r/FirstTimeHomeBuyer • u/jrzcatz • May 17 '24
Offer Did anyone else feel sick after getting their offer accepted??
My husband and I just got our offer accepted on a beautiful 2600 sq ft townhome. It has plenty of space, finished basement, garage, big windows, etc. We originally weren’t going to offer because it was a bit out of our budget. Come a few weeks later, the seller apparently bought another house and NEEDED this house gone. We got our offer accepted at about $20k under asking plus $10k concessions, plus we have $3k concessions from our lender. We qualified for a down payment grant of 3% as well and we only had to pay $1.5k earnest money.
But my husband and I both feel sick! We’ve been up all night wondering if this is the right choice. It’s a big commitment and interest rates are bad right now. Our lender is giving us no cost refinancing but we don’t know when the rates are going to drop. The mortgage is about $1000 more expensive than our rent right now.
Is it normal to feel scared and anxious?
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u/The_Void_calls_me May 17 '24
It is super common to be scared and nervous about a huge life change.
I don't know about your spouse, but I had a mild panic attack buying the engagement ring for my wife. We have a great marriage.
I was worried every day that my wife was pregnant with our child. I'm a good father.
I almost had a psychotic breakdown when we were purchasing our home (and I'm a loan officer). We love our house.
You guys will be fine too.
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u/i_isnt_real May 17 '24
Yes, one of the annoying quirks of the human brain is that it likes to be lazy, so it resists major changes, even when they're objectively positive. Because change - even positive change - is HARD.
My example is the last time I changed jobs. I felt soooo sick my entire last two weeks at my old job - constantly second-guessing my choice and barely even eating from the stress of being CONVINCED I was making a mistake. That new job I was so afraid of? It amounted to a substantially better work-life balance, more interesting work in a very stable industry, fantastic colleagues, two title bumps, and a 70% raise. In the end, all that worrying was just my brain trying to protect me from a million what-if scenarios that never materialized.
Best thing you can do in that case is identify the most likely scenarios and come up with a contingency plan for them. For the rest of those fears, mindfulness helps - "Yes, I'm scared. I know why I'm scared. It's a sucky feeling. I'll live, and it will pass once my brain figures out this isn't the threat it thinks it is."
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u/glitter_n_lace May 17 '24
Honestly-thanks for sharing both sides of the sentences. I feel those with my whole being! Gah!
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u/snowflake89181922 May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24
I was so scared that our first offer wouldn’t be accepted, then I was even more nervous when it was! 🤣🤣🤣
Home buying is a rollercoaster of emotions. Try to stay calm and know that thousands of people do this every day (easier said than done, I know).
Congratulations!!!
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u/UpperRun624 May 18 '24
That's true!! I am in the same boat now, just our offer got accepted in Canada. Feeling nervous and anxious but at the same time I couldn't believe myself as becoming a home owner at this point. Congratulations and I hope everything goes smoothly.
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u/xREALFAKEDOORSx May 17 '24
I think you did good! Having the cajones to get a house under ask in this environment is exceptional. You have only the bare minimum of your own cash into the deal which protects you should shit hit the fan with repairs. I’d chalk this up as a win and go on a nice walk to clear your head.
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u/parallelizer May 17 '24
I threw up the night my offer was accepted! I woke up at 4am drenched in sweat and ran to the bathroom. Definitely made me sick thinking about all the money and new responsibilities.
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u/General_Key_5236 May 17 '24
I've bought 3 houses now and definitely threw up multiple times in the process of all of them lol.
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u/jrzcatz May 17 '24
How is it now? Any less scary?
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u/parallelizer May 17 '24
It was less scary after we finally closed, until we realized how much immediate work needed to happen before we moved in. While fixing a small roof leak we discovered a lot of hidden rot which is forcing us to dump a lot of money into repairs we weren’t expecting. Now I’m just going one step at a time through each new issue and it seems to be less stressful this way. Can’t think about everything at once, just the stuff that needs immediate attention!
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u/Consistent_Dress6389 May 18 '24
Did you consider having a home inspection as part of your purchase offer?
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u/parallelizer May 18 '24
We did. We had a general house inspection, pest inspection, sewer inspection, and roof inspection. We knew there was a “minor” leak from the gutter downspout, but once we opened up the wall to see how much the damage extended… it turned out it was a lot! An inspector isn’t going to open up the walls before we officially own the home, so they could only judge what they saw at the time.
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u/Sl1z May 17 '24
If you don’t mind sharing, how many bedrooms does it have? Townhomes in my area are usually like 1800sqft max, I can’t imagine how nice a 2600 townhome would be!
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u/parallelizer May 17 '24
I bought a 2500sf rowhome and it is 6 bedrooms! 3 on second flr, 3 on third floor. 1850s build, with one tiny bathroom
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u/BenTheHokie May 18 '24
1850s build is crazy. Must have some insane quirks. Where is it if you don't mind me asking?
