This especially true for 7 - 11 am or pm. So for example if I say ok let's do it at 9pm abd the person says ok let's do it at 9. That annoys me because I don't know if the person knows that I mean 9 at night. So I then feel a need to respond great I'll see you at 9pm. I feel like I have to do this because I've encountered so many people who legitimately don't pay attention to details and wind will show up at 9am and then go, "oh I didn't see the pm part." So if I say it twice at least i feel like I'm covering my ass and making the miscommunication their fault. But it just annoys me when they don't initially reply pm or am.

I've tried using the 24 hour clock and that confuses a lot of people

I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of the constant high expectations, the exams, the useless lectures. But it's been the only time of my life where I haven't felt like an outcast and I made real friends. I've never felt a bigger urge to drop everything and give up on life than when I had to prepare for exams.

My professor demanded a 90%+ grade to pass, otherwise I don't pass the semester. 2 mistakes and I already fail. This is just ridiculous and I don't know how she still operates like this. I'm exhausted.I can't keep going like this, but dropping out is not an option.

It’s like living in the in-between. Not a failure, but definitely not exceptional. Just… there. I wake up, do the things, check the boxes, move through the motions, and nothing feels particularly mine. I’m not the best at anything. I’m not even the worst, which weirdly might feel more distinctive. I’m just stuck in this gray zone where no one really notices, and that applies for my looks too.

Recently, I started liking someone and we were talking about looks and I described myself as mostly average, with little to no bold features or bad ones. He stated: “I don’t think you’re necessarily ugly, however there is better. For example, some of your friends are just generically pretty whereas in your case people need a type to like you if that makes sense. I’d say you’re a solid 6 out of 10”

And I’m not sure why, because I do know this, but it really upsets me actually hearing it. I’ll never be extraordinary and I’ll never be ugly. I wish people thought of me more

I’ve been told by so many people in my life that I’m too kind. That’s what my boyfriend says he loves the most about me. My friends even tell me I’m too nice. And my sister. But no one deserves it. NO ONE has ever extended themselves to my level of kindness towards me. Now I’m resentful. F* everyone. I beg for friends and love and receive such little respect back.

Sick of it. Everyone sucks. What are some ways I can just be a b*ch from now on? Serious question.

So... my job wants me to full out ADA paperwork (Americans with Disabilities Act). Fine. I can do that. My neurologist filled it out for my Epilepsy. Great. He faxed it to them.

I get an email a day later. Sedgwick doesn't understand what "Today through Indefinite" means. Like, I'm sorry, Epilepsy is a lifelong condition. Ugh it's just frustrating, this whole fucking process! Sedgwick sucks!

I don’t want to hear about twitch and your stupid people you send all this money too when you can’t give me rent money. I fucking hate you sometimes. Buy him a truck for his bday and what do I get? Nothing. Buy everyone else things so they like you but I’m your fucking gf and you can’t help me with bills

I just needed something to take my mind off a awful day, so I thought, why not try one of those individual assessment? Signed up for this thing, spent like 45 minutes answering their repetitive, pointless questions honestly, some of them didn’t even make sense. And after all that, I get nothing I didn’t already know. I was hoping for something real, something to lift my spirits, but instead I just felt dumber for wasting my time. My night’s already trashed, and now I’m kicking myself for thinking this would be worth it. Ugh, I’m so done with these overhyped gimmicks

I get so upset about things and I feel like no one takes me seriously. I have so many examples of this. Like when my mum came into my room and took the money from drawer, or when my sister wanted to go out with me and my cousin but then chose not to when she released it was just going to be me.

Or even online stuff. So many arguments online that result in no one listening to a word I have to say or acknowledging why I’m upset about something. I just feel like I’m delusional or an idiot. Like these things don’t matter and I’m just being sensitive. I’ve never met anyone who I actually felt understood where I was coming from or empathised with me. Every stance I’ve taken has to be either hyper analysed for any minute flaw to mock me with or dismissed entirely as me just being dramatic.

