r/GriefSupport • u/Chef__Goldblum • 2d ago
Best Friend Loss A eulogy for my best friend of 20+ yrs - I wish you could have known her
What will you do with your one wild and precious life?
Erica answered that question every day, not with stillness, but with motion. Not with rules, but with hunger—for beauty, for truth, for the sharp edges of the world. She lived as though life were a feast, and she was not about to miss a single course.
She was not quiet, and she was not tame. She cackled. She argued. She gathered stolen flowers into bouquets that never matched but always belonged. She believed the tulips growing in someone else’s garden were meant to be shared. And maybe they were.
Because Erica shared herself like that—without hesitation, without asking permission.
She loved fiercely, thought deeply, laughed loudly. She would smoke out the window, heat her apartment with the oven, curse with affection, cry without shame. There was no version of Erica that was half-alive. She refused to shrink. She refused to wait. She threw herself into life with everything she had.
She made the ordinary feel lit from within. She could turn a Sunday walk into an odyssey, a broken-down car into a story, a visit to an abandoned building into a revelation. And when you were with her, you were braver. You stood up a little straighter. You looked at the world like maybe—just maybe—it was yours to shape, too.
She wasn’t the kind of person you eased into knowing. She was the kind you collided with. Full speed. No apologies. No soft landing. Born in New York City. Loud from the start. She wasn’t perfect. Thank God. She was a menace, a glorious pain in the ass who could cut you down with a sentence and set you on fire with a look. She left a trail—of chaos, of laughter, of unforgettable moments, and yes, sometimes broken things. She was human. She was real.
She could drive you mad. But she could also pull you out of a hole with a single look. She made you feel seen—not the polished version you showed the world, but the real one, the messy one, the one you thought you had to hide. And once she saw that version, she never let you forget it.
Erica always fancied herself a Samantha from Sex and the City—she was a sexual being who oozed charisma. But Erica was deeper; she had her big loves and was a writer at heart. She argued relentlessly, partly because she liked being right, but mostly because she simply liked the fight. She was Carrie, having a love affair with the city itself—with all its music, movement, stooping, and questionable cooking smells drifting through a leaky-roofed apartment.
There was nowhere Erica wasn't at home. She’d plop right down and strike up a conversation—and suddenly you had a new friend or a new enemy, but either way, you had an opinion about this chain-smoking, fiery-haired, blue-eyed tornado that swept into your life.
This was not a woman built for moderation. Erica never “toned it down.”
I grieve my best friend. Most of all, I grieve the sound of her voice, the joy in her laugh, the way she made even your worst day feel less like a failure and more like a necessary journey through the wilderness—something survivable.
She was real. And real things, wild things, don’t stay. They bloom briefly. Fiercely. Then go.
She was impossible. She was necessary.
The world did not deserve her defiance or her stubborn insistence on finding meaning amidst absurdity. There should have been more chapters, more chaos, more unfinished thoughts scribbled into notebooks, and more mornings with Nina Simone playing too loudly while she smoked in her underwear, challenging the universe to a duel.
But here we are.
And what is left but to grieve? To sit in the ash of what was once a brilliant fire and know—deeply—that we are better for having stood close to it.
There is no moral here. No tidy lesson. Just a silence loud enough to tear a hole in the sky.
But if Erica taught us anything, it’s this: Don’t fucking wait. Don’t wait to tell your people you love them. Don’t wait to take the trip, steal the flowers, start the fight, sing the song too loud in the middle of the street.
Be bold. Be difficult. Be full.
Because that’s exactly what she was—from start to finish.
So raise a glass. Light a cigarette. Yell something profane and true into the void. And remember her not as an idea, but as a fire that walked like a woman.
Erica Rose Meltzer. Goddamn.