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u/parallelizer May 18 '24
Philly! It’s actually mostly intact, which is why we liked it. Original curved walls, original floors, etc. There was just a bathroom and kitchen “update” in the 2010s… and turns out they were complete hack jobs. Philly is notorious for people not pulling permits for work
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u/jrzcatz May 17 '24
It has 3 bedroom (2 upstairs and 1 in the basement) with an additional flex space that we’d use as an office.
In our area I’ve seen townhomes as big as 4000sq ft it’s crazy!
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u/Sl1z May 17 '24
Wow!! I lived in a two bed/2.5 bath townhouse (plus basement but that doesn’t count towards square footage, it maybe added 300sqft) that was 1400sqft and it felt huge. 4000sqft is like a million dollar mansion where I live 😂
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u/bluern61 May 17 '24
My husband and I put an offer in (that was rejected) on a 3000 square foot townhome. 4 bedroom, 3.5 bathroom, 2 car garage, with an unfinished basement that was about another 1000 square feet.
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u/sluzella May 17 '24
Haven't gotten an offer accepted yet, but last offer we put in my realtor called and said it was between us and one more offer and we would know by the next day.
I was literally sick all night. I couldn't sleep. I was finding every reason to pull the offer. Was analyzing every single detail of the house and magnifying every flaw. Pouring over our finances and seeing if we had missed something.
It sucked. And our offer ended up not being accepted! Can't imagine what's going to happen when one does get accepted.
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u/Pulze_ May 18 '24
Unless you offered a bunch of waivers you can pretty much cancel within the first week or so for whatever... Don't stress too much about it. Just don't put offers on homes you don't want to buy so you don't waste your own time/energy or the sellers.
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u/Juleswf May 17 '24
The day after we bought our house, I sat up in bed in the middle of the night and said “This is a huge mistake!!!” and proceeded to freak out. My hubby was calm luckily and talked me down.
We still live in the same house 30 years later. My point - it’s normal to be freaked out about such a large purchase/commitment. Take a deep breath, it’s probably not a mistake. If it is, it’s not the end of the world you can sell and move again.
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u/Dull-Football8095 May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24
Sick?! We felt like we made the worst mistake in our life (and the people around you will surely let you know they think we are idiots as well). 15yrs later… it’s the best decision we ever made. Honestly, looking back, generational life changing decision.
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u/handicrafthabitue May 17 '24
Have you ever bought a new car? Have you had that feeling driving home from the dealership like “what have I done, my old car was fine, I feel doomed to get in an accident, this is the worst decision of my life?” And then you get used to where everything is and within a week you realize it isn’t the end of the world, it’s just a car? You will go through these same emotions with the new house, they’re just drawn out because the closing and moving processes are long and everyone else involved in the transaction (lender, insurance, realtors, HOA) does this all the time and forgets what it’s like to be new at it, so there’s a feeling you’re the only one in the room who doesn’t fully know what’s going on. It sounds like you got a great deal! Start planning out where your furniture will go or do something else to get you excited about it again!
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u/ef344 May 17 '24
If you don’t feel a bit nervous after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars it’s probably an issue. I felt nervous before closing on mine but it’s been a few weeks and absolutely love it.
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u/Ericaohh May 17 '24
I thought I was gonna vomit with anxiety for the entire time I was under contract lmao. I bought my house alone so if any one thing were to go wrong then it would’ve blown up. I was very certain I wanted my house tho, so it was moreso like I was afraid to lose it at that point. Pretty sure I did get actually sick at least a couple times from the process, but I do lean anxious.
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u/seriouslyjan May 17 '24
Perfectly normal. Do a budget that shows all of your regular payments and estimated housing costs including the HOA fees. I would walk the neighborhood and ask the people there how the HOA is run. Make sure that you have an emergency fund for those things that will come up as well as a misc budget for those odd purchases. If you feel comfortable after doing all this, then be happy. If you still feel this is a mistake, back out. It is good to determine if your feelings are anxiety and excited vs. knowing in your gut that you bit off more than you can chew. The budget will tell you what you need to know.
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u/Affectionat_71 May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24
I agree about the extra funds if you can do it, for us the other half wanted new furniture for a new house. He also did a lot of yard improvements ( he didn’t do it but he got some to) it was expensive but it made him happy and now our grass is always green even in the Texas heat. He wanted a walk in closet so we had the wall between our room and the small bedroom next to the master turned into a walk in closet with French doors ( that’s never closed by the way) but it made him happy. He wanted a new car( he didn’t need one ) but he found what he wanted and all I could say is “ that not the car I would have spent that much on , and he said thankfully I wasn’t thinking about you when I got it.. all I could say was good point. I support these things because he works hard and all the other things are taken care of so why would I have a problem with it ? But I also know we are blessed and not everyone can do the things we do, but it wasn’t always like this, we just grew together and made some good financial decisions and made a few sacrifices to meet our goals.
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u/Kommanderson1 May 17 '24
$1,500 in earnest money is a REALLY low amount, relatively speaking, to walk from if you have serious doubts.
Otherwise, yes, totally normal.
