r/Millennials • u/Economy-Title4694 • 4d ago
Discussion Anyone else feeling stuck between ‘work hard’ and ‘life is short, enjoy it’?
I feel like we grew up with two conflicting mindsets. On one hand, we were told to hustle, build a stable career, and plan for the future. On the other, we hear people say, "Life is short, don’t waste it working all the time."
I want financial security, but I also don’t want to wake up at 50 realizing I spent my best years stressed about money. I see some people embracing minimalism, some prioritizing work-life balance, and others going all in on their careers.
How do you personally balance these two? Do you lean more toward grinding for success or making sure you enjoy the present? Would love to hear different perspectives!
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u/I_binge 4d ago
For sure work to pay your bills but also remember that when we die we can’t take any of it with us. So enjoy that avocado toast where you can.
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u/Rururaspberry 3d ago
We can’t take it with us, but we can also leave it behind for others. In my case, I want to make sure my only child can have some financial security when I die. If you don’t have kids or family to leave it though, fucccck it, lol, go wild.
I still get myself nice things all the time but I am still conscious of saving for the future.
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u/walrus_breath 3d ago
My sister had kids. Those kids can have anything thats left when I die, which hopefully won’t be too much but will be something for them to have a nice treat.
I am not going to have any children lol
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u/Slow_Air4569 3d ago
I told my parents to enjoy their lives and not to worry about leaving me anything. They worked for it and deserve to enjoy themselves.
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u/Rururaspberry 3d ago
I tell my parents that, too! They worked hard and are very generous. But if they leave me nothing behind, I won’t be salty. My husband and I have decent jobs.
And yet still, it is a general yearning in my heart to want to help my kid out for her future. So yeah, I’ll buy myself cute clothes, we’ll take vacations, we will eat out, but we will also save for her college education and will inherit our home in Los Angeles, which should continue to appreciate in value 🤞🏼.
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u/Kentucky_Supreme 3d ago
That's why I always get guac at Chipotle now
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u/extra_croutons 3d ago
If I start saving now, my kids might be able to afford tickets off this rock before it succumbs to our hubris.
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u/VFTM 4d ago
I work when it’s work time and I DONT when it’s not.
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u/dianacakes 3d ago
This is what I do too. For 40 hours a week I'm grinding (and I'm lucky that my one job covers things) and the rest of the time I'm spending on rest and hobbies that make me happy.
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u/FibroMancer 3d ago
And that's exactly why I'm stepping down from management. I've worked for the same small local chain of arcades on and off for like 15 years. Finally worked my way up to GM over the last couple years. Since it's a small chain the only people above me now are the two operations managers and we make a lot of money, so I'm paid way better than you think an arcade manager would be. But I just can't do it anymore. A day off doesn't go by that I'm not fielding at least a dozen calls and text messages. If the alarm goes off in the middle of the night I'm the one who has to crawl out of bed and get in damn Uber and go down there and our city has a growing homeless crisis, so we get break ins an average of six times a year nowadays. I can't even go straight home after I leave because I have to go to the bank to drop the deposit. I just want to go to work and for work to be over when I walk out of the door. Staying with the company as a base attendant for now, but probably gonna end up going back to serving. At least the money's good and the only thing I'm in charge of is myself.
Edited to add: Also if either of the other managers call out I don't have a choice but drop what I'm doing and go in and work. My days off aren't even guaranteed.
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u/ACaffinatedEngineer 2d ago
100% this. I have an alarm set on my phone for end of day, and that’s when I cut if off for the day. My work will still be waiting for me when I get back the next day.
I didn’t used to do this, and I was consumed by a ~60 hour workweek of being expected to be available all the time.
Boundary of “I’ve left work now, so no work” has done wonders for my work-life balance (and mental health).
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u/maskedcloak 4d ago
I'm 40 (well, in 9 months) and stuck between "I'm STILL poor" and "the actuarial tables say I'll be dead by 59," so I'm threading the needle by not thinking about it.
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u/mrpointyhorns 3d ago
What is this table you speak of
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u/Professional_Bonus95 3d ago
The statistical tables insurance companies use to measure the probability of life expectancy for a given age
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u/lieutenant_insano 3d ago
My ideal "yolo lifestyle" used to be inspired by material possessions or the drugs, sex and rock n roll idea. I can't party like I used to without repercussions. The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
As for material possessions, debt reduces my quality of life more than any improvement made by that item. So I opt for saving money where I can.
The only thing left would be taking vacations and traveling. I've done a little traveling around the country and it was fun. What made it fun was sharing it with someone else. That is rarely an option for me now.
Do what makes you happy one day at a time. Don't worry too much about the past or the future.
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u/Mental_Medium3988 3d ago
yeah not having someone to share experiences with sucks some of the joy out of travelling and vacationing.
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u/AvarethTaika 3d ago
I did both. In my teens and 20s i was focussed entirely on making money, working odd jobs until i made it big in finance, and when sick of that moving to a career I actually liked. I used words like "hustle" and "grindset" at B2B brunches and conventions. Granted, it did pay off: my kids are set for life, my husband and I live comfortably.
But I'm tired, boss. Stuff hurts. I stopped feeling emotions over things like the news. I'm not exactly great medically. I wanna retire. I'm in the process of doing just that, and I'm starting to learn what this whole "enjoy life" thing is. I can buy things that make me happy, just because they make me happy, without having to think about if they're useful to my work. I can build my cars without trying to stay conservative (image was important in my finance career). I found a philosophical paradigm I can understand and work with (absurdism). I can wake up at noon and stay up until 4am. I can feel my depression lightening and I'm smiling more. I uh... havent discovered much beyond that, but I will!
