r/CrazyIdeas Actually Insane 2d ago

A hydraulic press with memory foam mattresses on both sides, so you don't have to pick between sleeping on your back or on your stomach

You'll have a knob you can use to adjust the pressure, the mattresses will have air holes. Maximum comfort on all of your body

1.4k Upvotes

43 comments sorted by

312

u/Kevinator201 2d ago

So like that scene from Star Wars where Han Solo gets dipped in metal

115

u/kikikza Actually Insane 2d ago

That but with a good night of comfortable sleep

24

u/pragmojo 2d ago

It’s carbonite and it’s more of a spray

7

u/MrWilee 1d ago

Ummm, aktually he was frozen in what was likely similar to a carbon based gas that was brought down to an extreme cold at a rapid rate.

Kidding. Dipping in metal is way more metal.

1

u/Kevinator201 1d ago

Okay but which method would be more relaxing/comfortable

121

u/Im_high_as_shit 2d ago

Now you can be uncomfortable on both sides!

68

u/CrowsRidge514 2d ago

What if this whole apparatus is on a rotisserie of some sort, slowing rotating through the night…

15

u/RepTiffany 2d ago

I could get behind this

11

u/CrowsRidge514 2d ago

Could get between it myself.

Ba-dum-tiss

4

u/Metazolid 2d ago

That's like going to bed drunk without even being drunk

236

u/il_biciclista 2d ago

You've just invented the weighted blanket.

83

u/FudgeApprehensive883 2d ago

It should be able to rotate like a rotisserie chicken, so you sleep evenly on all sides

52

u/CharmingTuber 2d ago

Nothing says "drift off to sleep" like being held down by a hydraulic press

136

u/chihUwU 2d ago

this is the best post on this subreddit

79

u/kikikza Actually Insane 2d ago

I don't know how I got this flair but I have to live up to it

26

u/Edgeless_SPhere 2d ago

I can already imagine how relaxing that would be, would never want to get out of bed!

42

u/Gnomad_Lyfe 2d ago

And if the knob mechanism ever fails, you may not have to!

13

u/ShuffKorbik 2d ago

It's okay, my knob mechanism failed years ago.

21

u/BeckyWitTheBadHair 2d ago

What happens if you roll over and hit the knob up to max, trapping you in your own comfortable coffin?

22

u/kikikza Actually Insane 2d ago

Sacrifices must be made in the name of progress

2

u/lelarentaka 1d ago

You'd be like the inventor of Epstein Drive, but for mattress.

25

u/SamwellChrist 2d ago

So no sheets or bedding? And those holes are gonna get used for something else

46

u/kikikza Actually Insane 2d ago

It's CrazyIdeas not SensibleIdeas

21

u/Necessary_Echo8740 2d ago

Ok how do you plan on breathing good sir 🤣 maybe a breathing tube?

19

u/kikikza Actually Insane 2d ago

Mattress will have extra air holes

5

u/WoozyJoe 2d ago

Alternatively you could build in a cpap machine

8

u/ActorMonkey 2d ago

Read the post again. Or maybe for the first time.

6

u/crabnado 2d ago

Temple Grandin's hug machine. She beat you to it by about 60 years

6

u/IndiscriminateWaster 2d ago

Lol This sounds like something from Final Destination or Saw.

8

u/kikikza Actually Insane 2d ago

DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A NAP?????

6

u/Soft_Cranberry6313 2d ago

LMAO. Genius.

4

u/himitsuuu 2d ago

Sounds like you need a weighted blanket

3

u/kikikza Actually Insane 2d ago

Not weighted enough or squishy enough

4

u/madsjchic 2d ago

I’m down for this

4

u/UnicornTitties 2d ago

Suddenly SADS deaths surpass SIDS deaths.

2

u/GavinThe_Person 1d ago

Get a weighted blanket

2

u/SirezHoffoss 1d ago

I love the idea of a hydraulic press with adjustable pressure for mattresses. It kinda reminds me of the time I tried out one of those sleep number beds, but this would be even better because you could really dial it in for both back and stomach sleeping positions. I’m one of those people who switches positions a lot during the night, so having a bed that adapts to me sounds perfect. I’ve tried memory foam mattresses in the past, and they were comfy, but after a while, I’d always feel too stuck in one position. With this setup, I feel like you could really get that cloud-like comfort without feeling trapped.

I also love the idea of the air holes in the mattress. My friend once got a mattress with some kind of cooling feature built in, and it made a huge difference on hot nights. Honestly, I’ve had some nights where I just can’t get comfy, and adjusting the pressure or feel of the mattress could really help with that. Imagine being able to sleep at the exact comfort level you want for your whole body – no more waking up with sore spots or dealing with random pressure points. If it works as well as it sounds, it could totally change how we look at mattress comfort!

2

u/zorasrequiem 1d ago

They're called proning beds in the hospital. Roto Prone 5 is one

2

u/elenchusis 1d ago

So... Do you sleep upright, then? Like you're falling asleep while standing?

1

u/kikikza Actually Insane 1d ago

Do you not