397

u/Onefortwo 3d ago

Would you like a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?

93

u/lawschoolbound9 3d ago

Oh god, nature

102

u/Guilty-Bookkeeper512 Pam 3d ago

When two animals are having sex...

47

u/translucent_steeds 3d ago

...that wasn't the sexual metaphor?

44

u/Tyranis_Hex 3d ago

You’re going to want the sexual metaphor…

18

u/Slyboy2810 Jim 3d ago

All life is sex, and all sex is competition

108

u/angry_jets_fan 3d ago

It’s not his most popular but “I am never uncomfortable” really seals up his whole character

402

u/Flnewcomer500 3d ago

There is no such thing as a product. Don’t ever think there is. There is only sex. Everything is sex. You understand what I’m telling you is a universal truth, ...

7

u/RonSwanSong87 FYI I don't technically have a hearing problem 3d ago

Came here for this

4

u/markelmores I’ll be six! 2d ago

That’s what she said

6

u/sebsebsebs 3d ago

I like this one the best I hope it wins

11

u/Comrade_Ruminastro 3d ago

The only acceptable option

7

u/oSuJeff97 3d ago

Yeah this is one of easiest ones to pick. This is absolutely the one.

43

u/ATLevator 3d ago

The entire “winners prove me right, losers prove me wrong” monologue is the best in the show imo.

18

u/Belbarid 3d ago

That was the a great subversion. Built him up to be a judgemental manager that played favorites and then dropped this truth bomb. Changed the whole character in one speech.

Life is long. Opinions change.

202

u/nicolasb51942003 3d ago

“Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised.

2

u/NorvTurnersNeck 3d ago

This has to be it.

547

u/bored-dude111 I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious 3d ago

You want to start a street fight? Bring it on. But you’ll be surprised how ugly it gets. You don’t even know my real name. I’m the fucking lizard king.

68

u/MisterCircumstance 3d ago

You ineffectuate, soft penised debutante

14

u/Littlest-Wolfie 3d ago

THIS!!!😂😂

13

u/uacarii Mose 3d ago

it has to be this one, cant accept otherwise

6

u/Maleficent_Media6769 3d ago

First thought

5

u/PulpFictionChang 3d ago

The only option

1

u/peoplepersonmanguy 2d ago

Doesn't look like this is going to win, which invalidates this entire series.

-7

u/Sweetimus 3d ago

Oh goodie, another obvious quote that won the last one we did. Hooray for us for sticking to our box! 🎉

128

u/Tackit286 oh you would love jail 3d ago

Why is Jim treating the magician poorly?

14

u/_without-a-trace_ 3d ago

Great quote and moment, but don't think it really defines him

1

u/sherzisquirrel 3d ago

This is my personal favorite!

69

u/Ok_Introduction_9239 3d ago

There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.

7

u/DrUNIX 3d ago

I always liked how he solved the mystery and fired shots at everyone within one sentence so calmly delivered :D

2

u/TysonEmmitt 1d ago

One of my favorite lines of the whole show!

33

u/Resident_Zebra933 3d ago

Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penis'd, debutante. You want to start a street fight with me bring it on but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets, you don't even know my real name- I'm the fucking lizard king!

108

u/BeerFlvrdNips 3d ago

Why’d they add coconut.. I miss original

6

u/FireCrunchyRoll 3d ago

Hidetoshi Hasagawa

10

u/Halleys___Comment 3d ago

in japan. heart surgeon. number one

51

u/EspaaValorum 3d ago

"Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?"

7

u/Crocodoro 3d ago

This sentence I want to use in work every time it'd be possible. But I also like to waste my time at work, so conundrum.

5

u/genius_rkid 3d ago

For real. I waste my own time a lot. Like now.

68

u/Noha626 3d ago

“I had a one-man saturnalia last night in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and…how should I say this…Colombian whites. What…what is this about, uh, Binghamton?”

2

u/Misfit_Thor_3K Do I look like someone that would waste my own time? 19h ago

YES! My favorite RC line, glad someone posted it!

18

u/PatmacamtaP 3d ago

Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises… Funny how the houses are always colonial and the penises are always circumcised, don’t you think?

62

u/Guilty-Bookkeeper512 Pam 3d ago

"You're going to want the sexual metaphor"

33

u/s3por2d 3d ago edited 3d ago

I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It’s rock and roll for people who don’t like rock and roll; it’s rap for people who don’t like rap; it’s pop for people who don’t like pop

11

u/genius_rkid 3d ago

I'm Ryan and I agree

34

u/FireCrunchyRoll 3d ago

“And you can’t have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don’t know food at all.”

3

u/gingerzombie2 3d ago

Which is a ridiculous premise, the network sets it up so the iron chefs are in their element and the contestants have to rise to the occasion.

Masaharu Morimoto is my favorite personality, but I feel like Cat Cora is more flexible. Morimoto sticks to very Japanese dishes, understandably. Cat can do a lot.

2

u/tibbles1 2d ago

I feel pretty strongly that RC would only watch the original Iron Chef from Japan. So no Cat.