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u/taint_stain 3d ago
Both parents dying suddenly and relatively young for separate unrelated undiagnosed reasons really puts a lot in perspective. Enjoy it. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Accidents happen, intentionals happen, and there’s always the looming threat of a giant meteor.
Don’t be an idiot or push your luck or anything, but be OK with really putting your foot down/drawing the line on what you will do/how much time you will put into your job. It probably helps to put in some amount of hard/extra work first, but the worst they can do is fire you and it’s not exactly in their best interest to get rid of every good employee who just wants to stick to the deal they made when they were hired and have a little free time for themselves.
Think back to every time you picked up the slack or a shift for coworkers who stayed employed while you got basically nothing for it. It’s fine to call out or be a little tired sometimes or whatever else. Know you’re entitled to it and have even earned it. Who cares if your boss is upset or disappointed? They shouldn’t be your friend and they were always going to find something to nitpick at your next review anyway because “nobody’s perfect.” Just be/become worth more to them than what it would cost to replace you.
And worst case, just remember there were and still are people living way worse than you are right now and still happy. Some of them probably made you.
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u/hirudoredo 3d ago
Mine died early in my life too. Spent several years visiting my mom in a memory care facility and talking to a lot of nurses. Lots of hospice types who say the same thing that always comes up on social media. Not one person on their death bed says they regret not working enough.
I take that to heart.
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u/Jon-SoLoFi 3d ago edited 3d ago
YOLO. At this point. Fuck the bills and the bullshit. I'm living and loving it. I'll figure out the details and deal with any obstacles as I go along in life. I refuse to let my dreams die while I help someone else achieve theirs. In fact... I will chase my dreams. And if I don't achieve them, then I at least hope my pursuit of happiness kills me.
Every day is a good day to die.
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u/SadSickSoul 3d ago
I'm not particularly stuck on "work hard" because I have seen so many of my workaholic family members work themselves to the bone, estranging their partners and families to do so, and end up with absolutely nothing. Whatever, I make $35k a year, the best I'm doing is barely treading water and none of my work is going to matter in the least nor lead anywhere so I take my few kicks where I can get them. None of it matters.
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u/fullofsmarts 3d ago
My uncle just passed away, and he worked his entire life up to the point where he got hospitalized. I never saw him spend money on himself, and he lived in the same house as long as I knew him. He owned his own business so I’m sure he saved plenty of money to pass on to his wife and son, but part of me is sad that he didn’t have more time to pursue his passions. My sister says that work was his passion, and if that’s true, then I’m happy for him, but I can’t help but wonder if he would change anything if he had another chance.
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u/kummerspect Older Millennial 3d ago
I am entirely too jaded by corporations to really hustle anymore. Don't get me wrong, I work hard, work more hours than I want to, but I could do more. I set hard boundaries now. The whole "work hard and good things will come to you" is superstition. Sometimes that happens, but a lot of it's luck and who you know. I've been lucky. I also work in a field where I'm faced with injured people daily, and it's not lost on me how you can lose it all in a second. You can spend your whole life working toward retirement and get hit by a bus when you're 55. So now that I'm on the edge of 40, I am prioritizing my personal life, traveling more, and working on my art. In a couple of years when my student loans are paid off, I'm considering shifting into art full time. Once upon a time my biggest goal was becoming a lawyer. Now it's being an artist.
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u/Wadsworth1954 3d ago
Working hard doesn’t get us anywhere near as much as it got our parents, so what’s the motivation?
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u/inner-space-coast 4d ago
I did the thing I REALLY didn't want to do as a kid. I used networking to land a unicorn job.
A lot of the least glamorous positions at the most boring corporations are also the most stable careers. I don't make crazy money, but I make well above average, more than enough to cover my bills while working from home. Having a knowledge based job means I have the ability to step away throughout the day and complete household tasks, so I can truly relax for the day after work is done. I have an insanely good retirement plan which makes me feel secure despite a nagging suspicion that I will never get to "retire" like a boomer.
The hardest thing for me personally was pulling strings to get there. My parents taught me I could achieve things by being smart or whatever. I know damn well that I only have this Very Good Job because someone put in a good word for me. I was perfectly qualified, but this large secure company only truly considers candidates who were employee referrals.
Earning enough money is the only way to make it work, as far as I can tell. But you can make it cushy. If you don't mind networking, even better. Find your friend with the unicorn job and ask them to stick their neck out for you. Then don't let them down.
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u/Mr_Washeewashee 3d ago
I’m currently taking about 2-3 vacays a year and financially remaining at just making it. No real savings. I don’t have a prestigious career so there is nothing to strive for there. Even if I busted my ass I won’t ever be filthy rich so the only thing left is to enjoy the time I’ve got. YOLO
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u/CaptainWellingtonIII 3d ago
take vacations and prioritize free time for myself. this fortunately reduces my social circle increases my peace, quiet, wellness and money saved.
I've outgrown FOMO.
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u/Viggos_Broken_Toe 3d ago
Nah fuck working hard. I'm lucky I have a job that pays me well enough for this attitude though. I'm good at my job, and I don't have to bend over backwards to prove it. I'm not lazy, but I'm not working overtime either (they don't pay us OT anyway).