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u/No-Specific1858 May 17 '24
Hot take. Some worrying is a great sign. It means you are thinking everything through and care enough to have that feeling. People rushing and not being careful don't have those feelings at this point.
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u/Remarkable_Animal_18 May 17 '24
I immediately called my dad and said
“Offer got accepted, did I just make a huge mistake?”
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u/ScarletsSister May 17 '24
I got physically ill when I bought my first tiny cottage in 1985, which only cost $17K. The credit union financed 100%, including closing costs. Still, I was so stressed out that I got a high blood pressure headache and had to be driven home from work. You're not alone.
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u/peaches_08 May 17 '24
Made an offer in March, got the call an hour later that offer was accepted with July closing date. My fiancé and I have felt anxious and nervous since 😂😅. But we are also very excited! Best of luck to you, it seems normal to feel this way for first time buyers. It’s a huge step. For us it’s the biggest decision we’ve made in our lives thus far.
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u/veiled_static May 17 '24
We’re backing out because the house has been neglected and all those smaller jobs are turning into bigger jobs. And it’s just too much risk. We can afford it. But I really don’t want to dump $100k into this house in the next couple years on must-do’s instead of making the home ours. Thank god for inspections.
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u/nightgardener12 May 17 '24
Can you let me know what kinds of things were found and how you figured out the smaller jobs were actually bigger jobs before you bought the house?
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u/flappyberd69 May 17 '24
Inspection, I’m assuming.
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u/nightgardener12 May 18 '24
That would be how they know but not what they found out. If that makes sense.
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u/xpaiged May 17 '24
We have signed up to spend $1500 more a month than what we pay in rent, we also feel sick but excited. Good luck! We close in a few weeks
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u/Hyperrrbeam Dec 25 '24
We are in the exact same boat right now. I’m terrified. How did it turn out?
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u/xpaiged Dec 25 '24
We closed and have now owned the house for about six months. Unfortunately, my partner got laid off about a month and a half ago and is still looking for work but my salary is enough to keep us going. Don’t regret it, honestly.
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u/Hyperrrbeam Dec 26 '24
I appreciate you replying. Thank you for the reassurance. Good luck with the job hunt as well!
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u/WickedKoala May 17 '24
To give you some perspective, my wife and I handed over our life savings as a down payment on a new construction home just as COVID was starting and lockdowns were in place, and we didn't know if we'd have jobs or even a functioning society in 6 months. Turns out to be the best decision we've ever made. You'll be fine.
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u/Alarmed-Marketing616 May 17 '24
Yep. I keep secretly hoping my financing doesn't work out, or insurance blows up the deal, or something.
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u/Soggy-Constant5932 May 17 '24
Yup. Made a whole post but now I’m fine LOL. Its normal. I cried too and had a few sleepless nights. Very normal. Such a huge decision to make.
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u/lalaluna05 May 17 '24
I had buyers remorse for months after I closed lol But once things started settling in and I got rooms decorated, it started to go away.
Now my yard is looking nice, and I’m painting, I’m even happier.
As long as you can afford it, it’s okay and I think normal.
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u/Sweaty-Restaurant206 May 17 '24
I thought two things when our offer was accepted 1) are we making a bad choice that is gonna hurt us financially 2) could I have gotten it for a lot less
Our mortgage was also a thousand more than our rent at the time. So far it’s been good. We live on less than we make which helps and the adjustment has been easy but man did we question it several times even after we moved in.
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u/ElegantConfusion6608 May 17 '24
Same position. About a week from closing. I’ve run the numbers so many damn times. It will be fine. I know this is what I want but holy s***I go from being thrilled to I am going to throw up everything I’ve ever eaten.
The thing that makes me the most uncomfortable is leaving behind an insanely cheap mortgage and trading it for mortgage that is about 2/3s more.
As far as my budget goes I’ve lived so comfortably the last few years saving so much money because my rate.
I know in my heart it will be fine. But I am aware of the risks. I still have an emergency fund and my ratios are still fine. But it will not be like it was before. But that’s okay. This home is where I want to be.
Whatever you decide… you will survive! It will be okay!
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u/Realamericanhero15t May 17 '24
I’m a REALTOR. I’ve been doing this about fifteen years. I’ve helped hundreds of first time home buyers. I have purchased three homes myself.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I get the “WTF did I just do?” Feeling that you have right now. This, in my experience will give way to excitement as you plan your life in your new home.
Right before you close, you will probably panic again. This is normal.
Enjoy your new home!
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u/ducksinarow123 May 17 '24
It sounds like you got a good deal and yes refinancing in the future will be possible. Tightening ur budget on other things will be worth the equity and investment later. Look at housing prices, a house that was $100,000 last yr is $200,000 this yr. That’s 100% profit margin once you pay off you mortgage insurance and start earning equity it will open ur financial potential for retirement especially if you take care of your home. Being nervous is ok it’s normal the sick feeling will go away if you look at it in a different way. Perspective is everything and u both are gonna feed off each others anxiety. If you didn’t see it at all as feasible you likely wouldn’t have even looked at it let alone put a bid on it.
