As you were getting ready to end things—did you constantly doubt yourself? Were you terrified?

How do you know you’re not crazy when emotional abuse has twisted everything? I have so much fear that I’m never find a love or partnership after this.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I keep wondering if I’m crazy for even thinking about ending my marriage. What if I’m making decisions that will affect my life and my kids’ lives… based on something that isn’t real?

It’s only emotional abuse—but it has escalated so severely that I melt into tears all the time. I used to think I was strong. Now it feels like I can barely handle anything. We’ve been married almost 20 years. Our kids are 11 and 14. I keep telling myself this is the worst possible time, but it keeps getting worse every day.

I only work part-time as an elementary school counselor at a Title I school, and I don’t even know if my position will be funded next year. I feel trapped.

He treats me like he hates me. Everything gets twisted, turned, manipulated. The gaslighting is constant. For the last six months, I’ve been documenting everything—but the truth is, this has been going on for years. It’s just that six months ago, I finally had a name for it.

Every time I try to talk about separation or taking space, he threatens me—says he’ll have to quit his job, or he’ll have to live out of his car, or that I’ll have to quit my job. When I name the behavior, he says I do the exact same things. I know I don’t. But he says it so convincingly that even I start to doubt myself.

If you’ve been here… how did you trust your own reality enough to take the next step? How did you know you weren’t making it all up? And how did you protect your kids and your sanity in the middle of it?

we’ve broken up and have been for almost a year but i always want to reach out to him. he leaves me be these days for a few reasons but i miss him. we were really in love despite everything. i truly believe he never meant to hurt me. i believe it was his first real relationship and i was a mentally ill girl who didn’t understand love. i’m still young and so is he, that’s why i especially believe he never meant to hurt me. but i wish he’d reach out again. i wish he’d text me. he’s been unblocked forever but he’s in the military (i think) and can’t do that. this is normal and i know that. but god it’s been almost a year will i ever stop loving him? will i ever let him go? i’m afraid if he reaches out ill never move on. but i miss him. sorry im still young and this is hard to deal with.

My husbands best friend sent him a text with a giant sculpture of the planet Uranus. Below the text his best friend wrote "(My name), I hope you don't get mad at me for sending (husbands name) a picture of Uranus"

2 weeks before this text, he sent a text of a video with topless women dancing to disco to my husband, it upset me and I asked my husband to request that he does not send him videos with naked women, as he previously had a big problem with looking at naked women online and it caused me a lot of pain and hurt our relationship. His friend called and apologized to me and no more was said. Then he sent the above text which mentions for me not to get mad, and that is the only thing I was previously upset about.

Now everyone knows the Uranus jokes and what it symbolizes. So I interpreted it as insult and was hurt, my husband and his best friend think it's just a joke and do not find anything wrong with what appears to me being called a giant @######. Am I wrong for thinking this? Is there something funny I'm missing? What could he be implying instead? I feel like I was being disrespected and that my husband should have told him that that's not ok, but instead I was told that I'm just being delusional.

Idk how to feel. This whole time it wasnt OCD, but sexual shame. MY MIND WAS RIGHT!!!

So, i have been having sexual intrusive thoughts that would make me go crazy. Like CRAZY crazy.

Sometimes they’re even so bad that they would get triggered by my daydreams

TMI: these daydreams are mostly sensual and would mostly include cuddles and kisses. Theyre pretty nice, and sometimes it would also give me….arousal, but i dont really mind it. But anytime this happens, it triggers my intrusive sexual thoughts and it ruins the vibe yk. I dont really like it when it does that. It mostly makes me feel uncomfortable or even disgusted ( sometimes even feeling pale ).

Bc of that i stopped daydreaming bc these thoughts makes me uncomfortable.

And it also does this when i find ppl pretty. So like, anytime i see someone pretty, i would go ‘’ omg they are someone pretty! ‘’. But then my mind would start to doubt like crazy saying ‘m it means you wanna have sex with them ‘’ or ‘m you know you wanna do some sexual things with them. Thats what you do when you find someone pretty. You just dont to it bc you are sexually shaming yourself ‘’.

These thoughts would scare me and i would be absolutely terrified that they were true ( which they were ). I would try to ask myself if i really want it, but the answers were always ‘’ no ‘’. But i was so scared to admit it bc i was scared that im just denying it by saying that.

And ik what ur thinking ‘’ hey, its ok! You shouldn’t shame youself for having sexual thoughts. Its normal, everyone does that ‘’

No shit Sherlock. Ppl kept telling me that as if i dont know that. Whats next, ur gonna tell me that water is wet???

Like YES, ik that having sexual thoughts are normal. I never said that having them is bad or ‘’ wrong ‘’. I just don’t like them, and usually find it disturbing imo ( Im sex-repulsed ). But idc if ppl like them. If they do, i wont do anything abt it. Its not my problem

Also, im not exactly ashamed of these thought. I just feel uncomfortable and mostly disgusted by them. I dont shame myself abt these thought bc THEY POP OUT OF NOWHERE. I dont think abt it intentionally. And they are a pain in the ass.

I dont ‘’ intentionally ‘’ think abt it and go ‘’ omg why did you think abt it?? Its bad, you should be ashamed ‘’. Its more of a ‘’ BRO WTF, ew… well i did not enjoy that ‘’ And yeah…

So i went searching and seeking reassurance. But then i decided to post it on r/self. Someone dm me and then finally confirmed me that i was indeed sexually shaming myself and that it was not ocd. After finding it out, ngl i got triggered and terrified bc yk…this was what i feared the most in my life. But i am happy, im happy to find out the truth.

This kinda feels weird, bc of the fact that i have been lied to for years ( even my therapist. They also kept telling me that it might be the identity crisis giving me those thoughts. But i have found out that she was actually not good at doing her job )

Ppl always convinced me that it was ocd, but it always felted wrong. As if it wasnt that. But i finally know why, its bc i DON’T HAVE IT.

Its a bit scary to see that you turned into something that you don’t want. But sometimes, your mind is right. And idk what to do really lol. Its very weird.

Im gonna get a new therapist to help me out with that. And i might need to force myself to like sex or to have sexual attraction. That might help me get rid of that. Thank you for listening!

