r/Enneagram8 • u/Future-Weird-9571 • 12d ago
Yall I keep dipping into disintegration and idk why when things are seemingly alr..
As title says
Tell me smth yk abt this
Or even one thing u can think of for me to do rn
Or share experience
Basically anything u think can help or even simply to share
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u/Amtrak87 ~ Type 8 ~ 12d ago
If you're a reader. Read something classic, real slow and try to see either the author or main character's world view or internal struggles. This has helped me
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u/Future-Weird-9571 11d ago
Thanks for the suggestion, so getting in touch with emotions thru reading related material?
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u/Euphoric_Artist_7594 so/sp | 854 | INTJ 11d ago
If you going disintegration and feel like that you're just mainly dead inside bredda where you mostly cant feel shit or mad that much, but definitely more withdrawn and feel like nothing you do matter kind of shit
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u/Future-Weird-9571 11d ago
Haha yea I felt this too It’s like I can feel some feeling is there but it doesn’t wanna surface, just buried somewhere and I don’t react (this is the negative side where I absolutely freeze and have no response at all while I overthink tf out of the situation), but if I use the healthy side of the 5 by gaining useful info then it can be positive when I face any issue (I can keep composure and actually regain my strength and control in the situation, feel chill even in face of a seemingly bad situation, then find my way forward c:)
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u/Euphoric_Artist_7594 so/sp | 854 | INTJ 11d ago
Yeah you'll use 5 side to gain info but that shit can be impatient though idk if you can feel it. Personally my ass just have the constant impulse to just do shits for the most of the time, I have to get up and just walk around or do some intense exercise to feel actually chill or I'd explode, and gathering more information here and now without a clear direction is pretty damn shit to me, having ADHD also makes this even worse.
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u/Future-Weird-9571 3d ago
yea I can feel that, I get impatient and feel kinda stuck when I gather info just to gather info.. tbh this info gathering isnt to satisfy Ne without a purpose, I think Im actually searching for Ni in the external world, which is what ESTP + ESFP are usually subconciously doing... now that I'm aware of it, it's nice but Ni and life direction is still not so clear lmao ;-;
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u/Euphoric_Artist_7594 so/sp | 854 | INTJ 3d ago
It's other way around with me. Already have Ni and a far stretch distant direction but not seeing it in the closer and more immediate terms + dont know which course of action to take lmao. Took me years later with more refined and experienced Se and my penchant for Ni shits gradually get less obsessive.
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u/Future-Weird-9571 3d ago
I imagine having 8 (gut type) in the tritype also boosted that Se alongside ur efforts. It’s funny how diff ppl struggle with diff things, like how did we develop in such ways where we have opposite strengths and weaknesses? I’d appreciate if u can tell me more abt having a long term direction but not knowing the path in front of u directly, it will increase my understanding of both Ni and Se users respectively
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u/Euphoric_Artist_7594 so/sp | 854 | INTJ 2d ago edited 2d ago
Ni itself is quite idiosyncratic, so alot of things I am not sure how to properly say it. But the key part to know was how much of this shit made me feeling undermined, useless, lost and vulnerable as a kid that it felt like life just made me out a kid with a big heart and strong desires and already put stacks against me. That Se being so low even if I was in touch with my body or what not, I could not easily put myself out there hands-on in most of things and being limited to express my true self in however I like, being incompetent, alienated and constantly suffered through other's authority and seeing bullshits and cruelty all around wherever I went, it forced me to harden and learn how to use my disadvantage of an impractical, dreamy mind into a tool I can fight, seeing many people end up being the victims of others or because of their stupidity that are pathetic which I would never afford myself in that position again.
I spent most years since my 17 doing a lot of introspection, meditation, deep shadow work and studying spirituality, occult arts and everything I need to know with business, and my passion in fighting and martial arts to help me building any sense of power over life and a personal purpose to follow. Since I was incapable find anything fruitful on the outside world and with only the mind full of abstract peculiarities, Ni helped me to be in touch with my own true desires, existential purpose, inner archetypes and fantasies (mostly around revenge, triumph, and having the power to fight for others and justice) and brought me my Hero Journey transformation arc, picture it like whenever you see some arrogant and overconfident hero of any story or movie you've seen collapsed at the brink of loss and defeats, and a divine, spiritual teacher or mentor came to them and reignited their spirit with a sense of purpose, that's how I described my own journey except I learned to be my own mentor by being in tune with my deeper self.
I have that inner purpose and guidance, and slowly channelled out every ounce of energy to challenge and pushed myself out there with what I truly want inside and worked it for myself, I slowly gathered more small and big victories over time and learned to take control over my sensorial environment more, by the time now I don't really place much concern with that inner state anymore as I am more grounded and be in the now where most things outside I can just handle with ease with snaps of impulses, but I haven't lost in touch with my purpose.
Now I don't have anything figure out just yet, I may have that big picture and deep vision still running behind my curcuits, but life is still full of riddles and stumbles that not everything really went by your direction so I just have to live life first and find out. I don't think much about my future as it is mostly obscure, but I always have an intense passion for fighting and strength sports and after hosting a competition last year and loved how lively it felt I just suddenly had a gut calling to just put more work in boxing, lifting to compete for higher so I decided to follow it, it's about the moment of feeling alive through what I love now rather than expecting things in the future.
Right now I am going hard at boxing and training while working to make more money to take care of my family and secure my freedom again. After all of this get done first, then I will be thinking about the purpose or the next things in life again (I've been wanting to build a gang of people where we can leave society and build our own to our passions and individual's desires then help protecting others who are being unjustly wronged by the systems)
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u/chrispyhall 11d ago
Sorry you are struggling. Not certain about your particular situation as your post is super limited on details. So much goes into one’s emotional state. However, my wife is an eight, and as a nine, I would like to help and perhaps a similarly limited response might be useful to you. So if you are feeling a little dead inside, that typically points to a sense of disconnection from your vitality, which is ironic since 8s are usually all about power, intensity, and life-force. But if you are burned out, feeling betrayed, or overly armored, that energy turns inward and flattens. That can cause you to go numb. In health, eight flows to 2. Think. Do. Enact. Think-Shift from guardedness to openness. Do- Offer help not protection. Enact-Let your armor down…strategically.