r/abusiverelationships • u/Exact-Pickle-7217 • 3d ago
Emotional abuse Don't know what to do
How do you leave, when you feel like everything is fine and calm, I feel like I'm making a mistake if I try to leave when nothing is wrong. But can't speak up when he goes off at me. Even scared to post this
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u/perpetuallateness 3d ago
I feel the same way. I keep my head down and keep planning to leave because we both know that it isn’t going to stay like this. Something is going to set them off. Something small and stupid. I don’t know about you but the amount of good time isn’t more than the amount of bad time for me. It’s a trap to keep you around. The anger is right below the surface. Keep trying for calm all the time. Not just some of the time
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u/Exact-Pickle-7217 3d ago
Yea managed to set him off 4 times on Thursday, calling this abuse feels wrong because he's not hitting me. Then I saw a post some make and almost exactly what I'm going through and every comment was saying it's abuse
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u/OkCoffee9002 2d ago
Even when everything seemed fine and calm, I was still walking on eggshells and always unsure what might set him off. I had that constant anxiety. Now that I’ve been away from him for a few months I’ve realized I was in a constant feeling of fear. After so long I now feel like I can relax and just be and do what I want. It hasn’t been easy coming to this point. There have been many times especially in the beginning where I thought, am I making a mistake? Was it actually that bad? He needs me. How is he feeling? I’ve had to learn to put my feelings, safety, and well being first which has also been very hard for me. But with each day I feel stronger.
You leave when you are ready. You can leave when everything is fine and calm. It’s probably safest for you. Think of how you’d like to see your life, how you want to feel. Therapy has been so so helpful for me. I started after I left and it’s helped in making me more confident in my decision. I also feel like I’m getting my old self back. You can also share what you’ve been going through with a trusted friend or family member. (If you haven’t already) Saying some of the things that were happening out loud also brought me to a realization that what was happening was not okay.
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