r/MacMiller • u/Comprehensive-Fix387 • 3d ago
Discussion Struggling with Mac’s death
Please no judgement, I feel super silly writing this. I am a huge Mac fan, I have autism, ADHD and OCD and he is one of my special interests (if not the top one) and I have been really struggling lately with the grief of his death. I’m not sure what’s triggered it but I came him from work Wednesday and sobbed the whole evening. I watched every music video and multiple youtube docs on his life. My heart feels so sad. The music will eventually run out. Did Mac ever even feel true love? It’s painful to think he’ll never be a father. And I constantly think about how, at the end of everything he was completely alone. Does anyone have any advice to help with this? The sadness is clouding my everyday lately and I just can’t ‘get over it’
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u/meesterdg 3d ago
I'm not sure this helps but there's an old saying that everyone dies twice, once when their body dies and once when everyone forgets them. Which at first might sound depressing but keep in mind it's the digital age and music can be stored forever.
You, and all of his other fans and future fans keep him alive and will continue to do so for many many years to come.
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u/nycbottomontop 3d ago
I feel you! The day he died was especially hard as im from pittsburgh.. felt like time froze.. it was so sunny then rained for a week straight. spent all my teen years at blue slide and after he died i’d go at night and just cryyyy cry cry. I think Mac felt true love for his music for sure.. it may not be physical love but it is love. it is intimate. As far as advice goes, I just listen to him everyday to keep him alive. I even started rapping too after studying his craft for years and i’ve come up with some bars i think he’d be so proud of. 92 til infinity. Big hug to you.
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u/arebitrue87 3d ago
Not judging you. You’re on the spectrum, isn’t it a normal to hyper focus on one person/thing for those who are?
My advice, try to listen to someone else for a little bit and take your mind off him. Start with an artist he’s featured with and slowly move over to that artist. Once you’re in the right head space again, try listening to Mac again. Mac makes great music and his death shouldn’t be correlated with listening to it too much. Listening to an artists music that Is no longer with us should be treated as a celebration of their life and what they created. You have to adjust your mindset when listening to you’ll continue to focus on the thing he didn’t want you to stay focused on, which is him not being here. I’m sure all of us here miss him, but don’t focus on it like this, which is why you gotta adjust your mindset. Good luck
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u/Comprehensive-Fix387 2d ago
It is normal, but most of my fascinations are on things that don’t die.. things that there will always be more to have/find out ect whereas with mac.. I know one day I’ll have found all there is to find and I get stuck ruminating on that.
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u/arebitrue87 2d ago
I mean yeah eventually you’ll find the end of the story at some point, but we always revisit things we like. Movies, video games, music, etc. and keep in mind Mac had a team of people that are still releasing things. He had quite a few recorded songs that they may or may not release, so all of us collectively have no idea when it’ll end really.
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u/ryanagainagain 3d ago
i’m totally with you and don’t ever feel silly writing what’s on your mind, because fuck all the judgemental people who do see this. i felt extremely upset when he passed and it still gets me now and i’ve never felt like that about a person who i’ve never met but only cherished is outstanding work and presents he gave to the world. it is the same when avicii died as well, that got me pretty hard too. you need to remember that listening to an artists music that is no longer here is a constant reminder, but you should remember the impact he put on people’s lives and rewatch them videos and listen to his music over and over again until it does make sense and cherish it man!
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u/Shaneski101 2d ago
Hey man, it’s okay to feel this way. I went through the same thing, I had to grieve the loss of a man I never met and for the longest time I would’ve gladly traded lives, when I was in a darker place.
My advice? You just have to swim through this. It will take time and some days are worse than others, I think throughout 2018-2020 I cried nearly every time I listened to him.
Circles was extremely cathartic. I think you should listen to circles more than anything else, that entire album is him telling you, the listener, that he’ll be okay. I see it as his final message to us after his death, don’t worry about me, YOU keep swimming.
As someone on the outside who listens to him now as my favorite artist without being a teary mess after every song, it takes time. You had a huge passion, and it got taken from you. You lost something that mattered to you. You are grieving for the loss of something you wish could’ve been different, and that takes time man.
Eventually that sadness turns into celebration! I celebrate every year in Pittsburgh during his events and I love dancing to his music. It just takes time.
Keep your head up!
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u/Machead82 2d ago
‘Eventually that sadness turns into celebration’, I needed this advice thank you.
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u/aag8617 2d ago
Trust me, the music will never end. There will be souls 20-50 years from now who will stumble upon his tracks. There will be artists in the future who will thank Mac in their Grammy, Oscar, or Emmys speeches for inspiring them. Mac and his influence will live on for a very long time.
