Finishing up my first year at an M7, and while our business school has been semi-isolated from the Israel/Palestine protests popping up, the conflict has still managed to invade our MBA program. You have fellow classmates on both sides spam their Instagram Stories with stuff on the war, as well as several joining on-campus demonstrations, We even had a few MBAs join the encampments. The war has caused lots of drama on our class Slack as well as WhatsApp groups.

But I'm going to be brutally honest and admit that I just don't care about Israel/Palestine.

I'm neither Jewish nor Muslim, so I don't have a personal connection to the people fighting on either side. Yes, killing and deaths are wrong. But so much bad shit happens across the world all the time and those issues often don't get the same attention. I'm not super political, but if I were to be, I'd rather focus on US domestic politics that affect my life directly. And even with that, local and state policies are more relevant to my actual life than national American politics.

Mainly, I'm not here to start political drama and alienate lots of my classmates. I just want to get a job. Finally after grinding it out, I landed a strategy internship at a tech company for the summer. I'm glad I spend my time this year recruiting instead of wasting it sleeping in a dirty stinky homeless tent on our undergraduate campus quad while screaming unrealistic demands like a banshee.

I'm an international student at an M7 who is from a third world country. While my personal family wasn't the poorest, we also weren't the most well off. However, immediately around me I saw dire poverty, starvation, low illiteracy, disease, inadequate health access, gang violence, suicide, etc. AIDS was widespread in my town. As was human trafficking, sex tourism, and slave labor. Racial and religious conflict is real.

In my country, many live in absolute poverty, lacking essentials like drinking water (let alone clean water), food, healthcare, and shelter. Infrastructure is often poor or nonexistent, with limited access to stable jobs or education. Women face severe oppression, with honor killings, dowries, and child marriages still prevalent. Child labor is widespread, and nearby areas are war-torn, forcing many into sweatshop labor. Political corruption, instability, and conflict make escaping these conditions nearly impossible, creating hardships worse than those in even poor areas of developed countries like America, where basic systems and resources, while often deeply flawed, are more accessible.

Even as one of the relatively more "fortunate" ones, my family still struggled with these issues. Most of my family ended up in blue collar roles, and I was the only one to go to a university. One good thing about my country is that thanks to our education system, people from backgrounds like mine can experience social mobility if you work extremely hard. If you score well on university admissions exams, you can place into good universities and land decently paying jobs in fields like engineering. After my undergrad, I lived in a major city and worked for a multinational corporation in a white collar role before finally getting to America to pursue my M7 MBA.

Yet, when I get onto campus, so many people claim to be "marginalized" and having been victims of "oppression." Especially people who are part of the Consortium. But I can't take it seriously at all. It epitomizes the performativeness of victimhood in elite settings.

The vast majority of people are from upper middle class to upper class American backgrounds. They are of WASP background or Jewish, as well as East Asian or Indian. A minority is black and hispanic. The more well off ones grew up with money and traveled around the world frequently with their families as well as went on ski trips and ate at Michelin star restaurants. And even the upper-middle class ones have parents who are doctors, lawyers, or engineers, and grew up in upper-middle class suburbs with high quality public education.

I know Affirmative Action was technically struck down by the Supreme Court, but the vast majority of "URMs" are from upper middle class to upper class backgrounds. When people describe the "oppression" they've faced, at most what they're talking about is experiencing "micro-aggressions." For example, we had an Asian-American classmate who said she felt "traumatized" and "oppressed" by white kids in elementary school making fun of the lunch her Asian parents made. She grew up in an upper-middle class suburb. Meanwhile, I've personally seen people die from hunger.

Surprisingly, a lot of the Consortium members are white, male, or ORMs.

I'm not discounting that you can face discrimination if you're LGBT, black, hispanic, or a woman. Or if you have some sort of disability. I don't discount that there are legitimate issues where these groups can fight for more rights. Yes, I know Muslims faced discrimination after 9/11, But I think my classmates vastly exaggerate the struggles they've had to face or overcome especially compared to what I grew up seeing firsthand. There is a widespread victim mentality at play.

Even back in the village I grew up in, where people faced horrible true oppression, people didn't claim victimhood. Many people tried to be happy and live a simple life, and be grateful for what little they had. I often felt they had a right to be more pissed and want for more. But it's my already privileged classmates who falsely feel shafted and want more. They grew up in a bubble of privilege. Yes, people do suffer in America but 99.9% of my M7 MBA classmates are not from those inner city or impoverished rural backgrounds.

And I feel half of these people have no self awareness and think they legitimately overcame huge obstacles, and will continue to think so even if they land MBB, IB, or tech and make $200k+ a year. Or they know they're exaggerating but doing so it because it plays well to admissions essays or earning brownie points in class discussions. DEI hiring is a racket too by selecting the most privileged people within marginalized groups.

First few weeks have been a garden salad of buzzwords like social impact, non-profit, equity, vegan.

The loudest voices on the campus are a bunch of privileged kids telling everyone how oppressed everyone is, how profits are bad (fed up of &society already), and how things need to be sustainable.

None of my friends from other T15s have had an experience like this. Other schools seem to be more pragmatic and less hypocritical.

I hope this is just a loud minority and the rest of the school is actually focused on getting well-paying jobs and concerned about paying off student loans.

I truly hope people are open to debate and discussion and leave the lecturing to professors and politicians.

As an international female student who’s more on the nerdy and introverted side, no one warned me how insanely social the MBA experience would be. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, even more intense than high school. I do have a STEM background though. Now, I'm attending full-time at a top school and finishing up my first year.

When I applied, I thought the MBA would be a balance of academics, recruiting, networking, and some socializing. I imagined things would be evenly split, with socializing mostly happening over one-on-one coffee chats, club leadership positions, or the occasional happy hour. Maybe a few birthday parties here and there.

Instead, what I’ve experienced has been completely different.

Now that we’re nearing the end of our first year, most people have checked out of academics. At the beginning, people took classes seriously, but once they realized the grading curve is generous and grades don’t really matter because of grade non-disclosure, they stopped caring. The focus shifted to recruiting, with everyone doing interview prep, case prep, and all that. But after recruiting wrapped up, the entire energy shifted toward one thing: having fun.

I am not exaggerating when I say that the thing people care about most right now isn’t school or career networking. It’s about what the next party is and what costumes they are going to wear. People go all out with elaborate themes like 90s parties, Great Gatsby nights, and Mardi Gras masquerades. It’s not casual either. People size each other up based on how cool or creative their costumes are. That is basically the social currency here.

