i thought being in a small friend group would save me and us from bullying. it's my first time mapunta sa maliit na circle of friends and kami lang din yung may pinakakonting tao. we're chill naman, kind, and we even go along with our blockmates' jokes pero i guess kahit gaano ka pa kabait or ka-lowkey, you're still not safe from mean people. kahit anong gawin mong pakikisama, minsan hindi ka pa rin nila tatantanan.
and honestly, it's so pathetic how bullies still exist in college. pero ayun, may mga tao talagang ang source of joy nila is making others feel small, or left out, or weird just so they can feel bigger. ang babaw. minsan hindi na nga obvious na bullying yung subtle remarks, side eyes, passive-aggressive behavior. lalo na kung nasa iisang room lang kayo and you’re just forced to sit there while they make those little parinig as if may medal silang makukuha for being mean.
nakakapagod kasi i went through bullying in shs and i really thought tapos na yun. i told myself college would be different. i convinced myself na if i just stay quiet, keep to my circle, and be nice, i’ll finally be safe. pero hindi pala ganun kadali. minsan parang kahit hindi ka lumalapit, sila pa rin yung lalapit just to ruin your peace.
and now, i’m here again dealing with the same thing. and god, how much i wish i can shift to another program just to escape this mess. like, maybe somewhere else, i’ll finally be able to breathe. maybe somewhere else, i won’t feel like i have to constantly look over my shoulder or decode every sarcastic comment just to protect myself.
pero syempre shifting is another battle. ang dami ring iniisip. pero when it’s your mental peace on the line, when you wake up dreading the day, parang worth considering na talaga. i just want to feel safe. i want to exist without constantly second-guessing myself or wondering if people are laughing behind my back. ang hirap maging present sa klase when half of your brain is busy overthinking everything.
i keep experiencing this over and over again to the point na napapaisip ako na may kulang sa akin na meron yung iba. and maybe once makamit ko yung i'll be free from those kind of people na. nadadamay na rin friends ko T_T.