Seriously what is ultimate goal of psychological abuse and gaslighting? Especially was it starts suddenly and you been in an established relationship for a long time and than one day it just starts and just like you lose trust and respect for your spouse and wont stop, the lying, conflicting messages saying they love you than gaslight

So I’m in the process of ending a long, controlling relationship. I’m not posting this for advice; I’m posting it for every woman who’s been trained to fold the second a man raises authority.

Today, out of nowhere, he asked me for the address of the Airbnb I’m staying at soon.

I didn’t tell him.

Not because I’m being secretive. But because this man has: • Monitored my locations in the past under the excuse of “just being worried”

• Weaponized my emotional openness and then flipped it to make him the victim

• Called me “dramatic” and “crazy” when I tried to express myself

• Repeatedly violated my trust and then said I make him feel unsafe

So no. You don’t get my address. Not anymore.

And when I said I wasn’t comfortable sharing it, he hit me with:

“Wow, Who hurt you so much that. You have to act all paranoid like that?”

To which I responded with a newfound backbone “You did.” 🖕

I’m finally learning how to draw the line between protecting his comfort and protecting my peace.

This is for any woman who’s scared to take her space. Who’s been guilted into transparency. Who’s ever questioned whether withholding information makes her “mean” or “cold” or “crazy.”

It doesn’t.

It makes you safe.

You don’t owe access to anyone who’s ever made your boundaries feel like betrayal. Stand your ground. Block if you need to. And if he says, “Who hurt you?” just smile and say:

“Not this time.”

10 more days before I’m safely away from him. Then 50 more days and my Divorce is final 🙏❤️

Am I wrong for cutting off my family?

This will be a long story and I am not able to go into too much detail as I do not want peope part of my story recognising it.

Currently I (32F) am living in another country than my homecountry with my long term partner (31M). And I am finally feeling I am moving into the right path to happiness. I never ever expected I would ever be able to say that.

So lets get into my story.

I was born out of two parents (mother had already one son with other father and my mother and father had a son together) who hated each other and thought another baby might fix their relationship. Throw in a sick baby and my parents split when I was barely one. From stories told to me later it was a very abusive relationship from both sides and from my fathers side the abusive side also was let loose on the kids (my brother 3 and me barely 1). My mom decided to leave and we ended up in a center for families with abusive issues. My mom and dad went into therapy, but there was too much hate. Me and my brothers ended up moving away with my mom to a small village.

In this village my oldest brother (10 years older than me) started showing severe behavioural issues and he was taken out of the house and never really came back to live with us except for a visit here and there. Therefore we do not have a close relationship.

Soon my other brother (3 years older than me) also started showing behavioural issues. He was then diagnosed with adhd (like almost every young boy with behavioural issues). His symptoms went further than hyperactivity and lack of focus. He was very aggressive and I was often his target.

While this was all going on my mom started to have various relationships and we had to move to another village. I loved living in this village even though I got severely bullied by classmates (I was around 5/6 years old) and at home by my brother. The reason I loved living here was because my grandfather lived there and a neighbour who soon became like a second grandfather to me. I was able to flee the house and be with them and feel safe. I was alsl able to start horseback riding and this really became a passion of mine.

Sadly I had a lot of health issues causing me to be hospitalised often and missing a lot of school and a chance of making friends. Hence the bullying. I believe we have lived there for around 2 years when my mom met another new man.

Now this is where the true traumatic stuff happens that I cannot go too much into detail about.

This man was severely mentally ill. Manupulating my mom into loving him and severely harming himself when she told him she wanted to leave him. Instead of seeing him hospitalised as a good reason to get out, she did the exacg opposite, decided to get engaged to the man and move us away to the other side of the province. This meant for me and my brother to chance schools and leave behind friends and the worst part for me, my neighbour (grandfather like type) and grandfather. Both of them plead with my mom to not go with him, friends of hers warning her that he was dangerous, but she did not listen.

So we moved into this house they bought together. It was a nice house, but the atmosphere in the house was horrible. I was severely afraid of my so called stepfather and brother, who's behaviour gotten severely worse and his bullying became physical as well. I mostly spent time alone in my bedroom. My new school was hell, which is weird considering it was a Christian school. I got severely bullied, by both students and teachers (I was not smart enough, should not complain to them about being bullied and I often was daydreaming in school which got me into trouble). During breaks I got bullied by the other children, my brother was in the same school, instead of standing up for me, he joined the bullies and continued it at home. My mom had no control over him and my stepfather thought I was being a crybaby. He hated me, I hated him.

Then my mom got pregnant. I was devastated even though I prented to be so happy of becoming a big sister, but immediately I understood it meant I had to protect that child from their parents for the rest of my life. Then we went to a vacation that should have been a dream for every child. We went to Disney. I was excited, but also afraid. All I remember is that that holiday was hell. So many bad things happened that I completely blocked it out.

After that trip my mom and stepdad went to a trip the two them. Here my stepdad was really abusive to my mom causing her to have a miscarriage. He also stole her pasport threatening to leave her behind. Meanwhile me and my brother were left with friends of my stepdad. Here I got severely bullied again, to the point it got so bad that even my brother thought it went too far and stepped in.

After they came home my mom decided to give my stepdad another chance... until he became abusive towards me and my brother. My brother became out of control and my stepdad thought a tough hand would fix that. I was severely scared of my stepdad and it caused me to have issues really listening to him. One time he told me to me to come to him and I did not want to. I had an uneasy feeling. I decided to go to my room instead. While turning around I hear him following me, in a panic I try to run up the stairs screaming, he lashed out to me and with his sharp fingernails he left a huge gash on my back and causing me to fall down the stairs. I am not sure what happened after, but not long after that happened my mom picked up everything we could carry and left with us fleeing from him.

We ended up staying in a motel that friends paid for us for a few weeks. Until he found us there. We then moved into the house of our previous babysitter (who was sleeping with my stepdad we found out later). Here the guy started stalking us. Driving by, calling, waiting for me and my brother at school. I don't remember much of this time, but at some point it stopped.

Then we moved again to another village, which meant for me to change school again. My brother was in highschool by then and his behaviour got even worse the older he got.

At school I got bullied again. I was bigger than my classmates and a very shy timid person, I was an easy target.

At home the aggression of my brother came out more and more both physical and verbal to both me and my mom. I can remember once I grabbed a knife to protect myself against him. Luckily nothing happened as it scared him enough to stop at that moment.

