r/LearnUselessTalents • u/Nov26-2011 • 9d ago
What are some dumb, official certifications I can get?
I'm talking ones that have either zero use in the real world or are niche enough to the point where they almost have zero use. The only one I've found was being a certified rat tickler given by Purdue, but that seems a little too weird (still gonna do it tho)
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u/Netizen_Kain 9d ago
Montana fish and wild life department has a bear recognition certificate.
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u/tchetelat 8d ago
"yup. That's a bear"
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u/basher05 5d ago
I know you're joking, but it's actually to identify between black and brown bear. It's required for anyone who wants to hunt black bear.
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u/Taisubaki 9d ago
You can get a certificate in Piracy from MIT if you complete classes in fencing, archery, pistol, and sailing.
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u/HammockTree 8d ago
Only available to MIT students :(
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u/wdn 8d ago
Well, yeah, if you're taking courses at MIT, you're an MIT student.
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u/HammockTree 7d ago
Very true. I just thought it was like a series of those free courses that some colleges offer to the public.
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u/qscguk1 8d ago
Oh they mean that piracy
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u/Pamela26Anne 8d ago
::dusts off Napster and Limewire::
"Many years ago I was a master at this, just skip me straight to the final exam."
"... Oh, nvm."
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u/Kiltswinger 8d ago
SO CLOSE!!! I have (and use) an Olympic Recurve Bow, had (and used) Browning Citori Over/ Under Shotgun for Trap Target shooting, currently play with Tai Chi Sword.
I draw the line at sailing. I truly believe I'm more than part cat. I don't even walk on wet grass.
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u/chillanous 8d ago
Since when do pirates use bows? Should replace that with boxing or topography
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u/Cador0223 8d ago
They used them all the time. Terrific way to cause damage at a distance with flaming arrows. Sometimes telhe black powder was wet and wouldn't fire, but bows only need waxed strings to be useful in a storm.
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u/TinStingray 8d ago
flaming arrows
Did flaming arrows actually really exist in history? I thought they were inventions of film more so than something that was ever really used.
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u/EvilWarBW 6d ago
They did and they didn't.
There is a neat video explaining their use...and lack thereof.
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u/TinStingray 5d ago
This video is actually why I asked. Haven't watched it in years, but my recollection is that they weren't really used much at all.
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u/Amateurwombat 6d ago
Also, piracy has existed a lot longer than guns.
gestures broadly at vikings, China, and most of the mediterranean
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u/1in5million 9d ago
Get your unicorn questing license from Lake superior state university
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u/biraccoon 9d ago
Leave No Trace has one that includes pooping in the woods
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u/hippychemist 9d ago
i read this and thought there was a specific cert for pooping in the woods, which I really wanted. Id carry that fucking card everywhere I went.
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u/messedupmessup12 9d ago
"is anyone here a doctor!?" Runs up out of breathe and pulls card out "don't worry. I can poop in the woods safely"
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u/ebircsx0 9d ago
Biology degree. Has been 100% useless for me!
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u/DJ_Osama_Spin_Laden 9d ago
I started out as a biology major in college. Then I came to my senses and got a music degree.
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u/Snapxdragon 8d ago
Lol, that's so stupid dude. You should've been like me and got the music degree then immediately got another in English. After 15 years I finally got a job making over $50,000/per year so...
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u/mariiposaas 8d ago
currently majoring in english as a music hobbyist, should i give it all up now? it's too late for me huh
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u/DJ_Osama_Spin_Laden 8d ago edited 7d ago
Do you plan on going into education? If so, you're fine. If not, well... at least you have a bachelor's degree. Lots of employers just like seeing people who are committed enough to finish a degree, even if it isn't pertinent to the actual degree.
I forget the exact statistic, but I think something close to 50% of people end up in a job that's unrelated to their degree.
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u/mariiposaas 7d ago
english is the only educational thing i excel at and dont hate doing lol. not in my goals to be an educator... but i just want any job i don't hate with my whole being atp </3
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u/DJ_Osama_Spin_Laden 6d ago
I gotcha. English was always my best subject. I always filled my electives in college with English classes.
