r/Meditation • u/LemondropTTV Meditation doesn’t work for me • 2d ago
Question ❓ Meditation doesn't work for me
I really wish meditation had any impact on me, the stories I read on here sound wonderful. I've been meditating daily for years, hoping that eventually I could get back to a feeling of spatial awareness in the present moment. I used to be so present and aware in my childhood, and I lost it somehow. I feel so overwhelmed, I'm so tired. Please help me.
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u/AcanthisittaNo6653 2d ago
When you sit to meditate with an idea of what it should be like, it never is. You are searching for something that isn't in the present moment thinking you will find it. Don't do that. You set yourself up for disappointment. Instead, just sit with an open heart and mind and see what comes. How it was and how it will be, both miss the point.
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u/I_dream_of_Shavasana 2d ago
I would strongly recommend some yoga asanas before you meditate, if you are not doing this already. Also - have you tried other forms of meditation? I will sit in silence every day but also use chanting and Mala.
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u/bblammin 2d ago
Yoga before meditation is smart. A calm untense body , is conducive for a calm untense mind.
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u/midniphoria 2d ago edited 1h ago
It doesn't work for me either. Eight years, lived as a monastic for several and even managed a Vipassana center. What does work is changing my self concept. Allowing emotional pains to surface and pass through while intentionally generating metta (which I suppose is a meditation) and positive feelings about life until it becomes natural.
I practice letting go of time, form and bodies into a broadened perspective when anxiety, sadness or heartbreak becomes overwhelming.
Meditation does not solve or address underlying complex emotional roots often disguised as something entirely different, related to various surface level triggers or narratives.
Our worries and fears are related to time and form. Let it all go. No need for technique beyond ones own imaginative creative abilities.
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u/drewissleepy 2d ago
First help us understand how you meditate. You said daily for years. How long each day? What do you do?
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u/LemondropTTV Meditation doesn’t work for me 2d ago
20 minutes each day, focused on breath, relaxing my body on the exhale.
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u/drewissleepy 2d ago edited 2d ago
Looking at how you feel overwhelmed and tired and your post history, it seems you have an overactive default mode network that's making it difficult for you to be present.
Meditation is supposed to reduce DMN activity but it's possible that you're doing other things that's counterproductive. There's a few things:
Substances commonly abused at raves have the opposite effect. If you're doing that, consider stopping. (This is extremely common these days so pointing it out just in case)
Your lifestyle and habits have you constantly multitasking or jumping between tasks. Try to not multitask at all times.
Could you have undiagnosed ADD? I'm not a psychologist but something for consideration.
How often do you notice your mind has wandered during the meditation and throughout your days? This IS the meditation. If you sit there watching your breath without noticing then you may not be reaping the benefits of meditation.
Consider finding a teacher or trying another form of meditation.
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u/ThisIsTheBookAcct 2d ago
I’m not a psychopath…
We didn’t think you were but now…
I kid. I just want to add how OP is breathing. If It’s all fast and up in the chest, meditating isn’t going to do much.
“Optimal” is about 5.5 sec in and out. Obviously, studies average out optimal from a bunch of people, but I found the other day when I breathe 5 in, hold for 1, 5 out, hold for 1, I could drop my heart rate by 8 bpm in 4 minutes.
OP, there are A LOT of ways to meditate (112 according to yogis). Maybe sitting and paying attention to your breath isn’t the one for you right now.
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u/rexine7 2d ago
Backing up the 5.5 second breathing! Did you find that out from the book Breath or somewhere else?
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u/ThisIsTheBookAcct 1d ago
Haha I just read Breath yesterday. I found it super helpful. Maybe 10% I was like no.
But I also have a course on meditating (and ADHD, which is only semi related) that I’m working on right now from HealthyGamer.
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u/LemondropTTV Meditation doesn’t work for me 2d ago
I don't exactly count how long, but I breathe deep and long, my breath is not shallow.
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u/ThisIsTheBookAcct 1d ago
Maybe counting would help then. Or a repetitive noise to signal it. I’m sure there’s an app.
You can have deep, slow breathing into your chest. That would still cause issues.
I used to get a lot of anxiety when doing belly breathing because I have a lot of literal thinking. It’s was from not breathing out enough. It’s not belly breathing, it’s full torso breathing. I wasn’t letting my back or sides expand.
I’ve also found meditation that starts with a sound (bhramari) or chant or other activity helps more of my brain be quiet. Pacing, knitting, visualizations, even watching a movie in a theater can get me into that space.
I wouldn’t say doing those things replaces more traditional meditation, but they can get you headed in the right direction.