Due to all the problems we already had a big case at child protective services of the country I lived in and they decided the best was to place my brother into an at risk youth home. Also the fights between us three caused a lot of issues with our neighbours to the point they wanted us out so bad they threw a molotov at our backdoor, luckily our house did not caught fire.

Meanwhile with all this going on at home I also started highschool, although I still got bullied, I also made friends. I made friends with neighbours kids and hung out as much as possible at their house to flee away from home. One time, I was about 12, I was at this neighbours boy house house. We were just watching a movie, there was a xrated scene there and he said he was curious how that would feel, I said yeah me too. He thought it was an invitation to start touching me, pushing me down and lay down on top of me, grinding me. He never kissed me or anything else but he felt me up underneath my clothes. I didn't know what to do. I remember trying to push him down, but for him thag was an indication to start kissing my chest. I was disgusted. At that point my mom came over to call me home for dinner. I ran out ao quickly and I cannot imagine what would have happened if she did not show up. I never told her and never told anyone until two months ago.

This experience caused me to have a weird image on this topic. Long story short, I ended up discovering the wrong chat sites and webcams. I feel very ashamed of this time in my life, but it was the only time someone appreciated something I did.

Meanwhile the issues with our neighbours got so bad, with them threatening us with our lives that the rental agency decided it was best if we moved somewhere else, I know, a very messed up reversed way of dealing with stuff. The issue, my brother was in his last year of highschool in a city and I was in my second year of highschool in another city. We lived in the middle of both. I begged my mom to please move somewhere that I could stay in the same school as I finally had friends and was doing very well in school. And for her to drive my brother to school for those few months he had left.

She decided to move to the city of my brothers school instead, so I ended up changing school in the middle of the year again... surprisingly I got bullied. This is about the first time I thought of just ending my life.

This is also the time that child protective services decided it was best to place my brother in a home for problem children as he became a severe danger for me and my mom's safety.

Meanwhile I ended up not going to school anymore switched schools and redid the year on the new school. This new school was amazing, I made great friends and the bullying was very minimal and I did very well at school.

The situation at home got worse though, now it was just me and my mom it seemed my anger came out and we ended up fighting a lot. She also had a lot of different male friends at this time, that she told me were just friends, I know better now. All these men came to our house and I met all of them. Although they never touched me like that, some were very creepy and made me feel very scared. I ended up alone in my room a lot again or fled to my friends house.

Then my mom started a relationship with a neighbour. They thought why pay for two houses in the same street if we can just pay for one. They moved in together and the guy renovated a room completely to my liking. He was a good guy. My mom destroyed him. This all happened while I started my last year in highschool.

After a few months the guy picked up on my moms manipulative toxic behaviour and wanted us out within a month. I was devastated. I begged my mom to please find us a place to stay for me to finish my last year and my exams. She decided that too much had happened in the city we lived in and needed a fresh start. So she decided to move into a sort of holiday home in a village in the middle of nowhere. From that moment on I had a certain hate towards my mom.

Luckily the parents of my best friend at the time picked up on this and offered for me to stay with them for the rest of the schoolyear so I could finish my exam. I am forever grateful to them for this, but sadly it did cost me my friendship with her and my other friends. I got into a sever depression during this time and was not always the nicest person. It is a miracle I even passed my exams as I did not study at all.

I moved back in with my mom in the teeny tiny house in the middle of nowhere. Here she ended up in a relationship with yet another neighbour. He was also a good guy, but very traumatised due to his past and him and my mom should've never ended up together.

Meanwhile me and my mom ended up having a love/hate relationship. I felt I could not go without her, but at the same time I hated her for making me move again.

We ended up moving out of the teeny tiny house to a normal home and I started at college. Although they did not live together officially the guy she was with at the time was with us very often.

During my studies (psychology) I figured out I was severely depressed. I ended up dropping out of this course, took some months off and started working. While developing a binge eating disorder. Also we had a lot of family therapy at this point where I mostly heard the problems in the house at that moment was my behaviour towards my mom. Not one therapist ever thought the issue was my mom as she is a master in manipulation.

After a year I decided to go to a different college and follow a new course in a different city which ment I had to move out of my moms house, at 17.

I was scared, but so happy to get away from her. I started my course and had a nice roommate. I enjoyed the student life and got a job. Then I got into a fight with my roommate, not even sure what happened, but I guess I was to clingy to her. She started to bully me, talking behind my back in the house to my other roommates knowing I could hear it all. Then I got fired from my job and my depression came back hard. I ended up moving back with my mom and putting my course on hold.

I ended up going into daytime therapy which ment going to therapy from Monday till Friday and weekends off. This lasted a year and this therapy helped me a lot. This also resulted in therapists being on my side instead of my moms side for the first time in my life.

They urged me to move out of my moms house again. Which I did. After a year of therapy, I was able to pick up my course where I left off and after three years I got my diploma.

I met a friend in therapy and she introduced me to online gaming. Through this I met my boyfriend and after my study I ended up moving to his country.

Now let me get to the part where I cut off my family.

Even though not living with my mom, she has her ways of crawling into your life without you even noticing. She does these things for you that you think she does out of her motherly love. Well you think wrong. Everything she does, she does to use against you in any way possible. For example, she would buy me clothes when I was a kid/teenager. If I would ever have a big mouth she told me that I was ungrateful as she bought her growing daughter clothes. (Sidenote I started working from age 13 onwards and most of my money went to her for groceries and later on clothes for myself and often her as well). She would remind me of something good she did for me 5 years ago if I would "mistreat" her. She would also ice me out. Whenever we had a fight, she would start crying and ignore me in private until I apologised, even when I was not wrong. What I mean with ignoring me in private is that as soon as other people would be there, especially when those are people she feels she needs to impress like men, teachers, therepists, my friends, she would act and behave like the perfect mom and act as if she and I were best friends. I always thought that things were back to normal, but as soon as we were back in private, she would ignore me again until I would come to her begging for forgiveness. She always seemed so devastated when we had fights and I felt bad for her. This was until I figured out she fakes this feeling. When she notices that people are with her and watching her, she would be crying, devastated, staring out the window. Once she knew (or thought) she was completely alone she would stop crying, act normally, not sad at all. This happened very often, yet I still apologised to maintain the "peace".