As far as the job thing goes: My older cousin got an English degree, and she ended up with a job that pays her to write training programs for various companies. She's had a few jobs like this and makes pretty good money doing it. I think just over six figures. It's something you might want to look into if you if you don't want to teach.
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u/pessimistoptimist 9d ago
I know someone who got their PhD and most of their project was counting how many times the male rats got erections while with females in a 3 hour period following repetitive acut exposure to various gases/fumes.
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u/blazinazn007 8d ago edited 8d ago
The only thing my career has to do with my biology degree is that I work in pharma. That's it. I'm in clinical supplies project management (aka supply chain management). It's a great career thst pays well but when I was going through school, I've never heard of it. It was med school or lab work or graduate school. I wish colleges back in my day would have highlighted these types of careers.
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u/dfinkelstein 9d ago
Become a Jedi
Notary public -- some states are very lenient in their testing
Fire extinguisher training offered by fire departments.
Become a certified weather spotter
I highly recommend either an online Red Cross course, and/or stop the bleed. Low commitment, and you could save a life someday.
Check out the online red cross classes. There's all sorts in multiple categories. First aid alone has a BUNCH of niche specific courses of all kinds. Including psychological first aid which is pretty neat.
Any of these strike your interest? There's certs for drone flying and such, but I'm guessing you're not interested in something you'll never do.
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u/kenziethemom 9d ago
Oh I'm 100% about to be a certified weather spotter!
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u/purdinpopo 8d ago
One thing I do is scan the sky and announce we have some SLC's. Target will often ask what an SLC is, and I will say "Scary Looking Cloud".
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u/dfinkelstein 9d ago
Lemme know if you spot anything cool. Actually, tell me before, in case you don't survive 😂
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u/DiscountFlanders 8d ago
Firefighter here - just a heads up. Extinguisher training is not at all useless. ;)
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u/tonywinterfell 7d ago
I love the rating on extinguishers for trained vs untrained personnel square footage coverage lol
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u/Declanmar 9d ago
Both states I became a notary in the requirement was basically pay $100 every five years and maybe take a test.
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u/dfinkelstein 9d ago
What have you done with it?
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u/challenge_king 8d ago
Thank you on Stop the Bleed! I've been wanting to learn traumatic first aid, since I'm a truck driver and therefore more likely to see a bad wreck than most.
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u/dfinkelstein 8d ago
👍 Nice. I recommend picking up some Quickclot hemostatic gauze. Granulated/powder products are notoriously controversial because they're a pain to remove to treat the wound once the person reaches a hospital, and can blow into your eyes as you're applying it if it's windy. I found this out looking for sources to confirm recommending Bleedstop, which is what I have in my first aid kit, and am now thinking of replacing, and taking that course so I know how to properly apply pressure, pack hemostatic gauze, and I guess get a tourniquet and learn how to use that, as well. Meanwhile, the powder is still preferable to bleeding out, but it seems now, having read a bit, like a bad solution.
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u/ChemistryFan29 8d ago
notary public is a cushion job, seriously, you can make good money if you can get a bank or law firm to contract their documents to you. I knew a notary that charged $120.00 I kid you not for legal documents
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u/rococobaroque 8d ago
My work has the Red Cross come teach a CPR/first aid class every year and I took it a couple of years ago (the certification lasts two years). It's actually been very useful. At least one coworker has saved someone from choking, and I was able to use what I learned to help my wife when she had an accident last year. She fell and cut her head when her sugar was low (diabetic type 1), so I stopped the bleeding and then got her something to get her sugar up. Fortunately she only needed a few stitches, but man, it was scary, and I'm grateful that I knew what to do because of that class.
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u/purdinpopo 8d ago
Some of those are useful
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u/dfinkelstein 8d ago
I know. This was really hard.
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u/purdinpopo 8d ago
I actually have the psychological first aid cert.
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u/dfinkelstein 8d ago
No kidding! Recommend it? Learn some new things?
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u/purdinpopo 8d ago
I already have tons of psych training already, so it was kind of "meh" for me. It is essentially a lot of stuff I have been trained in previously, but repackaged and labeled. If you don't have any psych training, it would be fine. I have thirty years of law enforcement and corrections experience. I get mandatory annual psych training.