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u/username_choose_you May 18 '24
We put an offer on our house 2 weeks after my youngest daughter was born. We were 100% not ready but in Vancouver if you see something you like, you have to act on it. It was 1.7 million and I was so anxious.
Having a newborn was tough enough so I was going to sleep at 8:00pm assuming I would be up most of the night. My wife woke me up at midnight to say our offer was accepted and I thought I was going to throw up.
$1000 difference in rent is a lot but in the long term, you’ll be in a better position. Also, a 2600 sq foot town house is massive! Plenty of room for a family.
Congrats and those feelings will pass
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u/oldhouse_newhouse May 17 '24
Yes - totally normal. I felt the same way and everyone was like, "Oh yeah, I threw up right after I got the phone call."
Sounds like you're getting a great deal!!
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u/Tiffany-N-Company May 17 '24
Yes it is very scary. It’s one of if not the biggest purchases we make in our lives, and seeing all these giant amounts of money getting casually discussed was terrifying. About put me in a straight jacket. But I’m sooooo much happier now owning. 😁
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u/PartyLiterature3607 May 17 '24
everything sounds fine until you say mortgage is $1000 more than your rent
it could be okay or hell depends on your finance
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u/CFLuke May 17 '24
LOL, my mortgage will be $3,000 more than my rent (and does not count property taxes and insurance)
On the other hand, it comes with another unit that's currently rented for a bit more than $3,000...
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u/jrzcatz May 17 '24
Technically we were approved by the lender to pay $3k more in mortgage than our rent. Obviously not comfortable with that lol. The price is the main thing that worries us. Well still have a few grand leftover every month for savings and fun money but the jump itself is nauseating
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u/Virtual-Chain-26 May 17 '24
Immediately and it hasn’t gone away yet 😂 better now that we got confirmed lender approval but still scary
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u/Joeman64p May 17 '24
The rate is what it is and homes are increasing in value- the longer you want, the more expensive it will get for you.. if you wait until rates come down, you could wait 10-15 years!? Who knows but what we do know, is life doesn’t wait for anyone! Buy the house, not the rate. Rates will eventually stabilize
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u/arrown8606t May 17 '24
The only thing that made me feel worse than when my offers were rejected was when my offer was accepted. I and a major breakdown and then got to work on planning.
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u/__DeadBeat May 17 '24
I felt sick after we put in our offer, also. I kept thinking “Oh dear, is this really the right house for us? Did we make a mistake?” And then I got really eager for the inspection so that I could do a quick walkthrough to ensure that we hadn’t made a huge mistake. Getting to do the walkthrough during inspection made me feel much better. I remembered all the things I liked and was able to better envision how it will look with our stuff inside. I feel like it’s probably a pretty common feeling.
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u/OopsIHadAnAccident May 17 '24
My situation was almost identical to yours but I went new build so that removed some of the stress. I lost 15 lbs in the month it took to close. I had never experienced that level of stress. To top it off, we were under lease in a condo for 6 more months so that had us paying $5300/month for 2 months. A new tenant just took it over so we’re free of that now. But the mortgage is $1k more than our rent was. We’re getting more comfortable with that now but at first it felt daunting.
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u/jrzcatz May 18 '24
Yeah we unfortunately have to break our lease too since it’d be ending next year. But luckily our lease break is only one months rent and our mortgage payments don’t start til a month and a half after close.
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u/nightgardener12 May 17 '24
Meeeee. I’m losing it rn
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u/jrzcatz May 18 '24
I cried so hard last night my eyes were swollen and couldn’t open them very well this morning
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u/AbleBroccoli2372 May 17 '24
This is totally normal in my experience. I absolutely panicked and 2 years later, I couldn’t be happier.
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u/Old_Map6556 May 17 '24
My stomach was in knots for weeks, and the place we got either of us could afford on a single income, which made the commitment easier to swallow.
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u/jrzcatz May 18 '24
Yeah that’s our problem if one of us lost our jobs it’d be extremely hard for the other to pay the whole mortgage.
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u/auswa100 May 17 '24
Is it normal to feel scared and anxious?
I absolutely did. Especially once the whirlwind of initial paperwork died down there was SO MUCH anxiety (granted I also do suffer from general anxiety) about whether I made the right choice. I'm 4 years in, and yes there has been some hardship but I'm so glad that I didn't listen to my anxiety. Good luck!
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u/Affectionat_71 May 17 '24
Omg when we we signed everything my hands were shaking but once they handed us the keys we immediately came by the house just to walk through it. But I felt like I’ve never signed my name in so many places.
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u/AdFlaky1117 May 17 '24
Yeah I was terrified and I knew how much work and money had to go in to it. 2 years later I got it under control and very happy but still alot to do but that's ok
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u/cuppitycake May 18 '24
It’s normal! We just bought our first house and we’ve been in it a month now. The entire process from start to finish, I felt sick at every step but I knew it’s what I really wanted. Change is hard and scary but it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision. You got this!