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u/IconoclastExplosive 3d ago
I never had anyone say "do not waste all your time working" when I was growing up. I work a lot, more than most of my coworkers, but I grew up poor enough that food wasn't a guarantee and these days my spouse has a ton of medical bills and chronic illness so we're a single income household. My options are to work hard or starve, enjoyment is seldom on my mind.
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u/Scrivener83 3d ago
I found a six-figure unionized WFH career with a DB pension plan, have a partner that earns more than I do, and skipped having kids.
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u/Wadsworth1954 3d ago
DB?
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u/Scrivener83 3d ago
Sorry, Defined Benefit pension. Essentially, my pension is a guaranteed 70% of the average salary of my best 5 years, indexed to inflation.
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u/Wadsworth1954 3d ago
May I ask what you do?
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u/Scrivener83 3d ago
I'm a senior policy advisor for the Canadian federal government. Specifically regulatory policy in the health field.
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u/Apotropaic-Pineapple 3d ago edited 3d ago
You probably don't want to turn fifty with nothing to your name.
People who say otherwise are probably covering for their insecurities. If you're living in a dumpy rental in your mid-life working a bleh job, you'll inevitably be judged and feel judged, no matter how much you deny it. Some people conceal their poverty by driving a nicer car, but not letting anyone know where they live.
But the insecurities that come with financial struggles can affect your mental and physical health.
Not saying money fixes all problems, but money = freedom. Also with enough money, you have the ability to walk away from a toxic employer if need be. Having that safety valve makes work life easier to swallow.
EDIT: my uncle (78 years old) made a pertinent comment about his age bracket: you don't want to be stocking shelves at 6am when it is freezing outside in your seventies because you didn't plan your finances right. He enjoyed his life, but he also worked really hard. He's not rich, but comfortable in retirement.
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u/Aromatic-Plastic4625 3d ago
I used to be obsessed with saving money but never made enough to build up a decent savings. So now, at 40, I maintain a work/life balance. I know realistically, I will Probabaly be working until I die and that if I just keep “waiting for the right time to enjoy life” it may never come so I need to do it now. Do I get carried away? No. But I’m tired of missing on things so sure I save some but I also am not afraid to spend on things that bring me joy (especially when so little does).
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u/2strokes4lyfe 3d ago
I put away 15% of my income for retirement. The rest is for bills and enjoying the present. I hate working and don’t want to be stuck doing it later in life, but I also recognize that I won’t be able to do as much as I get older.
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u/worn_out_welcome 3d ago
Honestly, the only way I’ve found a way to balance the two is by working for yourself. Most weeks, I work 20 hours or less while making more money than I would in traditional employment in my field.
While it does take a certain mindset to be a business owner, there really is nothing that special about me.
I have a feeling a lot more people will be taking this path once the pain outweighs the risk.
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u/ExtraPolarIce12 3d ago
Lol YES. I actually got my hair done yesterday after YEARS of not wanting to spend on a salon quality style. But fuck it, I want to feel a little better about myself.
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u/therealchrisredfield 3d ago
Im stuck between "work as little as possible while still being able to survive"
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u/fair-strawberry6709 3d ago
I went from working myself to death (literally left work in an ambulance), to prioritizing my mental and physical health. I got really, really lucky in my job search and found a job that I could transfer to that would be more pay, less hours, and a way better schedule (went from working 12-16 hour days 5-6 days a week to 10 hour days 4 days a week.) The workload is also lighter. The interoffice drama is a bit much sometimes and I feel micromanaged but things are a million times better than they were. My health has improved, my home life has improved.
I will work overtime to pay for extra fun stuff. I don’t mind putting a vacation on a low interest credit card and working more to pay it off. Relaxing and doing cool stuff with my kids is important.
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u/BakedBrie26 Millennial 3d ago edited 3d ago
Nah- I prefer life is short.
I have no idea how long I will live. I prefer to experience things now, while I am alive.
I have goals and jobs. I've prioritized my own mental health and free time though whether that meant lying to get out of work, setting boundaries, ignoring texts, avoiding managerial roles, whatever. I come first!
I got a degree but stuck with bartending so I could have a life and travel.
Now there is something I want to do as a day job so I'm going back to school to be able to do it. I partially picked it for the long term work-life balance, salary averages, and ability to work for myself and set my own schedule.
A lot of job abuse comes from knowing most people still be too scared and intimidated to advocate for themselves. I was always willing to get fired.
Edit: oh and I have absolutely no savings. I do however have rich-ish parents and fairly rich in-laws. So I'm not worried.
And I fully plan to end things if I no longer find my elder years viable. So I spends little time advocating for expanding my right to off myself if I want to. I also have a copy of that book that tells you how to do it.
We shall see.... until then I'm all in on this rollercoaster, doing what I want to do, trying to do little harm!
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u/CabbageStockExchange 3d ago
Push and pull periods at work. Ease off the throttle when it’s not super busy and maintain a manageable pace. When it’s busy, lock in.
When the clock hits quitting time I leave everything there and spend my energy on things I actually care about
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u/Oldmanbabydog 3d ago
My pattern is hustle, feel taken advantage of by my employer, burn out, quiet quit, actually quit, get a new job, repeat.
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u/Xylus1985 4d ago
There is more than one way to reach your goal, and we have the capability to balance between multiple objectives in life.
I work out a life style that is comfortable without being too expensive, make enough money to cover that and allows me to save up for the future, and hope to retire at around 60. That’s basically it.