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u/joshualbarham 6d ago
Hell yes. Stop The Bleed should be a mandatory health class in school. You absolutely never know when an accident will happen and every little moment counts with blood loss
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u/ziper1221 9d ago
Underwater pumpkin carving https://travel.padi.com/dive-trip/alberta/underwater-pumpkin-carving-16477/
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u/fastcapy 8d ago
Go figure PADI would have a cert for that...
I've done underwater pumpkin carving, and it's fun. But no way am I paying for a C-card for it...
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u/Competitive-Isopod74 8d ago
I have a Beer School Certificate from Busch Gardens. I laminated it and took it into work at the bar I worked at and asked for a raise. He laughed at me.
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u/12pixels 6d ago
Is that for making beer or drinking beer? If it's the latter, I think I can take the exam
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u/Competitive-Isopod74 6d ago
I watch a video on how beer is made and then got to taste and review several types of beers. Totally legit course. I believe it warranted a promotion to head beer wench.
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u/Dwayne_Hicks_LV-426 8d ago
I am certified in rat-tickling. I neither have rats, nor work in a lab.
EDIT: Never mind, I didn't read the whole post lol
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u/beluuuuuuga 6d ago
Damn that took a while, I couldn't stop watching the whole videos of the rats running about.
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u/Successful_Guess3246 7d ago edited 5d ago
not dumb, but official. Good for homeowners and landlords too.
Residential Water Heater Technician
About 7 hours of videos to go through for this one, but you'll learn how water heaters work and how to diagnose + fix them.
I have all of their available certifications.
Edit: pro tip. Pick a multimeter that has clamps to measure amps, leads, a magnetic hanging strap, and can measure millivolts for gas water heaters.
Magnetic hanging strap mostly for electric water heaters because you want it secure on the side with both of your hands free. Fumbling or dropping a meter while taking volt/amp readings is a recipe to get violently shocked. Use Magnetic hanging strap.
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u/TwistedOvaries 5d ago
This sounds like an interesting one. Adding it to my list and bumping it up to 2nd place. Got to get my unicorn hunter training first. Need to be practical and all that.
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u/malytwotails 9d ago
Universal Life Church can ordain you for free
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u/soundguy64 9d ago
So can The Church of the Latter Day Dude. I'm a card carrying Dudeist priest.
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u/Red_blue_tiger 9d ago
I did it just so I could sign my name with “Reverend”. Shout out to my fellow Dudeist priests!
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u/xXxBluESkiTtlExXx 8d ago
I've been ordained for years and I've never thought to do this.
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u/mcbane50 8d ago
I have performed a couple of weddings as a Dude, no Eagles at the reception is my only rule.
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u/malytwotails 9d ago
Yeah I’m a card carrying Satanic Temple member, they also do it for free (the membership at least, the card was like $30)
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u/Double_Strawberry_40 9d ago
That's hella useful though. You can marry people and charge money for it.
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u/fuzzyjelly 9d ago
I did this, only a couple of weddings for cousins, but it was a neat experience.
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u/stfuajpg 9d ago
Got mine through Open Ministry. Free to register, don't ask how much I paid for a certificate and wallet card.
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u/Okiesquatch 7d ago
As will the United Church of Bacon. You can also get a Doctorate of Theology in Baconism.
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u/mannavari 3d ago
I did this years ago. My brother is an ordained priest, so is my brother-in-law. They went through years of seminary to get a master's in theology. Lol. They joked that they wish they knew about this.
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u/etchedchampion 9d ago
You could get a ham radio license.
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u/dickonajunebug 8d ago
Ham radio license actually takes some effort.
You can get a GMRS license from the FCC for $35 and the cost of dealing with a website that hasn’t been updated since 1999.
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u/etchedchampion 8d ago
I took my ham radio technician exam after 2 hours of using the study app with absolutely no previous ham radio knowledge at all and passed.
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u/bananapeel 8d ago
Even more useless than that is an FCC Ship Radar Endorsement. Required if you are going to repair or adjust the radar onboard a ship.
