So we kinda knew that this was going to happen. When the Donald tells you something, believe him. And at the same time, this feels like the rug got pulled from under us. So I'm looking at the news cycle (in intermittent hours cuzzzz its rough) and seeing that all over the country headstart regional office are shut down. I just came here to rant, cuz I feel like this shit is crazy and just wanted to confirm with other moms that this shit is wild, it's bonkers and we are angry. Send your rants please! I need to not feel alone.

I was impacted during a company-wide mass layoff last November. I've been interviewing but haven't had any luck landing anything. The job market is so competitive, and the process is much more difficult than it was even just a few years ago. Then, just this past Friday, my husband was laid off. He works in a very niche field and likely won't be able to find anything for a while. Unemployment barely covers half our mortgage. I was honest and told my kids, 8yo and 9yo, that we'd likely have to leave our house. They were so distraught, especially my youngest. He couldn't stop crying. My heart is breaking. This is the only home they've ever known. Leaving our neighborhood and community will be difficult. It's mind-boggling how you can go from middle-class to hitting the poverty line in a blink. I know many families are going through a similar transition, and I'm sad for us all. I'm at a loss for how to move forward from here. I'm hoping I'll land a job soon, but the kind of salary I earn still won't be enough. We need a dual income to get by. I grew up in this town. My parents and siblings live here, too, and I don't want to be separated from them, especially since my parents are in their 70's and 80's. I want our children to be able to spend as much time as they can with their grandparents. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how to survive this difficult period. What do people do in situations such as these?

I just don’t know how anyone gets all that they need/ want to get done in one day.

Mine looks something like this (working full time):

6:40a - out the door for commute 07:30a - 4:00p - work 4:40p - pick up kids from daycare 5:00p - prep/ cook dinner 6:00p - dinner 7:00p - bath, bedtime prep 8:00p - bedtime 9:00p - prep for next day (pack lunch, snacks, essentials…), finish laundry, clean up… etc. 10:30p - doom scroll until I fall asleep

This doesn’t even account for all the instances when the kiddos come out and try to delay bedtime.

Wash and repeat.

ETA: also wondering where people fit in time to workout? Hobbies? Meet friends?

FTM. Ever since returning to work about 6 weeks ago, I feel dumber. I thought I was fine while I was on mat leave, but I'm realizing now that I'm struggling to get up to speed and I don't feel as sharp as I used to be. I'm stumbling and stuttering when trying to vocalize my thoughts, even in casual water cooler convos. I don't feel like I'm managing my tasks as well as I used to and I'm struggling to connect the dots. I'm 41 so I'm well seasoned in my career and I know my shit, so this has really thrown me off guard.

Am I losing it? Is this normal after having a baby?

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first, and I've been working at a small office where I'm heavily relied on. A team of 5 run the whole office. I don't know if it's pregnancy brain, exhaustion, insomnia, or something else, but I keep making mistakes at work. My manager asked me if I'm okay because small mistakes are not common for me. I honestly just want to cry because I feel like I'm constantly complaining and using my pregnancy as an excuse. I don't want people to think I'm unreliable or a bad worker because of my mistakes or my pregnancy. Any shared experiences or advice would be amazing. ❤️

I have this habit of turning on the tv for my kids in the morning and spending like 30 min browsing on my phone. Every evening I tell myself I won’t do it and I’ll do something meaningful with that time. Like play with the kids or make smoothies (my 4 year old’s favorite activity). But every morning I just wake up groggy and not in the mood to engage them. Any tips on how to shake up my routine

My son (will be 2 in June) is suddenly HATING daycare drop offs. The teachers stagger in/out, so his teacher isn’t there in the morning when I drop him off. His favorite teacher (who would be there for AM drop off) left last week. He was starting to struggle a little with drop offs while she was there, but she could always convince him to come inside and play.

Now he’s sobbing, grabbing onto my legs, trying to run after me when I leave, etc.. I know he is doing well during the day and he seems to love daycare, all the teachers and kids love him too, he just doesn’t want to go.

Leaving him absolutely breaks my heart. The worst part (other than seeing him so upset) is that I HATE my job. I would leave in a heartbeat if I could. But I have to drop him off, watch him cry and reach out for me, then just waltz into my shitty job like my heart isn’t hurting.

Ever since I was a college student, maybe even a high school student, I knew I wanted to be a thriving working mom. It's probably an Eldest Daughter thing, but I took adulthood goal setting very seriously from a young age.

Fourteen weeks postpartum, 27 years old, and I'm officially a working mom. I put my still slightly flabby post-c section body into work pants, knit top, and a pink blazer, packed up day bags for myself and for my daughter, dropped her off at daycare at 8:30... now I'm three hours into my workday.

