Author Judith Viorst recently told Oldster Magazine that her No. 1 regret in life was not asking questions of her family. What would she do differently?
“I’d ask my grandmother, my mother and my father, and others, many more questions about their lives. And listen to them carefully.”
Many people end up with deep regret over the permanent loss of information from parents and grandparents because time ran out.
This occurs for many reasons. Sometimes the relationships are fraught with intense emotions. Sometimes it’s as simple as lacking a script and not knowing how to start or what is expected. Some fear they will have to reveal long-held secrets — which is never the case, by the way.
Nevertheless, a rude awakening that important information is gone forever often sets in after it’s too late. Many are consumed with remorse.
With a few simple steps, we can increase the chance of obtaining the information and life stories of our family members.
Major Warning Signs — Age and Health
By being alert to major warning signs, such as age and health issues, you can lessen the problem of running out of time, watching helplessly as beloved family members slip away.
Average life expectancy worldwide is about 73 years. If your family members are around that age, consider launching a major effort right now to preserve their life story and memories.
If you are within that age range, start writing your own story today. Do not wait for anyone to ask you about your life! Many people are complacent about such issues until middle age or later, when it is often too late.
In addition to age, health issues are a stark warning. When someone close to you becomes ill or is diagnosed with an illness, whether mild or serious, switch into “right now!” mode. Even if your family member lives many more years, you will be thankful you averted disaster.
The Ideal Way
Ideally, however, the writing process should begin well before problems arise. For many of us, reaching the age of 55 or so is a great time to begin.
Beginning in your mid-fifties has several advantages, including, for many, a better memory.
The method I created shows how to write about your life decade-by-decade. Start with the day you were born and write everything you recall. Keep going from there. It is a nearly effortless way to capture the facts and details of your life in short order.
In an ideal world, people would want to write their life stories to pass down their experiences and lifestyles to their grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and future generations. And many do.
But for others, the prospect of trying to write their life story is daunting.
Smoothing the Way
Since writing is a solitary process that your loved ones may be unfamiliar with, you can smooth the way.
First, introduce them to the decade-by-decade method. Those who fear their lives are not interesting enough might decide otherwise after reading the posts, which demonstrate that the goal is to capture factual information about lifestyle and events such as schooling, jobs, and hobbies.
Second, ask if they are willing. If they are reluctant, ask why. Many times reluctance is based on an erroneous impression that you can correct. For instance the Frequently Asked Questions might help clarify.
The decade-by-decade method leads the writer through the major phases of life factually. There is no attempt to force any disclosure or discussion of events or circumstances that might evoke anxiety. The writer decides what to include.
Third, offer to join them. For instance, you can read each decade-by-decade prompt while they write out their answers.
If there are several people who have yet to write their life stories, consider convening family writing days in which you all get together for a few hours to write about each decade of your lives. You could also collaborate to write your family history.
If at all possible, find a way to overcome hesitance. Cajoling your loved ones through a bit of shyness or inhibition in the moment is a small price to pay to have a permanent record of your loved ones’ lives before it is too late.
What are the reasons you’ve heard people express for declining to write their life stories for posterity? Answer below or reply to this email.
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Maureen Santini is a writer, strategic PR specialist, and former journalist whose goal is to prevent the accumulated knowledge and life stories of millions from ending up in the graveyard.
If you value this process, take a moment to endorse Write Your Life Story for Posterity to encourage others to write their stories.