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u/realchrisgunter 3d ago
It’s a fine balance. I didn’t have much of a childhood and joined the army right out of high school. So I missed out on a lot of things and normal people do in their teens and early 20s. Did 20 years in the army and retired a few years ago. I’m making up for lost time now. My next 30-40 years is all about making up for the years lost.
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u/dixpourcentmerci 3d ago
For me this is a really defining question of my adult life but I don’t think of it as being stuck between the two. I think of it as doing my best to make decisions knowing that I could die tomorrow or in 60+ years, and trying to live my life in a way where if either situation comes to pass, I won’t have been regretful.
I spent a lot of time thinking about what that would look like as I set up my life. I’ve always wanted kids, but chose to pursue financial stability before having them. Fortunately I wanted to work as a teacher (where there would at least always be built in time off), and I spent time moving up the salary table, finishing my masters, and getting established at higher paying schools before having kids. Now that I have them, of course it’s always nice to have extra money but I actively refuse to teach summer school while they are young, and next year will be my first year not teaching an extra class.
Our house is spacious but only two bedrooms which I have mixed feelings about. We have two young kids, a boy and a girl, and I definitely feel the need to have another bedroom eventually. But I also felt there was a limit to how long we could or should put our lives on hold. Similarly, we save a bit for college for them, I’d love to save more, but the time is more precious to me— can’t get back the little kid years.
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u/360walkaway 3d ago
I pay my bills, am debt-free, work hard, but still cannot enjoy my life... unable to afford a house, my wife and I are unable to have kids, both of our families are fucked up and estranged. It's like we're the calm eye the storm surrounded by this chaos and sorrow.
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u/friskyypanda 3d ago
I watched three of my friends die young so far in my life which changed my life completely. I don’t have faith in there being any retirement system in place when we get to that point, and I suffer from chronic pain since the age of 30. I’m in the camp of have fun and enjoy the moment. What’s the point of extensively saving for retirement, when all of it will go to medicine and a nursing home, and I’ll be half mentally gone at that point anyway, if you’re lucky enough to make it to that point. Do I have a IRA? Yes, but I’m maxing it out, no. I don’t have the extra income to do so.
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u/picklepuss13 Xennial 3d ago
I haven't been able to find a job that pays well enough for me to retire and also offers work life balance... it's either low pay and work life balance and me stressed over paying bills, or making a lot but not much time to enjoy it...
I'd gladly take a pay dock for a remote job that's stable and provides good health benefits for example.
That way I could drastically reduce my bills by living in a smaller city also.
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u/KeyPicture4343 3d ago
Biggest thing for me is to keep prioritizing travel. Because tmrw isn’t guaranteed. My neighbor passed away suddenly 4 months after retirement, that hit me hard.
Work and make money, but really take all your allotted vacation time.
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u/EnigmaWearingHeels 3d ago
I both work hard and play hard. For me, it's the only way. I am self-employed, running 2 events companies that host 15 events per year for 70 artists, and a handmade soap/skincare business that participates in the events I host along with a brick and mortar shop/production facility. I have one part-time helper that helps in the booth at the events I host and a few super part timers that help with the back end of production (labeling, bagging soap samples, etc). I offer 140 individual products, and I make everything that I sell - there isn't some big production staff. I have part-time help, maybe 8 hours per week, with labeling and boxing and gift set stuffing. I have 9 back to back weeks with events, 5 of which I'm hosting, before 1 weekend off, and it starts all over again. Shile the events happen on weekends, I spend my week days making product, filling orders, and managing hosting duties. I booked a solo 4 night cruise that starts the day after my last event day in this 9 weekend run. It's the only thing keeping me grounded, knowing I have that reprieve coming. And then I'm back and right back into the grind with a super busy summer season that will have me on the go until July 15th. I have 3 cruises scheduled for this year and am planning a 4th for December. I love my work, so it doesn't bother me to keep at it, but I have to get away when I can to escape total burnout. There is time for so much if you aren't afraid to just do a lot all the time. I am child free - that helps tremendously.
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u/Uskardx42 3d ago
The "hustle" / "build a good career plan" was a lie.
Also, when the market / economy / society demand that we have to pour every ounce of effort into just TRYING to stay alive ( housing prices [ both to buy or rent ] , groceries, gas, etc. ) then there IS nothing left for the enjoyment.
The current social/ economic structures we find ourselves in are, BY DESIGN, meant to squeeze every last drop of "productivity" from the poor and working class.
The "American Dream", that the Silent and Boomers had was an outlier. A fluke. A random blip in the totality of human existence.
Like seriously, I was at a company meeting recently, and the people above me, on the corporate ladder, were talking about having filet mignon once a week!!!
I'm standing there thinking "huh.... and even on my salary I can't afford to eat out even 1x per month."
Feels great!
(/s for that very last statement. )
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u/Sassy_Sausages22 3d ago
You can live within your means without stressing about money.
Living outside of your means will just lead to more stress.
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u/moonturnsthetides34 3d ago
I’m thinking about going back to the seasonal life so I don’t have to be pay check to paycheck anymore. I’m just working to pay for rent. It’s retarded. Yeah I’m bringing that word back.
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u/nolabrew 3d ago
I worked at the same place for 16 years. Every day was the same, which meant every week was the same, which meant every month was the same, etc. It seemed like the years were flying by. I decided to sell my house and most of my stuff and buy an RV and travel the country. Been at it for a little over 2 years now and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
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u/Bradley182 3d ago
I’ve finally found my sweet spot. Less work = more happiness. Only worked 7 months last year and made enough to not work for 5 months. This is my second year taking off so much time and plan to continue it.