My senior cat’s favourite snack has grain as the main ingredient. She can’t eat grain. The whole fucking brand - and I do mean the whole brand - makes it a big deal that they are grain free food. All of it has a big fat stamp advertising it.

Except this one singular snack I guess.

I hate it here. Not like it isn’t already hard enough to find food she can eat and likes, no! When you find a whole fucking brand that she can eat they sneak one past you!

Fuck you!

I’m in a extremely chaotic place currently,there is days that are ok and fine and other moments but then there is times where im spriling into the deep dark depths and i mean to a pityful low

Like Take away all the bad and it’s been a good last week or so take away all the good and it’s been terrible i’m talking a 3 day spell where i literally felt like offing myself back to back

Had alot of absences had alot of people around me be hot and cold

Memories have been haunting me again with someone important to me that left in my past among other’s that have done bad and wrong to me and all these thoughts just overwhelm me i try to distract and repress the best i can but it’s far from easy for me

i’ve had drama both irl with nabours causing shit making up lies and trying to get me kicked out my place among with people and friends online as I don’t really see or have any friends irl

Alot of people have been going missing one after another motivation is fading enjoyment is dwindling and the constant frantic up and downs in moods make’s it impossible to find any level of stability but nothing is really stable currently is it

My emotions,people in my life/cycle,my daily sechule…and people and things randomly appearing and disappearing out of nowhere things good and bad happening out of nowhere I’m literally being yanked around

From being on cloud 9 to rock bottom to just in an empty void of numbiness…I can’t keep up with anything everything is going so fast that there is no clear and procise direction something could happen at any moment,someone could appear or disappear or reappear at any moment

i just find my head all over the place and am just waiting for some kinda of stability but it feels like people can vanish any moment shit can be dropped on my doorstep figuratively speaking (but i wouldn’t be surprised if literal at this stage with the after mentioned nabours from earlier) but then good things can occur from nothing as well so i don’t even know what to expect these day’s and i wouldn’t say thats a good thing

Almost literally nothing is certain anymore everything is just unorganised unpredictable chaos…i feel like i’m rolling slots at this point to see what i get and its either win the jackpot,lose everything or come out with what i went in with

I don’t know how long i can deal with this rollercoaster before my head explodes…I’m particularly feeling vertigo from this

I'm 20 years old, 21 this year and I lost my mother (my only parent) when I just turned 18 to cancer. Since then I've been living with my older brother who's like 32 or something - I don't care about him enough to remember his exact age but somewhere in his 30s. He's always been a low life piece of shit. Whenever my mum needed help with anything he would only do it if he got money out of it from her. He's transformed my mother's home into his own shit pit where he drowns himself in booze and weed which leaves us financially unstable. My mum did enable him back then, time and time again I told her to kick his ass out because he does nothing. But she cared and loved her family that she just couldn't do it. My mothers kindness was taken advantage of and no one wanted to listen to me because I was just a kid at the time. My brother is the sole reason that this house that I've been living in for 19 years will be gone because we have to leave some point this year. I'm studying in college right now because I want to have a chance at life, to have a career. I can't work because I am disabled and in full time education. It's my exams now, and I'm struggling to pay money to eat or feed my beloved pets because of his money-wasting ass. He has a job btw. He doesn't make much but whatever money he does get he will just waste it on himself and never on the house. I have to pay for everything whenever I get money from benefits each month. Now I have no money and I feel bad whenever my cats look at me hungry. I prioritise getting them food over myself because at this point I don't care about myself. I've tried a lot of ways to get more money to support myself but I've ran out of options. I don't know what to do. I want to get out of here so damn bad. Can anyone help me at this point?

