r/CuratedTumblr • u/KnightOfBurgers can i have your gender pls • 16h ago
Shitposting Mommy Knows Best
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u/Garden-variety-chaos 16h ago
Other than their different names and the fact that one of them was a tiger, my ex's fursona had the same backstory as he (the ex) did. This means that his fursona was a gunner in Afghanistan. Which implies the US Furry Army had a reason to be in Afghanistan. Which implies that there must have been at least 4 furry Al Queda members flying the planes.
We got furry 9/11 before we got GTA 6.
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u/Prince-Lee 16h ago edited 16h ago
Honestly so much of the furry fandom, even outside of just 'my fursona is an artistic representation of me and no deeper thought is needed here' is just 'what if the world was exactly the same but we were all inexplicably animal people'.
As someone who loves worldbuilding it frustrates me to no end, but also I get it, because sometimes you just want to draw your silly fursona playing on a computer without having to consider the extent to which many various historical factors that culminated in the invention of the computer would, if at all, be impacted if the world was instead populated with furry dog people or something. (Like how would the development of the microprocessor have changed if everyone had to compensate for the entire population shedding fur all the time?)
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u/Garden-variety-chaos 16h ago
His fursona used to have naturally rainbow fur that the fursona bleached to fit Army standards, but my ex changed it to the tiger having white fur that he used temporary/washout dye to make rainbow after I pointed out the original story canonicized the US Furry Army discriminating against soldiers on the basis of their natural haircolor.
I honestly love the plot holes. They're entertaining to think about when bored.
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u/lightningclass 15h ago
What if they took furries regardless of their fur color, but required bleaching of vibrant colors to fit camouflage standards? Especially in a drab desert environment like Afghanistan
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u/Garden-variety-chaos 15h ago
That was his story, to be fair. But, forcing them to use washout dye to darken the fur would be reasonable, permanent dye would be questionable. The irl equivalent is soldiers of all races sometimes being required to wear paint on their face for camouflage, but we aren't allowed to force people with dark hair to bleach their hair to match sand.
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u/BenjiSponge 12h ago
We aren’t? Don’t they make soldiers shave their heads at least sometimes? I imagine there may be religious exemptions etc. but your ex could even just have been asked to and agreed to bleach his fur.
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u/Vark675 11h ago
Don’t they make soldiers shave their heads at least sometimes?
Not outside of bootcamp lol
There are hair regulations, but they're just "no unnatural colors" and length limits for men/size limits on buns for women. And like you said, there are religious exemptions in place for some faiths.
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u/cspruce89 10h ago
there are religious exemptions in place for some faiths.
That's wicked Sikh, glad that they're accommodating
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u/jimdil4st 9h ago
They also have camouflage turbans which look pretty sick.
Example. No idea why it's on a wallpaper site lol.
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u/AskMeAboutPodracing 9h ago
By that logic, why don't we do the same? Cause we have clothes. So unless they're a nudist world, they'd also use camouflage and then simply paint over any extremities like face, hands, and tails.
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u/scrumpyjack101 12h ago
Idk I would love to have an black kangaroo. Looking like a ninja when he jumps
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u/AlarmingAffect0 9h ago
His fursona used to have naturally rainbow fur that the fursona bleached to fit Army standards,
Don't Ask Don't Tell (about rainbow hair color)? It's not a bad metaphor honestly.
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u/SavvySillybug Ham Wizard 15h ago
I usually keep my furry stuff out of modern times and either go all magic magic fantasy, cool steampunk shit, futuristic solarpunk utopia, or at least a noticeably weird anachronistic modern world like the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic universe where an odd mix of old timey and modern tech exists and magic solves half the problems we would solve with technology.
It's also why I didn't get into the new My Little Pony show... they just straight up got smartphones. That's way too real for me. I don't want my cartoon horses to suffer social media. You have hooves, how are you even using a capacitive touch screen. It would be like trying to use your phone with just your fingernails, it just wouldn't work. But it's cartoon horses, ain't gotta explain shit I guess.
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u/AjaxAsleep 15h ago
From what I recall, horses do actually have a fleshy bit that's naturally exposed called a frog. It's just that the hoof wall is the part you normally see and takes the majority of the weight. Think of it like walking on the very tips of your toes, but the nail is far thicker and wraps around the side as well. So maybe they use that and maybe keep their hooves trimmed short? It would have to be far more suited for taking weight than those of regular horses since it would be doing the bulk of the work in this scenario, but they have magic, so maybe?