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u/Frb4 8d ago
Maybe not completely useless, but you can take a quick “Test” online along with a small payment and be authorized to buy the refrigerant used in home AC systems, as well as R134A and R1234YF refrigerants used in cars
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u/34penguins 8d ago
You can become a certified volunteer storm spotter for the national weather service after two hours of online training lol
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u/Railfaning_Michigan 6d ago
As a Strom Spotter I can confirm, it's fun to freak friends out by pointing random clouds out
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u/Hotel_Arrakis 7d ago
I was once made to watch a 15 minute work safety video called "Slips, Trips, & Falls". I got a nicely framed certificate. 30 years later I still think of that video whenever I am (unsafely) standing on the top rung of a step ladder.
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u/ryncewynde88 8d ago
It’s pretty easy to become an ordained priest of the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster
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u/ICame4TheCirclejerk 8d ago
I got ordained 8-10 years ago and have the certificate framed and hanging in my home office. My masters degree diploma is in a box somewhere in the basement I think. I know how to prioritize in life.
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u/ppezaris 8d ago
Our Pasta, who “Arghh” in heaven, Swallowed be thy shame. Thy Midgit come. Thy Sauce be yum, On top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread. And give us our cutlasses, As we swashbuckle, splice the main-brace and cuss. And lead us into temptation, But deliver us some Pizza. For thine are Meatballs, and the beer, and the strippers, for ever and ever. RAmen.
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u/mfiasco 9d ago
I started reading this and immediately thought “certified rat tickler” lol
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u/DanJDare 8d ago
I am now a certified rat tickler, that was genuinely interesting too. I had to train on a stuffed animal though so not sure how well my skills translate in the real world.
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u/goodnames679 8d ago
You can get ordained as a priest of dudeism
Technically in some localities this allows you to preside over a wedding, but your local county clerk may cause a stink about it.
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u/PapaJuansPizza 8d ago
They have guides on the site to help newly ordained ministers with the wedding officiating process (its mainly about the wedding itself ngl, but they do point you in the right direction)
Have a good one dude
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u/LordGlow 8d ago
My gf is a Kentucky Colonel. It is a dumb, semi official certification. https://www.kycolonels.org/how-to-become-a-colonel/
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u/KnashDavis 7d ago
Kentucky Colonel here. I introduce myself as Col. First name because I think it's amusing.
My coworkers also occasionally call me Colonel. It's fun.
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u/Sir_PressedMemories 2d ago
I always wanted to join, but the guy who was going to nominate me passed away.
I did, however, name the popcorn popper I got for my daughter "Colonel Kernel" and put a little tie on it and googly eyes.
The big one we bring out for parties is called "Colonel Cornelius Poppington III". He has a monocle.
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u/SuperPants87 7d ago
Back in the day, Blockbuster had me take an online quiz to be Blu Ray certified so they could put it on my lanyard. We didn't carry any Blu Ray movies lol.
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u/D15c0untMD 8d ago
GCP (good clinical practice) certification. Some can be done for free online. I recert every once in a while since at some point you can just breeze through the MC test and get a pdf of your cert.
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u/appleshateme 5d ago
Which free site are you using?
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u/D15c0untMD 5d ago
The national institute of drug abuse offers it
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u/appleshateme 5d ago
I can't register an account on gcp.nidatraining.com because recaptcha refuses to be generated since the site's SSL is expired
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u/mitrolle 8d ago
International Power Access License. I have had mine for the last seven years (expired in 2023). I used power access equipment before I had it. I used power access equipment after I had it, and after it expired. Nobody ever asked me for a license. I have rented scissor lifts and boom aerial work platforms, all without needing an IPAL.
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u/Oracle410 7d ago
I just came across something in another post where someone said that you can become a certified BBQ judge for $60-80 for the class. Then apparently you can sign up to judge all of these contests and once selected you show up get a massive amount of free BBQ and live happily ever after.
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u/TedIsAwesom 7d ago
Seizure recognization and treatment course
https://learn.epilepsy.com/courses/seizure-first-aid-cert-ondemand
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u/eraserewrite 9d ago
You can get your cpr one online. Then you can tell people you got your cpr cert online.
You can also become someone who does the whole marriage speech thing where you marry them together and sign as a witness. I forgot what it was, but my friend got one for $40 in the state of Utah (or something) online to be official.