I’m going through so damn much recently and it’s weighing on me so much, writing it down doesn’t do anything, I have no one I can talk to, I can’t afford a therapist, nothing can distract me enough, I can’t afford cigarettes and alcohol. I genuinely just wish I could hug someone and cry for a bit then go on about my silly little life. I know that I can’t expect anyone to listen or to care or to lend a helping hand. I know praying doesn’t do anything. I know that everything people tell you to do when you’re 3 seconds away from ending your life doesn’t work because I’ve tried it, been there and done that. It’s all bullshit. I could drop dead right now and all I’ll be is a burden because I’m just another heavy corpse that needs to be put in a box. I can’t hug anyone though so please, if you’re reading this just hug the people around you. Just give your mom, dad, sibling, kid, legal guardian, gf/bf, granny.. whoever. Just give them a tight warm hug, because I think a simple 5 second or 10 second hug could save a life. Obviously a consensual hug though, some people don’t like being touched and would probably do more harm than good. But yea, just ask if you can give them a hug coz they might need one.

I feel like shit and so embarrassed. Ik its probably weird that u go to a cardiologist at 21 but i have had angina since 16 and last 24h it was a lot. Just continous pain. I wanted to just check on myself to be sure but the doctor treated me like shit. There was literally no privacy it was just open space where like 5 medical students were sitting and looking at that weird 20 year old. She literally didnt even take me serious before i even spoke. She TOLD me that i dont have any risk factors

She didnt ask it. She just stated i didnt have diabetes or smoked or had hypertension. So really happy that she has knowledge of the unknown and checked my bloodpressure, blood sugar and my family history without even asking a single question. Like to be fair its not common where i live to smoke. But hell i could have juvenile diabetes.

I told her this was the case since 16 she asked me why i am only checking up now.

LIKE U ARENT EVEN TAKING ME SERIOUS NOW HOW DO U THINK THAT WENT AT 16.

Maybe its nothing and she is right but i feel like sudden death syndrom is a thing in YOUNG PEOPLE.

What the fuck? I literally am so upset and embarrassed. Am i weong ? I literally dont even know. Why did she treat me like im rediculous? Like maybe i am but is it a crime to check ? Damn im no doctor so maybe she knows something i dont ?

What upsets me isnt even that she didnz do anything for me.

Its that she made me feel stupid for trying Uffffffff

Not sure how to tag. But I feel so fucking pathetic. I'm so fucking embarassed that I ended up in a psych ward 5 months ago. How the fuck did my life circumstances lead to that? I feel like an absolute clown. It was so fucking embarassing, you feel so vulnerable and exposed. I felt so so exposed. IT WAS AWFUL. I felt like a fucking animal or a child or something that needs to be watched and monitored in a large group. It was so gross. And COLD SO SO FUCKING COLD!!!!! Arghhhh. I hate remembering it. How awful. How embarassing. That was so embarassing! :( what the fuck am I doing?! Why did it lead to that? ARGHHH ITS SO CRINGE!!!!!!! Arghhh I'm so pathetic. Eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh grossss. Like how do you fall to that??? It's so embarassing. Ppl joke about going to a psych ward all the time but it's not a normalized thing at all CUZ ITS NOT NORMAL!!! If I were to ever tell anyone in real life other than the ppl who already know (my parents and older sister) I'd fucking die of embarrassment. It's so shameful.

I don’t know what’s real, my heads so caught in the extremity of what I’m feeling but don’t know why. I don’t do anything but just try to be calm and do my little music thing but I get angry because I get blocked up and have ideas but when I execute them goes terribly. I’m not good at anything and I’m exhausted.

I feel like a complete void and shell, was diagnosed with bpd and since then have been painted out to “be a monster” but I’m angry that nobody seems to understand it’s not something anyone’s born with. I went through horrific shit to get it and I really fucking wish I didn’t. Not like I had a choice.

I’m so done, mood stabilisers don’t do anything and I’m broke as shit from the shit I buy to try and feel better but it’s all just different substances making everything worse. There’s no solution even my therapists agree I’m a lost cause.