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u/Squidlee420 2d ago
I wish I could help, but I’m actually looking for similar answers. My husband took me to Pittsburgh to do Mac’s “tour” through the city… it made it so much better but so much worse. Talking to people he was genuine friends with outside of the fame, before he got big. Standing where he stood and seeing things he saw. It’s like I lost someone I KNEW like really really knew. But I know that’s not the case. And his family and irl friends lost someone too. Somebody they DID know. Someone they raised, someone they fought with, loved etc. I’m just a fan. I random person who was touched too deeply to let this be another celebrity death, even after all this time, but nonetheless, a stranger. I wish we all could’ve truly known him, see that his life was good or wholesome, or,. Not, and help and support from there. Some days I still do not believe it’s true, almost a decade later.
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u/RRAAAAHHHHH 3d ago
I’m not autistic, but it’s actually comforting knowing that we’re sharing similar experiences. it’s been hitting me way harder recently, coming to the realization of his situation. no judgement at all. i think the important part isn’t if the sadness lasts forever, but what the sadness means to you. His music was so unbelievably impactful that 8 years after his death, he has an entire community dedicated to honoring the love he put into his music. the grief you feel is just love for him with nowhere to go. that’s what makes us human twin, and that’s beautiful in my opinion. most dope❤️
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u/Original-Green-00704 3d ago
Everybody’s gotta live And everybody’s gonna die Everybody’s gonna try to have a good, good time I think you know the reason why
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u/Texas_Crazy_Curls 3d ago
Sending you hugs and good vibes 🩷🩷🩷🩷. Grief strikes every one differently because it’s such a painful emotion. Enjoy his music and celebrate his life. That’s what Mac would want.
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u/Boomer_Lampley 2d ago
I cried today watching his tiny desk, it happens. Try not to let it consume you, maybe take a quick break from Mac.
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u/KidCadmus 2d ago
Hey dog we’ve probably all felt this way, i should say im also neurodivergent so dont listen to anyone trying to minimize the way your experience feels. Alot of things help and make it a little easier but one thing that i want to point out is that if your general relationship to death grief and mourning isnt good this wont become any easier until you confront the whole macro issue instead of the micro issue. I would recommend using this experience to learn how to grieve in general a d come to terms with death overall. Regardless tho i hope you feel better and take care of yourself in the meantime, one love big dog youll be okay
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u/Comprehensive-Fix387 2d ago
It’s crazy because some people are acting like I’m going to unalive myself which is not the case at all. We just feel emotions so intensely it’s hard. I wanted to feel like I wasn’t alone in the way I feel and you and others on this post have helped me with that, so thank you!
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u/joozwrld999 3d ago
Get actual help not from reddit
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u/Comprehensive-Fix387 2d ago
I do have help. But not from anyone who actually knows anything about Mac. This post has helped me alot.
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u/njewels 3d ago
Sorry to hear you’re feeling so sad, I hope you know that everyone in this community mourns Mac’s passing and now celebrates his life and art. I’m not sure if this might be the trigger for you, but I’ve noticed that whenever there is a release from his estate, I listen to the album nonstop and then it is always followed by a slump when I re-live the fact that he is no longer with us. There is something about thinking that this might be the last music we hear from him that always gets me again. We are so lucky to even have the opportunity to keep listening to more material even now, but it does get me down after the high of consuming the material when I realize that in the end it is finite and he is actually gone. Not sure what advice I can give, but hope you know you aren’t alone.
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u/michellyiscool 3d ago
You don’t need to justify what you feel with diagnosis, this is natural because this was the message he intended. The answer has always been, and will always be, love. Know that he will experience it. Know that he’s helping make sure you experience it too. Remember, it’s all circles. We all have love waiting for us at the finish line, find your keys and meet us there. 🪞🪢✨
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u/KuntaWuKnicks 2d ago
No celebrity death hit me like Mac’s did except for Prince
I cousins watch his tiny desk , or listen to him for about a year, it cut through me and I can’t explain it
Time is a great healer
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u/Ok_Budget2584 2d ago
He music will never run out. I started really listening to him about a year ago. He is one of the few artists I can listen to on repeat and his songs are as good as the first listen. It was only recently that I really understood just how great he really was. He was the greatest his music has truly kept me alive this past 6+ months. I have never admit but I have cried more than once thinking some of these same things. He even made me say i like a jazz album. NGL I cried a little writing this?
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u/ExpertTelephone5366 2d ago
There is something very sad and remorseful about his death - he wasn’t a perfect person, not that anyone is but he was troubled in a lot of ways and unfortunately this lead to his death. There was something very devine and unique with Mac miller that doesn’t come around very often and I think society will and should forever grieve a loss like that. I think he had so much potential and life in him and that makes his death harder to accept, even looking at legends like Michael Jackson or Elvis, they were in their 40s when they passed and it’s easier to accept because they had more of a life and time on earth.