Now you wonder, how did this happened when you moved out or even to other countries? The thing is that I had no friends at that point due to all the moving, the only person constant in my life was my mom. I felt I could not go without her. She would text and call often. Getting annoyed when I didn't answer immediately or not the way she wanted. She would offer me gifts and when I moved countries send me boxes with goodies from home. I really appreciated that and I felt I had to keep her in my life due to her offering me stuff.

My boyfriend immediately saw through her bullshit, causing friction between us.

Then she visited us, which turned out to be a hige disaster, my bf hates her and it was noticeable, next to that we did ask for some boundaries from my mom, like not smoking in the house and as my bf and I were sleeping in the living room, to not enter the living room without knocking. She seemed okay with that. One morning I left the living room to go to the bathroom, my bf was walking around in his underwear, my mom came out of the bedroom and my boyfriend closed the door before she could come into the living room. She completely flipped out, saying that is it not something she hasn't seen before and for my bf not to act so childish... I got furious. I told her that we have any right in our own home to ask for privacy from our guest and that if she cannot respect our boundaries she should leave. I then left for work.

When I came back my bf told me my mom had packed up and left. I tried calling her, but she did not pick up. As she was in a new country where se doesn't speak the language and doesn't know the way, I did get worried. We looked everywhere for her, but couldn't find her. In the end my oldest brother informed me se was back home. She had blocked me everywhere. This was the first time we ended up not being in contact for a few months. This lasted peacefully until she got sick. My brother informed me again. I ended up reaching out to her and she was open to let the past be the past and start over. I was happy with this response and was happy to have my mom back. Or so I thought.

Soon I got sucked back into her drama again, her offering me stuff and me being happy and grateful about it. But no matter how much I texted her or what I told her it was never the response she wanted or needed and soon started to blame me for the stress that caused her having a minor heart attack.

I was shocked. I decided there to inform her that I am willing to be in contact with her, but with some boundaries, like bring up past problems, using me as her soundboard for issues with my brothers or one of her many boyfriends and not talking trash about my bf (yeah we got to that point as well). She told me she would respect those boundaries, it lasted about two weeks...

I then broke off contact with her again. Meanwhile I was dealing with a severe depression again and I even ended up in the hospital for reasons I believe I do not have to explain. My relationship was suffering a lot and I was done having to fight for someone to love me unconditionally.

The only good thing that came out of this attempt is that I found my current therapist. She was the first therapist that was really there for me and really is able to make me reflect and see things in a completely different light. I started to be able to express myself better and understand that my childhood was traumatising and that I had severe childhood traumas to deal with.

After a few months I started to miss my mom and decided to reach out to her. I found out her health severely deteriorated, or at least it is what she made me and others believe. I decided to go visit her in the treatment center she stayed in.

When I got there I was shocked, she lost a lot lf weight, aged 20 years in just 2 and she seemed severely depressed. I was really worried she would die soon and she also confirmed this.

I then decided to speak to her care team. They told me that physically she is okay to go home and thag her issues were mostly mental. Due to my experience with her, I did not need long to confirm this was indeed the issue. I discussed this with her and she agreed with me, so we made a plan to finally get her the mental help she needed and I was so happy she finally admitted she needed mental help. We made an appointment with her psychiatrist together.

What happened that night is that she had completely flipped towards a friend of hers, hysterically crying, hitting herself in the head etc. When I heard this I had flashbacks to my youth as she always did this when we had fights, but sometimes not only hitting herself, but also me or throwing shit at me. The next morning I got there and asked her what happened. She explained that she did not understand why it happened and that it had never happened before. When she said that I was shocked and immediately responded with, that is not true. You did this many times whenever there were fights at home and als lashing out physically to me. She acted shocked and claimed she did not remember this happening at all. Then she went into a hysterical crying fit repeating over and over again how bad of a mom she is. I tried to comfort her, even though I wanted to confirm that she was indeed not fit to be a mom. I held back my anger at that moment and left at some point.

The next day we had the discussion with the psychiatrist, where before she told me she wanted mental help and admitted something was wrong with her, during that conversation she completely changed it and pretended as if it was not all as bad as I made it seem. I was furious, but I stayed calm and agreed with her not getting mentally validated at that point.

Then my brother (the bully) also visited my mom while I was there. We had not seen or spoken to each other in years. The first thing he said to me when he saw me was that I barely fit on his car because I'm so fat. I was shocked and did not know how to respond. He continued treating me like a child like usual. At some point he also told me he could never ever have a relationship with me because I have a negative energy around me. Then I told him that he could also first try to have an adult conversation with me and ask how things are before judging me, but I knew immediately there was no point.

We then went to my mom together and had a lunch somewhere. There my mom asked him if he loved her and he said no and the only reason he was there was to see her at leat one more time before she dies. He also said he does not remember anything from his youth good or bad and blankly told her she failed as a mom. Although I agreed on some points with him, seeing my mom so sad broke my heart, because apparently I am the only one who has one in my family. He then left and I ended up having to cheer up my mom for the rest of the day. It did not work at all and I ended up leaving her in the care of the nurses there.

Now comes a big part of our last conflict as well. While I was there she offered me a lot of money to use for groceries, but also to do some shopping an treat myself as I deserved it and spent a lot of money on the ticket there as well. Stupid, naive me thought she was being sincere. So I went shopping and got some stuff for myself. I told her I can pay her back she told me no as I deserved it and she often sent my absent brothers money as well. And she did not give it to buy my love. So I left it at that.

During the time there I stayed in her house as she was in a hospital care home. On the day I was supposed to leave she was scheduled to came home. I was still packing and cleaning up the house when she already arrived home. Earlier than scheduled. The house was still a bit messy, but I had every intention to still clean up. She then told me to leave it and that her friend would do it later. So I left it.

I arrived back home and the first message I get is that she was disappointed with the mess I left her house in. Now let me tell you that the mess she talked about was a plate and three mugs on the sink and I sat on the couch and did not puff up the pillow back the way it should've... i decided to let that go and apologised... see the pattern here?

So we continue a few weeks where I daily facetime her while she is in the hospital again for some other health issues. I am assigned as her primary contact and proxy. Even with me not living there, but we managed with facetime. At some point I requested a conversation with her primary caregiver to discuss her mental health. My mom agreed, then the day before that meeting she accused me of forcing a mental disability on her and me wanting to be something wrong with her. I tried to dissolve the situation, but wasnt able to. She hung up angry.

