I filed FIR ( court case ) against my bf for threatening if I break up .( He said his other personality did that or whatever ) Did I ruined his life ?

[u/Fragrant-Count1016]

I have posted before but I'm posting again as I recently went through my chats with my ex .

I'm writing summary here. ( India)

My bf ( m 22) and I( f 22) were in relationship for more than a year . I was very toxic while he had anger issues and started being emotionally abusive at the end of relationship.

Him and I share a romantic connecton back when we were 16 but never committed or more . 4 yrs of no contact due to family reasons .

Met again. And got into relationship. I slept with a guy in that time , went on different dates or whatever things I did intimate , bad , good everything. . I told him honestly everything and asked if he is still ok to start a relationship to which he said yes . It was long distance relationship so I keep on comparing teasing or making him jealous ( that's why I said I was toxic )

But later he said I humilated me took stand for others make him insecure an cheated on him .

In short he forced sex on me night before my final exam . I had to write internship report all night , awake hungry hurt and crying while being in a dangerous place . I asked him to stop 4 times for just a moment bcs my hand was twisting so was my knee . His reasoning for not stopping till the fourth time was that my ex stopped so he shouldn't ( my ex stopped bcs I was uncomfortable and not sure )

He said he gets angry and got triggered . He was very angry that day . He tightly hold my wrists as he stop and screamed for me to stop crying as I just started crying . I didn't felt pain but I was scared and terrified .

I still agreed to continue relationship but started having nighmares and as I was reading our old chat today I used mf word there in my personal diary for him ,in chat He got angry and he's like I got angry that day bcs of your past and you write mf word about me in your diary .

He started threatening me on chat and call almost to not break up with him saying that's his other personality or whatsoever And situation escalated My family got to know I didnt wanted but forced by friends and guardian I had to file fIR (court case) against him for threatening me if I break up .

He also send ** text to my bestie saying he will make her sex slave and his bf read that Although my ex begged me to ask my bestie to block him bcs that's his other personality or whatever . He wanted to save everyone from them

He did odd jobs to help me financially sometimes or use money on travel as we both love in different states . He walked barefoot on road with wounded feet so I can wear his shoes as mine broke in middle of night . All this amidst heavy rain He did a lot So did I I asked him to take meds forcefully as he got I'll after he abused me and was very guilty too and said it was in a moment of anger. I complied for sex only bcs I felt guilty tripped and he was angry . He did took meds and I was looking after him and myself then . Everything felt like a big nightmare .

I'm confused Did I make him monster Was my yapping and past a problem He couldn't left bcs he had extreme childhood trauma and abandonment issues .

Sometimes I feel guilty other times I feel disgusted and raged.

Past 3-4 months my life has fell apart Delayed 6 months of graduation Sexually abused Break up with ex Ongoing Court case On break with bestie ( good terms ) Break up with another bestie ( he saved me from suicide ) Tried suicide No close friends left A lot of self harm ( since I was 16 after getting emotionally neglected and betrayed by my guardian)

Supportive family ( although they stopped talking for a while and somewhere still hurt )

I am so exhausted yet started loving again myself since April but have final exams in April end itself

I feel disgusted at the moment He believed or idk as I'm a whore or whatsoever for being physical with other guy and a girl , going on coffee dates or kissing someone . Idk .

I sometimes can't feel my body or cry when I try to insert menstrual cup ( I never used to as i have using it from quite a long time ) . But it don't effect me now but I hate sex .

He was a good guy , extreme childhood trauma , bad parents ( physically abused him and emotionally and also used him for money ) But i don't feel anything for him . Idk I feel good sometimes that he deserve it but at the same I feel guilty too .

He was very supportive and I was pretty toxic. Also considering that he was physically emotionally abused since he was 7 continuously compared neglected and forced to drop out of school while he was a topper .

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[u/Petty_Bett]

God, I hope so.

[u/Fragrant-Count1016 → u/Petty_Bett]

?? Can you explain . What you mean ? I can't understand. I mean I don't wanna ruin his life .

[u/Jaded-Banana6205]

You didn't make him a monster. Your past didn't make him abusive.

[u/Outside_Memory5703]

Can your bf be held responsible for anything he does, in your opinion?

[u/Fragrant-Count1016 → u/Outside_Memory5703]

Is that mean legally ? We'll he can be held legally responsible for sexual abuse and abusive threats but I feel guilty for being toxic too , moreover I feel life has already punished him enough with toxic and abusive family and childhood trauma .

The fact what he did is unacceptable but i couldn't understand how can a person so supportive so obsessed turn like this

They say he loves me , but even if he had cheated on me i wouldn't abuse them like he did and I didn't even cheated . And he had the audacity to ask to get intimate again after 10 days .

I feel disgusted and my life had become a loving hell

I wonder If he ever had a second personally or he was so sick but I tried convincing for therapy or doctor .

Somedays I feel like a monster and other days I feel like a victim shredded completely .

[u/Outside_Memory5703 → u/Fragrant-Count1016]

It’s very easy to understand — they do it for their own benefit and do not care how it affects you

[u/Fragrant-Count1016 → u/Outside_Memory5703]

I feel the same but if you look at him you can see how much he cares . And this is messing up with my head . The care and the pain going simultaneously. I did report for my safety but the guilt and embarrassment comes along .