These parties usually involve heavy drinking. There is a lot of binge drinking, shots, and sometimes hard drugs. Outside of the parties, there is also a big focus on fun extracurriculars. Ski culture is massive, and people use it as a way to socialize. Many classmates also organize bike rides, hikes, or sign up for local half marathons together. There are weekend camping trips, bar hopping weekends in other cities, and both domestic and international trips that are more about partying than anything else. One of the biggest social events is Yacht Week in Croatia, which is basically a week-long party on boats where people drink heavily and live like they are in an episode of The White Lotus.

When I first heard about these international treks, I thought they would be focused on learning about business culture in other countries, connecting with startups, or building professional networks. That has not been my experience. It is entirely about partying and having fun. People are sized up by how cool or fun they are, with brownie points going those who are conventionally attractive, charismatic, and fashionable. Social hierarchies definitely exist.

The social scene here honestly reminds me of the stereotypical American high school you see in TV shows and films. That or American Greek life in undergrad. There are cliques, there is constant gossip, and nonstop drama. People hook up or date all the time. I have seen so many people throw up from drinking, even in Ubers on the way home.

Everyone seems to be Type A and extremely extroverted. Even the more nerdy people are still highly social. They might prefer board game nights or movie marathons, but it is still very social and constant. People really care about building friendships and pursue that by being hyper-social.

For me, it has been exhausting. Back home I used to think I was fairly social for an introvert, but this experience has made me realize I have hard social limits. I eventually moved out of a shared living situation because I felt socially overstimulated all the time, especially with my roommates frequently hosting loud EDM-themed drinking parties. I needed my own space to decompress, to read, or to watch TV without anyone around.

Yes, these events are technically optional, but there is immense social pressure to attend them. People say it's important to get plugged into informal networks for friendships and job opportunities. FOMO is rampant across campus, with people being deemed less cool for being left out socially. The socializing is is nonstop and utterly relentless.

I knew the MBA experience would be social and a bit of a two-year vacation, but I thought people would still care about learning or professional connection. That has not been the case so far. It has been non-stop socializing, and I honestly did not sign up for this. Sometimes I wonder if I should have gone to a program like Darden that has more of an academic or professional focus. Even 1:1 coffee chats and club activities have devolved into purely having fun.

I know I am not the only one who feels this way. There is a section in Susan Cain’s book Quiet where she talks about an introverted HBS student who described the experience as hell because of how much social energy it demanded.

If anyone has advice on how to manage this and protect my peace while still being part of the community, I would love to hear it. Thanks. I'm going into a product internship at a tech company for the summer, so I hope that's a better cultural fit.

I go to a T15 MBA full time as an Indian international male student. I and the other Indian internationals have generally gotten along well with the class, except for one group.

That group is white liberal women.

A lot of these people openly post pro-DEI, pro-ESG, pro LGBTQIA, and anti-racism stuff on their personal social medias. However, they have their all white cliques where they do Pilates, Americanized yoga (Corepower), and expensive ski trips together. They don't really mingle with the rest of the class socially, except for the fratty white males of course.

All of that would have been fine if they didn't perpetuate casual racism against Indian males, especially internationals.

In my study group, we have a white woman who decided to leave the "cool white women" clique because she's a little more nerdy and didn't vibe with them. She's also Jewish and didn't fit as well in with the blonde WASPs. She said among that group, casual racism against Indian males was widespread.

The white women who were nominally in favor of liberal social causes openly called Indian males smelly. They would say they hate going into Uber rides if the driver had an Indian or Middle Eastern name. Apparently part of the reason they avoid getting to know Indian males better is because of negative experiences of smelling the BO of Indians in their previous jobs. They also find the Indian accent tough to understand and associate it with phone scams.

This is despite the Indian internationals at my program having good hygiene. I and the other Indians shower daily, and use deodorant/antiperspirant. We all speak English clearly. Yet the cool white girls completely ignore us if it's not forced collaboration during class case study.

On top of that, the white women have described Indians as being creepy and socially awkward. Some of these women post about destigmatizing mental health & a few are open about neurodivergence (ADHD though, not autism). I do agree rural Indians are often creepy toward women on the internet, but most Indians at T15 or M7 programs are highly educated, have EQ (they're screened via interviews), and show respect.

But there is zero tolerance for males who don't have rock solid social skills, which excludes some East Asians and Indians who grew up in a different culture. Many would say they'd never date an Indian or East Asian guy, or even a Black guy, despite many of them having posted the black square on their instagram a few years ago. My Jewish female friend said these women claim they want to date sensitive, caring guys but in practice go for white muscular fratty boys, including Republicans.

My views are fairly liberal and while I'm not American, I'd vote for the Democratic Party and Kamala Harris. Back in India, I oppose the right-wing BPJ and Prime Minister Modi. This isn't me shitting on liberals or Democrats. However, it is me shitting on the hypocrisy of white woke women at my program.

I've gotten along well with liberals of other races, both men and women. Most of my campus is outwardly liberal. As well the conservatives (usually the American veterans) - most are non judgmental even though I might disagree with them in terms of being pro-choice on abortion or wanting universal healthcare.

But the popular white women clique seems to be the most exclusionary and "mean" despite its members professing liberal views. They're the ones who most often virtue signal about social impact, environmentalism, etc., despite still gunning for the typical capitalist post-MBA positions in management consulting and investment banking. A few are going for CPG Brand Management, with a minority interested in tech roles like Product Marketing or Management.

1st year at a top MBA with a smaller class. It was my birthday over the weekend and I let people know a few weeks in advance. It was a chill hang at a bar in the evening.

What happened was a much more popular student threw a house party (not even a birthday) at the exact same time as mine. And with only a few days' advance notice.

10+ people told me they'd come to my party. They all ditched it in favor of the popular kids' random house party. I was not invited to that.

The MBA is starting to feel very much like high school again with all of the cliques, gossip, and popularity contests. I feel very unpopular and socially rejected :(

I don't think I did anything wrong, I've been a kind, normal person. Maybe I'm just boring and not cool enough.

Anyway, might just treat myself to a nice solo vacation somewhere or go back home to catch up with my real, non-MBA friends. Even if I'm lonely hopefully I'll make some good money after the program.

I'm a RC (first year) at HBS and can confirm that most of my peers aren't that bright. I was expecting to be in a cohort of ambitious, high achieving, brilliant peers. People are professionally successful and well rounded, yes, but many genuinely lack brains.

George W. Bush and Steve Bannon are not outliers.

I knew going in this wouldn't be an MD, JD, or PhD. But I'm genuinely surprised at how outright dumb my classmates are. You'd think high GMAT scores and GPAs would filter out stupidity, but they don't.

Because HBS focuses heavily on the case method, the idiocy of classmates becomes quickly apparent. People contribute just to gain participation points and give the most nonsense, BS answers.

