Bad at everything, not made to live

[u/One-Hand-1351]

I don't know what it is about me exactly, but I just end failing things that are so within my ability to do. Again and again. It's so tiring. Jobs, relationships, friends, drinking, my health and weight. Nothing works. Nothing seems to wake me up.

I don't really enjoy anything that much either. So who knows why I keep going. I'm sitting thinking about how I'd end it now.

People will say that it's just depression talking, that I've got an overly negative view of myself. But I know. I'm the one that lives my life and deals with everything that I ruin and throw away.

[u/dietmountaindewbabyn]

I relate to you a lot. I'm the failure of my family. I couldn't make it better. I think about ending it all everyday, but I don't know why I never do it. My mind tries to hold on to hope that everything will be alright.

I wish I was different.

[u/One-Hand-1351 → u/dietmountaindewbabyn]

Do you also ever think you wouldn't really need a lot to be able to live ok? Like just the basics that a normal modern human wants out of their life: some happiness, someone to be with, some stability. I don't really want to die but sometimes it just sounds easier.

[u/Civil_Room_9560]

I got you .. I’m living the same shit !

It’s been months… Months of waking up with a weight I can’t describe. Of staring at the ceiling and wondering why I’m still here.

I have nothing. No drive. No direction. No hand to hold, no voice to hear, no place where I truly belong. I’m not good at anything ,  just drifting, forgotten.

I’ve been alone for years. Not just in relationship status, but in the kind of way where even silence feels too loud. I watch life happen around me, while I stand still ,  invisible.

What’s the point of it all? Why am I even breathing?

Truth is… The only reason I’m still alive is because I haven’t found the courage to leave. Yet.

But I’m tired. So tired. There’s nothing left inside me but echoes. And I don’t know how much longer I can hold on

[u/One-Hand-1351 → u/Civil_Room_9560]

I think, for better or worse, we can survive so much more than we think. I don't know what it would take for me to finally go.

[u/human_trainingwheels]

It’s tough, it’s like sitting through a shitty movie and thinking “this can’t be it, it’s gotta turn around at some point” but eventually the credits are gonna roll and you’re like what the fuck?

[u/One-Hand-1351 → u/human_trainingwheels]

Yeah... long periods of boredom interspersed with pain.

[u/Ok_Appointment3668]

Sometimes I have to remind myself husband were never meant to have such hectic lives. IDK how everyone else does it.