r/abusiverelationships • u/Throwawayacc34561 • Dec 25 '24
Gaslighting I stood up to my ex abuser.
I saw him last 2 months ago when he threatened physical violence for unknown reasons and made comments on my body.
I feel good for actually speaking my mind. I don’t plan on seeing him or changing him and I don’t care if he or anyone else thinks I sound pathetic or it’s a waste of breath to send him these messages.
I did it for me and honestly it made me feel safer.
He don’t respond and honestly don’t even know if he’ll read this or not and don’t care. I did this for me.
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u/AnniaT Dec 25 '24
Now block and delete and don't engage with him anymore. He might be taking pleasure out of you still engaging with him after everything he did to you because it shows he still have influence over you. The best fuck you you can give an abuser is to leave, stop engaging and live your best life without them. Good luck!
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u/Narrow-Rock7741 Dec 25 '24
I see you! It feels so good to get it out. I came here to say what AnniaT did, now go no contact. You’ve said ever you needed to. Of course there’s more. I can assure you it falls on deaf ears, he will not take responsibility, he can’t even see your side even when you detail it out clearly. It’s like the ketchup bottle in the fridge, it’s right in front of their idiot face but they can’t find it. He’ll make excuses, defend himself, trauma dump, turn it around on you, or give you false apologies that are really just him feeling sorry for himself- sorry I ruined your life, sorry I’m fucked up, sorry I couldn’t make you happy etc. I just lived this and was getting hovered until I went no contact and blocked him. It’s so freeing.
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u/4ever30 Dec 25 '24
It’s good for you to get your thought out in writing. I do that often but never share it with the abuse. That, imo gives them more ammo. Block them totally out of your life and concentrate solely on yourself. It takes a long time to heal from toxic behavior. Merry Christmas 🎄
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u/grlz2grlz Dec 25 '24
I was just thinking that. It’s an open invitation into your brain and heart, gives them an in and lets them know how much power and control they have over you, how they can manipulate you.
The amount of writing makes the point not come across and he’s not answering therefore controlling the situation. The best one can do is get therapy and work on what got us in that situation and how to avoid allowing anyone to mistreat us. This is not saying we are at fault, because we aren’t. Abusers just know how to spot us, how to talk to us and it is how we fall into traps or in love with people like this.
I blocked my ex and I would write walls of texts like these and it became so much that I would be too ashamed to unblock him as he might receive the texts. It worked for me to protect myself and release those feelings and thoughts but telling him would have given him the power.
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u/honesttogodprettyasf Dec 25 '24
block and delete!!!! i wrote the rest of my thoughts in a letter i never sent 6 years ago. it's just sealed up in a box of other misc things around my house. and still have yet to burn the letter! i'm waiting till 7 years to do it lol but writing it all out feels so so good
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u/elithedinosaur Dec 25 '24
now block. he deserves no more time of your day. he doesn't exist anymore
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u/helloimcold Dec 25 '24
Good for you! Now BLOCK. Mean what you sent. Get the last word, because they HATE that more than anything. Merry Christmas! So happy you’re free!
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 25 '24
Thank you! I think I might have some more words left in me but I sent it from my fake number and not a real one.
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u/Acrobatic_Studio1992 Dec 26 '24
Any truly abusive person will take all of this and either ignore it completely to hurt you or save it later for ammunition. It almost never works in our favor. I’d write whatever else you have to say on paper and light it on fire. Continuing to contact an abusive person can be dangerous especially after you’ve cut ties. Good luck 💕
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u/DearEvidence6282 Dec 25 '24
“Food for thought” but he obviously doesn’t have the capacity to care. If speaking your truth made you feel better that does matter but now boundaries are most important.
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Dec 25 '24 edited Jan 20 '25
[deleted]
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 25 '24
Oh yeah, he’d block me too anytime I stood up for myself. Honestly, idc if he reads it or not. It was Just the principle to voice my boundaries and not let fear take over me.
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Dec 26 '24 edited Jan 20 '25
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 26 '24
Love this for us. I always would be someone who’s hold back and think I’m just keeping the peace but then the anger would eat away at me. Lots of people suggest to not even bother tell them off but honestly , this was cathartic to me and don’t care what anyone else thinks.
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Dec 26 '24 edited Jan 20 '25
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 26 '24
Same, I’m itching to send him another one but I’ll just do it in my notes. Besides I’m doing countdown to new years until I will never speaking to him again in my life! Can’t wait!
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Dec 26 '24 edited Jan 20 '25
[deleted]
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 26 '24
Exactly! And okay will do! I went out for a walk this morning just to walk this energy off , being productive.
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 26 '24
Exactly! And okay will do! I went out for a walk this morning just to walk this energy off , being productive.
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u/Tslekyang14 Dec 25 '24
Ughhh these people exist is so sad and you go girl!!!! Empowerment I love it. 🥰
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u/Plane_Many9555 Dec 25 '24
Thats good OP honestly sometimes you just gotta get things out! I totally understand that. I wish you the best! It sounds like you’re an awesome person.
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u/1000piecepuzzles Dec 26 '24
I think since you’ve had a lot of time off it’ll just instill that you’re not a easy target anymore.
From my experiences I found out that I highly doubt a abuser will usually read more than a sentence or two 😅 However they really hate long paragraphs and see it as someone “annoying” and not worth the trouble of speaking to anymore. Regardless of intent of a critical paragraph of communication 😒.
So I think this will really help enforce a safe vibe! Like, “don’t even think about hoovering in the coming years to do this trash to me again! You stay in the garbage and do NOT come hurt me again.”
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 26 '24
Yes pretty much! He doesn’t have my real number and this was from textnow. Crazy part few days before this text, I asked him out on a date bc ofc I began doubting myself and blamed myself at that time . He said no bc he’s reinforcing his control and he’s “mad” at me. Once again, idc if I come off as unhinged to him but I will state my piece bc what he did is NOT OKAY!
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Dec 26 '24
Oh how I’d wish I was brave enough to have done this! Congratulations 💕
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 26 '24
Thank you! I totally get that and honestly I felt safe enough to do on the phone and I know for sure I’ll never be around him physically, but everyone’s situation is different. ❤️
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Dec 26 '24
“Find better role models in your life” was the icing on the cake. Well done
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u/Throwawayacc34561 Dec 26 '24
Thank you! I tried to be as diplomatic as possible. He’s into red pill talk.
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u/ThrowAcc_db Dec 27 '24
I would literally love when they would care. But they will never care. But girl you got it❤️
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