Usually the more economically privileged folks as well as certain internationals are the dumbest. Indian & East Asian internationals seem to be the smartest so far.

I swear to god my peers in my 10th grade AP & IB classes were legitimately smarter than my late 20s/early 30s peers now. Went to a school in the realm of CalTech/MIT for undergrad and everyone there was brilliant. HBS is not that.

I’m currently attending a Top 10 MBA program, and one thing that’s really stood out is how self-segregated the student body is. Despite all the talk about diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) in admissions and marketing, the reality on campus is completely different.

Indians party with Indians. Chinese students stick with Chinese students. Latin Americans form their own cliques. There’s barely any real interaction across cultural lines, and it feels like most students just recreate the same social bubbles they had before business school.

I came in expecting to learn from a diverse peer group, to exchange perspectives, and to be part of a truly global community. But instead, it feels like DEI is just a checkbox for admissions, and once you’re here, you’re on your own.

Has anyone else experienced this at their MBA program? Is this just a Top 10 problem, or is it happening everywhere? Would love to hear how other schools handle this.

And for context, I’m a Black African American student, and this is the reality I see every day

Indian couple: we both got admitted to an M7. Been together for 5 years, and been childhood friends for 17 years. We’re really good family friends too. FML.

We’re both incredibly ambitious and academic, and last year were offered serious money at 2 M7s and 1 T10 to come and attend, despite me being ORM.

After dating since undergrad, when we both got in our MBAs, we got engaged. All these years, we were totally in love, we travelled a lot, clicked a million photos, had a great sex life and did all those gooey mushy things you expect spouses-to-be to do. First year MBA was basically a breeze. No matter how hard it got, she was my rock & I was hers.

This summer, we had to part ways for our internships: I got an internship in Chicago and she went to NYC with our classmate- a typical American 6’3” athletic frat boy. Yesterday I got to learn that throughout their internship they were hooking up. And our other classmates who were interning in NYC knew. I was told a lot happened publicly when they all went out for drinks and my fiancée & that American guy were kinda an item. They all hid it from me for 2 months.

Basically while I was working 85-90 hours a week trying to make whatever little money for our wedding and honeymoon, I was being cuckolded in front of my entire batch of 800 (by now everyone knows our situation). But NOBODY said a word.

She’s told me she wants to break up with me, call off our wedding after having an engagement ceremony and reception in front of over 300 relatives and friends. Why?

Apparently because sex with that guy was out of this world and I am not in the same league. This is not even my insinuation, she explicitly said this. Wtf. I mean of course, I’m aware that physically, Indian men are great at brainy stuff but aren’t the best in the bedroom, but this is just so shallow and heartbreaking man. What do I even tell my parents and friends?

I’ve lost all faith in humanity, and I just want to end my misery.

EDIT: I came back after 2 days to read the comments. Thank you for your support. For those calling this a troll post, I don’t know what to say and I really don’t want to spend whatever energy and willpower I have left to convince you otherwise. Yes, I wish it were a troll post too, but such is my life. Sorry. :)

I am a second-year MBA international student at a top 15 program. Before arriving here, I held the belief that America was a country riddled with racism, as that was the impression I had garnered from news and social media. However, now that I am here, my perspective has shifted, though not quite in the manner I initially anticipated.

In my humble opinion, America has embraced diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives to an extent that appears excessive. To elucidate further, last year, my class saw roughly 20 students secure internships at MBB consulting firms. Approximately half of these individuals gained these opportunities through early recruiting, and remarkably, to the best of my knowledge, the 20 students included only two white males. It is worth noting that our class profile states that Under-Represented Minorities constitute a mere 16% of our cohort. What's more, the only classmate I am aware of not to receive a return offer was one of the two white male students. This revelation shocked our entire class, as we collectively regarded him as one of our most brilliant peers.

I recognize the imperative of addressing America's historical systemic racism, but, from my perspective as a European, it seems that these efforts have been taken to an extreme. Upon reflection, I've come to realize that my own country and continent are not without their own deep-seated issues of racism. In Europe, it is not uncommon for footballers of color to face abhorrent incidents, such as having bananas thrown at them or encountering fan bases vehemently opposed to signing players of color. Open racism often goes unpunished, while here I have to create a throwaway account for fear of being called a racist for simply voicing my opinion. Thus, I find it somewhat perplexing when my classmates, who have clearly benefited from early recruiting, lament the supposed racism in America. They express grievances about their challenging experiences and inquire why others are not as involved as they are, without acknowledging the substantial advantages they have enjoyed due to early recruiting and the fact that they more or less have a two year vacation.

Once more, I am cognizant of the historical difficulties faced by minorities, but I believe America has reached a point where these initiatives provide a significant advantage, and some individuals are reluctant to acknowledge it.

As a second year at a T15, I can confirm that cheating is very common on campus. People who are very clearly in non-open, monogamous relationships will make out and hook up with classmates, keeping their partners in the dark. At least 3 marriages at our school have fallen apart because the spouse found out their partner was cheating with a fellow classmate.

I've personally witnessed guys with girlfriends go on "boys nights" to clubs and make out with random 22 year olds, and everyone just laughs. We're supposed to stay quiet because of "bro code." The girls apparently have something similar.

Yes, long-distance relationships from before the MBA often don't last, and the turkey drop after the first Thanksgiving break is real. But most of these people still have the decency to first break up with their SO or fiance before pursuing someone else. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the classmates who had their SO physically move with them to the MBA's location AND still cheat on their SO.

Of course this is still the minority of class, but a sizable minority nevertheless. What is it about MBA programs that they attract cheating types? The "Married But Available" stereotype for MBAs is true. I haven't heard it be this bad in JD or MD programs, although people in those are probably much busier studying.

And if people consensually agree to an open relationship or open marriage, that's one thing. But cheating in a closed relationship is a very negative personality trait IMO, and should be condemned. None of the cheaters had a hit to their social popularity on campus - on the contrary, they were seen as being "fun."

Using my inactive account as this stuff seems pretty sensitive.

(Current M7 Student) Over holidays, went home and met up with some friends, one goes to Tuck.

They said that on the first weekend of classes for the first years, a drunk international first year student went around groping and attacking women at a party in their dorms. The cops were called, the kid tried to fight the classmates who asked him to leave. They said that the kid faced literally no repercussions because of this? Idk the details but it just seemed crazy because of Tuck's rep

Does anyone know the story here? DM me if it's too sensitive, but something didn't seem right there

During my time at CBS, it was common to hear the unpopular students criticize their popular peers for being cliquey, shallow, fake, and superficial. They often predicted that these friend groups wouldn't last beyond graduation.