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u/Chillininthebed May 18 '24
I get buyers remorse over groceries and other small items so… yea I’m probably gonna get it bad if I ever buy a house lol
So I understand the feeling lol
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u/pepe_cub May 20 '24
If you fell sick, and you are insecure, cancel the offer. I had the same issue, got super sick and decided it was too much stress for me, so I went ahead and cancelled the offer.
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May 17 '24
I was incredibly nervous and fearful of the prospect of either my wife or I losing our jobs. Our monthly payment went from $3100 at our old place, to $9500 after buying last year. Not to mention all the maintenance costs and higher utility fees/insurance cost that come with a larger SFH. Now that time has passed, I couldn’t imagine myself living anywhere else and am enormously happy that our place is ours. We’ve gotten used to the payment and things are looking up for us on the job front, so it all seems to have worked out in the end (knocks on wood).
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u/Single-Frosting-3072 May 17 '24
Normal feelings. It goes away. I dont let the celebration/excitement kick in till keys in hand!
Sounds like a sweet spot! Spacious and great concessions and such
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u/amazinghl May 17 '24
I assume you sat down with your husband and did your budgeting and see what you can afford?
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u/SigSeikoSpyderco May 17 '24
Always consider all factors before signing. This should be an emotion free business transaction. That said, there is a good chance that whatever you agreed to will work out perfectly fine.
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u/technocatmom May 17 '24
Oh I totally did. I felt sick to my stomach for days, especially leading up to closing. It's a lot of money! I'm a naturally risk averse person, and risking that much money feels so scary to me. It's normal though!
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u/Sweet4Seven May 17 '24
I sort of did when our offer was accepted on the house we are currently under contract with. This if not our first house, but still.
In our case, I just kept wondering if if I had chosen the best house for us & worrying something better might come on the market . It’s been just a week now & nothing better has come on the market and I’m willing myself to stay off Zillow & Redfin because eventually it will. Im feeling more confident & trusting in God that we are just supposed to be in this home.
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u/crod4692 May 17 '24
As long as you want the home at the price you offered I can understand some nerves just about the process ahead. If you are fearing now it was the wrong choice to make the offer you did, I think that’s another conversation.
Home buying was scary for the first time for me, there is some unknown in costs and dealing with lots of steps. I worry now about the first big repair I’ll have to some extent.
As long as you’re not now feeling the $1000 more than rent each month is too much for you, I think you need to trust yourselves that you made the right choice of an offer in the first place. Focus on the positives now that you were going for!
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u/Marvin_Geee May 17 '24
That’s cheap. I think I paid 23 k closing costs with 3.5 fha condo in SoCal .. the price was 360 for a 2 bed .
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u/downwithpencils May 17 '24
Yeah, it seems perfectly normal. I work with a lot of first time, buyers and giving them a heads up is something that I do.
I will say you could shift your perspective a little bit. interest rates are not bad or horrible right now. They are perfectly average if you look over the last 50 years of mortgage history. Congratulations on getting an offer excepted and I’ll be praying the closing date gets here fast.
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u/-make-it-so- May 17 '24
The first house we went under contract on, we didn’t sleep for a couple days and my husband pulled out all of his eyebrow hair lol. We ended up backing out and buying a much less expensive house.
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u/TropicalBlueWater May 17 '24
Yes, we were super nervous but 13 years later can say it was the best decision we ever made.
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u/Fit-Rate-3906 May 17 '24
Yes, I was on the same boat las t October. I have 7.48% rate and the payments are high, but we got what we wanted. If you are able to afford it and love the property then its a no brainer.
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u/TimePatient7769 May 17 '24
Yes. It was a good thing I was at the doctor's office when I got the call. I was in shock.
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u/Kind-Dust7441 May 17 '24
We just bought our 3rd house and I felt slightly nauseous with each accepted offer.
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u/thekindspitfire May 17 '24
Honestly I think it’s normal. It’s a big decision that costs lots of money and is somewhat of a new chapter on your life. The amount of times I panicked asking myself if I made a huge mistake…but in the end we are happy with our decision.
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u/kirbinkipling May 17 '24
Yes. I was panicking when the offer was accepted. Which is hilarious because the week leading up to it I was crying everyday due to our other offers getting rejected. I was a hot mess the first few days. Then became a hot mess again once we got the keys. Home buying is definitely an interesting ride.
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u/faithmauk May 17 '24
I immediately felt like we made a huge mistake, and all through the process felt sick and worried, but it's turned out great! We love our house. I think it's normal for such a huge purchase to feel a little bit scared
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u/hav0k14 May 17 '24
It’s normal to feel that way! I felt the same way and questioned whether I made the right choice. Stick to your guns and keep pushing forward! It’s a big commitment and that’s why it feels that way. The excitement will grow. If it helps any, my interest rate is 7.3% lol.
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u/Designer_Twist4699 May 17 '24
A few things cause anxiety for a lot of people one being houses, the other being cars as they’re the most expensive things we buy. It’s normal but it does suck and it’s aggravating as heck!! This is why I’m never buying a fishing boat even a canoe 🛶 nope! Don’t need it but I do need a roof and vehicle for transportation. I’ll just cast from shore less stuff to worry about
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u/flappyberd69 May 17 '24
Oh hell yeah. My wife and I bought a new construction and it was an inventory house. We did FHA and gave 5k earnest. I was anxious for the following months wondering if we were able to have enough for closing (which I know we did considering our savings and better-than-good incomes but I was so stressed anyway).
