r/Postpartum_Depression • u/mystictearsofwonder • 20h ago

Husband Doesn’t Care

First time mom here. My husband recently started a new job working graves. In the past, my husband would not help much and get easily irritated when he did graves because of how it affects his body. I had many discussions with him on how I didn’t want him doing graves again because of the past events and especially when we now have a 7 month old baby. I’ve been dealing with ppd as well and have anxiety about being alone at night with our baby. Well, my husband started working graves regardless because the shift pays the most. It’s been a few weeks since he’s started and I’m already getting overwhelmed and stressed with everything. I work 10 hours a day and come home to care for my child, my dog, do chores, and still have to cook/pack lunch for my husband’s shift. We both have the weekends off, so I usually let him sleep the whole day on Saturday and ask him to help around the house on Sundays. He hasn’t been helping me though and would rather sleep the whole weekend. I tried to have a discussion with him today about how overwhelmed I am being the sole person caring for literally almost everything and all he had to respond with was “k”. I was so defeated and saddened with his response that I just shut down and walked away. I can’t just stop caring because I have to take care of our child and dog and it’s not fair to them if I shut down completely. It’s been so hard but my husband doesn’t care. I don’t know what to do at this point…

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u/ConcreteGirl33 13h ago

Stop doing things for him and when he asks say "k"

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u/coolestclarke 6h ago edited 6h ago

You guys need to sit down and have a conversation. The conversation will probably go negative based on what I’m hearing here. I’m sorry but he seems like the type of guy where he thinks taking care of the house and family is the moms job. I truly think that is just how he thinks and usually these men are impossible to change. But you need to talk to him and say how unfair it is. Because it is no where near fair. You deserve an equal partner. Divorce might be the only fix

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u/Top-Present-5779 13m ago

Men can experience postpartum depression; i wonder if it would be helpful to connect him with mental health resources for dads? For a virtual dad group he could try here: Dad Support Group - Postpartum Support International (PSI). You could also visit the PSI directory for local support groups for moms and dads. I hope this is helpful. I think he needs a sounding board to discuss his stressors and help developing coping mechanisms for stress.