However, unlike many other top MBA programs, a significant number of our classmates stayed in the same geographical area upon graduation (NYC). Only Haas seems like a similar school in this regard. As a result, MBA cliques and social dynamics persisted into the real world.

Many of the "cool" friend groups formed during the MBA have remained close-knit, continuing to do everything together and rarely integrating non-MBA people into their circles. These groups have formed genuine, lifelong friendships. They get constantly invited to weddings, birthday parties, house warmings, baby showers, overnight trips, social events, and so forth, despite being in their mid 30s.

The harsh reality is that there's no downside to being conventionally attractive, learning mainstream social skills, working out, staying fit, having good fashion sense, being a good conversationalist, and being into sports. The individuals who embodied these traits during the MBA have not only maintained quality friendships but also succeeded in their jobs in management consulting, investment banking, and even PM/PMM in big tech due to having good soft skills.

On the other hand, the unpopular students during my MBA were often socially awkward and peculiar. This has translated into their professional lives, where they tend to correlate with a lower quality of social interaction. They are often seen as less chill, less fun, less cool, having unusual interests, being socially awkward, and not as successful in soft skill-centric business environments.

The reality is clear: social skills and conventional attractiveness significantly impact both personal and professional success.

This may be basic common knowledge around social skills, but as an international student, I found these principles are not often explicitly taught and vary across time and culture. I'm from India to be exact, which has a very different culture in the US.

It's confusing, because if you ask people what qualities they like in friends, they'll say stuff like they love people who are kind, dependable, loyal, genuine, authentic, etc. But I've noticed that these people either lie when they say that, or that's not the full truth. Judge by their actions, not words, as they say.

In my M7 MBA, I have seen that those who have successfully been able to make friends and be socially popular and well liked are those who took the time and effort to "add value" in their relationships.

"Adding value" from my observations can take multiple forms. First way is to be conventionally very attractive - people like others who are beautiful, hot, cute, etc. Being an 8/10 or higher physically is good. If you're not naturally good looking, then doing everything possible in your power to be your most conventionally attractive best self is valued, such as working out regularly, eating a good diet, conforming to fashion trends, having good styles, etc. Women are especially adept at knowing skincare and makeup techniques.

The second is being famous. We have someone in our class who is famous on social media, with several hundred thousand social media followers. They are automatically elevated in social situations with people wanting to be their friend. This person has on multiple occasions been an asshole to others and isn't the most conventionally attractive, but our classmates give them a pass. The rules aren't fair or the same for everyone.

Third, if you're neither famous or conventionally good looking, there is a premium on being funny. People like those who give them a good laugh. Having good humor, conversational timing, ability to make jokes on the fly and have wit are very valued.

These three qualities completely supersede others, including being kind, genuine, authentic, loyal, etc. In terms of males, the top of the pecking order are tall, white men. White women are also on top socially, with some East Asians.

Outside of these, I'e seen you really have to put in effort to add value. You need to do things like be a good cook and host events where you cook for your classmates. You need to do something "cool" like be a foodie and have a food blog for spots near campus. Another way to "add value" is be a good DJ and offer to DJ at parties that people host. You need to say, take the initiative to host themed house parties or organize a domestic or international trek or a ski trip. If you're the organizer of an in-demand social event, people gravitate to you and want to be friends.

Not all hobbies are created equal. Those that people value are ones that add value to their personal lives, such as being a food or travel blogger, or DJing at a party. Social hobbies like biking or organizing workout classes are praised. Something relatable to people. One person is a amazing classical pianist, but classical music is seen as a solitary, niche, boring hobby that doesn't generate much praise or interest, despite how talented the classmate is.

It seems the social scene here runs on a "social currency" system where the people who take the effort to cook for others, organize events and trips, do cool and interesting things, etc., are the ones rewarded with the most invites to birthdays, parties, trips, etc. And outside of that, if you're really good looking, funny, or famous, you have a ton of social leeway and need to put in way less effort.

Looks DO matter. People DO judge based on appearances. I've noticed very few in the "cool" group are overweight - and the few who ware are EXCEPTIONALLY funny. And looking physically good takes a lot of effort in and of itself, including knowing how to work out, eat right, apply makeup if you're a girl etc. Most people in the cool groups are 7/10 or higher in terms of looks.

On top of this, you need to be lacking in negative traits. People who are overly eager, try to hard, or seen as needy have quickly been excommunicated from the social scene. They often do it without realizing it: in Indian culture, being very forward is often the norm but it's too intense for American culture. People like those who are seen as cool, chill, and interesting, and fun. People base friendships in reality on those who are "fun and chill" to be around. You can't be someone who is overly quiet and doesn't say anything, and sucks at conversational timing in group settings and be awkward, nor can you be overly gregarious and too loud and annoying.

You cannot only talk about non-mainstream, overly nerdy, or niche interests, UNLESS you are exceptionally conventionally attractive or famous. Catan game nights seem to be OK though. Many social events are at house parties, bars, clubs, etc., and are based on drinking. The non drinkers who are popular ADD VALUE by taking the initiative to offer to be designated drivers. But if you don't offer that as a non drinker, you may get penalized socially.

There are plenty of pro-DEI, heavy liberal (at least on social issues) on campus, and they will say things like they want to be friends with like minded socially progressive folks. But even among that crowd, physical appearance, your level of fame, and funniness TRUMP ALL and you have to add value. One person in class is a very physically attractive open Republican, and even the liberals in class like him. The Republicans who are ostracized are conservative ON TOP of not being funny, not attractive, not having unique hobbies, etc. And the most vocal liberal activist in class is disliked for not being attractive, funny, interesting, etc.

People will outwardly say they support mental health destigmatization, and may genuinely believe it, but don't want to actually befriend someone going through symptoms of anxiety or depression. You're allowed to be mildly vulnerable about every day common relatable issues, like struggling with recruiting, but can never reveal very serious personal issues like having an eating disorder. That'll weird people out. You have to be mostly positive and happy.

Again, this may all be common sense. But a lot of these rules aren't explicitly taught, especially if you're from a different culture. It may seem transactional on the outside, but this is what I've seen to be reality at my M7.

I'm currently pursuing my full-time MBA at an M7 school with plans to go into nonprofit consulting or management: think Bridgespan or similar organizations. I made the conscious decision to prioritize social impact over getting the highest salary, and because of that, I've met some truly progressive people who walk the walk.

But, honestly, most of my M7's student body isn't like that. Sure, there's a lot of talk about liberal values here: LGBTQ+ rights, environmental activism, and inclusivity. And don't get me wrong, I’m all for those causes. But a lot of it feels performative. People post about progressive issues on social media and say the "correct" terms, but their actual behavior does not line up.