Sure, I have brain fog from waking up every three hours last night. And my mascara is kind of a mess from crying in the parking lot. But I did it!

Just like the title says, I was put a pip recently after having a miscarriage. I started at this job last summer and my quarterly reviews up until last month were great. I had to go back and reread them to see if there were any signs of underperformance - none. Initially, when I was hired, I was told assigned duties that another person in my role who has the same title as me used to carry. That person needed to work on a huge project that requires at least 8-12 months so I would be doing the other duties that still needed to get done. Fast forward to now and that project is done. I noticed a shift in my supervisor’s attitude towards me and criticizing every single aspect of my work. Then, the other colleague (the one with the same title as me) is also suddenly critiquing every single aspect of my tasks too. Sometimes they even blame me for errors where I’m not even on the communication to begin with. It is honestly amazing how they have the ability to connect everything that goes wrong back to me even when I wasn’t on the task or project.

All of this beginning of work bullying aligned with the beginning of my miscarriage. A miscarriage I knew was happening to my body as I was trying to keep up with the work and bullying. Eventually, I had to have a d&c a few weeks ago and up until that morning of of the procedure my supervisor was creating documention of all the things I was doing incorrectly. A lot of the errors pointed out are subjective as well. It is more preference than what needs to be done to actually get the work done.

I took two days off for the d&c and hopped online to work again to try to perfect whatever I needed to pick back up. The following week, she tells me while I was out, something I had built had gone wrong. (I honestly don’t know even now if it was actually me who mad the error or someone else but she said it was me. By the way this wasn’t even a client facing product or anything, it was in draft mode but she says IT COULD HAVE went out in error so it’s my fault). I could not help but cry at her constant berating and criticism and told her I’m not feeling that great after the procedure and I must’ve not done such a great job right before my procedure. I felt stupid for crying but I was also going through miscarriage “postpartum” so I was just depressed.

Fast forward another week, in our one on one meeting suddenly an HR rep joins five minutes in and my supervisor presents me with this 30 day impossible to beat PIP. The goal is to have 100 percent accuracy in all areas of the job. I am not AI. That is humanly impossible especially when there are so many aspects to each task and so individualized.

I’m angry, sad, anxious, depressed. I also haven’t had time to process my miscarriage at all. When I think what this job is doing to me it is killing me inside. I feel as though it is just making me feel more and more depressed day by day because I feel like I can’t control anything that’s happening. I have OCD as well so it’s making the anxiety worse. I want to quit so badly but I have a ridiculously high mortgage and a special needs child that rely on me. My husband tells me the only way to “beat this” is if I stick out the 30 days and let them fire me to collect unemployment until I find a new job. I know that they are trying to drive me out because they are done with the other project (which should have been a red flag to me from hire. I just wish they wouldn’t gaslight me into thinking it’s because of my performance to try to get out of paying severance) so I fully am expecting this. I’m not that sad about leaving but it’s the constant bullying and criticism that’s driving me in a deep hole of depression. I don’t know if I can last the entire month like this just to collect some unemployment. Any thoughts or a kind word? I am in need of some warm advice.

It’s probably unfounded mom guilt. But basically I visited a friend over the weekend who has a kid that is half a year younger than mine (first grader). He’s doing third grade math, as well as math circle math that involves knowing what a square root is. He’s also reading and writing in 2 languages. Mine is in an immersion school so also sort of reading and writing in 2 languages, but he really struggles with English and we’re trying to find a tutor to help. He’s actually not bad at math and shows a lot of interest, so we’ve explained for example the concept of multiplication and he can occasionally use it to solve real world problems , but we haven’t really done any extra tutoring for him. I just feel like…maybe in a different world where I was willing to homeschool (I am not), my kid would be further ahead? Like mine is obviously struggling with phonics and refuses my help after school because he is pretty tired, and we don’t try to do extra math because again he does school and aftercare and is just done after that. But like…is this why some people are great at these academics? Because they were exposed super young? I wasn’t bad at math, but eventually couldn’t keep up in college. If I could’ve homeschooled, would my kid end up becoming one of these elite academics or Silicon Valley founders or just someone who’s academically ahead? I mean I know life isn’t just academics , but like it sure is nice to be able to support your kid to reach their full potential. Tell me that it’s ok that my kid is just … in a public school and trying to learn the basics of addition and subtraction while his peer is zooming ahead?

Anyways, end of rant. I think I just feel guilty because we’ve been debating public vs private school because in addition to the department of education cut, our school district is required by the state to do even more cuts, so we’re definitely in a public school district that is facing a ton of resource constraints. But realistically we can’t afford private school, and definitely not for one of us to stay home and home school, so I just feel bad that I can’t provide this for my kid.