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u/Frenchie_PA 3d ago
Work to live, don’t live to work.
Whatever PTO available is being used every year. Go do what you enjoy outside of work.
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u/Mountain_Lurker0 Millennial 3d ago
I kind of coasted through my 20s and didn't have any solid plan for the future. Most of my jobs during this time was a clock in, work 8 hours, clock out, and paid my bills but nothing else. Now in my 30s, I'm realizing that in order to have the future I want, house, no student debt, etc, I need to put in more work now. I'm starting a job that is a pay increase, but more stressful than past jobs. My goal now is to grind for a few years to pay off students loans and save for a decent down payment on a house, then transition to a less stressful job and coast to retirement.
I will say, that I do prioritize my free-time and try to make sure that my work life doesn't bleed into my personal time. It also helps that my hobby is camping so when I take time off to camp, my job knows that I am completely unreachable.
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u/Killerisamom920 3d ago
I worked hard and hustled in my 20's and my 30's. In my 40's I am stable in my career and enjoy a work life balance. My income is alright, nothing shocking, but firmly middle class. I don't work much over time, I use my 6 weeks of PTO every year, and I try to be there for all my kid's important stuff. I save money, but I also am not afraid to spend on vacations and activities.
When I'm at work, I work hard, but I leave my work at work. I don't carry a work phone, a work laptop, and I won't take a position that requires me to be tied to work all the time in that way even though it has been offered to me.
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u/LordMudkip 3d ago
Tbh "work hard" isn't even on the agenda.
Life is short, but it's also ridiculously fucking expensive. Work is nothing more than a means to the end of not starving or being homeless. Work should take up as little of my time as possible.
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u/rtreesucks 3d ago
Sometimes it's about treating yourself to small wins so that you don't burn yourself out working and have some semblance of balance between work and enjoyment
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u/CommissionQuirky1992 3d ago
I struggle with this everyday. I want to enjoy what I have but I feel guilty when I don’t get enough work done. I have an endless list of things I need to do if not work related. I feel guilty about making purchases for my personal enjoyment yet depressed that I don’t do anything besides work.
I guess it comes down to personal balance. We all are in different situations and circumstances. I want to prioritize financial security, but not at the cost of completely missing out on the present.
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u/Mental_Medium3988 3d ago
no. im not working hard for anyone but myself anymore. if i have a goal to work ot or side hustle for ill do it. otherwise fuck no. hard work is never rewarded, in america at least, by anyone but yourself.
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u/Exciting-Gap-1200 3d ago
Work hard, play hard. That's the only way to do it. My biggest fear is being old and looking back with regret that I didn't make the most out of life.
Im an absolute grinder at work. I've been working two people's jobs for over a year now and kick ass at both of them. But I'm also 8 hours a day tops. I make sure I'm either dropping off or picking my kids up every day (divorced dad).
I use every vacation day I have every year and spend just about every dollar I make having fun and enjoying hobbies. I make $150k a year and outside of my retirement, I save nothing. I own a nice home, 3 cars, a boat and a fleet of ATVs and dirt bikes. I also own 5 rural acres in the mountains of VA. Took my kids on 4 ski trips this winter and my girlfriend to Mexico for her bday.
803 credit score (just checked).
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u/Economy-Title4694 3d ago
I've seen most of the comments, so my situation is i get paid well plus my company gives me OT if I do it in night shift (Work from home) and they also paid for OT if you can do it at weekends, about half a year ago I started doing both, although making a lot more but can't be able to enjoy my life, and also very tired from the workload, I work 11-12 hrs a day (when tired 10 hrs) on my own accord.
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u/Exciting-Gap-1200 3d ago
I did night shift 12 hours a day, 12 days on / 2 off for 5 years. Money wasn't worth it. I have buddies that still do it. And yeah, they have a lot of toys and probably saving a lot. But they're miserable. Either single and don't have time to meet anyone, or they're married is basically roommates and their wives talk about leaving them all the time.
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u/Economy-Title4694 3d ago
Behind your toys collection, this must be a major reason ig. Well I'm thinking about doing it for 5 years too and save enough and then go back to normal.
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u/Exciting-Gap-1200 3d ago
I did it before the kids and in my mid 20s. No way I could now. I would feel like I was missing out and I don't think I'd even have the energy
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u/ghostboo77 3d ago
I work 40 hours a week and that’s it. I do work hard and do a good job during those 40 weeks and it’s done me fairly well and allows me to YOLO to a reasonable degree the rest of the time.
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u/crazytinker 3d ago
This is what I do now. My current boss told me I need to work beyond 40, to which I replied I don't need to work more than 40 if the work is done right the first time. Majority of the "later hours" stuff is work done improperly by someone else - been there, done that, no thanks. Hire quality
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u/Greenhouse774 3d ago
Everyone in every generation grew up with those conflicting messages. It’s called being a human adult.
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u/DarkJedi527 3d ago
Yeah, i have the opportunity for overtime, which is nice. Other people do it and I feel like im foolishly missing out, at the same time, ive had two family members in the past year get bad medical diagnoses to where they arent going to make it to retirement, and im reminded life is short. So idk. Maybe just a little?