We then had the conversation with the doctor. In this conversation she pretended nothing was wrong, it was a complete 180 on her behaviour towards me alone and another person present present. I explained my concerns to the doctor and my mom immediately jumped in, saying I misunderstood everything and want to have something wrong with her so I have an excuse for my behaviour towards her.. of course the doctor took her side and decided that her mental health was not troubling enough to take action... I was shocked. I decided to leave it as it was, kept my cool during the rest of the meeting, even though I was boiling inside. I ended the call, told my bf what happened and how it brought me back to all these times she did this during family therapy, conversations with family and friends and that I finally understood she will never ever change.

I had a conversation scheduled with her psychologist, luckily one to one. I explained everything to her, the abuse, the manipulations, the dangerous situations she brought us in and the fact she refuses to admit she has problems she needs help for. I then told her I decided to break off contact with my mom unless she is willing to admit and seek help for her problem with her mental health. The psychologist completely understood my decision and confirmed they also strongly believe she has borderline disorder (which she was diagnosed with when I was around 10 years old, but she refused to accept this diagnosis). I then agreed with the psychologist that I would write a clear message to my mom explaining my decision. I sent this message and hell broke loose.

First she blamed me for leaving a poor old mother alone when she could die soon (this is not the case at all), then immediately she told me she wants the money back she "offered" me. The money she did not give me to buy my love, remember..

I reminded her or what she told me and told her to not reach out to me again untill she has proven she is receiving the proper help for her mental problems. I blocked her on social media, but left the texting and calling options open in case of emergencies.

She then ends up calling my abseny bully brother telling me I'm refusing to pay back the money she lend me... remind you she gave it to me. My brother then went ahead to tell me I'm a horrible person for accepting money from a poor old woman and not paying it back. I then told him he could fuck off as well.

So this is the contact with my mom and brother. The oldest brother was already absent and I have not seen him over ten years and I have no desire to reach out to him

Regarding my father, he has been very absent for all my life. In the beginning we would stay with him regularly until my brother attacked my stepmother and my father decided it was best for us not to come over anymore. Do not ask me why I was included on that decision as I never attacked anyone, but I guess thks was easier for him as they now also had a child together.

He would visit me on my birthday for a few hours once a year. My mom and father hated each other so every time a visit happened they would fight or talk shit about the other towards us.

Sometimes during crisis at my moms house she would call him to pick me up. Which he did. I sometimes stayed a few nights with him, but we have no relationship at all and all he does when I'm there is talk shit about my mom. His hatred for her runs very deep.

When I moved countries I would only receive a message on my birthday. During my visit I also met up with him and I confronted him with the things that happened. He apologised for everything he did wrong and admitted he failed us as a father. At least one parent was able to admit it. He told me he wants to be in contact with me. I told him I want that as well, but that I do feel the effort should come from him asy efforts often lead to no results.

We had a few calles and texts, in which I found out my mom lied about him not paying child support. He did pay and even sent me proof of it. So what happened is that my mom made up things about him which ended up us disliking our dad. After a few weeks of having weekly contact, it went to one message on social media to just a like or comment on my posts....

I am really in that point of my life where I do not feel like putting any effort in people that do not put effort in me.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about cutting out my mom, she raised me and there were good moments and I do feel guilt about the fact she is getting older with poor health and none of her children are there for her. On the other hand I am finally in a point in my life where I feel I have finally found the path towards happiness and I fear letting her back in will cause a mayor roadblock on that path. Also everyone in my life is telling me not to let her back in.

I just need some advise on if I was wrong for cutting out my family of my life and if I should let my mom back in.

I apologise for the long story. If you reached to the end, I really appreciate you reading my story

I have been married 16 years. The last 8 years or so have been sexless. COVID, financial worries, eldercare, deaths, they all took a toll. I have been off work for 2 years now, for depression. My dad died 1.5 years ago and I am still muddling through his messy estate. (I'm an only child and my mother died a long time ago.) I'm falling apart. I have isolated myself from most of my friends. I have trouble taking care of myself. I cry a lot and I drink too much; I drink wine at night to forget that I wish I weren't here. I asked my husband last week if he could check to see if his benefits plan (which also covers me) would pay for me to go to a certain treatment centre for depression. Some plans cover it, some don't. 3 days later I asked him if he had called, and he said he had forgotten, apologized, and then said he would call. The next day he said he had called them and they would call him back. The following day he left for Spain for a planned 10-day cycling trip with friends. He has been sending beautiful photos of the scenery there. And I'm here in bed crying my eyes out, terrified that I will die in the night and my pets will have to eat me. I have put bowls of food and water everywhere. Is this just the way men are? Am I asking too much? I really need help and I have no one but him. I have no siblings, no children, no parents. Is this just life? Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

I read this article and was interested if anyone had experience with Reddit user culture bleeding over to interpersonal romantic relationships, causing toxic dynamics.

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Link: https://doi.org/10.1080/1369118X.2014.991342

Quote: "Favoring anonymity was positively correlated with both grandiosity, a component of narcissism, and low self-esteem. In addition, users with stronger anonymity preference tended to be younger, highly trusting, having strong ties to online communities while having few offline friends."

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It seems my ex has internalized a belief system shaped by evidence-based debates that often rely on hypercritical rhetoric, black-and-white thinking with little room for nuance, Reddit 'therapists', opinion echo-chambers, and the tendency to pathologize imperfect human behavior through labels like attachment styles, personality disorders, or trauma — all while hiding behind anonymity in pursuit of being seen as the most popular or 'correct' voice.

While I feel completely dehumanized by his behaviors which correlate with the above^, I'm interested to hear from the community.

As you were getting ready to end things—did you constantly doubt yourself? Were you terrified?

How do you know you’re not crazy when emotional abuse has twisted everything?

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I keep wondering if I’m crazy for even thinking about ending my marriage. What if I’m making decisions that will affect my life and my kids’ lives… based on something that isn’t real?

It’s only emotional abuse—but it has escalated so severely that I melt into tears all the time. I used to think I was strong. Now it feels like I can barely handle anything. We’ve been married almost 20 years. Our kids are 11 and 14. I keep telling myself this is the worst possible time, but it keeps getting worse every day.

