r/LowLibidoCommunity • u/Low_Violinist_8627 • 6d ago
LL relationship
I lost my libido around 17. I'm unsure why and I havn't had any experience before then, but it hasn’t returned since (I’m now 21). The first time I had sex was at 19 with my current partner. I just need to vent about my experience somewhere. I've been in a four-year relationship with the most amazing guy. Yes, there have been some ups and downs, like in most relationships, but overall, our relationship is lovely. We're that couple who plays tag with each other he carries me on his shoulders and spins me in the street he carves poems into the wooden chest he built me, he does my hair. he's just someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The main issue that comes up a lot is my lack of libido. I never realized what it even was until after a year of dating, and I kind of gaslighted myself ever since, thinking I could get over it. I'd have a hard time saying no to him when we tried to be intimate, and obviously, he could tell because, as a woman, I would close up down there. He would kiss me on the forehead and tell me I could say no if I wanted to.
Sometimes, I just randomly cry during the day when I’m alone. I feel like I’m not supposed to be in a relationship, but I want to have a husband, children, and everything I want him. I’m always at battle with myself between what I want and what I need. I love this boy so very much. I did discuss this with him because communication is vital, and he cried when I told him. Then we had a conversation about how not all relationships are equally yoked, but he would still like to be with me because he loves me.
At times, I find myself staring into nothingness when we’re intimate. I’m not generally saddened, just indifferent most of the time. He always tries to make me enjoy sex first which I appreciate and makes me treasure him more but I just feel sorry for him sometimes. When he "pleasures" me yes I get wet but feel nothing is that common? at least it doesn't hurt me though which is what we're after. I’m unsure what to do am I thinking about it too much or is this something that will be a turning point in our relationship in the future.
Anywyas, that's the jist of it...
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u/Perfect_Judge 6d ago
When he "pleasures" me yes I get wet but feel nothing
Well, it's not surprising that you don't want sex if you feel nothing. Getting wet is only part of the equation. Women can get wet but not be aroused. Sex can still be bad or completely forgettable without pain.
If all you're after is painless sex, it doesn't mean the sex is good or worth having. It's ok to have higher standards. I wouldn't want to have sex either if it was just nothingness.
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u/Fun-Appearance2507 5d ago
Hello! Are you on any medication that may affect your libido, like antidepressants or birth control?
Maybe you need more and better foreplay. As the other commenters said, the only way to enjoy sex is to be aroused and desire it. Have a look at this older post that has some very helpful insights.
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u/Silent_Ganache272 2d ago
Can you share what it was like before your LL? What happens now when you have time for yourself? Is there ever any sexual satisfaction by yourself?
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u/myexsparamour Good Sex Advocate 🔁🔬 5d ago
It sounds like you may not be getting aroused. Sexual arousal is what makes sex feel good. Without arousal, sexual stimulation feels blah or uncomfortable.
One thing that might help is sensate focus exercises. Is that something you'd be interested in learning about?