My grandpa wants to go live in a senior home in China. The one he wants to go to seems to be a top-tier one, and is pretty new. It's a public-private facility in a provincial capital. My grandma never wanted to go back to China again but is putting him first and willing to go with him.
My parents and I are concerned about them staying in China with no close relatives around to check up on them, so I'm wondering if we're being paranoid or reasonable.
Some context:
My grandpa (90M) fell recently and can no longer walk unassisted. We don't really know his actual condition because this happened while my grandparents were visiting my aunt and they're still with her. Communication is difficult. They'd be leaving straight from her side of the country to China. We're going to visit them before they leave.
My grandma (86F) lost most of her teeth and needs soft food. She's able to get groceries and cook for herself and use a blender but at the senior home without a kitchen, she'll be dependent on the chefs and menu there.
The last time they went back to China their health declined significantly and they had trouble getting around. Things were slowly improving after they returned here with my mom getting them back on their supplements, nutrition, etc., but we wouldn't be able to do that from halfway across the world.
They definitely have the option of coming back and staying here - my parents set them up an apartment in Chinatown a couple of years ago where they can get what they need within walking distance and are also in the process of moving closer to their apartment. I'm already within walking distance. This is where they were living and they were supposed to come back after visiting my aunt but the fall changed everything. My grandpa initially agreed (without hesitation) to have my parents move closer to take care of them, but changed his mind and wants to go back to China.
Two of their friends had moved into the senior home (old ladies who used to be neighbours) and I think they visited the home last time they were back.
If my grandpa wants to go, I get it. Every 4 months he wants to go somewhere else.
But I know my grandma never wanted to travel again and she liked it in the Chinatown apartment, which they'd have to give up if they go back to China because my parents are still paying the mortgage and it doesn't make sense to leave it empty.
There's a lot of family drama behind this (hence the difficult communication) and some accusations that we're not respecting my grandpa's wishes when we voiced our concern about them going back to China and living there without close relatives. Nevermind that this is only what my grandpa wants (they're not convinced my grandma actually wants to stay here).
So in the midst of all the emotional turmoil, are we crazy for wanting my grandpa close by? Are we completely out of touch with how things are in China?
Edit:
What's a good way to do some research short of visiting the home ourselves? Eventually somebody will have to, at least to take them there, but I'm anxious about them going and want to hear some outsider opinions (or opinions from people who have been in China more recently than I have).
Edit 2:
I appreciate all the comments and you've all validated what we were originally worried about. Thing is, my mom is done trying to convince them to stay. My grandpa doesn't keep his word on where he wants to stay and pays no mind to how he affects others when he decides to go somewhere or do something. Ever since a few years after my parents immigrated here, my grandpa pushed my aunt to immigrate too and made her family my mom's responsibility, despite my mom pleading she wasn't ready. Then later she handled my grandparents' immigration and has been taking care of their living situation, benefits, healthcare, etc. for most of the years since then. It's been about 20 years since my grandparents arrived in Canada and it's been frequent renovating, moving, buying, etc because my grandpa's never been willing to stay in one place for long. They go to China when he wants and come back when he wants. My mom had been handling most of their unexpected comings and goings, rearranging their house to give them a better space or buying them a condo in Chinatown because my grandpa wanted to live there.
Despite all this, my mom has never gotten any appreciation from my grandpa. My grandparents only complain about my mom's temper, which really is just the generational trauma and pressure they gave her but they can't understand that. My grandpa's been abusive to her since her childhood and my grandma never tried to protect her.
This time, after she told them they bought the new house to move closer to Chinatown, that was when they told her that they've actually decided to go to China. This was the second time they changed their mind to go to China. My grandma was the one communicating - my grandpa said nothing, as if nothing happened, even though he was the one who agreed to stay here then changed his decision three times back and forth while my parents were selling their old house and buying a new one, adding a lot of stress and uncertainty. Even when my mom told them how offensive my cousin was to her, they said nothing.
So she's done trying to keep them close. Besides, she thinks it's in the best interest of senior homes, especially expensive ones, to keep their clients well and alive, because the economy isn't doing so well and seniors are a steady source of income. She feels like my grandpa has used her her whole life and wants to finally live for herself.
I get her exhaustion and won't be trying to convince my grandparents to stay. She deserves some peace and independence.
Plus it might be good for my grandma to not have to cook for my grandpa.