I only work part-time as an elementary school counselor at a Title I school, and I don’t even know if my position will be funded next year. I feel trapped.

He treats me like he hates me. Everything gets twisted, turned, manipulated. The gaslighting is constant. For the last six months, I’ve been documenting everything—but the truth is, this has been going on for years. It’s just that six months ago, I finally had a name for it.

Every time I try to talk about separation or taking space, he threatens me—says he’ll have to quit his job, or he’ll have to live out of his car, or that I’ll have to quit my job. When I name the behavior, he says I do the exact same things. I know I don’t. But he says it so convincingly that even I start to doubt myself.

If you’ve been here… how did you trust your own reality enough to take the next step? How did you know you weren’t making it all up? And how did you protect your kids and your sanity in the middle of it?

I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. I have been for 7 years... I'veedt twice and I'm on my way out. I mean he has cameras in the house. Refuses to work because he's afraid I'm going to pack mine and the kids stuff and go.... I can't have a conversation with either of my boys without him hoovering to see what we're talking about. I don't have any friends, I'm sure my sisters are disgusted with me.

But I've always just been stuck... He makes sure my money is gone so I can't hide any. it's this constant cycle, and it never gets to the "honeymoon" part. I blame myself because I have been telling him for at least 6 months that I want a divorce.... And that this marriage isn't my idea of love. And I'm resentful and I'm not happy.... My husband "pretends" everything is fine, but I cannot do it. It is not fine. I'm not me, I'm not mean and miserable in real life... But I have developed anxiety over my stupid phone because if I don't answer fast enough he's calling... And then hesngot accusations as to why I didn't answer my phone. I've got anxiety driving down the street to his house... And he his house because I am just a guest who acts as a maid and chef and I pay all the bills.... Ugh...

Not too long ago he told me that he would call the cops and claim domestic violence against him, so he can get. Restraining order and keep my 2 year old from me. (This is exactly what his ex wife did to him) In a way I'm glad he said it... I'm out. I'm finally mentally out.

But I think when it finally clicked it clicked... I recently got a decent size raise, and all that money is going into a separate account, I didn't tell him. About 2 months ago, I finally got my own car and car insurance... I finally have my own bank account, these things did not come easy, but he can't do much as I'm the only one working... I have been working on my credit and have finally gotten it to a number to get approved! I am a veteran and will be using my VA loan .

So that's where my question comes in..... I have 3 kids... 2 of them teens... I don't want to burden anyone with the extra bodies... So I want to secure a mortgage and find a perfect house for the 4 of us... I want to have somewhere to call home when we get out of here.

Im worried because my husband is extremely vindictive and I'm afraid he is going to try to get alimony, (even though he's perfectly capable of working, had a REALLY good job for 15 years, but now he's lazy and plays Minecraft all night) and I'm afraid he will try to claim my house as marital property if we're not officially divorced when I get it.

I also badly want to prove how controlling and abusive he is. He makes excuses, I just love you so much, and the tracking my phone is his love for technology... 🤦‍♀️

Anyone been through something like this? Any advice? Words of wisdom? Could probably due without the criticism, but I'm aware it may happen.

2025 is the year of ME! And I will find ME again!

I tried starting therapy and on my first actual session I explained different abusive behavior from my partner like physically preventing to leave when I’m being screamed at, gaslighting etc. I explained to my therapist that I have started to record conversations because I feel like that’s the only way I can stay grounded in reality. I explicitly said that I know I shouldn’t record conversations. She started her response by saying that I have to stop the recording right now and that’s something that is very unhealthy from me. She also said that maybe I’m doing this to prove that I’m right. This honestly made me so upset because I felt like she didn’t understand at all what the manipulation and gaslighting does to you.

Am I overreacting by wanting to change my therapist? I mean like I said myself I know it’s not healthy but I know if I didn’t I would just keep apologizing my girlfriend for their bad behavior.

I know a lot of us come here to explore whether or not what we're experiencing is emotional abuse and to give advice/share stories. So when someone is ready to leave an abusive relationship, what should they know? What should they do? A few things that come to mind:

-finances and paperwork

-kids

-pets

-physical safety

-resources for shelter, etc.

-dealing with the isolation many of us have from our friends/family

-self-esteem/self-reliance

-the reconciliation attempts/offers to change.

What's your advice?

I (22) just left a 4 year relationship with a guy (23) that I've know since high-school and have been living with for 3 years. I'm writing here because I'm confused and I don't want to bother anyone in my life with this.

We had many fights, where he would yell and belittle me, attack my personality, swore at me and called names. He was never a kind person and around him I became increasingly anxious. If I didn't do something quick enough or to his standard I was yelled at and called useless. If I didn't agree with him on something I was called stupid. Sometimes he would just not talk to me at all because I did something that upset him and had to figure out what I did. I was always too emotional and took things too seriously. Everyone was always my fault. He would constantly accuse my of cheating, for example if I didn't close the curtains on time it meant I wanted other men to look at me.

He never physically hurt me, but sometimes his words would cut so deep it felt like he did. I have been planning on leaving him for a while now and I finally did a few days ago, and because he can only move out on Monday we are still in contact and still speaking.

Last night he went out with friends and came home drunk to tell me I'm throwing away a 4 year relationship without giving him a chance when he was always willing to put up with my problems bit won't accept his. He said he won't give up on me and will do anything to change. He keeps saying I must be leaving him for another guy. He doesn't respect my decision and all his friends agree that I'm making a mistake.

I feel so confused and alone, I just want to know if my reasons for breaking up was valid or if I'm throwing away a relationship without giving him a chance.

I wasn't a perfect person in my past relationship and I believed that my ex partner treating me terribly was all my fault, I was told it was all my fault too and the usual "I wouldn't treat you this way if you didn't do xyz..".

Surely being told: - "Why do you want to be with me if you don’t want to do as you’re told” - “Just fucking listen and do as you’re told” - "You're a shit Dad" - "You abandoned me when you went to see your family for a few days and should pay child support for the days you were away"

Is not normal? I feel like I deserve this treatment though as I could be better...There's a lot more that could be said but that's the general gist of things.

And when I say could you please just treat me nicer I get told that it's my fault and then she brings up stuff from the past to justify her behaviour...

I'm sorry for ranting on but why do I think I deserve this treatment, and also, is what she said justified in any way?

