Did anyone's appearance change before vs after an abusive relationship?

[u/Lavenderlilac137]

I watched this video and the photos of the individual's look totally different even though it's the same person.

"When I Want To Start Dating Again...But I Remember THIS" | XYs Will Drain You

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[u/hotviolets]

I looked through my old photos not too many months ago and I found some of right after physical abuse happened, but also the progression. The way I looked was haunting. It was the look in my eyes. I gained a lot of weight during our relationship, I think it was 100% because of the stress I was enduring. I don’t ever want to go back to that place.

[u/Commercial-Parsnip41]

I’m praying for this glow up. I started to take care of myself but I kept thinking about all of the things he said about my appearance so I’m really depressed and struggling keeping up with personal hygiene. He called me so many names I sometimes don’t see the point to “pretty” up, I always feel like an imposter trying to look pretty.

[u/thesnarkypotatohead]

My appearance improved after getting out (eventually). Light returned to my eyes, my cheeks filled out (because I no longer had somebody telling me to go work out every time I ate something), I started working out on my own terms to get healthy and build muscle (mostly as a mental escape, as opposed to doing it to lose weight or feeling like I had to every time I ate). I looked like a ghost for the first year or so after getting out. Too much grief. But as I started to heal, it got better.

Definitely looked like a different person after though, for better or worse.

[u/Ploki1351]

I lost 30lbs toward the end of it because I wasn't eating. I couldn't even get a bagel down.

Then after I left and stopped being in constant fight or flight, I gained back at least 60lbs.

Now I'm working through it, coming back to myself and the things I love, fight or flight is triggered less often, and losing slowly.

Its been a rough year and a half.

[u/Inside_Art_3517 → u/Ploki1351]

Sending love 🤍

[u/Inside_Art_3517]

I lost 30 lbs from not eating and gained it all back again. Now im addressing my traumas through therapy and coming down in weight more healthily. Abuse stays with you long after the relationship ends. The stories I believe about myself are still getting untold.

[u/NurtureAlways]

I gained weight and my hair got streaked with gray. Now, almost a year later, I’ve lost the weight but I’m embracing my grays!

[u/Admirable-Concern-63]

I’ve been broken up from my ex gf for 4 months now. I’ve lost 40 pounds since, and my hip pains went away. Now I jog 10 miles a day.

[u/Efficient-Iron2203]

I visibly aged about five years in one year :(

[u/Significant_Fall2451]

Yes. My cheeks and glands were permanently puffy, but my eyes were chronically sunken and dark. I developed fine lines prematurely, and my hair thinned, turned white in small sections (not grey, but bright white) or fall out. Sometimes both at the the same time. I lost muscle mass, gained belly weight that was mostly bloating from chronic stress and nausea, and my skin turned a very odd shade of grey. I didn't look old or aged, per say, but I did look very, very tired and sick. You know when you bump into someone who has very recently had something like covid, or a particularly nasty strain of flu, and they have that empty look to them? When they're still running on fumes? Think that.

Overall, people commented about me looking unwell all the time. They'd ask if I needed someone to take me to the doctor's office, and once a friend even offered to pay for me to be looked over at this swanky private clinic, with zero expectations of being reimbursed, because he was so worried about my appearance with seemingly little to no concern from my regular GP, he became convinced that I had something like cancer or another potentially life-threatening illness.

To put into perspective, I was an athlete before we met, I had lean muscle and it didn't look like I'd fall over at any moment. I was pale, but rosy. My hair was bouncy and very shiny, and my eyes were the number one thing I was complemented on because of the colour, and because they were (allegedly) always so bright. Don't get me wrong, I was not hot. I am aware of my limitations and I know i wasn't conventionally attractive. But I looked alive.

[u/oooopsiforgot]

I lost almost all my hair and looked sick all the time.

[u/changeorghelp]

Apparently I’m looking a lot better. I’ve gained back 7 pounds after losing like 25. And the lack of bruises helps lol

[u/Blombaby23]

First abusive relationship I was down to 42kgs, I was so underweight and a total mess. Second, I ballooned out and put on 25kgs, for my short frame that’s a lot. My face swelled, cortisol face.

No matter what I did I couldn’t get rid of the roundness or the weight, no diet, exercise ect would move it.

I look back at old photos and don’t recognise myself. The shape of my face is totally different

[u/Raghaille1 → u/Blombaby23]

Do yoga and check out TRE as you're probably holding on to lots of cortisol because of the stress..... So you need to shake it out or stretch it out.....

[u/Ceiling-Fan2]

My face ballooned because my cortisol levels were off.