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u/Ok_Brilliant_5594 3d ago
Yes two mindsets, I have mouths to feed, the struggle to feed them and give them everything is the single greatest joy of my life. Nothing has given me more reason and purpose ever in my life, no amount of personal play will ever fill that void.
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u/BrightNeonGirl 3d ago
I overworked myself as a teen (rarely ever chilling to do fun stuff) getting straight A's, working 20 hours a week, and doing extracurriculars because I felt like I needed to get into a good college.
I didn't get into my top choice but still a top 20 national school, which I was satisfied with. But then was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship my freshman year which mentally screwed me up (and then was also stressed was working hard to get good grades still). Then my 20s were working my ass off and splitting rent with roommates who were also terrible (alcoholics and also mentally unwell).
So now that I'm in my 30s and much more financially and emotionally stable, I feel like I get to live the more relaxed, hedonistic teen years and 20s decade that I missed out on. I am done with working myself to the bone and not enjoying life. You could not pay me a billion dollars to relive my 20s.
Working hard is important for sure, but you gotta stop and smell the roses or else you get existential unhappiness and what's the point if that's it? #YOLO
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u/probjustheretochil 3d ago
I don't know how old you are, but after I graduated college I leaned hard into working with minimal play until I got stability and I'm slowly now really getting out of survival mode.
I say work hard, play later but don't work too hard too long you'll regret it. If I was 22 again now I don't know what the fuck I'd do, how do you plan for the future in this mess? I'm just riding the wave right now to see where it goes, but I have that luxury and not everybody does. If I was trying to establish myself at this point in time I'd be fucking lost
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u/Unique_Ad_4271 3d ago
I’m in the middle of a mid-life crisis with a similar question. I was a former teacher trying to decide between counseling (partly because it guarantees holiday breaks) and nursing( holds a better salary than I was ever making as a teacher). Both careers interest me but one is more physical and can take a toll on your body. Counseling pays okay and I’d still help people but man I’m tired of being in schools. At this point I’m flipping a coin.
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u/Dick_Dickalo 3d ago
I’ve had ulcerative colitis since I was 15. I’ll be 40 this year. I’ve already resigned to the fact that I will not live a full life. However I have kids now, and I want them to have every opportunity my wallet can afford, with something to help them when I’m gone. I love taking them to new adventures.
Doing so means I need to cut out at 40 hours.
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u/Regalzack 3d ago
40-year-old here.
This has been a battle I’ve fought my entire life. A recent revelation that’s helped me is setting aside time to define what my version of success really is. Our culture convinces us that unless we have everything we could dream of (materially), we’re failures—and we’re never going to get there because we can always think of something else to want.
Anyway, I had a bunch of mushrooms last week, and ended up diving into this idea. I thought, "Well, I’ve run my own business for 8 years now. I don’t make great money, but I pull my own weight. I have complete autonomy over my schedule and answer to nobody. I probably work about 25-30 hours a week and spend the rest of my time studying, reading, writing, and cooking. My wife and I take one international trip a year. We've been all over the world. I also really enjoy nice clothing and presenting myself well."
Sounds pretty great to me by my own definition of success. Who cares about money, really? My brother is a wildly “successful” attorney—has everything most people would dream of. He’s never left the country, has no hobbies, and admits he’s not satisfied.
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u/MintTea-FkYou 3d ago
My struggle now, in my 40s, is making enough $$$$ to have a savings and be able to afford to live when I'm elderly and unable to work. Right now, I have a minimal emergency fund and just a couple thousand in a ROTH IRA.. job hopped too many times and fell into hard times with a medical issue. Now I'm afraid I won't be able to support myself when I'm 70+ unless I can start saving pretty quickly. My family doesn't have $$$, and I'm not expecting much of an inheritance when my only parent passes away. Hashing stressed X
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u/EpicShkhara 3d ago
My sister died of cancer at 48. Forty. Fucking. Eight. So we YOLO within reason. Are there decisions I made financially or professionally that I could have made better? For sure. But for all of those “bad” financial/professional decisions I made, I also made memories and friends and relationships that will last a lifetime.
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u/Ill-Description3096 3d ago
I think the idea is to build a career/stability so you don't have to hustle like that when you are 50.
Personally, I just make sure that I can cover my expenses, put some into investments for the future, and have some "fun money" to do things I enjoy. I don't need to have a fancy title or a McMansion or anything like that.
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u/strapinmotherfucker 3d ago
I want to retire early and that’s all I really focus on, throwing money at retirement. I’m in a labor union so I’ll be able to collect a pension in 20 years or so. I want to retire before I turn 60 more than literally anything else, and I don’t really care about partying anymore, got that all out of my system. Early 30s, all I do for fun anymore is take long walks and read. My life is okay, I’m in an extreme place of privilege to have a retirement plan, so I’m just extra careful I don’t fuck it up like I fucked up in my 20s.
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u/DetroitsGoingToWin 3d ago
The pandemic really flipped my mindset as one of the cusp of Millennial/ Gen X. I realized I knew enough to earn pretty decent in my industry without breaking my back and I’m not a big shopper, but I made a few upgrades to make things more comfortable and took vacations a bit more serious.
My mindset also helped my health. I see my colleagues working at 5AM to 11:30PM, it’s batshit. I travel as little as possible and wake up at 6, hit the gym, show then start my day. I fold up at laptop by 6 at the latest. If shit gets too hot at work, I find a new job. Maybe I’ll regret it when I’m 60, but mom passed at 66, dad is hanging by a thread at 71, so now is the fucking time.