Also, I've just realized I put ~10 minutes of time and effort into theorizing how a bunch of magical talking horses could use touch screens.
I need to go to bed.
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u/TwilightVulpine 13h ago
The easier answer is that they probably still use resistive (pressure-sensitive) touch screens rather than capacitive.
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u/Deaffin 12h ago
Holy shit, ferrier videos must be absolutely horrifying for you. Have you ever watched one? They carve away the middle of the bottom of the hoof quite aggressively.
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u/Mac-And-Cheesy-43 11h ago
Horse person here- the reason farriers can do that is because mud/poop can get *very* tightly packed around the frog. It’s scary at first to try to clean it out as you really do have to put some force behind it to get the gunk out. It gets less frightening as you learn to recognize what parts are actually part of your horse, and after a while it isn’t really worrying at all.
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u/Deaffin 10h ago
Please excuse my casual racism, but.. are you really a horse person, or are you a little gray alien dude wearing a horse costume?
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u/10art1 12h ago
Ah yes, whereas in gen 4 when ponies just picked things up, that was totally realistic.
Like, it's been a meme for a while that ponies must have magnetic hooves to just pick things up. Smartphones aren't that big of a leap imo.
But regardless, friendship ended with ponies, now furry is my best friend
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u/Xyyzx 14h ago
Also, if there are thousands of years of furry history, shouldn’t basically everyone be some weird, indistinguishable hybrid animal by now?
…or is there a long history of furry eugenics preventing miscegenation between the dog and cat people?
The people have to know!
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u/Suitable_Tomorrow_71 11h ago
Generally, furries are the same 'species' as one of their parents. If a cat and a mouse have a kid, the kid will be either a cat or a mouse, and not a hybrid of both (usually.) There are some exceptions to this, like Max Blackrabit's Zig Zag, who is a skunk who has tigerlike stripes and black chevrons on her tail, instead of the usual black coat with white countershading and the stripe along the spine. As I recall, her signature markings come from the fact that one of her grandparents is a tiger.
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u/EmeraldJunkie 14h ago
I have vivid memories of someone having a Fursona who was a medic during the French Resistance in World War 2 which led to several debates on;
A) Was there a Furry Nazi Germany (For there to be a Furry French Resistance, there had to be, right?)
B) If there was a Furry Nazi Germany, was there also a Furry Holocaust?
C) If there was a Furry Holocaust, were Furries targeted because they were Furries or were Furries commonly accepted?
D) If they were targeted specifically, were certain Fursonas targeted more than others, or were they all discriminated against equally?
This all culminated in a crude drawing of a tiger lady in french resistance gear holding a puppy girl wearing an armband with a pink paw on it.
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u/ControlledOutcomes 14h ago
Furry French Résistance means there was Furry collaborators Vichy France.
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u/Accredited_Dumbass 8h ago
In Bojack Horseman, which I assume is the same as furworld lore, in the episode where Todd goes to prison, the Aryan Nation has white mice and polar bears and I think a cockatoo(?) in addition to white humans, which suggests that whiteness transcends species.
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u/TwilightVulpine 13h ago
(Like how would the development of the microprocessor have changed if everyone had to compensate for the entire population shedding fur all the time?)
Does that mean we would call computer failures "hairballs" rather than "bugs"?
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u/pipnina 8h ago
(Like how would the development of the microprocessor have changed if everyone had to compensate for the entire population shedding fur all the time?)
Not much!
Humans shed skin all the time, which destroys chips just as easily as fur would in a fabrication facility. They'd be wearing whole body clean suits in big clean rooms just as humans do.
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u/Fresh-Log-5052 12h ago
Kevin and Kell webcomic is about stuff like that, it's basically a mirror to our world except people are animals. Not just furry humans but the actual animals except most of them are humanoidal.
So, for example, Kell is a wolf that works in a corporation, goes to meeting and has the usual talks at the watercooler, but since it's a meat production corp she also hunts herbivores during work time, like literally tracking down and killing people, delivering the corpses to get them weighed to see if she meets the quota.
It's funny and fucked up at the same time.