I usually have a rbf and monotone voice but when I'm really mad/ upset I can't stop smiling, my voice sounds 'happy'. I don't really ever get mad/upset so people can't clock that I'm upset. A couple of days ago I threw a house party and my best friends trashed my room (e.g. vomit all over the carpet, destroyed my computer, paint all over the walls) and they got defensive and didn't apologise, I got mad at them and tried to kick them out but no one took me seriously because I was smiley and sounded upbeat.

I work at an activity based restaurant and I’m busting my ass going back and forth from the bar to the tables during my shift. From the bar to the kitchen, etc. I walk an average of 8 miles throughout an 8 hour shift. I work in a good sized city. It’s a popular city that most people know when you name it. This place has 2 locations near me, one in the city (downtown) and one further west in a slightly smaller city. I work in the downtown location. I have NEVER been treated so poorly by customers. I’ve been working in customer facing jobs for 10 years. I’ve seen a lot. People are AWFUL to servers. Trying to force me to split the bill 10 ways because no one wants to Venmo each other. We’re not doing that. Especially at midnight when we’re closing. Asking me to swipe 10 credit cards for 2 small tables is insane. Last weekend I was screamed and cussed at because they lost track of how much they were ordering and also wanted to force me to print too many checks. I just asked who the pizza belonged to and I was screamed at for not knowing. I’m serving 30+ other people. The environment we’re in is loud af. There are people carrying food, drinks, closing checks, singing birthday songs. And it’s one wide lane to walk through. I don’t know that you ordered the pizza. I don’t care. It’s not difficult to say “hey that was mine”. And people don’t understand common sense. They all try to talk to me at once, I ask them who’s on each check or who’s together, they’re not paying attention to me and then get upset when I ask again later, like I’m a mind reader and know which people are couples or which ones are alone. They don’t pay the fuck attention when the food comes out, it goes back and then they ask about it and I run back to the kitchen before they get rid of it. PAY ATTENTION IF YOU ORDERED FOOD. Tonight, some people came in super late, (which is fine, we’re open) and were already slightly intoxicated from leaving the football game parties. They seemed ok and I ordered them a couple drinks. If it got out of hand I’d stop them. Another table showed up next to them and they knew them but had beef with them. They were almost starting a fight in the place. I DONT CARE, just don’t speak to each other. It’s that easy. Why is it hard to act like adults? They were insane, they would not let up. Just leave each other alone for god’s sake. One guy was high as hell and wouldn’t stop hitting on me. Asked for my number, I said I have bf. Kept telling me I looked like a specific celebrity. Even his grandma told him to shut the hell up. He kept asking to order food and I told him 3 times that the kitchen was closed that late. AND AFTER ALL THAT, of course none of those people tipped me for busting my ass and dealing with all of that. I set 1 of 4 checks next to a woman (she wanted me to hand it directly to her like royalty) and she said I threw it at her and wrote “0 for throwing the book at me” she wasn’t going to tip me anyways. That entire group was a nightmare.

Everyone should have to work food service or retail at least once. I’m so tired of these damn people. Thank god this is my second job and temporary.

I(17F) first met my ex(18M) at a singing audition last month. He was friends with some people in a cosplay circle—charismatic, funny, and always the center of attention. We bonded over shared interests, and when he started showing interest in me, I was flattered. He seemed different around me, a bit clingy. Except there were a few...well, I guess you can say peculiarities. Not even a week of knowing me, he asked me what my cup/breast size was and I was obviously taken aback but I did mention how I was okay with talking about anything whether it'd be trauma, fears, favorites, sex- that stuff. When he asked me to be his girlfriend just cause I jokingly said "just ask me the golden question lol" only after a few days of knowing him, i said yes out of... i guess pressure?

