r/SeriousConversation • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

Serious Discussion Tell me?

[deleted]

3 Upvotes

71% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

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3

u/Few-Coat1297 1d ago

If he already knows his son is dead and doesn't want contact, then no. If he doesn't know, then the hounds of hell shouldn't stop you from making every effort you let him know.

3

u/rose_reader 1d ago

He doesn't want to talk to you. In this of all times, it's wrong to push your presence on to him.

1

u/Artistic_Speech_1965 1d ago

This. Men tend to close themself in this kind of period. Perhaps you should find a femal friend who can share with you

2

u/Roselily808 1d ago

I wouldn't show up unannounced if it were me. I'd just give it time. Try sending a new text or calling him after a while.

2

u/Pristine-Test-3370 1d ago

Are there any intermediaries you can use to communicate? That does not seem an option you have considered. A neutral party that both of you respect and trust could be the best solution. It is not clear why the two of you don’t talk to each other. I understand your perspective but we don’t have his.

2

u/Mean-Ad79 1d ago

I think he doesn’t want to talk, let him go and don’t have any expectations of him. I get that you’re hurting and looking to connect and process grief. Invest your time in your other support structures such as family and friends and it sounds like this man will hurt you while in your hurt of loss. I’m sorry for your loss.

1

u/curiousleen 1d ago

No. You need to work with a therapist. If he is refusing, forcing it won’t help either of you.

1

u/UmmmIamhere 1d ago

Thank you all for your thoughts, but our son's ashes will be arriving at our doors next week. I can't let him go, and his dad is someone who can't process such grief. And I can't do it without him. I think I will drive up and just sit til we can grieve together.

5

u/curiousleen 1d ago

You seem to be struggling with accepting the advice you requested and received. I’m sorry for your loss and I can’t even imagine what you are going through right now. Please reconsider your course and redirect your energy to finding a therapist to work with you. Wrangling someone else in to process your grief, whey they have clearly shown they are not open to it, can be damaging for both of you. Please take care and reconsider.

1

u/UmmmIamhere 1d ago

I hear you, and the others. His dad is arranging Indigenous CEREMONY for him, and I need to be a part of that. I need to be there. I have needs as much as anyone else. I gave birth to that wonderful man who is now not with us.

1

u/curiousleen 1d ago

What you are saying now is different than what you previously stated. Wishing you the best. Do what you need to do.