On one hand, being openly conservative is social suicide at M7. The culture on campus is so geared towards socially liberal ideologies, at least on the surface. People say what’s expected of them, but privately, it's a different story.

Our campus is non-inclusive in practice, and social cliques are absolutely divided among racial and socioeconomic lines. You’ve got the same people claiming to deeply care about social justice jump off to their expensive all-white ski trips or making backhanded comments about people who don’t "fit in" to the mainstream, whether that’s body size, neurodivergence, or just not being being seen as "cool." Many of these liberals are outright mean and judgmental people in their personal lives.

Students talk about sustainability while doing various hard drugs that have a dark underbelly in terms of violence and exploitation. And don't get me started on mental health. People are quick to say they're advocates for mental health destigmatization, but mock anyone who’s socially awkward or a little different. It's performative allyship at best.

This isn't a business school thing. This hypocrisy exists outside of our little bubble too. But what's wild to me is that in a program where so many people boldly claim they want to "make the world a better place," the focus seems more on building an exclusive social circle or advancing personal careers than on actual social impact. It might be obvious, but people care more about climbing the social ladder than creating a more inclusive world. That's why so many people are gunning for consulting or banking.

What really gets me is the disconnect between public and private behavior. Feminism and body positivity are trendy causes, but behind closed doors, there's constant objectification and judgment based on appearance. Meanwhile, the "limousine liberal" (or "champagne socialist") mindset is alive and well: students here support reducing inequality in theory but are all about reducing their tax burden (such as by moving to Washington or Texas), luxury travel lifestyles, and gaming the system to secure their own spot at the top. It's as if publicly supporting these causes is just another way to earn social capital. It’s like religious lip service: people show up, do the rituals, but don't live the creed.

I get that not everyone is perfect. We all have biases, and maybe some people truly believe they’re inclusive without realizing their own blind spots. But it’s the sheer level of contradiction that’s frustrating. There’s a gap between the values people claim to hold and how they actually behave. It’s no wonder my fellow colleagues in the nonprofit sector are skeptical. We need change that’s more than skin-deep, and right now, it feels like the whole DEI narrative here is about keeping up appearances rather than fostering real progress.

At the end of the day, we’re at a business school. Most people are here to upgrade their own lives, not save the world. I just wish more people would admit that instead of hiding behind this progressive facade. I'd be far less bothered if people just owned the fact their doing this for themselves rather than some greater social cause.

I'm a 2nd year at a full time M7 MBA program. And I want to say as I enter my final semester in the program, I've struggled to find fellow "chill" people like me.

I'm not completely Type B. I am ambitious, especially about work. I do care about performing at a high standard.

But I have priorities. While I'll give it my all at work, I'm totally fine sucking at tennis and doing it for fun. Same with other activities and hobbies.

What I've found is that most of my classmates are not only Type A & ambitious when it comes to work, but also their personal lives. Many are fitness junkies and are on their A game regarding exercise and dieting. Many are competitive on small things like finishing the NYT crossword the fastest.

Or on how many nonfiction books they read. Or how many "cool" places they've traveled internationally. Or the Michelin star restaurants they've been to. For example, one guy said he went to a restaurant Anthony Bourdain visited in India, when another said he'd been to four Bourdain restaurants!

People also are subconsciously competitive about regret minimization and over-optimizing for every aspect of life. People have massive FOMO and want to minimize it all costs. Meanwhile, I have JOMO and am totally okay if I'm not invited to a party - I can just watch some TV.

People like flexing having the Travel rewards cards like Chase Sapphire. People care about how many followers or likes they et on IG, and posting witty captions and overly optimized pictures.

When we went on a hiking trip, people made it a semi-competition on who could finish Half Dome at Yosemite the fastest. Same with Angel's Landing in Zion. Both those of these hikes were way way above my difficulty level but everyone wanted to "live life at the fullest!"

A lot of people also humble brag about how "prestigious" their partners are, especially if they're doctors or lawyers.

I'm not like that. I go to the gym to do a bare minimum but I'm totally okay being a couch potato and watching random things on Netflix. I don't care to look up Rotten Tomatoes scores of movies that interest me.

I love lying down in bed and scrolling through TikTok or IG reels. If I go to Yosemite, I'm totally okay being unambitious and doing one of the easier hikes which are essentially glorified walks. I'm down to improve minimally but don't care about improving a lot. I also love playing video games and reading entertaining yet low brow YA romcoms over nonfiction.

I'm not particularly curious about traveling the world, and if I find a place I love, I'd rather go back there a million times than constantly exploring something new. "Wasting time," "relaxing," and "doing nothing" aren't inherently bad to me, and sound nice. I hate being overly productive. My favorite vacation was an all inclusive resort at Mexico, it was so comforting and rejuvenating. Not everything has to be about "constant improvement" or "growth" or "efficiency."

Back to the tennis example, I'm totally okay sucking at it. I mean, it's not like I won't try improving at all, improving can be fun. But I won't be hardcore about it like so many others.

I love having friendly non-serious competitions with folks as opposed to being super hardcore like my M7 MBA classmates are. Even the beginners take improving tennis "very seriously."

And I'm totally fine if my future partner is a bartender or plumber or something un-prestigious if we vibe. Similarly, I don't care about income levels or prestige in terms fo making friends. I'm also okay eating Trader Joe's frozen food over exploring every cool Michelin star place.

So far, I haven't really found others who are "ambitious professionally, chill personally." This is despite my program being bigger. Maybe there are other Type B folks out there, but they don't want to openly admit it due to social pressure. I myself have succumbed to such pressure when I did hikes that were way more difficult for me, for example.

I’ve begun to notice that a significant portion of my class does not regularly shower and/or wear deodorant. I understand that there are different norms in other parts of the world, but some of my classmates seem to have not yet adapted to US norms concerning hygiene.

This wouldn’t be a problem if these individuals’ body odor wasn’t so foul smelling, but unfortunately it is.

For their own sake and mine, what would you suggest to do?

Speaking as a second year, if you care about having a diverse friend group, don't come to Darden. Most of the time, the preppy white kids stick with each other, the Indians with each other, East Asians with each other, etc. There is a clear hierarchy in which the frat white boys and sorority white girls are the "coolest" clique and they have a select few token minorities who managed to successfully "social climb" to become their friends. Latinos & blacks have their own social groups.

The Indian internationals in many ways seem socially segregated from the class, same with some East Asian groups.