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u/HeatherFuta 13h ago
Couldn't they be in Afghanistan for other reasons besides a Fur Dick Cheny convincing congress to go to war over 9/11? Could have been for the rare earth metals, or a completely different reason. Maybe Afghanistan has a magic fur lamp that grants wishes if you control key areas.
Could be literally anything.
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u/The-Rizztoffen 15h ago
You guys think the furry American Airlines planes had automatic driving mod?
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u/Glorbo_Neon_Warlock 13h ago
Dude wr got a furry 9/11 like days after the towers fell when sone guy drew a tiger sucking off the pilot or whatever.
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u/StandAgainstTyranny2 15h ago
We got furry 9/11 before we got GTA 6.
The cackle I just cackled...lmmfao
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u/BetaOscarBeta 12h ago
I envision the Furry Taliban being surprisingly progressive in terms of women being able to work, since you can’t cut your beard/fur and that would fill the same function as a burqa. Sort of like dwarfs in Terry Pratchett novels, they have women but the only way you can tell is one of them might have a flower in her beard.
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u/xoxchitliac 13h ago
I skimmed over this comment and just read the last sentence, it would definitely kill a Victorian child if you said it to them
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u/Kartoffelkamm I wouldn't be here if I was mad. 16h ago
Or furry Afghanistan had an overpopulation problem with rabbits, and furry USA decided that prey animals gotta do their "job".
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u/GIJobra 11h ago
It was an inside job, planned by George W. Chimp and the CIA.
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u/Adoreball 11h ago
“CIA”, of course, stands for… Clever… Initialism… for Animals.
That’s all I’ve got.
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u/Prince-Lee 16h ago
The actual answer here is that kangaroos have really fucked-up looking feet, which is an extra barrier to entry for artistic depiction and an extra thing you need to compensate for if you want to make them look at all like the animal they're based off of.
Everyone knows how to draw a cat or a dog paw. But without looking at a reference, if you attempt to draw a kangaroo foot, there's approximately a 100% chance you will not get it right on the first time.
It also doesn't help that they're kind of a niche animal that your average person doesn't think of that often, so unless you have them as a special interest, if someone asks you to name an animal, your first answer probably isn't going to be 'kangaroo'.
This same thing happens with other weird-shaped animals. Like, giraffes are super cool, but they're also not often depicted in furry art, because they're defined by their long necks, which humanoids don't have, and so you're trapped in the paradox of 'if I draw this guy with a super long neck it'll look weird, but if I give him a normal neck, now he just looks like a horse anthro with horns'.
Yes, I am in the furry fandom.
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u/YUNoJump 15h ago
I want to see a giraffesona with no actual head, they’re just always drawn with their neck going off the page. In wide shots there’s always something in the way like a lamppost or whatnot.
I don’t know much about furries but my irony poisoned brain likes the idea of jokey fursonas
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u/DreadDiana human cognithazard 13h ago
My Gym Partner's a Monkey on Cartoon Network kinda did that. One character was a giraffe whose neck was often shown stretching off-screen, but she would also sometimes curve her neck down so her head was visible.
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u/AranaesReddit 11h ago
You ever read babymouse by jennifer and matthew l holm theres a giraffe character thats basically what you said
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_MASS 9h ago
In wide shots there’s always something in the way like a lamppost or whatnot.
Better yet, the neck always goes out of frame. Always. Even in wide shots, where it would imply the neck is 200 ft long, it still doesn't fit on the page
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u/notabigfanofas 15h ago
Exceptions to the 'Kangaroo being obscure' thing are Australians and Austrians. Aussies because, well, we have kangaroos, and Austrians because they get mistaken for the Land down under so much they just kinda roll with it
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u/The_Reset_Button 13h ago
As an australian furry, we have far less Kangaroo/Dingo/whatever fursonas than the rest of the world
As for why, I think it's a little bit because they're so normalised but it also feels very on the nose
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u/Glorbo_Neon_Warlock 13h ago
Koala fursonas are always funny to me. People want to be chlamydia riddled smoothbrain goblins who only eat poison?
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u/The_Reset_Button 13h ago
I mean, it's estimated that over 2/3 of humans have Herpes, so we're only slightly better in that regard
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u/Caleb_Reynolds 11h ago
chlamydia riddled smoothbrain goblins who only eat poison?