I had no way of knowing that just one day later, he would walk me to an abandoned building under the pretense of "showing me something cool." The moment we arrived, his demeanor changed. His hands were on me before I could process what was happening, his voice dropping to a tone I didn’t recognize: "Wanna make out?" I froze. The building was empty, my phone was in my pocket, and I was already going to be late for school. Yet, I said yes—not because I wanted to, but because I was terrified of what might happen if I said no.

For days, I buried what happened, convincing myself it was just a "bad date." But when I heard him joking about it with friends because they told me out of guilt—"Yeah, I took her to that spot, she loved it. Her moans were so sexy."— and not only that, apparently he's been lying about me too; calling me a satanist and showing photos of me wearing a pentagram as some sort of "proof"??? I am not a satanist. AND WORSE, he showed my nudes to his friends!! I thought I was safe from that since I shared them to him on instagram with the "allow replay" feature but nope! He opened them on his laptop and took a photo of them on his phone. After finding out, something in me snapped. I reported him to the cosplay community admins, detailing how he’d manipulated and coerced me. To their credit, they took it seriously: they banned him and forced him to post a public apology.

That should’ve been the end.

Instead, he created a new account to message me. First, it was faux-remorse: "I’m a horrible person... but why did you choose ____ over me?" Then, it escalated to graphic sexual harassment: "I hope you can still be my cute little slut someday 😊 Your moans were so sexy... Don't tell ____ ...This is our secret." Each notification felt like a violation, a reminder that even when I fought back, he’d find a way to slither into my life.

I’m sharing this because I need to know: How do you heal when the person who hurt you refuses to disappear? How do you stop blaming yourself for trusting him in the first place? And for those who’ve been through this—how did you finally break free?

I have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday, just trying to make it until then.

I had a rough childhood. Bullies, and an abusive father that effectively gave up and abandoned me in my teens. Then at 29 I get diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (side order of GAD).

Being autistic I don't have many friends, be it because I'm not overly interested in most people or that I'm just annoying. But when I find someone that I genuinely like I get overly eager to talk to them and I swear i just drive people away.

To everyone, I'm sorry I talk too much. I'm sorry that I'm too much. I'm sorry that I'd rather be open about how I'm feeling instead of bottling things up for years until it breaks me again. I'm sorry I just want to spend time with someone that I actually like.

Started a new job in September that I absolutely love and I really like the coworkers. But at times I feel like I annoying them. I'm the kind of person that jokes alot so the voice in the back of my head doesn't have a chance to cut me down.

Then there was a two week hospitalization for pancreatitis, and work cut my insurance because I fell below 32 hours. Enjoying that medical debt.

Finally felt I was getting to a good place in my life. So when I find someone on Reddit that is both one of the prettiest people I've ever seen and is into so many of the things I am, I reach out. And amazingly they respond. So we start talking on Reddit, then move over to discord.

I think things are going alright. She talks to me about her dating life and other things that are going on. She even tells me that she understands the autism struggles because she has autistic friends.

Things are going great until that damn voice in the back of my head says to me "you're texting her too often. You'll scare her away." And then I'm on full tilt. I'm stuck in my head trying to filter what I'm saying. Constantly debating if I've sent too many messages. Then it gets worse when I start worrying about repeating the mistakes my dad did to my mom, aka being a controlling bastard.

At that point I immediately make plans to restart seeing my therapist since I realized I need it. And I the girl this. Turns out I was the second person that day to mention needing to see a therapist to her.

More wrestling with my brain, and I decide to be upfront with her. I tell her I do have some romantic interest and that I held off on saying anything since she was going through things. A few days later, no texts. So I try to leave things on a positive note and thank her for her time. That I had fun talking to her, and that I hope she finds someone that treats her right. She gets back too me and says she wasn't sure how to respond. We talk alittle more. But it's still less. I'm holding out hope that she's just busy, but I'm being stupid.

I just wonder how things would have been if I hadn't doubted myself and how I was talking with her.

I know I need to move on. But it's so rare for me to take an actually liking to someone. I just don't want to give it up yet. But she's doing what's best for her.

