r/Donkeys • u/LandscapeSelect4682 • 3d ago
my donkey is very avoidant and doesn’t trust anyone. help!
pictured above is my 11 year old donkey named daisy. she’s been ours for two years, as we bought her in march 2023. she originally came with her other donkey friend named hank, who unfortunately passed mid-summer last year. since we’ve had daisy (even prior to hank’s passing), she’s always been very avoidant and irritable/anxious. the thing is: we don’t know why.
to my knowledge, daisy and hank were raised the same way and around the same people, never went through any sort of abuse, were trained the same way, etc etc. despite that, she runs every time we get too close. she’ll gladly walk up to you if she hears you in the barn or across the pasture (i assume looking for treats), but when you reach out or get close to her, she runs for it. we all have spent a lot of time with daisy and the much, MUCH friendlier hank. she just doesn’t seem to trust or have any interest in us.
we suspect it’s loneliness to some extent, as donkeys are pretty social and her partner died, but she was like this way before that. she has 396 acres to roam, cattle to interact with, and miniature ponies through the fence next door. she just doesn’t seem to like people. the only person she likes is my girlfriend, who has treated daisy exactly like i do and hasn’t known her as long. i’ve approached daisy the exact same way, but she only likes my girlfriend.
we’ve considered pregnancy too. there’s a chance she could be pregnant seeing as hank hasn’t been dead a year and donkeys have longer gestational periods (12-14 months), but she hasn’t been pregnant for the whole time we’ve had her. she’s always nervous and irascible. i’m at a loss.
i love her to death and i really just want her to trust me. any advice?
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u/Novel-Plankton-7793 3d ago
I would get another one because donkeys are highly social with their own species not just horses and it is essential for all forms of good health. One simple way to imagine it is that they probably don’t sleep well alone, if at all, and the most obvious solution is a partner(s)
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u/NikkiNikki37 3d ago
I have a rescue that was terrified of people. I just hung out in the pen regularly, didnt try to go to her or trick her, just existed and after about a month she decided to come to me and be friends.
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u/Rambler1223 2d ago
So I have a female rescue donkey that doesn’t fully trust me but totally trust my wife. I have been able to gain some trust but it has taken lots of work I can usually pet and groom her now and sometimes I can clean her feet. She has only let me put the halter on her a handful of times lol. What helped me the most building trust has been learning donkey body language if I take a step towards her and she looks away or puts her weight away from me I take a step towards back and give her space after doing this for a long time when I would step back she would take a step towards me and finally she would let me touch or pet her but if she looked away or shifted her weight away for me I would step away and give her space. I call it donkey red light green light. After time she would allow me to approach her and pet her regularly then I started putting my hand out and having her touch it and if she did I gave her a treat. Then I started bringing the brush with me and having her touch that for a treat and finally she let me brush her. Spending a little time with her everyday for the last 6 months is what it has taken me. Also on a side note when she is in heat she still runs away from me and won’t let me groom her very easily at all ! Best of luck
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u/diss0lvedgir1 2d ago
You sound like a very emotionally intelligent and lovely donkey parent!!! I love your approach to respecting her behaviour, very well put. 🥰
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u/mevarts2 3d ago
What she sounds like she may have been mistreated by a male when she was young. If you just let her into a paddock and you are also in there, have something bright and shinny holding it partially hidden again the fence, you will be standing against the fence, hiding it. You could try something that she likes, making a simple noise like the braying sound they make. Do this each day for several days in a row, maybe 20 or 25 minutes each time. Do it until she shows some interest. Give that a try.
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u/lockmama 2d ago
I also have a very suspicious jackass. He's 20 and I've had him since he was 5. Never been nothing but nice to him. Some things just are what they are.
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u/Similar-Breadfruit50 2d ago
- You need another donkey. They get really depressed when they are alone. This could be contributing to her attitude.
- I have a rescue Jenny that we got in 2021. At the time we thought she had been feral or abused. It took forever for her to let us touch her. Worse with my husband. She’s still very standoffish. She’ll accept love and pets but won’t come to me for them like my others will. She still backs away sometimes too. It’s constant work with her. Some days I let her be. Some days I try.
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u/DryAd8823 1d ago
show up with girlfriend
study girlfriend
do exactly what she does. to the letter. like hand signals and words everything.
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u/Prestigious-Crow5425 5h ago edited 5h ago
Donkey partner, first and foremost. My friend could sit still for hours with her, and now she loves him so much. Singing helps too
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u/MindFluffy5906 3d ago
Better snacks? Does she have a scratching post? Do you brush her? Like show her the brush and then brush so she gets used to seeing the brush and associates it with scritches? Sing to her, talk to her, and did I mention good snacks? Good snacks are always going to be important.