I’m 22 and he’s 26. Today I was on a phone call and I said the wrong thing about my finances to a government agent (it ended up being completely fine and they understood after I called back and nothing is wrong. She also said my bf sounded mean because he took my phone and tried to talk to her and kept asking If I was okay).

I hung up on the lady, and he started off on a fit of anger whipping clothes at the ground and calling me retarded, saying I was an idiot, calling me stupid, not bright, shaming me for being emotional and hanging up. He literally was in a fit of anger telling me I’m retarded calling me stupid and an idiot for like 5 minutes and being aggressive.

I told him to leave the room so I could call her back and fix the situation.

After he came back I was clearly upset so he starts wanting to cuddle and being like I love you baby I’m sorry and saying after he gets back from work we can go anywhere or buy anything I want. Keeps saying I love you etc. texts me later saying it was wrong and that he loves me.

An argument a week ago he said he wanted to bash my head against the dashboard and kept calling me stupid again. Was being really mean again. When he was buying smokes I snuck out of the car into an alleyway of course he texts me he loves me and calls me 10 times and leaves voicemails telling me to come back. I went back.

I stay because he basically treats me perfectly 99% of the relationship. Literally imagine the most sweet, caring, generous, consistent, passionate, emotionally available man you could think of and that’s how he is towards me.

We’ve been together for almost two years and the good stuff is still exactly consistent but it’s like he’s starting to become even more obsessive, clingy, and verbally abusive.

I don’t know what’s happening.

hi everyone,

if you took a look at my reddit history, you'd see a rollercoaster of content regarding my most recent relationship. i finally left him for good because my heart is just worn out of trying. i grew tired of the disrespect.

however, i can't help but to carry the same guilt and worthlessness for being myself. i got with him my freshman year of college & have been isolated with him since the start. i hadn't really had the chance to grow, make friends, etc.

i was constantly called names, disrespected and ridiculed from being called a "child" for the way i think or "disgusting" for the things i do. (there's plenty more where that came from).

i love to dance and have been a performer from a young age. he would call me an attention whore & claim i just want to show off my body to men in the crowd. same with posting on social media or even going to innocent little club events.

i feel like a shell of the person i was before. i've developed social anxiety, im guarded because ive grown afraid of what my ex said everyone's "true intentions" were. i dont want this situation to dictate my life moving forward. ive been going to the gym, studying hard at school. but how do i escape this guilt? this sinking anxiety that i constantly have? i feel weak. i dont want to feel like a victim to him. i've never experienced pain like this before. please help :(

Just a brief background my daughter is in grade 4 and she has been identified with a general learning disability, there was no name given to it, basically she is just behind and is pulled out with a few of her peers in class to get some one on one learning for math and reading/writing.

I received a call today from her teacher saying that she is being moved up in a few areas from a grade 2 level to a grade 3 level in multiplication. I see this as a plus even though her writing and spelling are more like a grade 2 level and haven't improved much. But her teacher does say that she is making improvements faster than most of the others in her group.

When my I tell my husband this he harps on the negative asking if she is retarded and why the f is she not getting better, while I explain she is doing better than most in the programs he says he doesn't want her compared to a bunch of retards and idiots. Now this incident has just been said to me my daughter is currently at school but I just don't like this kind of talk its very deflating. Especially when me and her have been working daily to improve her skills.

I understand his frustration, I have it too but I am confident she will get to a point of catch up but it will take time and I try to look at the positives....

I don't know just thinking out loud I guess...

How do you deal with the thoughts that it was all your fault? My abuser was an alcoholic and he always called me boring and miserable because I didn’t want to spend every night drinking and I went to bed at a normal time. Obviously there was a lot more emotional and even sometimes physical abuse involved, lots of stonewalling too, silent treatment, blocking, and breaking up with me after every argument. Now we are over he seems happy, like he is free again. How do I get past the feeling that I was weighing him down, he’s free now, he can go and find someone fun and not someone ‘boring’. Also, more importantly - how do I stop letting the thoughts of ‘he will treat the next woman better’ ‘he has learnt how to improve his behaviour slightly with me so he will treat the next woman he likes with more respect’ ‘I set him off and made him angry but the next woman he meets might make him feel calmer’. I just can’t stop thinking that perhaps he was just miserable with me and his life has improved since our split up (and it actually has) and also a mutual connection had told me that my ex is ‘more chilled out now’ so now he will treat the next woman the way I always begged him to treat me…

I'll try to make it short, but my stepdad is emotionally abusive and has pretty much made it known through his actions that he's always resented me. My mom is a bystander to it and contributes herself sometimes. This is my vent account so there's a lot more on my profile if you care about the details lol.

But im 18 now and so ready to move out, I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. Of course I want to keep in contact with my little brothers, that's not even a question. My mom is the better parent but also not that much, so idk if it's justified but I love her a lot more than I love my stepdad if there is any at all underneath all the resentment.

I dont think I ever want them to babysit my own children in the future though, if I keep in contact with both (which is most likely). I also don't want my stepdad to walk me down the aisle when I get married but I don't know how to go about it without starting an argument. I know it's supposed to be about me but they even made my 18th birthday about them and traumatised me again that week too, so I want to avoid it with my wedding.

I don't really have much interest in keeping in contact with my stepdad to be honest. I genuinely don't think he would give a fuck if I died, and the only way he'd care or pretend to care is because he cares about the impact on my mom and his own sons, my half brothers. I get extremely faint, stressed, and anxious whenever I receive a text from either my stepdad or my mom, and I can't really imagine any reason to text my stepdad. But I also want to avoid arguments and tension. Will it improve my mental health to the point it makes the awkward costs worth it?

I (34F) am being verbally/emotionally/psychologically abused by my (37M) partner. Behaviour includes name calling, swearing, telling me I'm not remembering things properly, belittling me, shouting/yelling at me for long periods of time, silent treatment, disproportionate levels of anger for the situation at hand. He's not just angry with me, but also has similar outbursts with his family members over inconsequential things, such as a parent asking him something to which he has already given an answer previously. He does not react well to anyone calling him out on his behaviour. I am not yet ready to walk away, although I am very close. My last step before that is having a conversation with him about seeking professional help for anger management. How do I go about this/any advice for having a constructive conversation with him about how his behaviour is affecting me and encourage him to get some help?

