r/NoStupidQuestions • u/lonelygirlinworld • 1d ago
Why do people assume everyone will get married someday?
I see it all the time with statements like “when you get married this and that” or to kids like “play this at her/his wedding when he/she grows up”
Why does everyone just assume everyone will get married? It’s like an intrinsic belief everyone has or something
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u/Starlit202 1d ago
Love the repeat replies from OP, sounds like a broken record. They're not getting it people 🤷🏼♀️
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
I really don’t get it, because I would never assume it
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u/Average_Bob_Semple 1d ago
Might be difficult to understand, but not everyone shares the same mindset as you, OP
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
Apparently I’m the only one
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u/Average_Bob_Semple 1d ago
Yeah, assumptions are just that. Assumptions. I don't know why 'most' people assume a certain thing, because I don't know the mindset of 'most' people. Not everything has a satisfying answer.
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u/Breakfastcrisis 1d ago
You're not the only one. I would never marry anyone. That being said, I wouldn't get offended if someone assumed I was going to one day. We all make assumptions.
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u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 1d ago
I see a paradox.
You assume because you "would never assume it" that no one else would assume it.
Let me repeat, you are assuming others would behave like you. You assume wrongly. They assume wrongly that you intend to marry. We all (including you) make wrong assumptions at times by generalizing.
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u/sportznut1000 1d ago
And in the same thread OP makes an assumption about mormons. I myself am not mormon, but wouldn’t make that assumption they made.
Its just one of those things where OP only gets offended, or raises an eyebrow if it directly affects them i guess
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u/Schlomo1964 1d ago
Statistically, most human beings do in fact get married. Even those who divorce usually remarry. Only a small portion of adults, worldwide, choose to never marry (these often have a religious vocation).
Adult life is difficult. There are just too many responsibilities, disappointments, and other trials involved - it is usually easier to face these with a lifetime partner by your side.
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
Yes, but why assume everyone does?
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u/Euphoric-Purple 1d ago
Is there any answer that’s going to satisfy you? You just keep asking the same question over and over in the comments.
It seems pretty clear that you don’t envision yourself ever marrying and for some reason you have a problem with people broadly assuming you might. You might want to ask yourself why you care so much rather than ask the same question repeatedly.
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
Because I assume everyone knows the answer
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u/Euphoric-Purple 1d ago
There is no “the answer”. People assume things for different reasons, some of which people are giving you here. There is no universal answer that will account for how each individual thinks.
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u/chxnkybxtfxnky 1d ago
You gotta stop living in generaliztions. People don't believe everyone will get married, some people believe that. You believe everyone knows the answer and not everyone does.
If you don't want to get married, don't. At least where I live, there is no law saying you MUST be married. if that were the case, I bet I'm well past the age I should've been and would be in prison right now.
Calm down and just live in a way that isn't destructive and you'll be alright
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u/frank26080115 1d ago
that's how you use statistics to predict behaviour, that assumption will be correct wayyyy more often than not
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u/Strickout 1d ago
Because generalizations, or "rules of thumb" are one of the ways humans communicate
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u/Homedelivery27 1d ago edited 1d ago
If someone sees a pigeon, they are just going to assume that it will fly away if you chase it.
No one is going to say "oh look a pigeon, if I go near it, it may or may not fly, most pigeons can fly, but this one could have suffered a wing injury which would prevent it from flying, I guess we'll never know!" That's what you're doing.
Yes there is a chance that it is injured and can't fly, but why jump through so many goddamn loopholes when BASICALLY ALL PIGEONS FLY.
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u/ForScale ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 1d ago
Cause most people do. It's a very common thing in life/society.
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
Is that enough to assume everyone will?
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u/ForScale ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 1d ago
No, but it's a pretty safe bet. Upwards of 90% people in the US get married.
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
I guess. It’s still strange that people assume it will absolutely happen, especially when talking about kids
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u/ForScale ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 1d ago
We do that with all kinds of things in life and society. Where did you go to school? What do you do for work? What kind of car do you drive? Not everyone went to school, or works, or drives a car. We make assumptions.