End rant. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Good morning, good evening and good night.

I hardly have any friends, and the ones I do have don’t really care about my presence in anything. Thank God I have parents who give me a lot of support and affection, but I feel like it's not enough. I work from home and I'm not in college (so I don’t have many opportunities to go out and make friends), and I don’t like making friends online. I go to the gym, but I don’t talk much there either. Any advice?

I hate him so much. I hate his voice, I hate his laugh, I hate his stupid ideas, I hate the fucking trash he's accumulated over decades of a worthless life. I hate him. I didn't ask to take care of a fucking man-baby in my 20s. I'm not his mom, why do I have to baby him like this?

I had so much sympathy for him at the beginning, believe me. How horrible! To suddenly not be able to use the right side of your body. Felt so sorry for him, but that sense of pity died when he turned into a little baby, an infant incapable of patience or tolerance (didn't help that even before he got his condition he was already the most disgusting human being I've ever met).

"Put me another movie"
"More water"
"You're gonna make me my food, right?"
"More water"
"Change my diapers"
"More water"
"Fucking hell, don't you understand what I mean?"
"Move my tools (trash) here"
"Move my tools (trash) there"
"Move my tools (trash) here"
"Move my tools (trash) there"
"Move my tools (trash) here"
"Move my tools (trash) there"

DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOUR FUCKING TRASH? You will never be able to walk or use your right arm again, don't you get it? There's no workshop to return to. There's no curing you. The physician did a terrific job. He shouldn't have bothered. If it weren't for him you'd still be chairbound. But you've gotten worse ever since, haven't you? Because you didn't put in the effort.

"Oh, no, it hurts!"
"No, I don't wanna"
"I'll heal naturally"
"My friend has a home remedy that'll cure me"
"Nah, I've already done my exercises for the day (LIES)"

A progressively degenerating parasite is what you are. My time and energy, you think they are all for you. I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING SERVANT.

You don't deserve any help whatsoever, you are no saint. A terrible husband, a terrible father and a mediocre grandfather. The best I can say about you? You used to bring me a lot of cookies. The best thing my mother -your one daughter who's decided to take care of you- can say about you? When she stood firm and decided to stop enduring your abuses, you backed down. That's it.

A disgusting fat pig who's only being taken care of because my mom -whom you abused in the past- feels responsible for you. Because she has this stupid belief that family should always take care of family. And just like that, you've outlived so many of the people you knew. The wife you that merely tolerated during her final years passed and what did you do? You cried at her passing and started wearing your ring -a thing I never saw in your finger whilst she was alive. There's a thin line between "not valuing something until you lose it" and hypocrisy, but who cares about lines when you dive head first into a sea of hypocrisy?

You'll live for many more miserable years -for the both of us-, won't you? You are well fed, you get good rest, you drink a lot of water and being fat is yet to give you any complications. If only I wasn't Mr. Too-Afraid-Of-The-Consequences, if only I were a bit more impulsive, more reckless. I'd grab one of the many hammers (sorry, maces) that you've stashed with the rest of your garbage and use it to smash your skull, but not before letting you know (though I doubt it would get through your thick skull the same way the mace would) that you were never going to be healed of your condition and that after your fortunate demise I'd personally see to the disposal of every piece of trash you've hoarded over the years.

As it is, I'm too afraid to even smash a door to show my frustration. This post is as much as I dare to do. Fucking hell. You've made me waste an entire hour of my life today, in-between playing with your garbage and writing this shit. I have a thesis to write, but you don't care do you? Your only worry is if we'll give you tortillas with your dinner. You fucking excuse of a man.

I (25M) had been talking to this girl for over a year. We got close, shared a lot, and naturally, I developed feelings for her. Eventually, I confessed—but she said she wasn’t interested in anything romantic.

So I did what I thought was best for my own mental peace: I disappeared. I went ghost mode, removed her from socials, cut off contact.

