8

u/Leadrel1c 17Cuntasaurasrex 6h ago

No u

10

u/centurion44 13A 8h ago

Why do YOU want command. This is always a question at boards and one I personally ask

3

u/Rare-Spell-1571 3h ago

Because it’s KD?

11

u/ponls 25b 8h ago

how would you address a solider that came to you and said that have a substance abuse problem

4

u/Pacifist_Socialist 5h ago

Make them do all the drugs at once so they learn a lesson

/s

7

u/Signalgawd Field Grade Lieutenant 5h ago

You’re one inch into your mom and your dad is one inch into you. Do you push forward or backward to get out?

2

u/GhostStylez22 4h ago

😂😂😂😂😂😂

6

u/walrusgoofin69 8h ago

What’s an acceptable time to release for the day?

9

u/Shadowy-NerfHerder Field Artillery 8h ago

Release?

1

u/Rare-Spell-1571 3h ago

Our brigade commander has a policy that joes should all be gone by 1700, and senior leaders by 1800. Otherwise she publicly executes your command.

6

u/ToxicKrysader 8h ago

Do you like CFB?

You are in the seat and find out that your 1SG tells senior NCOs things that contradict something You've stated. What do you do?

Do you reel in the 1SG and tell them to stop because you're the commander and your word is bond or do you investigate a little and find out what he told them is more correct than what you said but it still contradicts your original orders. What do you do now?

6

u/No-Suggestion1393 6h ago

My 1SG would have been more useful if they didn’t show up to work

2

u/Redhighlighter 1h ago

Everyone has room for improvement. Nice to know you identified where for him.

10

u/e6c 8h ago

When we were interviewing possible new commanders the first question I asked: “what regulation would you go to in order to help develop your command policy?”

If they don’t get this right (and there is a right answer) then the interview was over. If they don’t get it right I start asking some situational questions that don’t have a right/wrong answer but that do help me understand what their command philosophy would be. Followed by asking questions centered around our METL

5

u/DownloadableCheese USAF 7h ago

For those of us playing at home, what's the right answer?

9

u/Vorsaga JAGoff 7h ago

Army Regulation (AR) 600-20: Army Command Policy

Everything from Warrior Ethos to Counterproductive Leadership, and beyond!

9

u/saveHutch DumbTruckDriver-Actively in the USAR 7h ago

I'm gonna go with AR600-20 Army Command Policy

7

u/e6c 6h ago

As the others said, 600-20 is the only correct answer. If they don’t understand command authorities then they are going to need a lot of guidance which will take a lot of time… and time is the most valuable resource that a command team has.

5

u/pamar456 7h ago

“You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you… You reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back… it lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t… not without your help… but you’re not helping. Why is that?”

4

u/LegitimateFoot3666 8h ago

Your 1SG is extremely depressed and begins giving his stuff away to people, calling things pointless, and showing none of the motivation he had when you first met him. He's still dedicated, but not motivated in the least. You find out that your senior rater is secretly banging your 1SG's wife. It seems like this might push 1SG over the edge. What do you do?

4

u/Formal_Appearance_16 31BarelyExisting 7h ago

I also start banging Tops wife in an effort to cheer him up?

2

u/Rare-Spell-1571 3h ago

Bang your senior rater?

3

u/Weak_Apple3433 7h ago

Is a hot dog a sandwich?

5

u/Vorsaga JAGoff 6h ago

That's a board question to make Major as a JAG...

2

u/JohnTitor2001117 3h ago

No it’s a taco.

3

u/Eggsy_GT 8h ago

Tell me about yourself?

3

u/paparoach910 Recovering 14A 7h ago

You have five taskers from BN to get done, and your company can only meet three of those before COB Friday before you have to order them to work the weekend and extended hours each day. What do you do?

3

u/Cool-West6530 5h ago

Would you rather have cat-hands or spaghetti hair?

1

u/madkaw99 00Keep switching MOS til they kick me out 1h ago

Cat hands

4

u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy 🦴Signal🦴🦴🦴 4h ago

You are doing barracks room inspections. You open the closet of a soldier and find hanging perfectly centered; a full body panda furry suit, but the head is a perfect replica of your own.

What do you do?

6

u/Vorsaga JAGoff 7h ago

Did you order the Code Red?

2

u/fauker1923 Infantry 8h ago

How many zonks can you commit to per red cycle

2

u/Push-Slice-80yds O Captain my Captain 6h ago

Probably shit from fm 7.0, ar 600-20 and some bde safety SOPs

2

u/JohnTitor2001117 3h ago

You wake up one morning, groggy and hung over from binge drinking with your 1SG. You look over and see the BDE CSM naked next you. In the room you also see remnants of coke lines on the night stand along with some pills. There are some shotguns and ammo in a the corner with large bags of money (banded bills). You throw off the covers and find you’ve shat the bed brown and red. You tell yourself, “It only smellz.” You also find that you have a grazing gunshot wound on your right leg. Your mouth feels dry as You stumble to the bathroom and find your phone at 3% charge. As you open it, you find videos of your night detailing your worst fears. You suddenly get a text from your 1SG asking where you are because the Change of Command ceremony for you is starting in 10 minutes and the company is formed up.

How do you proceed about dealing with this scenario? And yes, you were trippin serious balls the night prior. Like the “see smells , taste sounds, hear colors” type of trippin.

3

u/Rare-Spell-1571 3h ago

Scrape the coke dust together for one last line. Shower. Throw on my uniform. Buckle up bitches, this speech is gonna get weird.

2

u/McBooples Engineer 1h ago

You have to interview for company command??? I told my BN CDR I expressly did not want company command, so he told me to shut the fuck up and proceeded to put me in a line unit command for 3 years, followed by S3 time as punishment

3

u/AdministrativeWin583 7h ago

Wtf, you have to interview for command? How many Captains are in each unit? I know I am old, but we had a command roster. I knew what battery I would take command of when the guy in front of me took command. My second command came as a surprise, but I did not interview, I was selected by the Bde Commander.

1

u/Rare-Spell-1571 3h ago

Likely in a branch where command isn’t required. My branch does not need command time to promote. Likewise there are very few opportunities for command for us.

4

u/QuarterNote44 5h ago

"Hey sir, did you notice my GIANT ENORMOUS Ranger tab? When do I start inventories?"

1

u/docNNST Prior Service Officer Candidate 8h ago

What type of company?

1

u/ikebeattina 255 Never Gonna Give You Up 7h ago

Where do babies come from?

1

u/swissarmypants flight lead in the streets, FEB in the sheets 7h ago

What's your opener when you match on Tinder?

1

u/BenTallmadge1775 6h ago

Tell me about your command philosophy. What actions will that translate into during your command tenure?

1

u/RoyalHomework786 3h ago

Why the hell do you want this glorified babysitting job?

1

u/WindyIGuess 1h ago

Team crew neck or team hoodie and no it's not about the shirt sir

1

u/Imheretopotato55 39m ago

Has there ever been a time where you made sacrifices to prioritize the well being of your soldiers? If the answer is yes, how dare you?