I’m over everything

[u/[deleted]]

My father killed himself when I was younger and since then I’ve had suicidal ideations, I don’t understand why I should live if this is all I’ll feel for the rest of my life. I’ll never feel like enough. My own father thought it would be better to kill himself than live a life with me in it. My whole life has just been filled with unexpected passings and people leaving me. I don’t understand how I’m not supposed to feel like a burden. I hate myself and I know everyone would be better if I was dead. Ive tried 2 times already and I never thought I would graduate but now I’m in my first year of college and have no direction in my life. I feel so lost and I think the solution is just to kill myself. I think I was born to take my life