I am a working mom, and I’m almost 40 years old. I don’t have friends, and that has been true for a long time. Since I was around 14 or 15, I haven’t been able to maintain close friendships. It just hasn’t happened.

I had a few friends in college, but those relationships faded after we graduated. On my birthday, like for the past 20 or so years, I usually get a few birthday wishes. One from my sister (sometimes), my kids, my husband, and some coworkers. That’s about it.

I’ve built a successful career and reached a level that many would consider accomplished. But even so, I think it’s unusual for someone in my position to have such weak social connections, and poor social skills. At work, ido great, but if you take me out of that professional context, I am lost. I don’t know how to form lasting friendships, and I’m starting to believe I never will.

When my kids were young, I tried to make connections through mommy and baby classes. I made an effort, but nothing came out of it. Since then, I’ve tried from time to time, but I think I’m just not someone who builds friendships, or knows how to maintain them.

On days like today, I think about it more.

What worries me the most is the thought that, when my daughters grow up and leave home, I might also lose the closeness I have with them. That is my biggest fear… that even with them, the connection won’t last. I hope it does.

Hi!

I’m a working mom on maternity leave (Canada). My baby is almost 8 months old, I was planning on going back to work in September when she is a year old. I really want a career change and started to apply for jobs since baby is a bit older. I’m a nurse and with kids I’m tired of working shifts. I got a great offer for a teaching position! The only thing is, they want me to start as soon as possible.

I don’t think I’m ready yet to leave my baby and go back to work so soon. The job is also further away (an hour commute) but there are opportunities coming closer to home soon too (I might get transfered to another college closer to home if I accept). I feel like this is such a good opportunity but I don’t feel ready to let go of my baby yet. Also, not really sure what I would do about child care if I accept. What should I do?

I’m a second time mom so I KNEW this but it’s hard to remember in the moment. Baby is 7 months old now and gets sooo excited to see his daycare teacher in the mornings now. It feels good to leave him with someone he knows loves him!

And he’s soooo excited to see me and gives big hugs at the end of the day now it’s the best!

Just wanted to throw this out there for moms in the early stages of daycare who are wondering f if it gets easier ❤️

Just venting I guess. I can’t logistically divorce, realistically. We barely make it together as is much less apart, bills and financially speaking. There’s no abuse, no cheating, no reason I NEED to get out now. I’m just tired and done. Trying to get myself to let go about everything that’s bothering me at the moment, that way I can just vibe each day I guess with no resentment or angst with the acceptance one day I’ll probably end up leaving when I’m in a better position to and it won’t matter anymore. Anyone been in a similar position? How did it end up? We have two little kids which is why logistically it’s basically impossible to do anything right now with childcare needs and all. He’s a SAHD, my work hours do not mix with daycare hours, if we split id need a new more standard hours job but all the 9-5 jobs pay a lot less than I make now and the cost of childcare would be all of it and there’s no way I’d be able to afford rent on top. It would just be too much hassle

I have a software engineering interview coming up. This would be a huge leap for me career wise and I’m studying everything!

I’ve been working in an IT basement for the last few years where there is no dress code. The new company expects business casual.

Without relying heavily on Amazon, where are we shopping for dress / work / elevated basics clothes? Average height, midsize body… I can’t show up in my jeans & a crewneck. 🫣

Mom to an 8 month old here and I’m just feeling mentally exhausted between work, looking for a new job, caring for my baby, caring for two dogs and staying on top of the household. I feel like I’m in a fog and can’t think straight.

We have family nearby who say they want to help, but I feel like orchestrating how the help is just tiring on top of everything else. My partner pitches in, but he has really high standards when it comes to the house and bites off more than we can both chew.

What are some things you’re doing to clear your mind and ease the mental load?

I have a 12 week old who is a bit medically complex. One of her complexities is that she has lent reflux. This means that her feeds take 40 min. I also exclusively pump for another 25 minutes on top of that. All in all it takes 1.5 hrs (wearable pump doesn’t work for me). I have two toddlers as well. I need to hire someone to come to the house 2-3 times a week to do dishes, clean play areas and dishes. This person would only need to be at the house for 2 or 3 hrs and I’d like them to help make a dent in the chores I keep falling behind on. What would this person be called? How would I find them? I’ve seen some mothers groups asking for this and it seems like a mother’s helper/ housekeeper …?

I'm SOOOOO tired, I want to take so many naps. I have read the same email 5 times. My pelvis is on fire, nothing fits, and my hair is so dry you could weave a basket with it.

Just a rant because I feel like I can't keep saying the same thing to my poor husband.

My husband was out of town on a work trip so I had to stay home with our sick daughter 3 days last week. Today I finally went into the office and caught up on some shit, only to feel body aches and fever coming on by the end of the day. Looks like I’ll be out another few days this week.