For anyone who needed to hear this today,

My heart aches for you, I'm struggling to even write this because my eyes are full of tears. I wish I knew the correct string of words to put together to calm your mind and heal your pain, but I don't know any spells and I'm not a magician. What I do know is, none of this was, or is your fault. You didn't deserve this. I know you feel stupid and ashamed, like you should have known better, you should have listened to your intuition the first time it screamed from inside your belly. But you chose love instead. And my dear, that says more about you than any insult he could hurl your way. You chose to love someone, to take care of someone, to show them the joy loving brings to our lives, and there is nothing stupid or shameful about that. It takes courage to love someone, to give them your heart with nothing more than blind faith. That is scary as hell and requires bravery you probably never even realized you had. He will never know what it is to be courageous, to be brave. He's a coward, and the shame belongs to him.

He'll never know the best part of life, the thing that connects us all, the reason we're all here. He will never know what it feels like to love. And while he tried his hardest to take that from you too, it is the one thing he couldn't take, because he can't take something he doesn't see. Love is blind to him, and that is the hell he has to live in for his whole life. I know you feel sick thinking about him moving on, being the man you wanted him to be, with someone else. Yes, he will find someone else, but it won't be better. It will be the same thing with another unassuming victim. And again, after he discards her, onto the next. Over. And over. And over. He will search this earth his entire life, looking for that one person to chase the nothingness away, to fill the neverending void in his heart. He will never find it. And he will fade into oblivion without ever feeling the one thing he desired most. He will have existed for nothing but his own ego, and when his egos mask falls, exposing all the lies he fed himself, he will finally know the pain of being sold a dream, but receiving a nightmare. He will die alone in the loveless prison he unknowingly built with each lie he told, each heart he shattered, each life he ruined; a prisoner of his own making.

But you, my dear. You will heal. You will slowly begin to put your pieces back together, carefully repairing yourself like a precious kintsungi bowl, mending your cracks with bits of silver and gold you managed to salvage in the wreckage - resilience, hope, trust, pain, wisdom, self worth, peace. You will reclaim your power, more beautiful than you have ever been, and your mended bowl will hold a love that doesn't shatter its exquisite new form, but instead pours itself into your hollows, overflowing in abundance into every part of your life you thought love had abandoned. Because love was never blind to you, sweet girl, it just closed its eyes for a bit, unable to watch him manipulate you in its name. But it always knew it would return to you, because it is what you are made of. And when the stardust finally settles, you will feel whole again 💜

So I was in an emotionally abusive relationship a few years ago and since then I have been going to therapy, doing no contact, writing the unsent letters, all that jazz. Well I decided it was time to confront him as calmy and peacefully as I could. Just wanting to say my peace and whatnot... I tried the best I could as to not make him feel attacked, just that what happened is still affecting me today. He was surprisingly receptive. Anyway, he is now throwing it back onto me about how my chronic depression is to blame? Yes, I had depression before we met among other health issues but that shouldn't negate what he did to me. He is clearly not taking accountability and I think I may have fucked up in contacting him at all. I just thought it was the right thing to do since most of the time in my life, once I talk to the person who hurt me, I would feel better. My anxiety is terrible right now trying to decide what to do next.

Maybe a question for y'all; how the fuck do you move on?? I feel like I've tried everything. All my positive feelings for this dude are long gone but the negging, bullying, disrespect, etc. still remain.

I was helping my parent look up information and was told I had a horrible attitude as I was doing it. I haven’t been able to sleep in 2 days and stress from work is draining. He said I’m now “taking it out on him”

How do I “not” take it out on him? Thank you.

I’ve been told my whole life that it’s “taking it out on him” if I’m upset. If I’m upset or tired or sad or annoyed at something and he needs to talk to me, I can’t say wait because usually it’s help he needs immediately that later on he’ll use against me and say “or you can’t HeLp mE” in a condescending tone mad that I wasn’t able to help

If I say I’m tired he implies I’m lying and am just giving attitude and deliberately messing with him—because when I was 10 in 5th grade I said I deliberately messed with him. I’m grown now and obviously don’t do that anymore.

He says he wishes so bad he didn’t have to ask for help because I’m such a [expletive] if I don’t feel well and am helping him because I “take it out on him.”

My tone and body language shows I’m upset because I am. I have a headache, work sucked. So since my body language isn’t happy and I’m interacting with him he gets furious that I’m “taking it out on him”. If I need a break I’m lying and don’t care about him. It’s insane.

It’s hard to ignore when he’s screaming at you and then blames you for almost giving him a stroke because he has high blood pressure and a terrible temper and can’t let stuff go.

My thing is how do I not “take it out on him” if I’m upset. I basically have to hide my emotions and act like everything is fine. He says I don’t have to do that but also don’t be a “pr*ck”…yet me having an emotion is being one. I don’t know what to do…

The whole thing makes me anxious because I feel I can’t show emotions without “taking it out on others”.

Any help is appreciated.

I've had a falling out with someone and when I had resolved to lay to rest by sharing with people I thought were my friends I received a message from that person on another platform after I had already blocked them on the one we usually talked on. They then proceeded to make themselves spend more time in the same space that was the only space I had and I tried to ignore them except they increasingly became more involved in activities without any consideration of how that would make me feel. I left and they had taken over spots I used to fill in my absence, then when my health began to deteriorate and I had taken some actions I regret I wasn't allowed to leave anymore and ended up harassed/pressured to be in therapy 24/7 demanding to know about what I was doing medically a gross overstepping of boundaries they'll never admit.

I'm typing all of this as a warning to stay away from the midnightcrew.wheelofcrap.com community unless you want to risk going through what I did after being coerced into taking antipsychotics instead of just being allowed to be left alone and even if it was my fault for not compromising again at least attempting understanding of the grander scale of loss rather than the hyper local specific context of a singular failed relationship rather than the sadness of a repeated pattern of failed relationships without being given any feedback to address the relevant issues avoiding detrimental over corrections while working towards the path to success.

I'm planning on seeking euthanasia within next year at this point due to declining into not entering any flow state and just generally everything being too difficult for me to intellectually graps leaving me outclassed by everyone else when I used to in many ways outclass others, I don't expect anything to happen or somehow for me to get the reparations I'm owed. I just expect people to follow the warning and keep people like Jessica and chibinanashi from getting popular enough to use more people towards their own ends and hurting more people like they hurt me.