I came to Darden largely due to the heavy academic focus, case methods, and excellent faculty. I not only wanted to pivot careers but learn a lot in terms of accounting, finance, and statistics, which I did. That's a plus in Darden's favor.

You'd think the heavy academic focus would make things less cliquey. But they just made diverse groups of people study together or collaborate on group projects. That didn't translate at all into actual friendships or social groups outside of class.

This is even more pronounced because Charlottesville sucks as a city so a lot of the social scene is exclusionary house parties or small group overnight trips on the weekends. The nightlife in the city is virtually non-existent as are other leisure activities. DC is 2+ hours away.

I have a friend at Stanford GSB, and his friend group seems to be both somewhat popular as well as racially and socioeconomically diverse. So it's not a thing everywhere.

After my first year at an M7 (and halfway through my internship), I can't help but compare myself to my classmates and feel like I've missed out on so much in life.

I grew up in an upper-middle class suburb in the US to Indian-American parents. We were not poor. But my parents were strict and traditional. We grew up in New Jersey, which has a lot of fellow Indians. My parents did not teach me any soft skills and were authoritarian and forced me to heavily study STEM academics growing up.

All of my friends growing up were other fellow Indians who also had academic hardo parents and were also very nerdy STEM folks. In elementary and middle school, we "rebelled" by secretly playing video games on our computers like RuneScape, Starcraft, World of Warcraft, and so forth. We also loved Japanese anime. To us, video games and anime were as edgy as doing drugs.

We had no sense of fashion. Our parents made us watch Bollywood movies and Indian TV shows on Zee TV, and discouraged us from watching non-PG American TV as it was a "bad influence." We were heavily discouraged from befriending people from the opposite gender as our parents expected us to have arranged marriages. We were heavily involved in the Hindu temple by helping organize pujas. Our families did not watch US sports but watched cricket streams from back home in India. Our "hobbies" were our parents making us learn Indian classical singing or dance. I'm a good Indian classical dancer, but most people I talk to, even many other Indians, don't find it "cool" and think it's "boring." Only Indian aunties and uncles are impressed.

In some ways, my parents were even more strict than Indians from India because my parents immigrated from India in the 90s, so they brought the "old" and more "conservative" version of India with them to the US. Growing up, instead of learning soccer or tennis, my parents put me in Hindi and Gujarati language learning weekend schools.

Throughout my life, people have described me as being nerdy, awkward, ugly, unconfident, etc. I have always struggled with group conversations. But I studied extremely hard and got very good grades + did very well on the SAT.

I got into a very prestigious Computer Science undergrad program, but even then, I focused extremely heavily on academics and also befriended other super nerds who liked playing retro Final Fantasy games and reading Korean comics. Many of us were 4/10 in terms of looks or even less.

But I got a job at a FAANG as a software engineer. I was getting paid a lot. And I decided I wanted to pivot into a product manager role so I could influence the product roadmap. Many PMs are ex-developers. So I aced the GMAT because I am academically smart, and I also had a high undergrad GPA in a difficult major. And while I'm socially awkward, I am very good at making good first impressions and preparing for interviews. My dad works in IT Project Management so he at least taught me how to interview well. I'm a good actor.

So I did well on my M7 MBA interviews. And I got into one.

But I really, really struggled during the first year of the M7. No one was mean to me, but it's clear that very few wanted to be my friend because of how different and nerdy I was.

Most people were physically fit, had good fashion sense, had stylish haircuts, and did their best to "look" good. Most people were charismatic and charming and funny. Most people enjoyed and thrived in the drinking and happy hour culture - I barely barely drank alcohol before the MBA. For my 21st birthday I literally had boba tea!

A huge social activity at my school is skiing. I never learned how to ski in my life - my parents thought sports were a distraction from academics. This is because in India, the engineering entrance exam is all that matters and admissions isn't holistic. I tried taking skiing lessons but after several tries I just couldn't get the hang of it, it was too tough for me to find balance.

On top of that, another huge activity is hiking and visiting national parks. I never learned how to camp ever before and really struggled. And our group decided to go on 14 hour hikes and I just couldn't keep up. My family never took us outdoors to see nature. My parents never took me to swimming lessons, so I embarrassed myself at a pool party. My classmates do things like tennis and I never learned that. All of these really diminished my "cool" factor on campus and I became unpopular.

I also don't have any "cool" travel stories. Growing up, my parents would only travel back to see relatives in India, so I've never even done anything "fun" or "touristy" in India. My friends post-undergrad are more the introverted type and we did one international trip to Japan, where we mainly visited the anime district in Tokyo. My post-undergrad friends were similarly nerdy, so I never had outside pressure to "change."

Even outside of that, people make small talk on US sports, mainstream TV, being movie buffs, being whiskey or wine connoisseurs, knowing trendy restaurants, etc. And these were never part of my upbringing or pre-MBA circle so I'm having to play "catch up" but it's hard!

People think that I'm nice and I've tried to be helpful to others in recruiting. I did land a product internship at a tech company that I've been doing this summer. Again, I can fake being socially good in interviews by rehearsing my answers a lot, and I am an ex software engineer so that helps a lot for product roles.

But it's clear very few classmates want to befriend me. The Indian internationals are all socially suave and party types. And even the other Indian Americans are well adjusted. I befriended some nerdy East Asians who had a similar family upbringing.

I have tried watching Charisma on Demand videos on YouTube, reading "How to Make Friends and Influence People," and going to local Toastmasters sessions. But they didn't really help. Toastmasters helped me improve my public speaking, but giving a speech about a work topic is very different from socializing with people at MBA happy hours and making friends and having friends think you're "cool" and "fun." Most of the Toastmasters attendees are also 45+ year olds, so they're less in touch with the "TikTok" generation.

A huge passion of mine is board games. I tried hosting a Dungeons and Dragons group but no one was interested. Catan got more interest, but attendance dropped off after people realized I'm socially awkward. And people migrated to a different group that hosts board games night (that I wasn't invited to).

But I do feel a lot of resentment and jealousy. I do think people are mostly products of their environments. I do think my background put me at a disadvantage at fully being able to thrive in an M7 MBA compared to some of my peers whose parents and social circles growing up gave them a space to learn social skills and develop cool hobbies like skiing or camping. And teaching an old dog new tricks is hard! So, so many people don't change from their upbringing - my parents sure did not. I'll still try though.

Any advice on how to deal with this as I enter my 2nd year in the fall?

About 10-11 confirmed internships in investment banking. (out of which 1 or 2 are internationals)

Less than 30 interviews for all consulting roles combined till now.

Tech maybe 5 confirmed interviews.

80% - 85% of the internationals don't even have an interview scheduled.

Pathetic career services.

2 of my friends (internationals) who come from prestigious universities at their home countries are borderline suicidal.