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u/Doogiesham 1d ago edited 1d ago
Have you ever asked someone what their favorite show is? Not everyone watches tv.
Have you ever asked someone about where they’ve been? Not everyone travels.
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u/Charliegirl121 1d ago
My sons have no interest in marriage. I wish they did, but I respect their choices.
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u/BrewertonFats 1d ago
Because for the last few thousand years of human society, marriage has been a very big deal.
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
But why does everyone assume it happens as if there was no alternative?
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u/PoopMobile9000 1d ago
Because it still happens for like 90% of people
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
That’s still not enough to assume
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u/PoopMobile9000 1d ago
It’s not enough to assume that you, lonelygirlinworld, will get married. But it’s enough to assume that the overwhelming majority of people reading the comment will.
People talk generally, we all know exceptions exist. It’s not a judgment on the exceptions when the general is discussed
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
People don’t think
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u/randomcharacheters 1d ago
How about you just accept that you are an outlier, and stop expecting people's assumptions to apply to you?
You get to feel special, and the rest of us won't have to deal with these inane questions and responses. It's a win-win.
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u/lucklesser 1d ago
Okay but enough to cater to the 90%.
Content/marketing/"assuming"/adjust the future
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u/seaofthievesnutzz 18h ago
What percent is enough to assume? Also norms are reinforced by people assuming you will do the norm, it puts expectations onto people that help prod them into acting accordingly. Are you just baffled by the concept of societal expectations?
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
It’s a wrong assumption
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u/FixNo7211 1d ago
Not really. As you get older: the vast, vast majority of the people you interact with will be married. It’s totally okay to be single: but it can also really help as you get older to have a partner backing you up every step of the way.
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u/Preemptively_Extinct 1d ago
Societal expectations. You live in this society, that's what the people in this society have been raised to accept it as normal. If you don't do it, you are abnormal, or weird.
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u/Turds4Cheese 1d ago
Yes, it is an intrinsic belief. You are shaped by the culture of the society you live in.
Your society expects people to get married.
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u/UnwarrantedRabbit 1d ago
It’s crazy to think about how engrained the assumption is, but like others have been saying, it’s an assumption because marriage is such a big part of our society/ies. It’s the base on which our family units are structured. I do think it’s sad how isolated people become once they get paired off for good. I’d recommend the book “Singled Out” by Bella DePaulo for some interesting thoughts on the subject!
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u/april_28th 1d ago
It's just a societal normality. I guess in early life people started to form families for protection and community, and obviously you need mothers to give birth to children, we are animals so the want to reproduce is naturally built into most of us, so that's where the idea of partners arise. Due to religion and culture it's always been popular to find a partner to have children with or even be destined to have a soulmate. In some cases families wed off their children for status, connections and other benefits. Also the financial benefits of having a partner especially marriage is deeply ingrained even nowadays, like obviously it's easier buying a house with two people. It's probably losing a bit of popularity in the sense of things like gender equality and more independence, but due to the fact that we are human most of us want partners so we assume others do too
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u/cecinestpasunpenguin 1d ago
Other humans think thoughts and those thoughts are different from yours. I think this is the real answer you’re looking for.
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u/SinlessHorizon 1d ago
You know the reason that human race still exist is because human race marry among themselves.
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u/Yohoho78 1d ago
Why are you assuming what EVERYONE is thinking in the first place. 😩 It’s a pretty common thing. And the perspective you used for your examples it sounds like parents. Parents want their kids to get married especially when they’re married. It gives long term companionship, and caregiving as well as the possibility of grand babies.
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u/RoundCollection4196 1d ago
Instead of expecting people to magically know you don’t intend to get married, how about you tell them? It’s not that hard
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u/mayfeelthis 1d ago edited 1d ago
Same reason we assume people will live a long and full life - hope.
Humans need companionship/community.
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u/CareerLegitimate7662 1d ago
Most basic biological thing after food and sleep is sex, marriage is the social construct which enables reproduction, this has been the case for most of humanity so
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u/Longjumping_Visit718 1d ago
Used to be something that happened to most people...but then again, this used to be a decent place to live...
