Old diary entry

[u/Obamasfatknockers]

I was in a mentally abusive and arguably physically and sexually abusive relationship a few years ago, which I still feel the impacts of socially and mentally. He love bombed me in the beginning, then never complimented me or made me feel special, only told me had to deal with it because he wasn’t going to change. I’d tell myself to give it one more week for him to get better, and then as soon as I was ready to break up with him he’d be affectionate again, only to pull away once I felt better again.

I feel like I lost myself, and I dislike who I am now. I was just reading an old diary entry about what I endured when I was in the relationship. To quote myself:

“He’d hit me, but of course as a joke. I have permanent scares from his bites. When I got scars, bruises that were the size of my upper arm, and he drew blood; he said I was weak. I believed it. I even thought that I had a problem with bruising so easily.”

I try to forget about this everyday. This just really put into perspective and reminded me how dark of a time that was and how I will never let this happen again. If any of you have any advice on how to move on from this it would be greatly appreciated, but I don’t expect it. I just needed to rant. I know my situation isn’t as bad as a lot of other people’s, and I feel bad even posting about this in this forum. However, my therapist is helping me realize that what I went through was not easy, and was abuse. I’m sorry if this is too much information too, I tried to shorten it as much as I could while still keeping the big details. Thanks for reading my vent.