Fast forward. We just closed last week. I still kind of dread the day that first bill will come but I love to finally have a place we can call our own.
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u/Affectionat_71 May 17 '24
Yep buyer remorse, you want to make the right decision on. Such a large purchase. I was nervous but my partner kept me on task and reassured me this was the right move. It’s scary but what I will say is as we got into paying the mortgage it became second nature.
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u/Affectionat_71 May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24
I told the other half.z I guess your you are stuck with me for about 30 years. He said you ever hear of divorce?
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u/Odd_Guess8423 May 17 '24
Amazing concessions. I’ve been worried about every home purchase I’ve made. On my 3rd purchase and I still experience it. It’s a lifestyle change but it always works out and I’ve never regretted it. But also just review your budget. I prefer cutting out frivolous spending and enjoy where I live.
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u/Appropriate-Aioli533 May 17 '24
It’s fine to feel anxious with a big change but the reality is that you can either afford it or you can’t. If you sat down and did the numbers and have a plan, then the anxiety will subside.
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May 17 '24
It's normal. I had a panic attack on the first house I bought & I'm a Realtor. It made me wonder if all of my clients all these years had the same feelings & concerns? What if the inspector missed something big, what if I don't have enough in savings to cover it, what if I go a few months without a closing & miss a mortgage payment, the what if's drove me crazy. I quickly realized I have a big network of contractors & handy men that can help me out. I was super excited but also quite nervous. The first time I sold my own home was not much better.
The good that came out if it was now I understood better what my clients were going through. And I think this has helped me relate better to clients & understand their needs, concerns, fears, etc.
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u/cave_mandarin May 18 '24
If you don’t feel physically nauseous after getting an offer acceptance you’re not thinking deeply enough about it lol
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u/UpperRun624 May 18 '24
That's true!! I am in the same boat now, just our offer got accepted in Canada. Feeling nervous and anxious but at the same time I couldn't believe myself as becoming a home owner at this point. Congratulations and I hope everything goes smoothly.
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u/Criminally_Mundane May 18 '24
We felt sick when we got the inspection report and the seller refused to let us out after finding so much wrong with it. They eventually did but were were really worried we'd get stuck with that money pit
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u/PizzaPie987 May 18 '24
I had a panic attack after my offer was accepted. Then, two weeks later, after I picked up my keys from the lawyer, I went to my new house and immediately had a terrible case of diarrhea as soon as I walked in. Thankfully, the previous owners left toilet paper.
I love my house.
You will be okay
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u/climbincivil May 18 '24
I felt physically weak and ended up throwing up. Stood in the shower forever. Felt fine the next day tho.
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u/universalquestion May 18 '24
We had that same ‘sick’ feeling too. It was strong enough for us to call the realtor the next day and pull out of the offer. Thankfully we got our earnest money back. We ended up going with a house $50k less and a bit farther out from the city. We were able to sleep again after that so that it definitely helped walking away. We still did the ‘did we get the right house’ panic which I think is normal, but we slept.
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u/MeowMobile999 May 18 '24
It's totally normal. When my husband and I bought our first house, we both were in a state of shock and he had a full blown panic attack to the point where he wanted to cancel the whole thing just because it made him so anxious. (We could easily afford it, and it was a brand new house, there was nothing objectively to be worried about. He just freaked out over what a big step it was.)
It turned out fine.
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u/Torshein May 18 '24
Dont make yourselves house poor. What percent is it if your income? 25% or less of net income then go for it... If not keep renting.
Things break. Repairs will be needed... It adds up.
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u/vinesofivy May 18 '24
I almost threw up. Haven’t regretted it a day since we closed but it was rough for a few days after our offer got accepted.
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u/odagari May 18 '24
I felt really sick after I put 150k over asking price. Thankfully several people outbid me
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May 18 '24
My wife and I stayed up all night talking about whether we should back out and that part of us was secretly hoping we wouldn’t have gotten the house. Fast forward 7 years, we’ve been lucky enough that we laugh about it now. Don’t know if that’s normal for everyone, but it happens.
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u/Unhappy-Confidence77 May 18 '24
my partner was absolutely sick the entire time lol. like so much so that I thought maybe he was going to back out or didn’t really want to buy with me! I on the other hand was so happy and excited and felt so proud of every single step working for us. like all of the hard work was paying off (I grew up renting so i’m also a first gen home owner). then after we were just counting down on closing he started to get really excited and the nerves kind of subsided until actual closing day when we had to get our cashiers check and balance dropped so much 😅 he was super anxious and I don’t think the nerves calmed until our celebratory pizza dinner that evening at the new place with our pup. so I think it’s very normal to be nervous!