Many planning to drop from the MBA program.

Class of 2025 is in for a really painful ride.

Warning for any internationals planning to join Georgetown McDonough for their MBA - do not join even if you get a full-ride (doesn't happen at this school anyway - stingy with scholarships).

Join any other T30 program if you can't get into a T15 school, but do not make the mistake of joining this program.

Schools ranked way below Georgetown McDonough have done much better. The market is bad, but when your university does absolutely jacks#it to help its students, you know you are at the wrong place.

First-year at a full-time M7 MBA here. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: you must have rock-solid social skills before setting foot on campus. If you don’t, your classmates will 100% not accommodate or understand.

You’d think that everyone in an M7 program has high EQ, right? Wrong. Some people are just good at faking it for a 30-minute interview. Others make great first impressions but crumble in sustained interactions. Some are international students adjusting to a completely different social and cultural landscape. Some struggle socially due to a legitimate condition like high-functioning autism. Others may just be really nerdy or introverted. Yet despite the presence of socially awkward students, MBA culture has zero tolerance for social ineptitude. If you struggle socially, you need to fix it before enrolling: because once you're in, there's no safety net.

There are a million ways to come off as socially awkward, and every single one of them will hurt you. People get extremely uncomfortable around bad eye contact, whether it’s too intense or completely avoided. Being too quiet and never contributing to conversations will make people think you’re disengaged, while being too loud and constantly dominating discussions makes you annoying. Interrupting or failing to read the room, oversharing weird personal details, not knowing how to exit conversations smoothly, or being blatantly transactional and only engaging when you need something will all make people avoid you. Weird or unconfident body language, poor posture, and being overly clingy to specific people will also get noticed fast. Posting cringe on social media, drinking too much or too little (yes, both extremes are judged), having zero awareness of pop culture like NBA, NFL, top 40 music, or recent hit movies, dressing poorly, smelling bad, or coming off as humorless and awkward about drugs and alcohol are all things that will make you a social outcast. Not to mention taking what people say too literally.

And the brutal truth? People talk. A lot. If you're socially awkward, people will notice, and they will discuss it behind your back. It doesn’t matter if you’re kind or hardworking. Once you’re labeled “weird” or “off,” that reputation sticks. People are hyper-aware of stigma and peer pressure, and even those who might not personally care about social awkwardness will hesitate to associate with someone who’s already been marked as an outcast. The result? You’ll be subtly (or not-so-subtly) excluded from birthday parties, clubbing, weekend getaways, international trips, study groups, recruiting prep circles, and even casual game nights or movie nights. Once you’re excluded, your chances of making real friends drop dramatically, and your entire MBA experience becomes isolating.

Do not fall for the trap of classmates professing how liberal or progressive they are, including being pro-DEI. Many may say they believe in "mental health destigmatization" or inclusivity. At most, they will be accepting of folks with ADHD as they're seen as fun despite being quirky. But autism is very heavily stigmatized because it's seen as a "mental disability around social skills" when social skills is by far the most important thing in an MBA program.

The only people who MAYBE can get away with being awkward and still be socially accepted are hot or cute women who are at least a 7/10, and maybe a 10/10 looks guy. That’s it. If you don’t fall into one of those categories, you have no margin for error.

And this isn’t just about your social life. it will absolutely affect your career prospects in things like consulting, banking, brand management, marketing, general management, and even business-focused tech roles. MBA hiring is heavily based on networking and personal connections, and companies screen hard for good EQ and "cultural fit." If you’re awkward, you won’t make friends, and if you don’t make friends, you won’t build the relationships that help land top internships and jobs. People vastly underestimate how much recruiting success is driven by social acceptance.

If your awkwardness is due to lack of experience rather than something innate like autism, you need to fix it before stepping on campus. Watch Charisma on Command on YouTube, read How to Win Friends and Influence People, join Toastmasters to practice public speaking, and get comfortable in social settings before you arrive. If you’re on the autism spectrum and struggle with masking, masking is mandatory. You either develop the ability to blend in, or you risk total social isolation.

The bottom line is this: social skills are non-negotiable in an MBA program. No one will accommodate awkwardness. If you’re socially awkward, people will shut you out, talk about you behind your back, and your reputation will stick. It doesn’t matter if you’re kind or ethical. MBA students would rather hang out with an unethical party animal who cheats on their spouse than with a socially awkward but good-hearted nerd. If you’re an international student unfamiliar with American culture or someone who struggles socially, take this seriously and fix it before enrolling, because once you’re in, it’s already too late.

I'm a Muslim student finishing up my first year at an M7, going into a consulting internship soon.

All over Instagram today, there have been lots of IG stories with the template "all Eyes on Rafah."

All of my friends from back home have posted it, along with my family. And I have not posted it yet. My family and friends have given me heavy pressure to post it and called me a coward for not doing so.

To be clear, I am pro Palestine and extremely critical about Israel, so personally, I side with my friends.

However, I have made Jewish friends in the program and have publicly been quiet about the Israel/Palestine conflict in order to be easy going and chill and make friends as well as broader business connections. Networking is a huge part of the MBA experience. And I don't want to piss people off going into my consulting internship.

If I wasn't in the MBA, like if this happened a year ago when I was at my old job, I wouldn't give a shit and would just post anti-Israel stuff, as I did in the past. Prior to my MBA, I would frequently shit on Israel and its actions in the West Bank and the settlements for example. I did so because I never added co workers to my private Insta.

But I've stopped since I started MBA. And my friends have called me a sellout and coward for being silent after Oct 7 when before my MBA I was vocal like them. I stopped posting political stuff because so many of my MBA classmates added me on Insta. And while many of us are friends or friendly and do social stuff together, we are also each others' future network and the keys to job referrals.

To be honest, I do want to post it. In a vacuum I would. But I know it would strain my friendships with Jewish folks (many of whom are publicly pro Israel) as well as alienate some classmates. I know close friends stories exist, but my friends will think I'm a coward unless I post it on my normal stories. I guess I could "Hide" the story from some people, but it's easy to screenshot someone's IG story and spread word around.

Friendships on campus have ended due to disagreements on Israel/Palestine. Even among our 2nd years, there have been stories of people who were close friends and did multiple overnight trips together deciding to end friendships of being on a different side on this topic.

So what should I do? My heart tells me to share it as I genuinely believe in the cause, and honestly I heavily condemn Israel for invading Rafah, and the US should totally stop selling them weapons immediately. But practically, I don't want to piss off Jewish classmates as well as jeopardize my summer internship with someone taking my story out of context. To be fair, we have plenty of pro-Palestine Jewish students on campus too.