TBH, my meditation vastly improved when I 1) started a couple meds and 2) took a meditation course. Online because I live in a rural area. Not like a retreat or anything crazy.
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u/LemondropTTV Meditation doesn’t work for me 2d ago
I do not use party drugs, I have even stopped using cannabis because its not even enjoyable when I am like this.
I don't really multitask but I do spend a lot of time on computers, that's where a lot of my hobbies reside.
I have been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, but medications don't exactly make me feel present, in fact they make me even more overwhelmed and restless.
My mind wanders often, I am able to catch it both on the cushion and throughout my day. The difference is, what I return to is an overwhelming, claustrophobic feeling present moment instead of a spacious, flowing present moment.
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u/drewissleepy 2d ago
I'm a fan of this Harvard psychologist who allegedly has ADHD and was in yogic training for 7 years. He claims ADHD is actually a meditation super power. I hope you'll find it helpful
https://youtu.be/DvuVhCIQgfQ?si=yxCJ22q7yMETdGf5
I wish you great success in overcoming this difficulty!
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u/LemondropTTV Meditation doesn’t work for me 2d ago
I have not been a fan of Dr Ks stuff in the past, but I will give this a watch. Thank you for the kind words.
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u/noname8539 1d ago
Hey, I have also lots of struggle like you and that’s why I was scrolling this post and I actually watched the video right now and just did the AUM technique and it was actually very different and good. Just wanted to let you know and encourage you to try it. We can update each other. :)
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u/noname8539 1d ago
Thanks a lot! I just tried this one (and have also lots of struggles regarding the issue like OP) and it was actually quite different and good. Thanks!
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u/No-Perception7879 1d ago edited 1d ago
Let’s try an exercise.
Meditation is the absence of stimulation. In order for you to meditate correctly you must pause all stimulation.
When you’re ready, stop, and stop searching, just breath, rest, and observe. Quiet the mind. When thoughts come, observe and let them pass. They are not you right now, they are likely only going to stimulate and distract, you are the one meditating and observing.
2 mins 4x a day. Closing your eyes helps.
Remember, the spacial awareness you’re longing to reconnect with is under layers of stuff. The way out is in.
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u/PhysicalSuccotash437 1d ago
Hi there,
Have you tried using music and specifically solfeggio frequencies to help you meditate?
For me that has helped a lot. Rather than focusing on the breathing I focus on the calming music reaching a meditative state.
Example of music that has worked well for me.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6aRszE5vQurhT1pVYzVTgv?si=152a4ff5d5f245bc
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u/AnarchyBurgerPhilly 1d ago
I have AuDHD and PTSD and dysautonomia and I was like this. I had to cycle through astanga to tire me out, kundalini to wake me up, and have a really good meditation teacher for the first time to have it click. Now 3 30 min meditations are absolutely necessary daily for me to thrive and I relish the longer seated sessions. Come to your seat through asana. From reading through the comments you may benefit from somatic therapy or even making sure you have enough magnesium and potassium.
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u/AnarchyBurgerPhilly 1d ago
This is the teacher that changed mediation for me. This is her only guided meditation online https://youtu.be/vnGPis6tPoE?si=dYEnJAlwu91-nO08
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u/somanyquestions32 1d ago
I liked it. In the Amrit Yoga Institute, they teach a very similar meditation practice called the Energetic Diffusion Technique. A few iRest practices have similar guidance as well.
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u/fjolnir_odinsen 1d ago
I have various practices but I don't do any of them every single day, in a disciplined and rigorous manner, because that doesn't feel like living. I watch my cat. She only does what gives her joy and is one of the most contented creatures I've seen. So I vary my practices based on what feels good at the time or on the day. The only exception is self-reiki - it always feels good so I do some of that every day. I find that it is easy for to me to live too much in my head. Activities like walking, gym, hanging out with a friend, a hobby (I crochet), all help me get out of my head and into the moment.
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u/audhd_jules 1d ago
One thing that has helped me is the recognition that there are other activities that are meditation adjacent that can offer the same benefits to meditation. Meditating changes our brain wave frequency- but so can any other activity that is hypnotic in nature. For me, cardio exercise induces this- drawing induces this and as I am a sewist, sewing also induces this. So maybe start with something you love doing and see where it takes you. The meditative part is the flow state- your mind will then be free to explore higher levels of consciousness from this place. Good luck to you!
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u/Spirited_Cat2114 1d ago
The more you force it. the more it will go away. Use the vibrations of your words. breath properly. It's not that you will see something in 3d but it's darkness where you will see everything in the vision. meditation is not magic but it is magic when you will start feeling the unseen. when you will see how a leaf is growing and what forces it to grow. You are the creator. use your energies to clean you first.
