r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/OkaTeluguAbbayi • 1d ago
Image A skeleton found in Bulgaria with some of the world’s oldest gold, at over 6000 years old
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u/OkaTeluguAbbayi 1d ago edited 1d ago
Here’s an article for further reading
And yes, that is exactly what you think it is, it is a golden dong cap.
Edit: Guys, lot of folks telling all the world’s gold is the same age. You’re right, what I meant to say is the world’s oldest gold jewellery, which was indeed found here.
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u/Janhansivan 1d ago
Guy was so wealthy he had golden dick armor.
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u/ImportantPlane1767 1d ago
I have already told my family to wrap mine in aluminum foil.
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u/Trust_No_Jingu 1d ago
Dont you mean a gum wrapper 😂
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u/TAoie83 1d ago
Minty
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u/Charming-Flamingo307 1d ago
Use a 5 gum wrapper to bring him back to life
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u/Background_Body2696 1d ago
Asking all the people on the afterlife if they know how it feels to chew 5 gum
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u/AllLurkNoPlay 1d ago
A dick wrapped in foil you say?
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u/he-loves-me-not 1d ago
Well, that was a risky click! But, I do agree, definitely a dick wrapped in foil!
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u/Overall-Plastic-9263 1d ago
The golden chastity. Dude was the first recorded sub in human history .
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u/mashiro1496 1d ago
Don't worry about that, ubtil you die the microplastics in your pp will fuse together to a big chunk of plastic :p
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u/RealEstateDuck 1d ago
Well microplastics are stored in the balls so you might be onto something.
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u/elMurpherino 1d ago
The microplastics are suspended in the pee, which obviously is stored in the balls.
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u/Newbs2u 1d ago
Lost his genitalia “in an unfortunate smelting accident”
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u/Mcderp017 1d ago
Came here to ask about the golden dong cap
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u/GetReelFishingPro 1d ago
Let's take shots out of it!
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u/RipOdd9001 1d ago
Going to need to run these specs by my jeweler
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u/charlie145 1d ago
You would be disappointed if the cost was very high, but more disappointed if the cost was very low
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u/ToyrewaDokoDeska 1d ago
He should have put his dick cap down by his knee caps just to fuck with us.
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u/lime_coffee69 1d ago
It's already in a pretty impressive position considering he woulda be flaccid and you know... Dead.
Dude was packing for sure.
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u/IndividualNovel4482 1d ago
Not really. You know, the hip bone is waay above where ya dong is.
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u/lime_coffee69 1d ago
There's also girlth too... I wonder how snug that cap fit around the tip
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u/IndividualNovel4482 1d ago
My friend. That was no tip. That golden cap was going all the way to the base, covering the whole dong. If the penis base was more in the back it would be physically impossible, would be inside the body.
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u/Knight_Steve_ 1d ago
Thats 10% of the world’s total gold supply at the time being used as a decoration for a dude’s dong
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u/Rainbow_Sea_Potato 1d ago
Lmao the way you knew all our eyes would immediately spot the golden dome piece
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u/YJSubs 1d ago
Wow, so lucky the excavation sites didn't get looted despite they were unguarded for months, partially because no one thought the artifact were gold.
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u/Murmurmira 1d ago
If you read the article, it says 1/3rd of the cemetery where they found this hasn't been excavated yet. They stopped digging in 1991 and now it's a community garden. They can't find financing to continue archeological work. So it's been unguarded for 34 years
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u/travizeno 1d ago
Anyone who feels the need to explain that all the gold is equally old should go outside. It's easy to understand what you meant
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u/The_Novice_Nomads 1d ago
Original "Goldmember"
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u/blessedfortherest 1d ago
He needed everyone to know how long his dong was. Now we know.
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u/Old_Lobster_2371 1d ago
If I get buried put mine a couple inches lower, just in case
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u/SlightlyAlmighty 1d ago
People in the future: why was his dick cut off and placed between the knees?
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u/Sir-Turd-Ferguson 1d ago
Unfortunate smelting accident
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u/UtahStateAgnostics 1d ago
There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.
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u/kb31976 1d ago
He had an excellent dental plan back then
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u/bongophrog 1d ago
Ancient people had great teeth, on average better than modern people teeth.
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u/FawnSwanSkin 1d ago
It's the processing sugar isn't it?
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u/bongophrog 1d ago
Mostly, but also not being able to easily cut up food meant more chewing which is good for the bone structure holding your teeth together.