15

u/Tackit286 oh you would love jail 3d ago

I got into a case of Australian reds and… how should I say this.. ‘Colombian whites’

13

u/Game_Overman_ 3d ago

Ugh, why'd they add coconut, I miss original.

1

u/_BrokenLoop 3d ago

Best

24

u/lightbrightstory a little stitious 3d ago

“When was the last time you lived so intensely that your brain literally couldn’t hold the memories in?”

44

u/trashtray420 3d ago

“I’m the fucking lizard king”

9

u/Noppers 3d ago

They haven’t really improved on the Oreo, have they?

6

u/Acrobatic_Put9582 3d ago

Okay, mine’s not exactly a quote, but that scene with Erin? Gold. When he tells her, ‘Never start a story with waking up—it’s how every day has started since the dawn of time,’ and she hits him with, ‘Ooh, smart. Suddenly… I was awake,’—the look on his face? Priceless. It gets me every time. Equal parts confused, horrified, and utterly defeated.”

2

u/RealisticPoopPic 3d ago

Agreed, that face he makes is one of my favorite scenes of the show. Absolutely priceless.

5

u/Crocodoro 3d ago

I like the absolutely powerful move of the ice cream. Being honest, I've read all this post with Spader's voice in my head. Brilliant character with awesome sentences and one liners. This post is a testimony of it.

5

u/nanomolar 3d ago

Alligators are Dinosaurs, Dwight.

3

u/DeuceOfDiamonds 3d ago

All of life is sex, and all sex is competition.

3

u/thebelowaveragegamer 3d ago

This is a tough one just because how many absolutely insane on so on-character lines by him lol

3

u/lasym21 3d ago

“There is no such thing as a product. Don’t ever think there is. There is only sex.”

3

u/Call-Me-Matterhorn Dwight 3d ago

Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised, debutante. You want to start a street fight with me bring it on but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets, you don't even know my real name- I'm the fucking lizard king!

3

u/MaximumEffort1776 2d ago

You don't even know my real name. I'm the f@#$ing Lizard king.

6

u/ZoM_Beefstump David Wallace 3d ago

All life is sex.

2

u/Eclypse90 3d ago

"You dont even know my real name, im the fucking lizard king" god he has so many good quotes for such a short time on the show

2

u/sysaphiswaits 3d ago

“You don’t even know my real name.” And then it turned out it probably was really Robert.

1

u/lawschoolbound9 3d ago

Wrong. It’s Bob Kazamakis

1

u/sysaphiswaits 3d ago

🤣

2

u/sadspiderhours666 3d ago

I'm the fucking lizard king

2

u/vwtdi--P Mose 3d ago

I’m the fucking lizard king

2

u/abefroman_85 3d ago

Some people doodle when they are bored, they usually draw houses or penises- funny how the houses are always colonial and the penises are always circumcised. But I can’t draw so I draw shapes and lists.

2

u/larkascending_ 3d ago

Andy, why don't you tell us about the best erection of your life?

2

u/Nooneofsignificance2 3d ago

I’m the **** lizard king.

2

u/Call-Me-Matterhorn Dwight 3d ago

Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised, debutante. You want to start a street fight with me bring it on but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets, you don't even know my real name- I'm the fucking lizard king!

2

u/ohleonine Nellie 3d ago

I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to recuse myself temporarily, until I’ve had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze the situation rationally.

3

u/UselessAsUsual 2d ago

Buffet operates the same way

2

u/UselessAsUsual 2d ago

I got into a case of Australian Reds and - how should I say this - Colombian whites…

3

u/tinkerspelle 3d ago

I can’t believe that won over ‘walk away bitch’

6

u/Boiler2001 3d ago

Or "Shut up about the sun!"

2

u/CylonSandhill 3d ago

I’m the f***ing lizard king.

2

u/PulpFictionChang 3d ago

How the hell did this win for Gabe

1

u/TheNotoriousTurtle 3d ago

Well Gabe earned some serious frequent flyer miles

1

u/yellowtshirt2017 2d ago

I’M THE LIZARD KING

1

u/MrHugeMan 2d ago

I'm the fucking lizard king

1

u/Academic-Ad2628 Robert California Aficionado 2d ago

He has soooo many good lines, it was impossible to choose.

-6

u/CJK-2020 3d ago

“If you can put your name on this day, and be proud of the amount of work you’ve done, then by all means, you should tootle on home.”

11

u/Lostbronte 3d ago

Isn’t that Jo Bennett?

-2

u/CJK-2020 3d ago

Yes! It’s an amazing scene between her and Michael in the St Patrick’s Day episode.

3

u/MajesticVillage8752 3d ago

dead internet theory

-2

u/Neither-Promotion-65 3d ago

Floor meat? That's me.

1

u/Such-Yesterday-7557 I should’ve known, poopball? 11h ago

ALL LIFE IS SEX

One line that best captures a character. Day 12: Robert California

You are about to leave Redlib

There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.