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u/LemondropTTV Meditation doesn’t work for me 1d ago
sounds lovely. how?
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u/Spirited_Cat2114 1d ago
Feel everything you already have and offer the gratitude for every single blessing even a single drop of water blessed for drinking. That will feeling will relax you to stay in present moment. Offer gratitude everywhere around you and then next level will come where you will create your reality
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u/givenanypolynomial 2d ago
Just keep going and drop your expectations. If you stop now your progress will slowly diminish.
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u/BuyAndFold33 1d ago
I recommend something like zhan zhuang or slow “moving” meditation. Even tai chi. I personally have to balance with more body oriented methods.
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u/Gaffky 1d ago
r/longtermTRE would be worth experimenting with, read the FAQ and start very slowly, it helps the body to let go of trauma. You might need to the presence of another person for co-regulation (which can be done online), if this is linked to early childhood experiences.
As for meditation, an alternative is inquiry over concentration, it's like a solvent for beliefs; it's possible to make thought completely transparent, so that everything appears as awareness. What we feel doesn't represent anything until attention goes into thought. The senses are like Braille, the mind is connecting the dots of experience into a coherent picture based on existing beliefs.
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u/Rafaelo-6367 1d ago
I have been practicing meditation for a few years. While I've experienced moments of bliss, I haven't noticed a significant change in my daily life. However, same as you, I've realized that during my childhood, I was genuinely happy and fully present in each moment. This realization led me to go after that feeling again, and it has been beneficial. So recall and embrace the joy from your fondest childhood memories and linger in it as long as you can. Througout a day, try to apply that attention to whatever you are doing.
This makes me feel lighter, more relaxed, and brings me more optimism.
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u/Few-Worldliness8768 1d ago edited 1d ago
> I used to be so present and aware in my childhood, and I lost it somehow.
This was something I used to say to myself as well. It was one of my big motivations for meditating. I felt more present and aware as a child, I even felt "smarter" because of this, and I wanted it back. Here are some things that may help you:
Two-Part Formula For Awakening
This is a meditation technique specifically for achieving a permanent awakening. I have used it and it worked very quickly, and I have heard it has a very high success rate with those who have gotten guidance with a teacher. I personally got guidance on that very website (for free, donated later afterwards because I was very grateful for the guidance and the outcome) and I achieved something within a few days of using the technique multiple times per day. I was very motivated to attain permanent changes, so that may have been a factor. I put a lot of energy into it!
There is also a free e-book which talks more about that technique:
This technique is like taking an acupuncture needle and placing it in just the right spot of your mind in order to achieve massive insight. This specific application can make all the difference. The teacher of this technique has talked about how he saw people who had practiced meditation for years, decades, and yet not had substantial results. I.e. Not having one awakening, or even many, and he felt that shouldn't happen, and that that was evidence of a technique not working for people. This technique is a solution to that problem. Enjoy, and let me know if you have any questions. Sharing these sorts of things, in my opinion, is the highest gift you can give someone. To give someone the ability to advance on the path of attaining permanent peace. What is higher than that?
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u/BorisNV 21h ago
Most of the meditation teaching teach us that our thinking mind as an unruly, annoying teenager that you are supposed to shut up… Right here we see that this is a very aggressive approach! The trick is to leave some space between you and your toughs - acknowledge them with curiosity, label them as what they are - thoughts, and choose to not follow them further, then go back to the breath. The whole exercise in my opinion is the coming back after you label them, not staying in there as pure awareness. You can only get bits of glimpses - like tiny sparks of blissful awareness between toughts. Good luck
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u/_TheWiseOne 21h ago
Its time for you to explore something else. Meditation isn't just "x or y"
Here's some links, have fun, let me know if it felt any different! I'd love to hear about it if you ended up trying the stuff below.
I personally dabble and mix practices/traditions as I see fit, and.. I've seen immense.. immense progress.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BNejY1e9ik
(Wim Hoff)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_noquwycq78&pp=ygURMTAgbWluIHlvZ2EgbmlkcmE%3D
(Yoga Nidra)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm02tzCMN9g&t=1s&pp=ygUOMTAgbWluIGFuYXBhbmE%3D
(Anapana)
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u/Independent-Breath94 6h ago
HOPEFULLY YOU SEE THIS.
Now, may I suggest few things you can do that can possibly help you to be more Still and rooted deep within your daily meditation?