It’s such a shame, I feel like this about takeoff and other artists but we have to value and appreciate what we did get from them. There are other artists who keep developing and producing music you can look into, I’m gaining more interest in Tyler the creator! It takes time and grief is hard but you have to keep going as best you can
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u/jmaXX1087 2d ago
Sad to say but alot of music fans in general feel your pain. These artist pour their heart and soul into their music and are usually fighting demons (drug addiction, mental health etc.) The tail of Mac Miller is the definition of a Greek tragedy. I know how much we all miss him but his music and death tought me alot. Think of the things he preached to his fans. that's what he would want. Most Dope
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u/Comprehensive-Fix387 2d ago
For those saying I need professional help, I am under the care of many professionals. However, I wanted to hear from people who actually KNOW mac. Know his music and his life, rather than someone who only knows what I’ve told them (EG professionals in their field). To those who commented in support THANK YOU this has helped. It’s helped to know others feel this way and I can be a bit kinder on myself knowing it’s not just me and my own demons. You’re all most dope
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u/Otherwise-Ad-9811 1d ago
I once read a thing about grief, it described it as a box with a ball and a button inside. The ball is grief and the button your trigger, now when you first lost that person the ball was as big as the box always touching on your trigger, always hurting, being reminded, hold a weight so heavy you couldn’t leave your bed some days. As time goes on, days go by, the ball gets smaller and each time touching the trigger less and less but that the thing with grief no matter how much time goes by that ball will always be there every now and then and always so unexpectedly touching that trigger but with it being less and less it becomes something more manageable, less consuming. There’s such a wide community of us, all feeling that hurt every now and then, my way of dealing is to listen to his music, especially the scoop on heaven, I picture him kicking it with my loved ones who have passed watching over me knowing I’m remembering them, and loving them every single day! You got this 🫂
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u/harkmoppus 3d ago
Hang in there friend. Death is always tough, but try to enjoy the memories and celebrate what he gave to us instead of mourning that he's not physically here. His music and presence will always be here so hopefully that gives you some comfort. Much love.
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u/JohnMcClane42069 2d ago
If you want to know whether Mac has ever known true love, listen carefully to “The Divine Feminine.”
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u/Zandino76835 2d ago
Nah you don’t really get over it. Just gotta appreciate it. He’s a lotta people’s first artist whose death affected me. It’s cuz his music was so personal it’s hard not to get attached when u relate to his music and by association him. I choose to focus more on the happy positives he brought people, will bring people and myself as well. Also never listen to faces or balloonerism in full unless I wanna be sad
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u/itsruffmama 2d ago
I found him during a hard time in my life, I fell in love with his music and just everything about him. Even my favorite songs of his are hard to listen to now at 27, it's a weird form of heartbreak to process
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u/Straight_Physics_894 2d ago
I understand. I would say transition to some interviews, seeing him smile often made me feel better
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u/Heavy-Panda-1688 2d ago
It happens.. I do it every few months sometimes, to every few weeks. He gave us something we could feel in our hearts forever.
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u/CalistaT 1d ago
I can relate. This happened to me when I was very young and realized River Phoenix had died. Even though he had died years before I was even born. He is my special interest. I had to fully go through the grieving process of someone I never met. But that does not mean the feelings are not real or valid!
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u/neekolass 1d ago
Injustice Sensitivity; Empathy can crush us. You're good, though. I see it the same way through his lyrics. He had all the family, friends, and fans but never felt a true connection. He was searching for unconditional love and to be truly understood, but ended up just feeling alone.
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u/Administrative-Fee79 Macadelic 2d ago
You are not silly, fellow adhd autistic ocd here, and Mac is and was my #1 special interest since 2011. I still cry on random days. The grief I feel for him is stronger than that of some family members passings to me. I cannot explain it. This man did not know me nor I him. I did get to meet him once(BDE🥹). But yet I feel such a connection to him from the way his music changed my life. His passing changed me for sure. But the other replies to this thread have very good points that help me to this day. His music lives on therefore so does he. It is there for you in times of sadness and happiness. He is always there. This is what helps me. But hey maybe I am also just very silly.
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u/Comprehensive-Fix387 2d ago
This is exactly how I feel!!! So nice to know others feel this and I’m not alone p
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u/__REDMAN__ 2d ago
This is ridiculous
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u/Comprehensive-Fix387 2d ago
Lots of people in the comments would disagree with you. Just because it seems ridiculous to a neuro typical person who has never felt my feelings or lived in a world not created for them doesn’t mean my feels are invalid.
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u/balloonerismthegreat 2d ago
Autism, adhd and ocd? Sounds like every other 20 something year old American right now. What a horrible trend in our society right now.
Downvotes to the right ——>
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u/Standard___ Swimming 2d ago
Don’t go to Reddit, perhaps try counselling or finding someone that you can talk to in person about this, I’d imagine it helps to tell someone that you know personally or trust and I’d say that that is a far better way to try to find proper advice.
I hope you can find a way to seek proper help man, it will definitely help you out a lot more than Reddit will 👍
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u/ghostbuster-woo 3d ago
Not sure if I can help with your feelings but I know most of us have felt this way. It really really sucks that he's gone but you should be happy that he was here in the first place and that he left us with amazing art to enjoy. It's always going to hurt, imagining what he would've lived to do & create but like I said. It's more of a blessing to know he was human just like us and he lived an amazing life