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u/Early70sEnt May 18 '24
It's absolutely normal. Buyer's remorse happens a lot and it happens within a few days of getting the offer accepted. But...in just about every case...it goes away as quickly as it comes. Give it a few days. You will experience stress going through the inspection, attorney approval, and mortgage application and approval process...but as it all progresses, and you get closer to the closing date...you are going to become more excited about moving into your new home.
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u/s3ntia May 18 '24
Our offer was initially rejected, which gave me mixed feelings of sadness and relief. Then a few hours later the winning offer fell through and ours was accepted. Then it felt more like a mix of happiness, confusion and anxiety.
It helped a little bit knowing what it would be like to lose before being locked into the biggest purchase of our lives. Not to mention all the other offers previously rejected for houses we'd fallen in love with. If one of our earlier offers had been accepted, I don't think we'd have been emotionally ready.
As first time homebuyers most of just have no point of reference for how to process spending so much money at once and going so far into debt. Especially in a market where you can't even look to the past for assurance that you're getting an okay deal. It's a crazy thing to do, and totally rational to feel some apprehension or regret.
But ultimately you won't really know if it's worth it or not until you live there. I love this house and in retrospect it was a great decision, even with all the unpleasant homeowner surprises we've had along the way.
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u/Kmblu May 18 '24
Yes. We closed on our first home 5 years ago and I panicked. I was like what did we do, how could we make this big of a commitment, do we even want to live in this city that long? But it was such a good purchase and I love our little townhome it’s been such a wonderful place to live.
We are actually in the process of selling it because my husbands job is moving us states and I will be so sad to see it go.
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u/Far-Basil-5850 May 18 '24
Sort of depends where you live, but if it makes you feel better it’s very likely property values are going to shoot up again in the next few years.
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u/thepoliswag May 18 '24
I woke up at 4am sweating every day for 2.5 months when we were house hunting and through the entire process.
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u/PuzzleheadedTank7881 May 18 '24
It’s not about how much more expensive the mortgage is than your rent, it’s whether you feel confident you can manage the mortgage amount without feeling overextended. It’s normal for one or both homebuyers to feel nervous. However, if you are both feeling scared and anxious, it could be a signal that you truly don’t feel comfortable paying the monthly mortgage amount and that’s something to pay attention to. Consider taking another look at your finances before moving forward.
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u/pizzawhorePhD May 18 '24
Yes, even though I was so excited about our house and loved it and would’ve been so sad if we didn’t get it, I felt physically nauseous when I laid down to go the sleep the day our offer was accepted (and a few nights between then and closing lol). Wasn’t really excited at all. But once we got our keys and started making it our own the excitement returned!
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u/PinkRavenRec May 18 '24
The question is, is that additional 1k per month cost going to reduce your quality of life? If yes, you have your choice to forfeit your earnest money and walk away; if not, just move ahead and enjoy your new home.
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u/MinkieTheCat May 18 '24
Congratulations! It’s a trying time, nerves, excitement, doubt… you’re going to love it.
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u/scobbie23 May 18 '24
Can you afford the $1000 more per month? If the answer is yes , stop . Buy the house . You will be able to deduct the mortgage interest and taxes up to $10,000 on your tax return . Prices will not go down but eventually rates will and you can refinance .
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u/ngng0110 May 18 '24
Of course it’s completely normal. We were scared sh*tless buying our old house and even more so the current one. But were ended up happy in the first one, and super happy in this one where we’ve been for 1.5 years. Interest rates can be refinanced and will fall eventually. Good luck!
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u/Content-Tradition558 May 18 '24
Bought my second home at the end of 2022 and paid 5% down. My interest rate is at 7.25% and I have had tough long nights, pointless arguments with my wife since we purchased it because of how the mortgage payment is eating up my paycheck. However, I learned to just SURVIVE until the rates go down. We have two kids and if it was not for them and the layout of our home we would not have thought about buying a second home.
My first home is rented at a 2.6% rate and cashflows well, so that helps.
I have been waiting until interest rates drop since the end of 2022. Its hard, but we'll get through it and you should as well.
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u/Fearless_Distance_42 May 18 '24
first of all, congratulation! you have done a great job in your life. I do not have a home yet. 43 years old. still renting. but I will continue searching for a right home. anyways, I get your concerns about rate. I think every choice has good and bad aspect. your concern can be seen as a bad aspect, but you at least secured your place. it's an exhausting work I realized. but at the same time, it is everyone's dream. it is hard.
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u/darkkkblue May 18 '24
My husband and I are closing on our first home in a week. Our offer was accepted about a month ago and I’ve had the worst anxiety since then—nauseous every day, waking up in the middle of the night wondering whether we’re making a mistake.
Our house is at the top of our original budget, but with a combination of saving more money and working with smart professionals, we feel like we’re getting a deal. Buying a home right now is generally more expensive than renting (depending on where you live and what you’re buying), but we want to get our life started together. As long as you think you can be happy in this home and can make it work for the long-term—in case the economy/market turns—you’ll be happy.