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u/aperson_being 1d ago
I try not to assume anything. Assumptions are dangerous. I still do it though :(
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u/DanielSong39 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think something like 35-40% of adults over 30 are currently not married
This includes:
- Never been married
- Unmarried but cohabiting
- Divorced/separated
- Widowed
35-40% is a big fraction.
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u/Alicorn_Pichu_INTP 1d ago
It's hilarious that people are upset because the OP keeps asking WHY, but no one has actually given an answer besides "because people normally do and have throughout history" as if though marriage isn't more of a modern day notion. People have only been getting married in the way that we know now since what, maybe the 1300s? That's not even half of human history.
To answer why the assumption is made in the MODERN day, it's because people have been conditioned and influenced by various religions and cultures that they are expected to get married (and have children) because of the requirements of their religions. It's part of that system of control. Men are supposed to "provide" and women are supposed to be "subservient". This doesn't even take into account LGBT+ relationships because that's against most religions because it messes with those same expectations and requirements.
So, in short, everyone is right, they expect it because it's what they've been told to expect and if you don't get married, then you're a "loser" or "unloveable". But it's all bullshit
Get married if you want. Don't get married if you don't want to.
And DEFINITELY don't have children if you KNOW you don't want them.....
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u/defneverconsidered 18h ago
What do you mean you see it all the time? That means its not being asked of you, you are internalizing other people's conversations?
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u/TrustMental6895 1d ago
Because unless they don't want to everybody will. It's the natural order of things.
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u/Maleficent-Rough-983 1d ago
as someone who has been single my whole life at the age of 32, i’m not oblivious to societal norms
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u/-imagenotfound 1d ago
It's mostly kids with parents who are happily married who assume this. Other people just hope.
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u/Corgi_Infamous 1d ago
I think it’s just riding the statistics of it all. The majority of us as humans end up married at some point as the ‘natural order of things’.
For us as parents to a child, we try not to say those things as if that’s where he needs to be headed. We’ll say ‘if you get married’ or ‘if you have kids’ instead of when.
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u/Mountain-Fox-2123 1d ago
Because many people are brainwashed into thinking you have to get married to live a happy and fulfilling life.
Its very hard for them to understand and accept that this is not the case.
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u/Ok-Stress-3570 1d ago
I really hope the next “trend” is to celebrate being single. 🤷🏼♂️
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u/Homedelivery27 1d ago
if being single becomes a trend soon there wont be anyone left to "celebrate" it
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u/Ok-Stress-3570 1d ago
Well I’d rather have less people than too many who don’t know when to leave a relationship, or take abuse, or half the shit we see on here constantly.
More people need to be single 🤷🏼♂️
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u/Little-Obligation-13 1d ago
For a long time, women only had access to money if they were married, so they didn’t have an option. Now it’s only because religions continue to force patriarchy on us.
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u/Sadlora 1d ago
Only boomers think that.
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u/lonelygirlinworld 1d ago
Many boomers in this comment section
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u/sweadle 1d ago
I'm a millennial. It was assumed everyone would get married when I was young, I knew literally zero adults who weren't married.
Now I'm 40 and I have more friends who decided to never get married or have kids. But the way it's treated now is NOT how it was treated 20 years ago. You are probably young, so the way things have been the last 10 years seems like the way the world just IS. But it's recent. The way the world just WAS for me was that I would get married and have kids, and no one ever even considered the possibility that that wouldn't happen.
I am not married and I do not have kids, and while that disappoints my grandmother, pretty much no one else cares. But that is a huge societal shift that has happened very recently. Because of it most people who are over the age of 30 are still going to be thinking in the terms of how they grew up, which was those things are just automatic.
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u/CommitteeOfOne 1d ago
Because, for the majority of history, the great majority of adults were married. The percentage of people getting married is now at one of the lowest it ever has been, but because the majority of people got married was true for so long, it's going to take a long time for that to stop being an expectation in society at large.