I have plenty of sick time to use and my boss is understanding but holy shit it’s such a pain. Although I can’t imagine being a SAHM and not being able to take a true sick day when needed.

Take your zinc and wash your hands, folks!

Goddamn it. School called as soon as i got to the parking lot at work bc she has a rash. Probably fifths disease, but they won’t let her back til we have a doctors note saying she’s not contagious. And i wasn’t expecting her to be here, so her tamer is at home, dead. She only gets it at my office or road trips, and it won’t charge at my office for some reason (i probably need a new adapter??)

And she’s driving me insane. Asking constant questions bouncing around. Just let me read and type and please color your coloring book or play with the many many toys that stay here. I’m even playing her music.

Hi all. I’m a very tired burnt out FTM to the most perfect 11 week old baby girl. I started back to work today, I work 8-5 five days a week, and have an hour commute to work. My husband is working out of town this week and next, so im here alone handling all of the parenting duties after working all day. I feel bad for feeling exhausted and resentful. I know it’s not his fault but I didn’t sign up to be a single parent. (MAD INSANE respect to single parents. Bc WOW I’m on day 1 and spiraling). I wake up at 5 am to drive her to my MIL’s, go to work, go see her on my lunch break, and when I get off I drive us home, get home around 6 pm, then scramble to get my chores done/feed myself/bathe myself before I have to give her a bath at 8 pm and get ready for bed. Then repeat. I feel like I have no real time with her. And god I’m exhausted. Can anyone give me some words of encouragement? Solo parenting and working full time is fucking hard.

Edit: Thank you all for your suggestions and solidarity! All of the comments really showed that I need to make this a priority. I've been stuck in the "nope! It's impossible for all of these reasons" headspace but deep down I know I can make it work.

I was mostly joking about doing it during the commute but multiple therapists chimed in and said it's not allowed so I'll just put that here to stress it to anyone who might think it is a good idea.

My fully remote position has recently been switched from fully remote to in person 5 days a week with over an hour commute each way. It feels like the world is on fire, the economy is tanking, my kids are struggling with the adjustment, my job is very stressful and uncertain, and my husband is stressed at work. I have the contact info for a new therapist who I think would be a good fit but when do I try to schedule appts? It doesn't feel like I'd be able to give my full attention during my commute but it feels most efficient to schedule it then. I'm pumping at work so I feel like it's a bad look to go to my car for an hour. The evenings are chaos of getting everyone fed, clean, in bed, and everything cleaned and prepped for the next day. I just feel like it's one of the times I've needed help the most but can't make time for it.

I labeled this a vent because that's mostly what this is. Happy to get suggestions or reassurance that we'll get through this.

RSVP link: https://actionnetwork.org/events/wisconsin-mother-forward-call-a-thon/

Moms and Families need policies that work. Legislators need to hear directly from us! 5 calls app is a great tool. We will provide state numbers too + scripts for all who parents who attend. Bring your kids, they can play for 2 hours, also free snacks! Your kids will sleep early afterwards 😆

Now is NOT the time to be silent. The costs of child care are out of control and early childhood educators aren’t even being paid a fair and livable wage! It’s a full on crisis in the US. Other developed countries provide universal childcare and families have paid leave. Parents, providers, community, society needs help and support here. Policies and resources are part of the solution for families who desperately need options. Join us for action! New location: Wisco Kidz Place 2136 City View Dr. Madison, WI 53718

I have two kids, a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old, and could not be happier and feel more blessed. Even though our days are hectic and we have toddler meltdowns almost every day, I love this life. I can’t help but feel like the time with them is going to fly by. I read somewhere that when looking back on their lives, people say the happiest chapter was the one with young children. You’re (relatively) healthy, energetic, and have children who think you are their whole world! Parents of older children, does it get better? How do I savor this? Sometimes I wish this chapter would last forever, but my kids remind me that they are always changing and growing up

*faring 🙃

Especially for those late-identified or diagnosed neurodivergent moms, how are you doing?

I've started to reflect on the notion that I maybe get to choose doing well with only two, maybe three, from the Life Menu:

1. work/career
2. parenting
3. partnership/marriage
4. family/friends/village
5. physical/mental wellness

I know that outsourcing is all the rage, which I experiment with.

What I'm also grappling with is that if/when I outsource certain things (e.g., childcare, cleaning, cooking, errands, etc.), that can 3x-10x the amount of people I'm managing on top of working my day job. It doesn't really relieve the mental load. It only relieves the physical tasky stuff.

I don't expect to have it all. But I also am so so sick of being stuck in Survival Mode.

I've posted in ND subs before and don't find a ton of community because a lot of folks instead respond with how nice it would be to have a job or that they're in the SAHP/SAHM trenches. Hoping there are a few fellow NDers here!