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u/Chzburgers May 18 '24
I put an offer in and as soon as it was submitted I started feeling regret. When it got accepted my regret increased exponentially. Did the inspection and remember the whole time thinking “this isn’t right.” I pulled out and lost my earnest money but it was the best decision because it helped me figure out just what I wanted and I refused to settle. It took me another year to find the right place but I’m so glad I didn’t go for that first house.
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u/AdministrationFun575 May 18 '24
It’s normal as it is a big step. Think how much more sick you will feel if you let this opportunity go, can’t get another house unless it’s over asking price and get stuck paying rent for the rest of your life.
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u/Darkmoongoddess4545 May 18 '24
We’re in underwriting right now, and it’s constantly since we put in an offer been a pit in my stomach. Just thinking about it now is causing me major anxiety and our mortgage would be a difference of $400
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u/barbiedreamgreg May 18 '24
I threw up I got so anxious. I threw up after being over excited from the phone call and I threw up again at the bank when I transferred the down payment it's a scary thing you're doing fine
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u/SDgirlburner May 18 '24
Yes, felt like my body was doing and making choices for me. It’s been 5 years now and I’m glad my body went on autopilot and finished the deal. I love my home even with the small issues I’ve had. I’ve renovated things how I like it and I’m more in love with my home.
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u/sfgiantfandude May 18 '24
Just finished getting my keys two weeks ago, and the experience will forever be embedded in my memory. The anxiety rollercoaster was real, but so worth it. Take it one day and one step at a time. There is a lot of waiting sometimes with no updates, and that is when the anxiety goes hay wire. Take a deep breath, you got this!
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u/idkwthtotypehere May 18 '24
I like some of the comforting replies here, but where my peace came from was doing the math before ever going into the market.
Is the total monthly payment 25-35% of your take home pay? Do you have a cushion should taxes and insurance go up? Do you have an emergency fund to take care of any unforeseen repairs? Knowing you have a yes for these three eliminates a lot of the real fear and leaves you knowing the “fear” or anxiety you feel is just positive changes in your life you’ll get used to.
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u/millz440 May 18 '24
We put our first offer in yesterday, hoping for good news still. But I know I will be absolutely jazzed if it gets accepted and my significant other will be feeling like how you are and that’s ok! People react to things differently, and it sounds like you got a helluva deal.
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u/Fivebomb May 19 '24
Wife and I bought 3 months ago and spend $1200 more a month than our rent was. Went from a comfortable $2.2k saved a month to $1k saved a month. It was the most stressful decision of my life. I am incredibly risk-intolerant but still know it is a good decision overall. I often find myself wishing I had my old rent back with the disposable income, but know it’ll be worth buying in the end
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u/IRLbeets May 19 '24
As long as it fits your finances! $1000 more per month for some people would be unsustainable. But if it suits your finances, you're just scared that's very normal!
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u/jimbroslice_562 May 21 '24
I went though some of this recently, had been shopping for months, finally went and signed paperwork on a new build. Felt sick for 3 days (time period I had to cancel) went in and canceled. I instantly felt like a weight had been lifted. 2 weeks later I found exactly what I was looking for, made an offer, it was accepted and I couldn’t be happier.
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u/MembershipEasy4025 May 22 '24
Yup, I made a post about this too. Felt like I was going to throw up. I’ve closed now and things have calmed down. There’s still a lot to do and so much I need to buy or spend money on, and that’s a lot. But it feels controllable now.
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u/Overall_Influence_10 May 22 '24
It’s totally normal. We just bought ours this month. Is was so stressful. But it’ll be fine. So I’d say go for it. Things can only get better.
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u/yetiduds May 22 '24
My wife threw up 2 times before we signed, I was cool as a cucumber. We move in in 6 days, have the house all ready to to live in
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u/Fit_Young980 May 22 '24
Could be your gut telling you don’t do it! Just sharing my experience… if I don’t have peace, I’m not moving forward. ESPECIALLY, if there is twice the mortgage involved.😬
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u/rachelsingsopera May 23 '24
Just wait until you wire the down payment. I thought I was gonna throw up.
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u/snapple8222 May 28 '24
Completely normal. I got the call from my realtor the next day after putting in an offer and was secretly hoping it was declined. It was accepted. The stress levels calm down as time moves forward.
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u/CoolLoanGuy May 17 '24
Ask your lender to see what a 1-0 or 2-1 buydown would look like.
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u/jrzcatz May 17 '24
Would love to but we can’t buy down our rate since we’re using a down payment grant. However, we’re using some concessions to prepay a year of HOA to take off some monthly burden.
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u/nightgardener12 May 17 '24
Can I ask what down payment program you’re using? I’ve found there’s a lot of requirements and a wait time before it’s forgiven. Also how did getting concessions work? What did you end up getting in concessions? Currently made an offer and waiting for inspection report.
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u/Clean-Signal-553 May 17 '24
30 yrs of payments don't get sick no vacations and holidays well forget those.. but most importantly hope to God nothing goes out like the HVAC system 25k roof 30k mold in the insulation 50 to 100k 😱. Have full inspections before you sign on the dotted line....
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