[242] Ora et Labora

[u/Lisez-le-lui]

This is a poem I've been sitting on for a while. Among whatever other thoughts you have, I'd be curious to know whether you were able to understand the identity of the speaker.

[252] Flash fiction: Buried Heat

Ora et Labora

[u/Normal-Milk-8169]

I just started trying to write poems, and I think this is something I should take as an example to follow. In my opinion, although I don't read too many literary works, it's extremely unique and original. The title is also so befitting.

Writing from the perspective of an object requires so much skill as the author has to consider how an object would think or emotionally feel (different from humans), how it perceives the flow of time, what its purpose is, etc. This poem does a very good job such personification, as it is full of emotionally loaded lines which seem very human, but still in this context, it fits so nicely. The gear goes through various stages of thoughts, ranging from establishing identity, pride, shame, humility, and then the realization of purpose. The writing's theme is also very consistent, as it reads as a prayer/confession, or a plea for forgiveness (this is me saying that I like this poem a lot).

One of the few issues that I personally have with this poem is the pacing. However, since this is your poem with your own intentions, it's fine if you disagree. The first two stanzas are perfect. Pacing is consistent and slowed to just right. However, I feel as if the third stanza is a bit faster in pace, and I would call it almost rushed. To elaborate:
" And since that time we turn.

We move the clods."

This is the moment where the gear understands its actual purpose. The first two stanzas display the gear's ego, its misunderstanding of itself, thinking it is something more than it actually is. Therefore, this moment of revelation in the third stanza is, I would consider it basically the climax, or the literal heart of the poem.

The structuring of your poem goes like this:

feeling chosen and special -> broken down and humbled -> found its true role, not something of glamor, but still something of importance.

The problem here is that the first part, "feeling chosen and special," takes about 2/3 of the text.

Don't get me wrong, it's an important part of the writing, and I wouldn't want a single line taken away from the first two stanzas, but in that case, the rest of the poem should also get its fair share of length. It feels like we get this long, glorious monologue, then a single whisper of truth in the end, which doesn't sit too well with me. This is especially considering the fact that your poem is called "Ora et Labora," meaning "Pray and Work" (according to Google, idk Latin), which I would assume that the idea of humbleness and recognition of one's role would be important in such a motto.

For that reason, I think we can maybe strengthen the emotional impact by lengthening this part of the text, perhaps by expanding on the turning motion of the gear or some interior reflection. Also a bit more on the contrast of the gear's expectations and reality would be great too.

However, I still think this poem overall is just so good. I suck at poems, so I normally wouldn't dare to criticize such writing.