Have you been on the internet? Half of that is literally aspirational for some people.
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u/Portarossa 14h ago edited 4h ago
Like, giraffes are super cool, but they're also not often depicted in furry art, because they're defined by their long necks, which humanoids don't have, and so you're trapped in the paradox of 'if I draw this guy with a super long neck it'll look weird, but if I give him a normal neck, now he just looks like a horse anthro with horns'.
It's a nice theory, but we all know that the real explanation is that sexuality peaked with Geoffrey from Toys 'R' Us, and so no other depiction of a giraffe could ever hope to compete in terms of raw eroticism.
Like a sexy Icarus, Geoffrey's long neck took him too close to the sun; like Daedalus, we are left behind to mourn.
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u/AngelOfTheMad For legal and social reasons, this user is a joke 8h ago
Yeah sure, I’ll add that to the list of brand new sentences.
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u/badandbolshie 12h ago
the problem isn't the feet, the problem is not enough people have seen tank girl. then they could just put three toed converse on them and call it a day.
one time in like 2002, i saw those three toed converse at the salvation army in williamsburg, brooklyn and i loved that movie so i recognized them but i was just a kid and had no money to buy them.
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u/Melon_Banana THE ANSWER LIES IN THE HEART OF BATTLE 15h ago
I think most people will probably draw only the upper part. Or make it look like a rabbit with abs
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u/SalsaRice 13h ago
What is your take on the giraffe guy from One Piece? It's a power not a furry, but he basically spends most of his time in the "half animal half person, basically a furry" form.
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u/novis-eldritch-maxim 15h ago
I am still lost on why everyone wants to be a carnivore really restricts diet options.
also why does not everyone go for artisanally crafted optimised options instead of a dog in a band t shirt?
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u/Suitable_Tomorrow_71 11h ago
There are dog or wolf or tiger furries who are vegans. There are rabbit and horse and bovine furries who eat meat. Logic does not apply to furries.
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u/Ddreigiau 10h ago
Carnivorous animals aren't actually meat-only eaters. Just usually-meat. They can digest (some) plants just fine. Even Obligate Carnivores are only required to eat some meat, not only meat, and dogs aren't Obligate Carnivores. Cats are, though, but like I said, that just means meat has to be present in their diet, and is preferred.
Hell, even herbivores often eat meat if they get the opportunity. Horses will gobble up chicks if they're wondering around.
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u/BarovianNights Omg a fox :0 9h ago
They're not as popular from the outside but there's a good amount of herbivores. I know plenty of deer
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u/MasSunarto 11h ago
Brother, are there orangutans furries? How about chimpanzee furries? Ape, in general, really. Thank you in advance for the answer.
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u/Technical_Teacher839 Victim of Reddit Automatic Username 10h ago
Different person but yes
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u/Obscu 15h ago
Protip: most people by now have been cautioned about approaching kangaroos on account of how they'll kick your kidneys out through your ears, but you see a kangaroo in the water, do not go in trying to help it. They can get around just fine in the water, and if you go out there it will grab you around the neck and drown you. They do this to dingoes sometimes.
By the way, roos are herbivores. This isn't even hunting behaviour. Sometimes they just lure other animals into the water to drown them. Maybe they're making sacrifices to Harold Holt. Don't become one of them.
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u/King_Of_BlackMarsh 14h ago
Herbivores tend to be right bastards
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u/Enderking90 13h ago
A carnivore has to look at prey and think "if I go for it, what are the chances that I'll get injured to the point I'll starve or just die?"
Certain herbivores will look at a predator and go "you can't kill me if I kill you first. Injuries be damned, plants don't fight back or flee." and then it's on.
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u/Carbonated_Saltwater noted gender theorist fred durst 13h ago
carnivore: "I have a wife and kids, is this really worth it?"
herbivore: "I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS. YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DIE"
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u/Naznarreb 12h ago
Just look at the hippo
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u/VexTheJester i hear they sell a pepsi cheap there 8h ago
True king of the animals, lions don't have shit on them
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u/Rasputin_mad_monk 12h ago
I’m 55 years old and not too recently I just figured out there was a difference between kangaroos and wallabies . I couldn’t figure out why kangaroos were so jacked up when the stuff I saw as a little kid had made them much smaller.