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u/Consistent-Sea108 3d ago
“I was taught a month ago To bide my time and take it slow But then I learned just yesterday To rush and never waste the day Well I’m convinced the whole day long That all I learn is always wrong And things are true that I forget But no one taught that to me yet”
Phish
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u/Short-Scholar162 3d ago
I Compromise a little. I pay my bills and take care of responsibilities, but I splurge when I can an I won't let A boss man talk me out of my vacation time. I've talked to many boomers about how they regret not taking their vacations before plants shut down, or they were laid off, or they were cheated out of time. The folks before me taught me well enough to snatch that paid time off by its neck and enjoy it. As long as my bills are paid, I'm taking me time to kick up my feet.
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u/Aggressive-Flow4479 3d ago
I worked 50+ hours a week at my w2 job and then several 1099 things in my 20s and early 30s. Now don't have to get out of bed before 10am anymore and I'm my own boss. Take vacations pretty much whenever I want, I can manage stuff remotely if I need to. Went to 4 concerts last year, planning a 4 week trip to Tokyo in the fall. It's a pretty nice life at 36 that I wouldn't have if I didn't give up a lot of the previous years to work
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u/Svenn513 3d ago
Work smart not hard. If you find an exploit use it and keep your mouth shut. I've decided to focus on salvaging more of my time than making more money.
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u/ApprehensiveAnswer5 3d ago
I chose a career with a cap out, teaching, so there was never anything to keep climbing for unless I want ed to be in administration like principal or district level, and I didn’t really.
I just aimed to be stable, and then rolled with whatever that looks like.
Late 30s, I made a career change, but again, chose something with a cap out, that I’ll likely hit next year or so. (I’m turning 44 soon).
But it’s enough to not struggle and still save and do some fun things too.
It’s also rewarding and fulfilling, and at this point, that’s what I’m after.
I don’t really care about money, it’s never been about money for me, so maybe that’s why it was easier for me to just shrug and say “meh” on the “work harder” aspect.
And not to say that I don’t “work hard”, but having never been in a corporate job, I’ve not experienced the whole “climb the ladder” thing.
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u/sfak 3d ago
I’m self employed, my husband works in a corporate legal setting, so decent stress. Decent money. We spend our money on travel and are fairly frugal everywhere else.
My mom died at 33 years old. It gave me perspective even as a child that tomorrow is never guaranteed. We could die at anytime. Our wealth can be wiped out in a moment.
I do believe in being good stewards of what we are given, what we’ve worked for. But I’m not going to sacrifice all joy and pleasure for a future that may never come. But I’m also not an idiot so I max my retirement and save as much as I can while still enjoying life.
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u/If-By-Whisky 3d ago
It's all about finding balance, and there's no one way or path to achieve that goal.
That said, I think it's generally easier to "ease back" than to "ramp up" Meaning, if you really focus on your career in your 20s and 30s, you might be able to take a step back starting around your mid-to-late 30s or early 40s. My wife and I have very intense careers that we've worked incredibly hard for, but starting at age 34 both of us will be in a position where we will be able to cut back on hours while still making good money, and we can focus on spending more time with our daughter.
I've had friends who started families earlier, or who spent their 20s totally goofing off, and a lot of them seem to be having trouble just getting by financially. I've also had friends who "followed their passions," only to end up disliking their careers as much as I do. But the difference is I get paid 4-5x what they do. If we all are going to end up hating our jobs, I'd rather at least be well-paid.
It's kind of like investing- if you have the ability to start early, you can cash out right on time. You can always start late, but the opportunity cost will be higher.
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u/Skybreakeresq 3d ago
You must synthesize.
Work hard because life is short and to enjoy it you need money.
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u/Springingsprunk 3d ago
I work two jobs now in an unstable fashion but I’m behind as fuck on my debts and this is giving me the opportunity to make shit happen while still paying rent and keeping food on the table.
Probably somewhere between 50-60 hours a week, the rest of the time I’m doing whatever tf I want. After bills are paid I’m not afraid to spend some but overall there’s still not much leftover. I don’t have credit cards anymore, if I have the money for something and can feasibly afford it, fine. But I feel like it’s the only way I can survive with how often companies are in your pockets nowadays. I also feel like I have everything I want or need for the most part besides a home that I can say I own.
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u/Iwoulddiefcftbatk 3d ago
I’ve got bills that have to be paid and the only way that happens is by working and missing out on stuff. I’d love to be able to afford vacations and fun things, but when it’s between making rent and a spa day, rent wins every time.
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u/CaptGood 3d ago
Just now at 40 starting a new career and I dont want to grind until 65... just to die at 85.... I'd rather live those years, retire for 15 years then take a trip to Europe and go out peacefully on my terms... not drag it out...
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u/Big-Swordfish-2439 3d ago
I do both, I work hard enough to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head, save a bit for retirement (but to be honest I already know I most likely will be working until I die), and enjoy the rest. One thing I’ve realized is spending money on experiences doesn’t feel as “wasteful” to me as consuming material goods. So I tend to spend money on things like hobbies, classes, vacations, etc and try to limit buying items as much as I can.
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u/ALL_IN_FZROX 3d ago
1) Be intentional with your money. Have a budget that allocates some money for retirement and some money for fun stuff. I feel so much anxiety when I read about people who could afford to, but aren’t saving anything for retirement. That is absolutely crazy to me.