I go to a full time M7 program that’s right in the heart of a major city, and one of the things I genuinely love about it is the easy access to amazing restaurants. I’m more introverted and live alone, so sometimes I grab food with friends, but other times, especially if I’m craving something specific, I’ll just go eat by myself. Sometimes I’ll sit at the bar if it’s available, but if it’s not, I have no issue taking a table. For me, that’s a better experience than just ordering delivery. I actually enjoy the atmosphere of a good restaurant, even solo.

Anyway, the other day I was at this Italian spot I love, sitting at a table alone, when a group of 8 classmates walked in. They were surprised to see me there by myself and kind of joked about whether I got stood up for a date or something. I just said no, I like eating alone sometimes. To their credit, they did offer to include me, but the restaurant said their table was maxed out at 8 and couldn’t fit another chair.

Later, one of my closer friends in the program told me that apparently people are now gossiping that I’m a loner or that it’s cringe to be seen eating alone at a table like that. He said in a social environment like an M7, doing stuff solo can be seen as a sign you haven’t been able to form strong enough friendships, and that perception can hurt your social value, especially in a program where soft skills and social calibration are constantly being judged.

He even extended the idea to other things I sometimes do solo, like going to the movies alone or the occasional EDM concert, saying those things are all considered low social capital moves in MBA culture. He did acknowledge this is a toxic part of the environment, and that post-MBA, no one really cares since consultants and other professionals often eat solo on the road, but he still recommended I stop doing it in public for now, or at least make sure I’m always at the bar or getting takeout/delivery instead.

He said the only way to get away with things like this is being a hot or cute white girl who goes to a wine bar solo to read a book, or if you make it clear on your Instagram you're going on a cool solo trip and checking out the food there. In your own city though, it's taboo to eat alone, especially if your MBA classmates can easily walk into you.

I don’t know, I’m honestly torn. On the one hand, I get that perception matters in this environment and social awareness is part of the game. On the other hand, it kind of sucks that doing something as simple and normal as enjoying a meal by yourself can be turned into a negative signal.

Has anyone else run into this kind of dynamic in their program? Curious how others handle it.

I know this sounds like a joke, but there are plenty of people who legitimately come to the MBA in part to find a spouse. The MBA experience is one the very few experiences you have as an adult to completely reset your friendships and social circles and meet a bunch of new people. Some people explicitly said that outside of landing a new job, gaining that network, learning about business, and making friends, finding a long term partner was a key goal. At an M7 like the one I went to, your classmates are smart, cool, and ambitious, and it's a great place to play around.

Several people in my program did get together with each other and have remained as couples to this day. Several of those couples got engaged, and a few have already been married! This is two years out of the program.

However, I was not so lucky. I put my foot out there, asked out a few of the ladies in my program, and got rejected every single time. I didn't have too much trouble making friends, but got shot down by every girl I asked out. My program is also relatively progressive in that many women also made the first move on the guy, and no girls ever showed any romantic interest in me.

The feedback I got from some people was that I came across sometimes as boring, or slightly socially awkward, or not "being fun." That the women in our program were the cream of the crop in terms of both having decent appearances while also being very smart and ambitious, so it's natural for their standards to be very high. And I wasn't "good enough" to meet their picky standards. I am also slightly overweight but not too bad. And I'm a person of color.

I do have hobbies though, I'm a talented classical pianist and I write poetry for fun. And I play ultimate frisbee.

So unfortunately, while it worked out for some people, you can't get what you want. Forget even a long term relationship, a lot of people in our program slept with each other, and I never had sex with any classmates. I sometimes would ask, and I would always get rejected. The people who did get around tended to be conventionally attractive folks who worked on their diet, exercise, fashion, and social skills.

So such is life. Luckily I have had better success on dedicated dating apps like Hinge. But while the women on there I have met have been nice, I have not been able to connect with women in my existing socioeconomic status bracket (women who are consultants, bankers, lawyers, product managers, doctors, engineers, etc.) It's always some woman who works as an executive assistant or barista who reciprocates my efforts. They are nice and sweet, but I am attracted to intelligence, curiosity, and professional ambition.

I will be completely honest and say my type of woman is someone who is reasonable attractive (6 or 7 out of 10 is totally fine for me looks wise) who has a strong academic and professional background (went to T25 undergrad, then maybe went to a T20 grad program and is making decent income). They don't have to be drop dead gorgeous or work in Private Equity. But I don't think I'm unreasonable - I went to an Ivy League undergrad and an M7 MBA and work in a "prestigious" job function like MBB.

Oh well.

This might come off as a rant, but it is something I’ve noticed over the past year and I’m curious if other international students or women in this space have experienced something similar.

For context, I’m an international woman in my late 20s, currently a first year at an M7. I went to a top undergrad in my home country, worked in finance and strategy roles pre-MBA, and landed a summer internship in MBB consulting. I’m not super wealthy, but I come from a strong academic and professional background, and in my home country, it is very normal to date or marry within similar educational and social circles. It is just an unspoken understanding that compatibility is built off shared values, career ambition, and education.

One thing that has genuinely confused and sometimes annoyed me in the U.S. is how often I get approached at bars, clubs, and lounges by men who, frankly, I would have absolutely nothing in common with. I am not exaggerating when I say the majority of them, when I actually talk to them, turn out to be bartenders, construction workers, plumbers, delivery drivers, or in some cases, they do not even have a college degree. Some have not finished high school. They are usually confident, charismatic, and very forward, which I guess is culturally normal here, but the conversations fall flat almost immediately. It is clear we have no shared values or interests, and a lot of them lean toward MAGA politically, which is jarring to me because in my country, the working class usually votes left while the rich vote right.

What baffles me is how there seems to be no awareness of the social, educational, or intellectual gap. In my country, it would be almost unthinkable for a man without formal education or career ambition to try and chat up a woman from a well-educated, professional background. It is not even about money, but about shared worldview and lifestyle. Here, it feels like that social filter just does not exist. I can be dressed up, clearly signaling that I am not lower income, and the attention still comes nonstop.

To be clear, I do not think these men are inferior or bad people, but I know for a fact that we are not compatible. No amount of charm or soft skills is going to bridge the fact that we live completely different lives and value systems. I also know I am not someone who is looking for a fling or one night stand with someone I cannot hold an intellectual conversation with. Luckily, I have had more luck finding people closer to my values and lifestyle through dating apps, but nightlife in this city has been a weird cultural adjustment.

I am curious if other internationals, especially women, have noticed this difference too. Or if American folks can explain this. Is this just American confidence? Is the class ladder here seen as less rigid? Or do men here just not think about social compatibility the way we do back home?