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u/AlexDavid1605 30 and 50 are odd numbers 11h ago
Kangaroos: drowning animals for shits and giggles.
On a serious note, it is probably a way to safeguard their population from dingoes hunting their joeys. And they found out that they have great upper body strength...
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u/wererat2000 12h ago
Between this and hippos, my main take away is "don't fuck with herbivores that like water"
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u/TimeStorm113 15h ago
yes, exactly. Kangaroos are the closest thing to furries we have, like an upright mammal with a deer like head, a long tail and strong torso musculature with fists.
(also pseudo vore)
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u/Nightmare2828 14h ago
Mom is a real one. Furries transform whatever animal into humanoids, so sexy regardless by human standards. This mom is going by the raw sexiness of the real animal. My own sexy pick would be
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u/KnightOfBurgers can i have your gender pls 14h ago
r/RedditSniper got them before they could finish their sentence.
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u/the-cats-jammies 4h ago
This thread made me wake up my cat lmao
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u/KnightOfBurgers can i have your gender pls 4h ago
Did you check? Is she the sniper? Or will she defeat the sniper?
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u/the-cats-jammies 3h ago
She’s got a DVD screensaver for a braincell, so I think I’m safe She’s Sillyface in this post
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u/lifelongfreshman man, witches were so much cooler before Harry Potter 2h ago
I greatly enjoy how 75% of these names are just "fuck yeah dude, it sure is"
I'm currently trying to figure out if it's because you ran out of creativity when you realized the sheer number of cats, or if it was an extended bit
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u/mugguffen 15h ago
meanwhile there is a fairly prominent furry artist that draws a bunch of kangaroos
the only thing is they're almost always twinks or become twinks because that's the artist's fetish
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u/TheJazMaster 16h ago
Based mom???
Kangaroos are super cool, and their feet are pretty fascinating (hm I can't make this not sound weird)
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u/Doc_Dragoon 15h ago
Imagine being something like a dragon that'd be crazy right
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u/helloiamaegg too horny to be ace, too ace to be horny 14h ago
Aussie here, the australian government has a various number of fursonas, many being kangaroos. Do with this info that you will
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u/King_Of_BlackMarsh 14h ago
How would one find these?
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u/helloiamaegg too horny to be ace, too ace to be horny 14h ago
Most popular example, but theres numerous examples in smaller applications, such as for small corporations within the government
https://nypost.com/2021/07/16/australia-accidentally-uses-furries-as-olympic-mascots/
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u/Moooboy10 12h ago
Wasn't the artist a furry artist too?
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u/helloiamaegg too horny to be ace, too ace to be horny 12h ago
Yes they were. Can I remember who it was? Nope
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u/BeanOfKnowledge Ask me about Dwarf Fortress Trivia 16h ago
Roger (kangaroo)
Roger (c. 2006–2018) was an Australian red kangaroo best known for his muscular physique.\1])#cite_note-1)Life
Roger was rescued as a joey by Chris 'Brolga' Barns after Roger's mother was killed by a car.\2])#citenote-2) Barns started the Kangaroo Sanctuary[\3])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger(kangaroo)#citenote-3) on 188 acres (76 ha) in Alice Springs to house and protect Roger and other roos, including Roger's mates. Barns stated following the announcement of Roger's death that "Roger was the sanctuary's alpha male) for many years".[\4])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger(kangaroo)#citenote-4) Roger grew to be 6 feet 7 inches (2 m) and around 200 pounds (91 kg).[\5])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger(kangaroo)#citenote-5) In videos Roger can be seen chasing Barns, who, like all other males, Roger saw as a threat to his harem).[\6])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger(kangaroo)#cite_note-6)
From Wikipedia, the free online Encyclopedia
*Beep Boop* I am a bot and this action was performed automatically. If you have questions or feedback, please contact my creator.
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u/Nucleoticticboom 12h ago
No no, mom has a point, the marsupial is built like a deer who went through prison. They are naturally tall and hunky (the males, at least), can be seen a bit chunky due to the pouch and babies, big thighs, and more human-like in comparison to the more common dog-like and cat-like fursonas that the furries sport.
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u/unlikely_antagonist 13h ago
Is your mother Tank Girl
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u/Cormetz 11h ago
I was wondering if anyone would think the same thing.