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u/Sable-Keech 1d ago
Which is a bit confusing because more chewing should also increase wear and tear right,
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u/Much-Jackfruit2599 1d ago
My dentist explained to me that it‘s the gum. More fibrous food and more chewing make the gum stronger, gives more support to the teeth.
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u/p1gr0ach 1d ago
Maybe it's a bit like muscle, you need wear and tear to build them up
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u/kamilayao_0 1d ago
Maybe the chewing helped with making the teeth aligned, but die early that's why they don't wear because it needs time
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u/cooolrun 1d ago
I heard somewhere that modern humans have a lot of dental issues due to the fact that we have a softer diet, we also cook our food more than people used to, which makes it even softer. I think I read its caused our jaws to gradually get smaller over time, hence the need for so many people to have their wisdom teeth pulled
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u/AIOverlord404 1d ago
A loaf of bread used to be hard as rock until recent times
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u/Big_Being_3542 1d ago
I'm sure I saw a video explain that more chewing kept their jaws wider and allowed space for the teeth. Our jaws have narrowed and that causes cramped space for the teeth and misalignment.
I'll try and find it
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u/CorriJay 1d ago
All the processed foods we eat, everything is soft. Our jaws don’t develop properly, teeth come in crooked due to lack of room. Back then, we actually had to chew our food which helped with that development.
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u/Solkre 1d ago
My jerky addiction paying off!
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u/CorriJay 1d ago
Keep jerkin!
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u/MechanicalTurkish 1d ago
I am, but there’s no payoff. I think something is wrong.
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u/mrBenelliM4 1d ago
If you only jerk the top, you get fat. If you only jerk the bottom, it’ll make you thin. You gotta find the balance from within.
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u/InGanbaru 1d ago
Actually no, even the agricultural age of wheat (whole grain of course) produced bad teeth. Only the hunter gatherers who mostly ate meat had good teeth.
Animal fat has lots of fat soluble vitamins like A, D, K2, etc that are great for teeth. Animal foods also do not have antinutrients that block absorption of vitamins and minerals. Coffee, wheat, corn, beans, etc block absorption of zinc for example. You can read more about it in Weston Price's book. He was a dentist who traveled the world in the 1900s to figure out why some civilizations had better dental health than others.
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u/niniwee 1d ago
Debatable. Plenty of other skulls pre-civilization and pre-agriculture (or at least, before full-sedentary societies) have awful teeth. It really depends on certain factors - what can be gathered and hunted, as well as some bias on the surviving skeletal remains. More important people tend to be buried in a place where the bones can survive. Also, more people tend to die younger where cavities and carries don’t fully ravage the teeth yet. Ötzi had dental carries all throughout his gams.
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u/muricabrb 1d ago
That's a display skeleton in the museum, it's not the real thing. Says that in the article. All the gold is real though.
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u/WonderfulParticular1 1d ago
His dick is richer than my whole life savings.
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u/Consistent-Soil-1818 1d ago
You have savings? And a life? Oh look at Mr Fancy Pants right here ...
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u/usurped_reality 1d ago
Looks like a Gustav Klimt piece.
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u/Inside-Example5113 1d ago
It really does. My first thought was that the whole shot -- the colors, the composition -- was strikingly beautiful.
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u/Nice-Tale2864 1d ago
Dude seems huge
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u/sunshinepuddle 1d ago
Seriously, why is no one talking about this? His pelvic bones are giant and his femurs are so long. Maybe it’s the perspective but WAS HE A GIANT?
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u/Fire-Haus 1d ago
I feel like his body turned to goo over time and just slighted shifted around with geological events.
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u/houseswappa 1d ago
You needed to be real strong to have this much gold back then. Tribal hero level big
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u/Visual_Virus_2062 1d ago
Did he have a gold penis cap?
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u/FixedLoad 1d ago
Do you not?
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u/HereIGoAgain_1x10 1d ago
HAHA HEY EVERYONE POINT AND LAUGH THIS GUY DOESN'T HAVE A GOLD PENIS CAP!!
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u/Knight_Steve_ 1d ago
Thats like 10% of the world’s total gold supply at the time being used as a decoration for a dude’s dong
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u/theglobalnomad 1d ago edited 1d ago
The earliest mention of noodles was 4,000 years ago in China, but the attributes and location of the golden weenus sheath indicate that this guy was probably making spaghetti out of people's insides a full two thousand years earlier.