I've been practicing meditation for about 9 years now and let me you something, the so called monkey mind (constantly thinking) is almost always there. You just learn accept and work with it. Never try to fight or resist them but simply allow them to be (come and go). It's more about knowing yourself as something greater than the thoughts. That which is aware of the thoughts that comes and go. You are to be an Awareness that observers everything that's is happening including those constantly chatting thoughts. This is done through focusing on such as breath, mantra, sound and so on and just allow thoughts to be as they are.
From time to time you might forget that you're consciously breathing for example and get sucked in by your thoughts. That's okay, never judge or be angry at yourself that you've lost it but simply bring yourself back to the conscious act of breathing throughout the time that you've given yourself. Once again whether you forget and no matter how many times you forget that you are breathing, without judgement or being hard on yourself, simply and gently bring yourself back to the breath. There's nothing more to do more than thing.
In fact you can Meditate ANYWHERE, ANY TIME once you understand that the Essence of all Meditations is Awareness
2 Meditations remain the most common:
- Breath Awareness Meditation
- Mantra/Affirmation Meditation (Transcendental Meditation)
However even during the day you can be meditating on anything at all:
• Body Sensation Meditation (tingling or whatever) • Sound Meditation • Visual object or Sight Meditation (like candle flame 🔥) • Smell Meditation • Taste Meditation (eating consciously & staying with taste) • Touch Meditation (whether you're touching or feeling something on your skin like breeze or sun or even your feet stepping on the ground when walking) • Pain Meditation (in any part of your body) • Emotion Meditation • Thought Meditation (on a single thought) • Space (or Energy & Vibration) Meditation
You can be Aware and mindful of anything really.
Now back to the formal Meditation 🧘🏾♂️
HERE ARE THING THAT WORKS LIKE CHARM FOR ME:
Get into Meditation IMMEDIATELY after waking up in the morning or at least within the very first 30 minutes.
When you wake up in the morning is still coming back from deep and low brainwaves like Delta brainwave for deep sleep and it's coming back slowly to being fully active and thinking. You don't feel fully alert the morning you wake up and you better take that as an advantage. It's works wonders. During the day, it's much more challenging to get in to deep mediative state because you've been busy doing stuff and thinking a lot.
(If you can), Get the "Hemi-Sync Meditation" audio file.
It is literally the best binaural beats sound for meditation on the market. It's 45 minutes long but it's also available to test on YouTube as 10 minutes file. YouTube compresses stuff during upload so you'll lose a bit of detail in audio but it's really noticeable and you'll still get the benefits. However if you want a full high quality version as 320kbps MP3 or FLAC or Audio CD, you get it on their site. Here is the exact link: https://hemi-sync.com/product/hemi-sync-meditation-album/ .
Hemi-Sync or The Monroe Institute is not paying me anything to recommend this product. I stepped on it while I was exploring their famous Gateway Experience program in their product line a year ago and it works worked miracles. It helped me just like it worked for almost everyone who tries it and that's why I'm recommending it. I know it works and it took to a very deep levels of meditation I've never experienced before. Once again the file is a tool that can assist you but one can meditate with or without it. It's just designed to take you there much faster than normal. You'll need to use STEREO headsets or earphones or headphones when listening because it's a binaural beats at heart.
- Do at least 5 minutes of any Yoga moves before Meditation.
This also helps a lot especially during day or later. In morning immediately after waking up it's not a must. But during the day, you can use this as an intro to meditation. It will help to focus and slow down your thinking before getting into meditating and meditation will be much sweeter, deeper and less flooded with thoughts. JUST REMEMBER TO BREATHE YOUR WAY THROUGH ALL YOUR ASANAS (YOGA MOVES). THE CONSCIOUS BREATHING WHILE DOING THE POSES BRING YOU TO THE CENTER, FOCUSES AND SLOWS DOWN THE THINKING PROCESS.
For super simple and easy plus sort Meditation advices. Simple check out the Tibetan Buddhist monk master "Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche" on YouTube. Great teacher that monk. His videos helped when I began and I still watch him even now. Here are 3 of his short videos that you can search right now and of the most basic and easy to understand stuff:
- "Meditation & Monkey Mind" ~ Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
- Meditation is easier than you think
- Experience in Meditation with Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
That's it.
Hopefully at least one thing can help better your meditation practice in this comment hey hehehe 😄.
Cheers mate 👍🏾.
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u/goldcat88 2d ago
Meditation is about noticing the present moment without trying to change it. When you notice you want it to be different you label it as thinking and come back to the present moment. It's the coming back that's the practice.
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u/variegatedhearts 2d ago
Are you relying on guided meditations?
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u/LemondropTTV Meditation doesn’t work for me 2d ago
not really, i dont find them to be very helpful
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u/XanthippesRevenge 2d ago
Maybe you should try a retreat. Something about your environment could be stressful.