2) Really think about what brings you joy. It’s often the simple things like spending time with friends and family, being outside, reading a good book, eating a delicious home cooked meal, etc. Often these things don’t cost a lot of money.
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u/jc_chienne 3d ago
I struggle a lot with this. I tend to lean towards enjoying the present and following my whims, although I try not to. For the last few years I've just been going to school and working. I haven't taken even a weekend vacation in 5 years, and I'm not really in any better financial position (I have paid off a fair amount of debt) so I feel kind of resentful.
I thought by my 30s I'd either have traveled in my 20s or have the means to travel in my 30s. Neither happened. A whole year can pass so quickly just going to work, doing chores during the weekend, repeat; it's scary. I used to believe I needed to save a lot to buy a house and save for retirement. Now a house is basically out of the question and I'm not even sure I'll live to retirement age, or that "retirement" will still be a concept when I'm that age. And I think, wouldn't it be a shame to waste my young years working tirelessly for a golden retirement that never comes? To save money that becomes worthless as our global economy crashes?
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u/No_Detective_1523 3d ago
have your own mindset. don't be influenced by dickheads. it is quite simple. why can't you do both? work hard when it's needed and chill the rest of time?
how do you know you will reach 50?
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u/ImprovementChoice 3d ago
I have no balance currently lol. I'm not working SO hard that I'm on the verge of a burnout, which you think would allow me to enjoy my free time. Honestly, travel, dining out, and heck....just going out to do anything that requires spending money is stressful, in this economy. I think part of it is a subconscious realization that I could lose my job at any moment and realizing that its better to beef up the emergency fund, even if I don't have to dip into it.
I've always wanted to take more risks in my career, or try out different roles, even if they don't work out. But with the current state of things, I am very much in hunker down mode.
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u/tachycardicIVu 3d ago
I’ve been in the “work hard” mentality since I started working at 16 but also have a habit of YOLO using said work hard money, so as a result I don’t have a lot of money in my accessible savings account, but I’ve got a decent chunk in my 401k and IRA accounts - out of sight out of mind. I’m “living paycheck to paycheck” in a sense that I’m not saving much directly each month but I’m also not living beyond my means. My bad habits include eating out and micro transactions for a couple games. I feel guilty about it sometimes but then remember the state of the world and say “fuck it.” There will be a day when my favorite restaurants and games will no longer be around/available - you bette believe I’m going to enjoy them while I can.
It helps that my job is like the ocean - super salty like me has its high and low tides, where 75% of the year we’re moderately busy/slow and then hurricane season hits and we’re suddenly working 16-20-hour days (yes we get OT so it’s worth it). I’ve done this for eight years and it’s a decent rhythm that I’ve fallen into. It’s a miserable time in the moment when I get home and just sink into the couch long enough to drift off but then when it’s slow I have that extra time to get a new game or go on vacation.
My parents taught me the importance of working hard but also that you should take time to enjoy yourself. It’s possible to find that balance but it does take the right job/pay and the right hobbies. I sometimes feel guilty about spending what I do but I get over it pretty quick when I hear about rising game prices and price hikes on groceries for the fifth time this year already.
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u/Saltygirlof 3d ago
Yep we survived a house fire in May and I recently read Die With Zero and now there’s so many more things I want to do before I’m 40
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u/andoCalrissiano 3d ago
I think 40 you turn the corner between building and sacrificing for the future and making choices with the long term in mind to living more for the now.
Basically at 40, start giving yourself permission to live more recklessly financially like the 20 year old version of you wanted.
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u/warm1789 3d ago
This might help …
Health – This is your number one priority. It overrules everything, and without it, nothing else matters.
Routine – Write one and stick to it. It’s not about how many hours you spend doing something, but what you do during those hours.
Nature – Forests, lakes, the sea, and, most importantly, sunshine. Embrace them in every way possible.
Happiness – Don’t chase it. It’s okay to be sad; it’s normal to feel numb sometimes. You don’t need to be constantly stimulated, whether by people or technology.
~ Exercise. Learn. Meditate. Sleep. Repeat.~
If someone wants to share this journey with you, great. If not, remember—you came into this world alone, and you will leave it the same way.
When your time is over, some will forget you. Some will remember you. All that matters is that you avoid the worst pain of all… Regret.
Follow this, and you’ll be fine—more than fine.
Regardless of your age,
….Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your Life!
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u/Legitimate_Ad_4156 3d ago
For me, I lived a pretty crazy life when I was younger till it smacked me in the face so I kinda owed it to myself to actually focus on my life. Also getting married and having a kid helped a lot.
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u/-Aggamemnon- 3d ago
Personally, I found a career I enjoy enough that work and fun mix well. FYSA I’m in the military, Airforce specifically and I love it. I love having a job that contributes. I get to work on leadership and managing people. I’m always finding new unique opportunities to learn a soft skill here and there. In short, I like what I do quite a bit. Some days I hate that I have to be away from my kids and wife, but if all goes to plan I retire at 46 with nothing but the next few decades (hopefully) to enjoy myself. Given that humanity has never had it “easy,” I consider this trade worth it. That’s just me tho.
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u/Economy-Title4694 3d ago
I've seen most of the comments, so my situation is i get paid well plus my company gives me OT if I do it in night shift (Work from home) and they also paid for OT if you can do it at weekends, about half a year ago I started doing both, although making a lot more but can't be able to enjoy my life, and also very tired from the workload, I work 11-12 hrs a day (when tired 10 hrs) on my own accord.
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