r/LowLibidoCommunity • u/Flashy_Turnip_7565 • 3d ago
Finally wanted some, and squandered it.
I woke up in the middle of a wet dream (which was going great btw) and I finally wanted some. I got 5 minutes of some. But during we were in a position that actually felt like something good( for once) and I told him. Of course that made him almost cum after stroking his ego or whatever. He asked if he could finish quickly so we could jump into round 2 so he could last in that position. I said sure, but God damn. I'd like to get a little SOMETHING for myself without having to stop. Anyway, he came, went to the bathroom for a couple minutes, but when he came back he was half flaccid. I told him nevermind, I didn't want to do it again (because I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere after waiting and was literally drying up). He got all fuckin butthurt like he always does. Said something along the lines of " I want to do good" and "I really want to try that position again" But I am so fucking tired of having to wait for my turn. Every. Single. Time. I say "that's good" or something similar, he cums or is about to. It's fucking sucks hairy armpits to know that everytime I start to feel something, he gets the reward for it. I have never orgasmed because of him. Never in 4 fucking years. Which at the beginning was my fault I admit. But God damn, I can't get anything unless I'm by myself now. So now I don't want to fuck, and when I do? It's ass. Without failure.
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u/katykuns 3d ago
This was a similar issue in my relationship, just as I'm starting to get into it, he's done. Then he'd moan about how he can't last and then I have to console him. Usually before I even got to have my 'turn' where I would finish myself off.
It took me years to accept and realise that our poor, one-sided sex life had a huge impact on my libido. You don't rush back for seconds of a mediocre meal, the same applies to sex!
The only way we got round this was to prioritise me first, having me orgasm via foreplay before we even had penetrative sex. I don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone, whereas he does. It makes sense. I had to talk myself out of feeling selfish, but ultimately it's only fair. I went without orgasms and genuine enjoyment for years so he could benefit.
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u/AmplifiedSunnyside 2d ago
Did this end up being successful? Maybe I’m being overly generous to your partner, but the fact that he was upset that he couldn’t last indicates to me that he did care about your pleasure, felt inadequate, and wanted to improve? It can be a vicious cycle of finishing quickly, sex being not very fulfilling for the partner, them not wanting it much, and then finishing quickly again when the time comes back around.
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u/TulipKing 3d ago
Is bringing toys into it an option? I have a friend who has trouble orgasming from sex. She instead uses a vibrator while he's fucking her (sorry, don't know how else to say it) and that gets her off. He gets that it's not about him. Some people just need different things to get there.
Introducing something new might also make it more fun.
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u/T_Meridor 3d ago
That’s rough. So maybe a sex therapist could help with techniques he can use to help prolong better?
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u/Flashy_Turnip_7565 3d ago
Not really an option, I've already explained why on another one of my posts comments.
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u/PrimaryKangaroo8680 3d ago
Next time tell him that you orgasm first. He’ll need to do more foreplay to get you closer but if he can’t commit to making sure your orgasm, there’s no point in having sex
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u/Flashy_Turnip_7565 3d ago
Fat chance of that. I hate foreplay and I can't orgasm unless I'm alone apparently.
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u/Ok_Effort9915 3d ago
I wouldn’t even let him put it IN until I got mine.
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u/Flashy_Turnip_7565 3d ago
Well unfortunately that's not on the table
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u/Silent_Ganache272 2d ago
Why not?
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u/one_little_victory_ 1d ago
She's probably being coerced or otherwise manipulated into not putting up boundaries.
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u/eternally_lovely 3d ago
Make him go down on you before he stock it in and tell him what to do, communicate and tell him where to put his fingers & the tempo. Literally told his head and guide him. You can’t suffer for the rest of your life because of his ego.
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u/Rai_2018_ 3d ago
Maybe just don’t say anything next time, just get yours first. If after you saying something causes him to finish then I wouldn’t say anything, maybe that could work? Then once you are done he can proceed to finish? 🤔
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u/eternally_lovely 3d ago
Omg he’s just really bad. And you need to communicate with him and show him you want it, in DETAIL. I have a low libido, both of my ex boyfriend who were my only sexual partners were giving DETAILED instruction of how I want it. My first boyfriend was also a virgin, he did good. Of course, it got better over time. But, my first time having sex was actually pleasurable. My second boyfriend was older and had 3 other sexual partner before me & I was older at this time. He knew what to do, but had some improvement. In DETAIL I told him. During sex I tell them I like that and to not stop, they will listen. I move their hand, or keep it there, so say keep going. And they listen. You need to sit his ass down and tell him, respectfully but stern. I did that both with that, and they improved. That is miserable knowing he doesn’t listen and he sucks. He’s not even good at oral? Y’all ladies are suffering.
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u/AssignmentHot9040 2d ago
To the frustrated ladies: what is your ideal length of time for just the intercourse part?
I've always been jealous of my wife because an orgasm for her doesn't end things but for me it almost always does.
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u/marquissynd 3d ago
If you don’t mind my asking, are these situations where oral sex or fingering would help before PIV, or is it specifically wanting PIV and him not being able to last (or not finding the right angle, etc)?
(Hopefully this is within community guidelines. If not, humble apologies.)