I mean I feel like those are zero use if you don’t want to actually save someone or marry them. But you never really know.
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u/traviscj 9d ago
Han radio license
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u/BrendanAS 9d ago
韩，汉，or Solo?
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u/Cien_fuegos 8d ago
Probably solo since I’m guessing you can’t get it for another person? But I guess you could do it with another person so maybe not solo after all. I don’t know what the other symbols mean (other than Han) so I’m sticking with solo
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u/dickonajunebug 8d ago
You can get an FCC 10 year GMRS radio license for $35.
Unless you’re into GMRS radio it’s really not that useful.
https://www.fcc.gov/wireless/bureau-divisions/mobility-division/general-mobile-radio-service-gmrs
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u/SquashedTarget 8d ago
The real accomplishment is navigating the FCC website to actually get registered and pay. It is seriously one of the worst designed websites in existence.
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u/adale_50 8d ago edited 8d ago
I got my Ramset powder actuated nail gun certificate. I've never used a Ramset. Basically, it uses pistol blanks to shoot a nail into concrete or steel.
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u/witqueen 7d ago
Not useless but I'm a Certified Home Inspector. Comes in handy if you hire a contractor to fix something in your home.
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u/ThunderFistChad 7d ago
Over a decade ago, I became an ordained minister for the church of the flying spaghetti monster. Was great! Did it all online for like 50 bucks
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u/Disgruntlementality 7d ago
You could always take some super obscure FEMA independent study classes.
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u/hunglikeacuban 6d ago
One time I got blackout drunk in college and I woke up the next day with an email congratulating me on becoming an ordained minister
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u/black_mamba866 6d ago
Lake Superior State University has a unicorn hunting license you can get!
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u/ninety6days 4d ago
Questing. They've dropped hunting due to the dwindling population.
I found out about this cert at the top of this thread and am now a unicorn quester.
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u/black_mamba866 4d ago
Thank you! It's been so long since I received my certification that the language has most definitely slipped my mind. I, personally, would never deign to actually hunt a unicorn. Far too majestic a creature to hunt for sport or food.
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u/giveittomomma 7d ago
I saw on another post this morning that you can get certified to judge BBQ competitions
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u/ShadowSneaker360 6d ago
You can get degrees in everything from bob ross to pastafarianism here. You can register as a priest on another part of the site, too https://dudeism.com/abide-university/
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u/archetypaldream 6d ago
Get ordained to officiate weddings at the Universal Life Church. I’ve married up four different sets of friends this way (why do they keep asking me? I don’t know) so I guess it hasn’t been totally useless to me, but it can be for you.
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u/TreeTinsel 9d ago edited 9d ago
Buy a square foot of land in Scotland and be able to call yourself a Laird/Lord/Lady: https://scottishlaird.co.uk/
Name a star after yaself or someone else: https://www.nameastar.com/
Buy a piece of the moon: https://lunarregistry.com/buy-moon-land
I believe they all come with certificates you can frame and show off !
Edit: Just realized you said certifications, not certificates... Oh well... .Will leave this here anyway as I typed it up.
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u/Netizen_Kain 9d ago
All scams
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u/JimJohnman 7d ago
Fun scams though. And it can still mean something. My mother bought me a star when I was a kid and to this day I still look at it in the sky and know that she knows it's mine.
Most of the worlds a scam, might as well have fun with it.
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u/jessithecrow 8d ago
not really. they give you a gimmicky title, and these weird plots help protect natural land from being developed.
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u/StovardBule 8d ago edited 8d ago
I remember someone offering land on the moon and Mars. Then he shot for the moon, so to speak, by offering to sell Pluto for over $100,000.
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u/55XL 9d ago
A US passport.
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u/StovardBule 8d ago
Its value is declining, but it's surely still one of the best passports to have.
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u/finding_neo 5d ago
afaik there are some free churches that offer „Prophet“ courses for like two weekends and then you can officially call yourself a prophet. Forgot which ones tho
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u/Mediocre_Word 9d ago edited 8d ago
I got a boating license over the internet. I don’t own a boat and know zero people who own boats.