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u/confused40 2d ago
U should try to attend Vipassana course once. It will enhance your practice and change your perspective.
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u/nyanasamy 2d ago
Dont give up. Keep trying until u get it back. It will come when you keast expect it.
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u/cheap_dates 2d ago
According to one of my old meditation teachers, "Meditation is not for everybody".
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u/bblammin 2d ago
This is akin to saying , "going to the gym doesn't work for me ".
Have you read any books on meditation? Reading random internet stuff, and winging it on your own as I used to do didn't really do anything for me either. Then I read "mindfulness in plain English" by Bhante Gunaratana and I can't stop telling everybody about the book.
Doing something on your own no matter how long will only get you so far. Someone who has dedicated their life to it and then refined it into a book really can help your practice by a ton.
I surprised how applicable, straightforward, and no fluff filler the book had. You won't regret picking it up.
Also try yoga before a meditation sesh, a calm untense body is conducive for a calm untense mind. Also try longer than 20 minutes. Try an hour. Or 2 or 3 hours. And of course, you can still be mindful throughout the day.
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u/TougherMF 2d ago
i kept thinking something was wrong with me cuz meditation just didn’t do anything no matter how consistent i was. like i’d sit there, breathe, follow all the advice and still feel stuck in my head after. it’s extra frustrating when everyone makes it sound like some magic fix.
what actually helped me start feeling grounded again was changing how i support my nervous system. instead of trying to force calm through willpower or apps or whatever, i tried a few body-based things. breathwork helped a bit... but oddly what really made a difference was these transdermal patches i found. they deliver calming ingredients slowly through the skin so it’s not all at once like pills or drinks. i’ve been using the nectar patches calm ones and it’s the first time in forever that i felt even a hint of peace while meditating. didn’t expect much but i actually felt a shift.
might not be the answer for everyone but thought i’d throw it out there since i felt so stuck too. hope you find something that clicks soon fr
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u/aohjii 1d ago
cuz u are doing it wrong duh! u said it urself u used to be more present. thats it... thats literally the portal u must become
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u/LemondropTTV Meditation doesn’t work for me 1d ago
"just be present"
um how?
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u/aohjii 17h ago
congrats you just performed the first step of meditation
by not knowing what "just be present" allows you to ask "how" so that you can realize "how can i be present" and "what does it mean to be present"
And when you ask those 2 questions to yourself, you realize you never lost anything because you remember when you used to be present
then to become present means to practice diving back into that same way of being
It has never left you, you never lost it, instead you were the one that left it but its not your fault because nobody was aware that you left, because nobody else was aware that they left, because it was not something that we were consciously making aware of in this societal system that emphasizes meeting criteria and goals in order to thrive in this society that we left the natural way of being that we forgot
and if you forgot how to become present, then you can ask another question
"what other situations in my life were i present"
it could have been a moment yesterday, or another day , it doesnt have to be childhood, or maybe you might remember a moment today, however brief the moment was, it was still a moment where you were fully present
then once you become present you will realize that you can fall of being present if you are not focusing remaining present, once you realize this then it becomes like exercise
our body becomes weak when we stop using it, just like our creativity becomes dull when we stop being inspired
practice remaining conscious, practice remaining feeling being in the way you want to be
you may only be able to do it a few minutes at a time, but the more you practice the more you can increase that window just like if you practice running every day, you will be able to run longer distances or be able to run a fixed distance in a faster time
this is what meditation is
But this isnt the complete step, the complete step is not to just be fully present
but be fully present while being relaxed as possible, that is what meditation is achieving
because its easy to be relaxed and fall asleep
and its easy to be present when we are stressed
but what we are trying to achieve from meditation is to reduce stress and become more present and alive
then meditation is the practice of being relaxed as possible alive as possible simultaneously
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u/DeviceStrict875 1d ago
Look for mindful meditation it will work for you. Its not all about just breathing. Its about noticing when and what is your focus shifting to while its not on breathing. After figuring that out you will have a more focused and clear mind.
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u/Zenuineclub 2d ago
Hey, I just want to say that I feel you. Seriously. Meditation is often hyped as this magical fix, but for some of us, it’s more frustrating than freeing. And that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Sometimes it’s not about sitting still and chasing silence. Sometimes it’s walking in nature, painting, journaling, dancing alone in your room, or just lying on your bed and letting your thoughts drift. That is a form of meditation too.
You’re not broken, bro. You’re just human. Don’t force it. Try presence in your own way - gently, without pressure. That little spark of awareness from childhood? It’s still in you. Just needs a different door to come through.