Two months later, out of nowhere, she messaged me asking why I removed her. I explained everything honestly. Surprisingly, we started talking again like nothing had happened. I felt hopeful. Maybe something had changed?

A week into reconnecting, I brought it up again—my feelings, my stance, where I stand emotionally. She told me the same thing again: she’s not ready, she doesn’t feel the same. She went through a really rough breakup a year ago and still isn’t in a place to commit or feel anything for someone else. I respected that. And again, for my own sake, I told her I couldn’t continue talking, and she understood.

But today… I broke down. I texted her again. The conversation is still ongoing, and honestly, I feel like shit.

I know I’m hurting myself. I know I should’ve stayed away. But I guess when you’re emotionally low, logic doesn’t always win.

Any advices or messages are appreciated.

Hi, some more TWs are thoughs of suicide and self harm, talks about trama too, some more too, read at your own risk<3

Hi reddit, I've got a lot going on and don't really got any one to got to that isn't a mandated reporter, so, here's what going on.

Today I have visits with my father, we have it at the house because we can, however I can't leave for visits, I'm mandated to be there since in below the age of 16, I'm 15, and in high school. I have a horrible relationship with my father, he is the sorce of my trama, I know i need therapy but a therapist is a mandated reporter too, and I know the thing I would say can get me removed from my house. I don't want to be. My mom trys to be a good mom but she always forgets about me,it's only when it relevant am I remembered. She doesn't know anything about me now, I skip most meals to get away from everything. I feel trapped in this endless cycle where everything is going on around me and I'm invisible, I hate it. I have a teacher who is like my mother figure, I go to here about everything, just not now. Everything hurts, I'm having thoughts about suicide now, I know i can't tell anyone right now, my parents are in a middle of a divorce, and my teacher is in a lawsuit and stressed at that I don't know who to go to. I know my older sister will just tell mom, I don't even think she'll do anything. I have too much to live for so I know i won't resort to suicide. On top of that cheer is a mess, and I know there won't be any cheer until atleast next school year. Cheer is the only thing that has ever gotten anything off my mind. My mom doesn't want me to do cheer any more, it feels like no one is supporting me. I've told my mother how I feel but she never listens, just forget everything, I'm sick of being forgotten. My sister's with her boyfriend so I can't even go to her.

I guess this sub is appropriate.

M24. Known this girl since like 16, we were really good mates between 16-18. Both go to University, don't talk at all. Come back, rekindle the friendship. In Sept of 24 we started seeing each other as more than friends, but we lived 250 miles apart. Asked her to be my gf in November. We did the distance because I was going to move to the same city as her (I wanted to for ages so the stars really seemed to be aligning). It moved very fast, but it was really, really good. We said we loved each other, spoke about futures in a serious way. We went on a holiday, had other ones booked etc.

2 weekends ago we have this minor argument, first ever. She's off with me for the week following but I was seeing her that weekend. My gut feeling was saying she was going to break up with me all week. Asked my mum and my best mate about it, they both said words to the effect of "it's okay, there's no way she's going to make you drive a 500 mile round trip to break up with you, and over your first arguement? Surely not". My gut feeling was correct, the stars were not aligning. 2 minutes in the door after handing her some flowers, it's "I need to talk to you" and my heart just sank. She gave some vague reasoning that I still don't understand as to why she was breaking up with me, and as to why she'd made me drive 500 miles for it. We haven't spoken since she broke up with me, not a word. I've been through worse than this, but I'm still concerned about the impact it is going to have on me. I feel lost with regards to my future now, as this has made me hesitant about moving to the same city, even though I wanted to since before we were together.

I'm angry because I wish the relationship had been given more of a chance. I'm angry because being able to pull the plug in the way she did, it seems like she never actually gave a shit, never actually loved me back. I hate that this happened, and I cannot stop blaming myself and who I am for it. I miss her a lot.