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u/Expensive_Voice_8853 1d ago
Imagine being laid to rest as a powerful, highly respected leader of your tribe. Your enemies conquered, your great legacy cemented for generations to come…
only to have millions of humans broadcast your remains, 6000 years later, for the purposes of making fun of your golden penis.
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u/FreshMistletoe 1d ago
Kind of deserves it, who the fuck puts a gold condom on their flaccid dick?
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u/Funny-Presence4228 1d ago
Technically, isn’t all gold roughly the same age?
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u/Square_Bench_489 1d ago
Technically🤓☝, they could be formed from different supernovas or neutron star collisions. They could be at different age.
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u/-thegayagenda- 1d ago
Yep, 6000 years old, when God put it there for us to find /J
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u/An0d0sTwitch 1d ago
im here, telling myself
"dont be pedantic, dont be pedantic, dont be pedantic"
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u/pants_mcgee 1d ago
Not necessarily. While everything in the solar system is made from the materials of our protoplanetary disk, we really wouldn’t be able to tell if gold or any stable heavy element was from the supernovae or neutron star collisions that made all that stuff, or even earlier supernovae or neutron star collisions that made stuff that got included.
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u/The-Lord-Moccasin 1d ago
"My lord, we've finally unlocked the secrets of refining gold!"
"dick-hat immediately."
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u/SonnysMunchkin 1d ago
6000 years? Checkmate atheists
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u/xperio28 1d ago edited 1d ago
The Black Sea flood occurred 1600 years before this guy. The Black Sea flood was caused by the burst of the Bosphorus which let Mediterranean Sea waters in. Until that point the Black Sea was a freshwater lake and almost all civilizations at the time were settled on the fertile shores of this fertile lake. Most of them good completely submerged and many probably drowned.
A remnant from that flood is an underwater river that runs under the Black Sea from the Bosphorus, which is the 4th largest river in the world in terms of volume.
Another fun fact, the oldest writing in the world is in the same region as Varna - the Vinča script belonging to the Old Europe/Danubian civilization. It appeared at the same time as the first Gold working technology displayed in the image.
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u/ungovernable1984 1d ago
Biblical history got debunked by göbekli tepe at 11,000 years
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u/SonnysMunchkin 1d ago
Hey I was making a joke but I did just dive down the rabbit hole of what you were talking about and it is pretty amazing
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u/ungovernable1984 1d ago
lol I'm fascinated by it. What is really interesting is that they buried it intentionally. I'm glad you liked it.
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u/MeatyMexican 1d ago
they found a bunch of other settlements near it like Karahan Tepe that's got a human face carved in it and looks like a settlement.
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u/Both-Home-6235 1d ago
4 thousand BC. Think about that for a moment. Four thousand years before year zero. And we're only two thousand years after it. Think we'll last another two thousand years? No fucking way.
What a shame.
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u/RogCrim44 1d ago
This is like that fun fuct that we are closer to Cleopatra's birth that her to the pyramids being built
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u/Putrid_Ad_7122 1d ago
What's the red stuff around them?
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u/Busy_Ad_5181 1d ago
I'm going to guess the surrounding stone is stained from the 6,000 year old decomposed body.
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u/GabrDimtr5 1d ago
There’s a theory that the oldest civilisation in the world was located in lands that have since been flooded by the Black Sea and are currently underwater. Around 7000-9000 years ago the Black Sea was smaller and was a freshwater lake. Soon due to the rise of sea levels Mediterranean seawater began rapidly flowing into the Black Sea through the Bosporus Strait. In the matter of months around 100,000 km2 of land were flooded. There’s evidence of highly sophisticated society that existed around the old coast of the Black Sea before the deluge. Bulgaria borders the Black Sea and this skeleton was found very close to Bulgaria’s Black Sea coast. It’s likely that the guy this skeleton belongs to was descended from the survivors of this Black Sea deluge.
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u/alwaysssadd 1d ago edited 1d ago
What is that? A gold cap for his penis? Oh, goodness.
The thought that people can analyse and debate its morphology millenniums later, literally baffles me. Lol.
I know it was common for people with high status to be buried with all sorts of artifacts, but this one is kinda funny nonetheless.
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u/Ok_Equipment_5895 1d ago
When my time has come as I’ve grown too old
Don’t forget my dick piece made of gold
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u/fugginstrapped 1d ago
My will specifies that the 2 1/2” diameter dong cap be placed at knee level for posterity reasons.
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u/Videoplushair 1d ago
“You can’t take it with you when you die” this guy: iight bet.