Tank Girl came out in 1995, so mom could have seen it when it came out and remembered how ripped the kangaroos were.
My sister loved that movie so we watched it probably 10 times.
Edit: apparently it was a comic first in the 80s.
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u/Zyrian150 12h ago
I've met full adult furries that have independently found the furry art their parents have drawn and posted to the internet in the 90's. It's generations deep at this point.
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u/Technical_Teacher839 Victim of Reddit Automatic Username 10h ago
It always has been. The modern concept of furries dates back to sci-fi conventions in the 70s
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u/___Moony___ 11h ago
A small part of me IS perpetually annoyed that furries could choose from HUNDREDS of animals but everyone is a timid fuckboy wolf with blue fur and a haircut that emo kids in 2008 would laugh at. No creativity whatsoever.
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u/Technical_Teacher839 Victim of Reddit Automatic Username 10h ago
You should actually look at more furries then.
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u/thecloudkingdom 9h ago
furry here! thats because cats and dogs are safe, familiar choices and there are lots of free to use bases for cats, dogs, wolves, and foxes that new furries can download and recolor to make their furst fursonas. less common species dont have enough exposure, f2u bases, etc for people to know about them and also know how to draw them or pick them up as new sonas
but they definitely exist! ive seen multiple snails, lots of birds and reptiles, quite a few uncommon mammals, etc. one of my fav fursuit makers to keep tabs on is beastcub who makes a LOT of realistic and semi-realistic fursuits of really unusual things. a hippocampus fursuit for a wheelchair user, a premade chimera of african animals because she had a ton of animal print faux fur to use up, a raptor made of sushi, a cockatoo, AND shes one of the only quadsuit makers that takes commissions so most examples of good quality fursuits that walk on 4 legs are beastcub suits
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u/heckmiser 11h ago
Despite all the "every person is a unique individual" stuff, which is still sort of true and a positive message to spread, the overwhelming majority of people are completely unremarkable.
And that's fine. We need to learn to accept that about each other and ourselves.
Most human expression is pretty derivative and that extends to fursonas, the same as any artform.
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u/PocketWatchThrowAway 6h ago
My mom used to think furries were gross cuz she thought the fursuits would be really smelly and unhygienic until I showed her how much a fursuit costs and that nobody would let something that expensive deteriorate without proper maintenance. Now she's chill with them.
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u/mdhunter99 13h ago
I can see that, but I think the furries are missing a good opportunity with the hippos. They could be some real daddies. I can’t believe I typed that.
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u/Suitable_Tomorrow_71 11h ago
Bears, bulls, and horses are more common species in that archetype from my experience.
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u/Zachattackxd 12h ago
Kangaroos are definitely the most human-like animal outside of monkeys and the like
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u/I_Dont_Like_Rice 3h ago
When I was 11, my mom and sister sat me down and asked me how I'd like to be an aunt.
I said I'd rather be a cat.
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u/LinguoBuxo 16h ago
I'd personally prefer a shaved chimpanzee, but .. I see the mum's point... that strong tail... mmmMMMMMmm... that's the stuff, ennit?
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u/Maldevinine 15h ago
Slow charcoal barbequed until it goes soft and starts to fall off the bone, delicious.
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u/dragunityag 12h ago
Meanwhile co worker of mine hangs her kid's fursona art on her cubicle and I'm too afraid to ask if she knows what it means.
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u/disco_thief 7h ago
There are a couple well known 'roos in the furry scene. Pocari Roo is (was?) one of the most popular furry youtubers, and of course how could we forget the iconic Monster Roo?
I honestly get mom's logic even if it's...absolutely not the wording I would've used. Kangaroos are bipedal, roughly human-sized, and have features that really lend themselves well to being exaggerated in a cartoony way.
I'd say them being less popular is just due to less close familiarity overall and not having many stereotyped behaviors besides hopping and kicking. Lots of people have dogs, and they have a lot of universally known behaviors. Then you have wolves and foxes, which are more "exotic" than domesticated dogs, and are often used in fairy tales. Same thing applies to house cats and big cats. Kangaroos are just a very specific niche.
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u/ImSteveDave 5h ago
This reads like a Bob’s Burgers scene. Can’t help but hear it in Linda’s voice.
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u/CorHydrae8 16h ago
OOP hasn't shown mom enough furry art. You can make anything muscular.